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What about 'blue balls' or 'lovers' nuts?'
Submitted by Gary Wilson on Mon, 11/29/2010 - 13:53
Also see: Solo Energy Circulation Practices
These are not usually a problem, unless you're "edging," that is, getting too close to the edge of orgasm—or just starting out with your recovery after masturbating very frequently. Said one guy:
When I inevitably get blue balls after going a while without PMO I just deal with it. It eventually goes away. Actually I'm getting better at monitoring my mental state so as not to make it worse by fantasizing about sex and keep blood flowing to the penis.
If you do notice discomfort, you can try these remedies:
- I found that cool (not ice-cold) water really helped, as did taking a lukewarm bath/shower. Try to think of completely unsexy topics or focus on something else. The pain will subside after a while, and it is worth it.
- Blue Balls: After a certain amount of days, your penis may become extremely sensitive, especially if you’re going on hard mode. I’ve done my 90 days on hard mode, by circumstance rather than choice. It may get to the point where simply touching your dick is a kind of edging, and you can accidentally bring yourself to the edge, whatever your intentions. Odds are, at some stage in your nofap journey you will experience vasocongestion (blue balls). The only way I’ve found to get rid of it is by taking a cold shower, and cupping my hands, catching the cold water and just forcing my genitalia into it. It is not an ideal cure. It isn’t comfortable and fun, but neither are blue balls. Cold showers can help in general, but there are better posts on that I’m not going into here. FYI, vasocongestion can affect women as well, affects the clitoris, labia and outer third of the vagina according to my internet research. Which also confirms that cold showers work as a cure for women also, guess we’re not so different after all.
- One remedy for that condition is apparently cold water running over the genitals whenever there's discomfort. Stanley Bass explains the technique in his book Better Than Orgasm:
The Comfort Technique (for use after sex without ejaculation)
After sex, go to a bathroom and lean over a sink and pour cold water of the penis and testicles for a minute or two.
“This removed any sensitivity, frustration and congestion in the sexual region, helping the retained semen to be [p. 54] reabsorbed by the body and lymph. This made a man feel perfectly normal and great afterward, just as if he had no sex at all, but with all the benefits retained. … I have used it many times myself and found it to be the quickest and most infallible way to feel good and free from all tension after sex. … If you don’t cool down you can become obsessive about sex, at least for a limited time afterwards. … But once I used the cold water it calmed me down after hot sex.
Often when I went too close to orgasm and stopped without ejaculation, and if the sex ended there, I would occasionally experience sensitivity in my sexual region and testicles, commonly called “lover’s nuts” or “blueballs”. If I did nothing it would always gradually diminish and disappear within 3 hours. If I used the cold water treatment, it would disappear immediately and completely.
- Logistics 1. Go in bathroom.2. Lock door.3. Quickly remove clothing below waist, including socks.4. Kneel in tub facing faucet.5. Make sure the thing is set for a bath and turn on cold water.5. Grimace for ten seconds while mouthing the words "Holyyyyyyyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"6. Get out.
7. Dry off.
8. Put clothing back on.
9. Unlock door.
10. Leave bathroom.
- I went running after work, and the aching seems to have faded afterwards.
- This morning I tried some of the solo energy activities: Yoni Mudra http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-solo-energy-practices. This one worked great but had a strange consequence. I noticed semen leakage after urination. [Next day] My prostate feels better. The heaviness / stopped-up feeling is distracting and begs for relief and the only way to do that in the past was O. Now, I have a tecnique to relieve without any negative consequences from the O.
- I have found that very warm or hot showers (not hot enough to burn anything) or baths work just as well. Blue balls is caused by congestion and very warm water promotes circulation, which I guess removes the congestion.
- Another guy said:
Over the years at various times I have suffered a stabbing pain in the prostate immediately after ejaculation, or, at other times, a severe pain in the prostate that seemed like a residual muscle spasm (that was usually only resolved by taking a brisk walk or walking briskly in place).
- A site member tried this during his rebooting phase:
Last night (day 5) I had a raging case of blue balls. Thing is, I wasn't edging at all. I've barely even had my hand on my penis since day one. I did have a conversation with a female friend on the phone and she seduces me with her voice. It's not intentional on her part, she just does it naturally. She's very soft spoken, submissive and attracted to me. She calls me and always says 'hello' in this soft purr and says my name like it's her favorite word of all time. Really, we are both quite attracted to each other but she lives far away and I can't be in a relationship right now so we just talk on the phone a lot. But she's sexy and I like it.
Anyway, the point is that it turns me on. My penis doesn't get hard cause I'm effectively impotent at the moment, but I guess my testicles work fine because they start to ache after a while. This particular ailment (blue balls) has always been problematic. Other guys say it goes away with time but that's never been the case with me. Once I have them, they stay until I masturbate and the pressure is discharged.
But I decided not to go that route last night and, instead, looked up some information on this site. It turns out a washcloth saturated in cold water wrapped around your nuts is an oft-used cure. So I did that, and then poured cold water over myself for a few minutes. To my surprise, that cured the problem by 80 to 90%.
Here's advice from another man:
- Here is what i do: 1. pelvic tapping - on the sacrum (the triangular boney prominance from which your "butt" muscles (gluteus max) stem from, there is an area between the bottom of that bone and the one you sit on (called the sits bone or the ischeal tuberosity).You take your fingers and put them together and tap in that area. What you should feel if you are doing it correctly (and if there is congestion) is something like almost wanting to urinate. This is very similar to having a NON-erotic prostate massage. It won't cause an ejaculation or a stimulatory effect. If you have ever had the doctor do a prostate exam, you will probably be aware of the fact that it is not sexual and not stimulatory, but it can feel like you have to pee. The reason the tapping emulates this I believe is because of the vibration forces through the prostate. What happens can range from actually needing to urinate, some release of prostatic fluid (only trapped fluid), to a simple sense of relief.2. taking things like saw palmetto herbs and other prostate herbs are helpful for men who have a tendency to develop congestion.NOTE: My belief is that this prostate congestion is hereditary for some men. In other words, some men are more prone to it and it has nothing to do with Karezza or having conventional sex. In fact, it is the the whole process of fluids being produced, how the prostate is shaped in some men, etc. There were times after ejaculation that I felt this way and times without ejaculation that I felt this way. There are some theories of some men have overactive Cowlpers glands and are prone to this because their "ducts" get blocked with too much male excitement and production of fluids occur in this area.
- Here's advice from a guy who has been making love karezza-style(no emphasis on orgasm) for years: I think you will find that the discomfort will pass as your body reorients itself to this new way of engaging sexually. You mentioned you have tried cold water and breathing the energy up with some success, here are a couple of other tips:
One, if you find yourself getting close to the edge while practicing karezza, cool it down a bit. Enough to keep your erection but not so much that you get heated up. Stay in the middle zone.
Second, penetrate your girlfriend from your "root," in a relaxed way. Let me explain. There is a tendency, especially in the beginning of non-orgasmic lovemaking, to clench the muscle between your anus and penis when practicing karezza since you don't want to go over the edge into an orgasm. If you tend to squeeze a lot this can cause the blue balls effect. This is when I have experienced it. If you keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed most of the time, the energy doesn't seem to build up, at least thats what I experience. Staying in deep and not getting too heated is what I do to keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed. The longer we go in a single session the easier it gets to stay fully relaxed.
I thought more about your blue balls dilemma the other day so I carefully paid attention to what I do when engaging with my wife. What struck me was how the penis is a sending instrument designed to obviously send semen into the woman. Even if you don't orgasm and send the physical substance, a penis is still built to be a sending tool so you need to send something when engaging sexually. What I observe I do is send energy.
This may sound a little airy fairy but I think if you pay attention the feeling of sending will come to you. What I do is send this energy at the bottom of every stroke. It goes like this; when I move outward I squeeze that PC muscle I talked about, a little bit, and often not at all. The farther out I withdraw, which is rarely all that much, the more I tend to gently squeeze, never hard though, always pretty lightly. If you're really squeezing then you're to close to the edge and need to slow it down.
On the way back in I relax at some point before I'm in all the way. When I'm at maximum penetration I totally relax, send the energy, and pause there. Sometimes only for a few seconds, sometimes for minutes. I think if you pay attention you will notice this natural "sending" energy when you are fully penetrated, relaxed, and at rest, even if the rest is only momentary.
If you "send" at the bottom of every stroke you'll siphon off the energy that can build up and lead to blue balls. Think about it, in regular sex you build it up and up until the energy has to go somewhere and you send all that built up energy out in the form of semen. Where's it going to go if you don't ejaculate it out? If you send it into your woman energetically at every stroke you shouldn't get the blue balls build up.
If the two of you are tuned into each other she should like the receiving sensation of the 'sending energy' you give her. This sending and receiving flow between lovers is what karezza is all about—very, very sweet. Also, you said you were going for an hour or two, that's a lot of energy that has to go somewhere.
With karezza you are taking a process that is normally physical and transmuting it into something energetic, energy based. It takes a while for the body to get the hang of it, especially with the length of time you two go at it. If blue balls continue you may want to go for shorter lengths of time and build up slowly. Don't get me wrong, I think its great to go for a long time; we do this ourselves. You just may want to start with less as your body learns.
I usually don't have the urge to "send" the energy right away, it takes a bit before I start to have the "sending" feeling. The longer we go the more I get into a 'sending' flow. Once we're really in the feeling and flow, there's almost never any squeezing at all, my genitals and pelvic floor are completely relaxed. One of the interesting things I've noticed is that my penis stays much more erect when I'm completely relaxed then when I'm clenching or squeezing. It's like my penis has a direction of its own when I let go, I just sit back and enjoy the ride.
One other thing, about the cold water technique, I'd do it as soon as you get out of bed. Really rinse down your entire crotch area, not just your testicles. A shower head that is removable is really good for this.
Wish you the best. You will get the hang of it. Practicing karezza with a partner is one of the most deeply satisfying experiences I have in life. Its well worth the learning curve.
- Here's another karezza lover's advice based on his experience:
The key to not having blue balls is two-fold:
#1, relaxing the pelvic floor, the perineum, during sex and cuddling. Focusing on that, the root of the penis, and relaxing that, really helps to increase pleasure and also not to have blue balls. I cannot emphasize enough how valuable this has been. I try to maintain my focus on this all the time, while I am also engaging the rest of my attention on all the delicious things going on.
#2, not working yourself up so close to the edge during intercourse. But if you get good at #1, you can get pretty close. I never get blue balls anymore and stopped after the first few times of Karezza when I learned #1 technique.
- Another guy:
The solution is to stop clenching your PC muscle during sex. Relax your pelvic floor and you won't get blue balls.
More advice can be found at www.thefapless.com