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Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?
Submitted by admin on Sun, 12/19/2010 - 16:42
- Rethinking the Wonders of Adult Masturbation
- Ejaculation: How Often for Good Health?
- Forum members ask their urologists about ejaculation frequency
- What happens when you ejaculate too much?
- From the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior - Masturbation is Related to Psychopathology and Prostate Dysfunction: Comment on Quinsey (2012)
Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation? If there are, we haven't found them. Most guys eliminate or drastically reduce masturbation during their reboot. After rebooting (if needed), we encourage visitors to work out a schedule that keeps them from exploding with frustration—and doesn't escalate. (See: "How do I masturbate without porn?")
Paradoxically "less may be more," both in terms of frequency and extremeness of stimulation. Too frequent climax can make sexual tension worse over the following days. And you may find that masturbation based on your own imaginings of real potential mates and realistic, affectionate sexual encounters is less problematic than climaxing to extreme porn scenarios or flashbacks. Opting for a less intense orgasm sets off a less intense post-orgasmic neurochemical cycle, so the urge to binge isn't as strong over the next days.
A reboot can actually decrease your need to masturbate, as this guy found:
- It's been a most interesting 10 weeks. The first couple were a bitch to go through but if anything, it showed me how dependent I was on masturbation (and porn) as a means of coping. The harsh mood swings were a sure sign of imbalance in the head. Now, ED isn't a problem anymore. I can even masturbate without the need for porn. I've always thought that when I got to this point that I'd be masturbating furiously and having sex like a crazed addict, but my body's sexual satiety mechanism is working just fine and is in control, presumably because my brain is back in balance. Much like with food, I can stop eating when I'm not feeling hungry anymore.
But you may be vulnerable to binging for a while:
- 1) Going without PMO definitely reduces my social anxiety. Not to be confused with Shyness, but actual clinical anxiety symptoms.
- 2) Confidence builds, tricking my mind into thinking its OK to MO regardless of the consequences. My newly found confidence overrides any fear of consequences such as anxiety coming back worse.
- 3) I actually feel even better after MO, even more relaxed (not just hours after orgasm but even days). Effects of Oxytoxin? Don't know.
- 4) Unfortunately, after ejaculation the "Chaser Effect" kicks in. And at this point I can only hold on so long before relapsing back on porn.
- Let me tell you my situation and hopefully it will convince you to fight on. It sounds like I was about as serious about fapping as you. I watched a fair bit of porn but only fapped about once every other day or so with an occasional binge day. When I made my post my life was going really well and I had a great streak going. No one talked me out of fapping, so I did it. It immediately sent me into a downward spiral for about a month where I was back to my old habits. I immediately became less social, less confident and really more unhappy in general. Most importantly, you will slip back into your old habits. I know you think you can manage just one fap or whatever, but the odds are that you will succumb to future urges since you already allowed yourself to succumb to this one. That chaser effect thing is real and this addiction is very real. I have yet to get a streak over 7 since that stupid fap and it has really affected my life pretty negatively. Keep fighting brother! You won't regret it. Hope that helps.
- 5) Fall back into porn. The "rush" I get from porn is similiar to the feeling I get when I used to smoke Meth. Being exposed to so much dopamine eventually makes me feel weak, confidence low, more anxiety.
- 6) Cycle continues until I hit rock bottom, and decide to give up PMO, again. My conclusion: The porn is what effects my confidence and anxiety. Masturbation and orgasm don't seem to have that negetive effect, but the orgasm LEADS to the porn. It is like I can't have one without the other. Not yet anyways.
Relaxation is a key to performance:
On day 3, it was late in the evening, and I was pretty tired. I was trying to figure out a way to grab one of those pills without my wife knowing. Well the funny thing is, I did not take one, and so I was a little nervous about intercourse, but everything was just fine. So even though I was doubtful, once I'm comfortable and relaxed, the libido seems to appear out of nowhere. I emphasize that because a lot of guys (myself included) are looking for that test, and I think only the real thing is the test. If I were to place a bet on whether I could perform that night, I would have bet 'no'.
If you have a mate and you had porn-induced sexual performance problems, you may be better off without masturbation. Said one guy:
One of the great myths in my opinion about masturbation is that it can help you last longer in intercourse. It could, if you practice "solo cultivation," but standard masturbation isn't going to do that. And while most guys can masturbate without any big consequences, it does seem that if we have had ED and other problems from porn, we have to walk a different road. I have to say that it's better not to masturbate at all, at least for me.
Keep in mind that the biological/genetic force behind sexual desire is to connect you with others. Your brain registers satisfaction from friendly contact, even when you don't fertilize anyone. Recovering users are often amazed at how socializing makes sexual tension more manageable.
Socializing isn't the only indirect influence that helps ease sexual frustration. Site members have also recommended vigorous exercise, meditation, improved diet, yoga, and various other tools as aids that balance sexual urges. So, rather than just trying to figure out ideal masturbation frequency as a separate issue, play around with practices that soothe cravings and see what you notice. Remember, there's no "wrong" answer. There are just answers that help you find your ideal energy level and avoid escalation better than others.
Also keep in mind that that “normal” has two distinct definitions. Sometimes it means “typical or average.” In other situations, it means "functioning in a healthy way," such as having normal heart rate or blood pressure. As our culture has ratcheted up sexual stimulation, people have assumed that "typical" behavior (today's very frequent masturbation) is automatically "healthy" behavior. Yet, it's becoming apparent that today's Internet porn habits are, in fact, numbing many brains in an abnormal way. So, chart your own course. Although we see nothing wrong with it, masturbation may not be the all around health panacea touted in the popular media. Please see: Masturbation is Related to Psychopathology and Prostate Dysfunction: Comment on Quinsey (2012)
As an aside, the scientific paper Hypersexual Disorder: A Proposed Diagnosis for DSM-V offers the following definition of hypersexuality: "From these clinically derived data, hypersexual desire in adult males was defined as a persistent TSO of 7 or more orgasms/week for at least 6 consecutive months after the age of 15 years."
It's quite possible that our ancestors did not masturbate nearly as often as we do—in part because their daily lives helped regulate their urges automatically. They exercised more, had lots of contact with people they knew and trusted, lived on diets free of junk food, weren't surrounded by synthetic, hypersexual images, and spent time in nature instead of focusing on computer and TV screens all day long. See Masturbation, Fantasy and Captivity and WEIRD Masturbation Habits. "Normal" may once have been quite different, even for those who never heard of sexual repression.
According to one of the few good papers on tribal sexual activity, the two tribes studied had no word for masturbation. That's right, these African tribes do not masturbate (but they marry young). They aren't trying to balance on the brink of an "active volcano" without lots of interaction with the opposite sex. Today many of us stay single longer, so we have a bigger challenge. Guys without partners usually feel better when they stop heavy porn/masturbation. But, after a couple of months, if they don't find a sweetheart with whom to enjoy regular affection (even without sex), they may find abstinence from masturbation very tough.
A good overview of the effects of ejaculation and "sexual satiety" (often called sexual exhaustion) are detailed in our recent Psychology Today article, Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?
When you are rebooted, make your own experiment by masturbating without porn. See what you notice. Here's one guy's account:
I was feeling like my body and mind were in conflict, not in the usual way, but in a deep way. It was probably from the level of fantasy I have been using over the past couple of weeks, with the dating. So I did a healthy masturbation. It was pretty "surgical" in nature. I kept my mind from any fantasy or imagery. I felt relaxed, and noticed that I did not have the feelings of regret or shame afterwards—as if I had used porn or had bad sex. However, my body and mind did feel it the next day. Not so much in a shame-based attack on my personhood and all of that deep garbage, but more like a physiological/nervous reaction. Like I had been primed up. Last night, I wanted to go with this feeling and binge, and my rationale was going along with it. But I was able to pull away from it and not go there.
Here are some frank comments by men who have cut back on masturbation:
- Thread on reddit.com: You know how masturbation is related to captivity?
- I am now out of the porn addiction phase for almost 3 months. I have not looked at pornography or erotic material at all. But I do masturbate about 2 - 3 times a month as I do not have a sexual partner at the moment and I believe it is essential to relieve yourself. Wet dreams may do their part as well, but not everyone gets them.
- Did my initial 90+ Day Reboot starting in April, then I went on another long streak after that. Now on a one MO every 15 days maintenance pattern. Seems to be working out well for me. This was by far one of the best decisions of my life. I don't have any desire to look at porn anymore. My confidence has skyrocketed in all areas of my life, and my workouts are going great and I've become ripped. Wish I'd figured this out 20 years ago, but I can't go back in time and change things.
- For the last 3 months I have been enjoying a balanced approach to masturbation/sex (once every 2 weeks) to real-partner fantasy and imagination (for solo sessions) not lasting longer than 20 min. It really gets a lot off of my mind and leads to a general well-being. The thing is, once you're more balanced your natural satiation mechanisms kick in. If you *do* feel the chaser effect go back to the basics, such as distraction and willpower.
- I went through a successful 80 - 90 day reboot and started adding M back into my routine. I started out once every two weeks, which was working fine until it gradually escalated to M every day and O about 4 times a week. This resulted in a recent case of dead-dick which I am currently recovering from. I have concluded that masturbation is simply unnecessary and is only acceptable if you can do it WITHOUT FANTASY or at least with minimal fantasy. I say save your sex for a woman. I think one of the false assumptions that we all have about sex is that it is like a muscle - the more you work it the bigger it gets. This is obviously far from the truth. Less is more. The less frequent stimulation you have, the more sensitive you will become as I'm sure you have discovered in the reboot.
- I think masturbation in moderation is ok, especially when you don't have sex every now and again, but porn should be COMPLETELY AVOIDED, because reality has proven to me I can't consume it in moderation (if that's even possible). During my 200 days of being porn free I masturbated 3 times: 90 days in, 170 days in, and 200 days in. I don't consider it to be a relapse, it was actually a sober decision. At some point my libido was just too high. The amount of sexual tension was sort of annoying (almost like needing to pee really badly). So I let that tension go away, and I enjoyed every moment of it. Needless to say, I got off very easily. Didn't need to fantasize, didn't need to look at any photos. Just the sensation itself was more than enough.
- I’ve kinda stopped the do-it-yourself sex. Feels better. Imagine that: masturbation makes the frustration worse.
- No more porn for the last year, but as for masturbation, it's been a bit different lately. I've experimented with the encouragement of my counselor and with advice drawn from No More Mr. Nice Guy that someone on this forum advised. There's a chapter on sex in the book that talks about masturbation and actually pleasuring yourself without fantasy, which is something I didn't used to think was possible. It is.
- (Day 78) There's nothing wrong with masturbation in and of itself. And yet, I still feel like it generally shouldn't be a part of my life. Because when I did it (with or without porn), I did it obsessively - at least twice, if not 3 or 4 times a day, EVERY day. I needed to do it before going to sleep and before waking up in the morning to start my day. Quite a few times I've been late for work or class because of my need to get one off, and this could've been with or without porn. So I feel like focusing on living without masturbation is just as important as getting rid of porn, for me. I'm sure the excessive masturbation I was accustomed to can't possibly be healthy. Also, I've been doing so well and feeling so well without it. So yes, I hope to find a balance, but not this soon. I tried experimenting about this far into my last stretch of abstaining from MO, and ended up sliding down a slippery slope.
- Today is 120 days without porn. I'm doing well! I have been masturbating to sensation and minimal fantasy when I feel like it. When I first reintroduced masturbation back into the mix, around day 70 I think, it was so exciting that I kind of went crazy and did it numerous times within just a few days. Now, however, I'm at a point where it's just part of my natural cycle. It's not uncommon for me to go over a week or 10 days without it, and it's not a struggle at all. It's like I don't even think about it until my libido slaps me and says, "Hey, remember me? We've got business to take care of!"
- Since finishing my reboot I'm masturbating (MO) around once per week to fortnight. I no longer see MO as something to do if I'm bored. It's merely taking care of a need in the absence of the real thing. And I'm not so interested in MO now that there is no porn involved. It really was the porn I needed a fix from rather than my sex drive. When in the midst of my PMO madness I really misunderstood this point. I thought my sex drive was raging and PMO was the only way to handle it in the absence of a female contact. Since getting into a relationship and back in the saddle MO is also less interesting. I don't allow myself to use fantasy of any kind. If I find a fantasy slips in I stop. If I can't get the image out of my mind then "game over." I've learned a way of just following the sexual energy flow around my body. It's not just about my penis.
- My rules are that I always use light grip, no fantasy, and I never masturbate more than twice in one week. This works great for me.
- (160 days no porn.) I'm at a point now where I am masturbating perhaps 5-7 times a week, sometimes less. Sometimes I only do it once a week. But in any case, I find myself using fantasy (not porn, just my own imagination). A big part of the reason why I feel rebalanced is because I no longer feel the strong urge to get off all of the time the way I used to. If I'm not horny, I don't do it. And I'm not horny morning, noon, and night like I used to be. So I feel like I could readjust myself to MO'ing only about once or twice a week or so, provided I don't get bored.
- IMO quitting masturbation for a little while is a prerequisite for quitting porn. Otherwise, there's very little progress. Expect ups and downs.
- [After a three-month reboot] I keep thinking I ought to be masturbating more than once a week, because I always assumed I had this really high libido. But maybe once a week is normal for me and I just never knew it. I think some men, like myself, may overestimate how high their libidos are because they are using porn as a way to get aroused. Porn gives us a false sense of being always horny.
- When I was growing up Playboy was porn, but the “new thinking” about masturbation was very much in vogue. It made my escalating porn/masturbation addiction seem “normal” to me for years. With all the ridiculous pro-masturbation propaganda out there it took me years to recognize my problem and come to terms with it. It is vital to ignore this complete horse crap. Masturbation is not "healthy." Porn is not "normal." You won't get prostate cancer. You don't need to "clear the pipes." Semen rotates naturally in and out of your testicles without you needing to burp the worm. Adolescent exploration is one thing. It can arguably be called natural to masturbate when you are 15. But if you are a 40-year old single man still beating off daily (and using internet or other porn), that is not "natural" and it certainly isn't healthy. I really believe the pro-masturbation sentiments in the medical community for the past 40 years or so approach the level of criminal irresponsibility. Whole generations of men have been warped by this nonsense.
- I thought a masturbation schedule made sense, but now I don't think so because it is too goal oriented and places masturbation on a false pedestal. I think we are completely misprogrammed. Ask yourself why you are masturbating and what purpose it serves in your life. There is no need to make sure your penis works. You will discover that you will get an erection of some form around waking time. Urologists feel that there is no need to clean out the pipes. My own experience is that the body adapts by producing varying amounts of pre-cum. As far as masturbation, masturbating to real females is a stop gap. In my experience, it seems to hurt interaction with real females. By not using masturbation to regulate your mood, you get interesting experiences of how your mind and body will deal with its needs, emotions, and energy levels on its own.
- [Following reboot] I actually began MO every few days and that's just perfect for me. It all feels very natural and healthy. And I certainly don't do it just for the hell of it or because I'm bored. It's only when the urge truly strikes me, and when it would in no way interfere with any other part of my life. For me, abstaining for a period of time was not only necessary to reboot, but also to teach myself some serious self-discipline in this area.
- Since April, I've gone 91 and 51 days without PMO - not counting wet dreams. The initial reboot really did wonders for me. This last one I didn't think I got much more out of it. Now, I've noticed a pattern where I now feel much better masturbating once every 14-30 days. I'm hungrier, make stronger eye contact, and feel more driven on that shorter time frame. My workouts are easier, I'm more motivated to get things done, not as tired, I want to get out of the house and do anything, wake up feeling more refreshed, and getting more looks from women again. Researching Chinese Taoists, it sounds like they release on average about once a month. Although, they like to hold it back more in the Winter. While I think we can all agree that PMO several times a day, every day, is not healthy, maybe going completely No MO forever is just as bad. Need to find a happy medium that does not include any porn.
- So today I accidentally stumbled upon a sexually stimulating video on youtube and instead of closing it, I intentionally allowed myself to feel completely turned on, yet I was under control the entire time. I was totally enjoying the feeling of being turned on, but I chose not to M since I didn't want to, and the desire for P wasn't there either. It's clear to me that all the changes I'm undergoing has brought me to this change. What's interesting is that those videos were not pornographic at all, but in the past I remember looking at such videos and I used to think the videos weren't stimulating enough, yet now I get turned on very easily. This is another indication that something is going right. However, the interesting thing is that I noticed a day or so ago I did M and O because of some stress, which reveals to me that while P is now out of my life, I had been using M and O as a means of escape from stressful situations. Now that I'm aware, I know what to do: Deal with the root issue (the stress). Victory is at hand.
- I had gone 80 days no PMO (one O with woman) and I started MO'ing again. It wasn't a problem the first time but I couldn't control the escalation. Did it 3 times in one day (just like old times) and then felt very depressed for the next week and my libido suffered. Back to no PMO except O with women. As long as it takes.
- I've been doing one wank a week for about 4 weeks now. I feel like I'm building more control this way than with my previous "abstain for 3 weeks then masturbate 5 times and every day for the next week" plan. I'd recommend the one-a-week to people who are struggling with MO binges. The "I'm never gonna masturbate again" mindset was overly ambitious and caused me some grief. But then, the chaser effect may have been stronger early on and made once a week impossible. The point I want to make though, is that with a weekly orgasm I still feel energy accumulating though at slower pace. With pure abstinence I seemed to build energy faster than I could build the emotional capacity to contain it. A chart might show "male energy" with pure abstinence going 100, 200, 300, crash, whereas weekly orgasms might show 75, 150, 225, 300, 375, 450.
- I decided it was time. I got an erection with lite stimulation and used very very soft slowww strokes. The sensitivity was absurd, felt so much better than my old death clench. I also caressed my body, used deep breaths with open eyes and did not fantasize what so ever. I stared at my light to keep me focused. I have been a perpetual pc clencher since I started porn so I did not clench at all. I think I used it to help me maintain my erections and come faster without losing erection as I got deeper into porn....I felt it starting to build up and I allowed it, didn't close my eyes or anything. What happened was the most extraordinary orgasm I've ever had. It was better than my first one ever. I've never done heroin but I would imagine that is a similar feeling to what this was. Amazing. It felt so good it hurt... I came what looked like about 70 days worth of cum and maintained a partial erection for about ten minutes, which with porn it went away immediately. All of a sudden my mind was clear, fog was gone,no anxiety, no tension, no nothing. The best I've felt since my first week abstaining. No chaser, the thought of looking at porn seems absurd and I left with a clear feeling of who I was. I went for the best walk on the beach I've ever had with my dog and talked to everyone I saw. I no longer feel lusty and weird towards women and was amazed by all the women on the beach, each one was sexy in their own way. Even old ones! I wanted to caress and feel them all... Not fuck them. Doing that was the best decision I've had in awhile, but if you're thinking of masturbating remember I've been doing this for about 8 months, and the last seventy days straight. It more than likely will not have the same results for others.
Personally I think the idea of masturbating in general is not a good strategy for attracting women. I believe that when a man abstains from orgasm, he's teaching his brain that his current life situation is not getting any real female attention, so he slowly but surely starts to change his bad habits and implements good ones, whilst also becoming more confident in socializing. I'm a completely different person to how I was 9 months ago when I first started this no porn/no masturbation thing, but I did change one day at a time (and I still am).
- It seems that most single people who find truth [that constant orgasm is not fulfilling] turn to a path of total abstinence. "No PMO" as many call it. I personally tried that path and it simply didn't work for me!!! I felt disconnected from not only from my sexuality, but from the intimate aspects of myself. So i gave up and went back to orgasming, almost daily...and it was just as unfulfilling as i remembered it to be!And then I discovered solo tantra. The solo equivalent of karezza, if you will. And it's changed everything! The whole idea is to treat the sexual act like a meditation, rather than some uncontrollable animal impulse. I prefer to call it "genital massage" as opposed to masturbation (because masturbation to me is linked to orgasm!). So my whole technique involves a very SLOW, gentle, completely and totally relaxed genital massage, much like partnered karezza. The goal is to stay in the 60-70% arousal zone. If you go past that, you reach the "point of no return" and have no choice but to orgasm.The goal of this solo technique is to awaken your own sexual bliss through a gentle, loving and meditative self-massage, and to let that blissful feeling fill up every single cell in your body. Once you have massaged yourself into a relaxed state of bliss, focus on your breath and feel every cell in your body radiating with creative energy. As you meditate on this feeling, your sexual parts will no longer be aroused but the bliss in your body will remain. It's like a natural high, and the feeling will last for hours if you do it right!!!I've gone 16 days without orgasm and have been using this method almost daily. It truly works for me, and I hope it works for you as well. If you're frustrated with your current inability to remain PMO free, then try this out! [Note: Some find that the solo techniques are not useful at first (too stimulating), but are very useful for easing sexual frustration once balance is restored.]
Advice to a 19-year old from a guy in his 30s:
On one hand, masturbation is a natural thing and at your age, it will not really do you much harm. Young bodies recover very quickly from the loss of semen. However, if you intend to continue with it, then you should keep these things in mind:
- Don't do it just to relieve tension. I used to do this when I was a teenager and it wired my brain to think that the purpose of sex was to ejaculate. When I later started having sex with women it manifested as a premature ejaculation problem. If you are going to masturbate, take your time and enjoy the sensations. Give yourself at least 20-30 minutes to do it in. Train yourself to see sex as a process that is worth enjoying rather than just a means to an end (ejaculation). Also, try masturbating without ejaculating some times so that the two things do not become hard-wired together in your brain.
- Don't ejaculate more than once or twice a week. Even at your age you will probably notice a rise in energy and confidence when you go a few days without ejaculating. You should also experiement with not ejaculating for a couple of weeks just to see how you feel. You will probably notice that girls are more interested in you when you have not ejaculated for a while. They can sense the higher sexual charge that you are carrying and it attracts them. Men are always so anxious to get rid of sexual tension, and then they wonder why they have trouble attracting women. When you ejaculate, you are getting rid of the very thing that attracts the women ... strong masculine energy. Don't take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself.
- Be aware that frequent masturabtion will become somewhat dull. Anything that is done too often becomes dull. You will naturally start looking for ways to make the experience interesting again and could find yourself back in a porn or fantasy habit.
You are young. Any damage you may have done can easily be reversed at this point. However, it is never too early to establish healthy habits. You can avoid problems with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other intimacy issues later in life if you are responsible about how you pleasure yourself now.
Here's a young man who was never hooked on porn:
- I don't actively seek porn out - however, with the Internet, it's hard to avoid sometimes. Short of leaking a gallon of precum into my boxers, boxerbriefs, or whatever I wear, I don't jerk off. Personally, I find it odd when other guys explain that they can't even function without jerking off at least once a day. When I'm not getting laid - which currently I'm not, haven't been laid in just over 4 years or so now, I get my release by blowing my load in my sleep at random intervals.I have masturbated before, I just never found it pleasurable enough to warrant doing it all the time. Not in comparison to wet dreams. Most of my wet dreams feel as real as actually getting laid - and it's a new person every time, and the situations are random and often make no sense. I usually get 3-4 of these a month, sometimes fewer, but it's a good reward system and I don't need to intervene. I just go to bed, wake up in the morning - often at the same time I was going to be up anyways, sometimes a bit earlier, and wake up while having an explosive orgasm and lay there for a few minutes while I cream my shorts.I wouldn't give up having amazing full-body orgasms for a quick jerk in the shower with only a fraction of the sensation.
Another guy who likes his sexual dreams:
- So, what has happened in 90 days? Increased confidence. Stepping up my game at work- Leading to a promotion. Being able to handle increased stress due to having a clear head (untainted by thoughts of jerking off to porn). No longer feeling shame associated with pornographic aided masturbation, encouraging eye contact. Having a broader range of what women can be considered 'attractive'. Being encouraged to have, and enjoy random interactions with girls. Realising masturbation is not essential to living. Experiencing lucid, sexual dreams that completely blow me away.
Here's another possibility (which may only work once your brain is back in balance):
- I have practiced controlled self-stimulation for a number of years. It increases one's self control, which is most helpful during either conventional sex, or karezza. It can also alleviate pressure on the "system" by slowly and gently allowing minuscule amounts of fluid out of the prostate area. This pressure is sometimes referred to as "blue balls".I find that it is also a completely healthy and refreshing practice in that it allows us to embrace our body's sexuality head on, and simply feel good about ourselves, without falling victim to the biological urge to ejaculate and continue the species.I am not talking about reaching a level 9 in stimulation (where 10 is to orgasm), but rather more of a controlled feeling of no more than perhaps 5-7 or less. It is an excellent method of learning our trigger levels, and how to be in control of them, not to mention a most enjoyable bit of self-acknowledgment. There is no porn involved whatsoever.
Another guy added:
- If you ever try to jack off without orgasm, I would recommend avoiding stimulating the posterior side of the glans (the side where the frenulum is), and focus on the anterior side of the glans (the anterior side is the one that touches your belly button if you take the penis towards it). No porn, so the entire time I was focusing on the sensations and pleasure, instead of being focused on what I was seeing. I also did quite a bit of deep breathing during the thing, and generally felt quite relaxed.I applied a couple of tips from one of Mantak Chia’s books, such as caressing my entire body, which felt good and probably helped get some oxytocin going (some years ago I would have thought that to be “totally gay”, but luckily it didn’t take away any of my heterosexuality! :-) ), and also touching the prostate region as well as the entire penis, as opposed to just the tip of it. Tip: The lube (KY jelly) was really "handy" for this kind of anterior stimulation.
For comparison's sake, one woman (who didn't use porn) reported this experience:
- I had a problem with compulsive masturbation a while back. I'd found myself doing it all the time and found it really hard to stop. I've just broken my third stint at abstinence. (Each one has been about three weeks). This time is the first that I haven't really struggled with any kind of chaser effect. I think that maybe you have to abstain for a while until your brain as sorted itself out and then can masturbate healthily after that. I think that for me that maybe two weeks is a good minimum spacing. But when I first started trying to give up I needed longer in order not to be pulled back to compulsive masturbating.
Finally, here are words of wisdom from a married guy who is back in balance:
Ejaculations are not evil. Sometimes the body has excess energy that it needs to vent and ejaculation is a valid and natural way to do that. Thus, it is not necessary to take a rigid and dogmatic stance that ejaculation is 100% out of bounds. If the body really needs to ejaculate then you should just allow it to happen and feel no guilt. Express grattitude that the body is so good at managing itself, and express gratitude for the fact that your supply of sexual energy is not fixed.