ED Recovery Stories 1
The following "ED recovery story" pages contain shorter accounts.
Three-month report. Age early twenties. "My penile sensitivity has increased loads, and for the 1st time in all my life, it feels like I've lost my virginity."
As you may or may not be aware I’ve been without porn for at least 3 months now, but have orgasmed quite a few times with the aid of my partner (I think I may have M once or twice on my own in the early stages), completely porn free anyway.
We hadn't had sex for about a week, and she mentioned earlier last night that she wanted it. Even though I kinda wanted it, I wasn't looking forward to it, as I want to be O free for as long as possible. Anyway, she started playing with me and I started lying with her in bed, and it was really enjoyable. So much that it didn’t take long before I was on the brink of O, lol.
Anyway, I inserted it in her whilst it was nice and hard, and I couldn't believe how awesome it felt inside of her.
I remember saying to her through my very worse days of P addiction and impotence that it didn't feel like I’d had sex yet. She didn't really understand, and I couldn't explain myself. But last night, OMG it felt so good. I could feel everything, and it was great. However, because of this I lasted less than a minute. Haha. It felt like I was really having sex for once. (We've had sex lots, but I'd never been hard/turned on enough for us to enjoy it.)
My success rate is becoming very good when it comes to sex, in fact I'm worrying more about finishing quick then getting an erection in the first place. My penile sensitivity has increased loads and for the 1st time in all my life, it feels like I’ve lost my virginity. I feel one step closer to beating this.
One last thing, whilst I don't M myself, during foreplay my g/f plays with me, so technically it is still being yanked. Therefore I didn't expect to get the feeling back in it. But wow! Yes I have, so that's gotta be just from cutting out the P. Therefore, in my opinion this is certainly working, and so, so worth it.
I’m a bit embarrassed about climaxing so quick, and don't wanna go too far the other way... but to hell with it, this beats not being able to get hard at all, so I’ll worry with premature ejaculations later.
[5 months] I can safely now say I'm cured. Sex is great, best ever. Beats porn. If a guy with one ball can beat this [he had undergone surgery for testicular cancer earlier], you all can. It won't happen over night though. Again,
sex is great
I don't watch porn
I don't crave porn
I find women attractive
I'm more confident
I feel great
Thank you so much.
These are the remarks of a man who was addicted to porn for twenty years:
This is embarrassing to type but I think I need to. I had gone years with my erections getting weaker and weaker. Just not hard and a lot of the times just barely so, but I kept going in my addiction. I think the worse my problem got, the more I would sink into it at times.
Well, for those out there who may not have tried stopping this addiction or are just starting out and have or think they are having erection problems. I have no erection strength problems any more!
This is the embarrassing part. I think tonight is the strongest erection I have had in years and years. Not sure about how some may have been recently while sleeping. Of the ones I have been aware of, this is like, I will just say it, being a teen again. I have to say also I do not dislike it. As bad as the cravings are right now I am happy about the strength of my body.
I actually smile about it sometimes. I think I am just happy my body could recover from all the abuse I did to it over the years. Now with all that said, I really need it to calm down. I mean the cravings and urges are way too high. Tonight, I still have not been able to get to sleep. Oh well I will take the good with the bad I suppose.
These are the remarks of a young guy (early 20s) after 10 days without porn:
History:I rarely have ED problems, but the frequent inability to orgasm during sex is one of the symptoms that brought me here. The other issue is shame brought on by the fetish porn that I advanced to (transexual) and a fear of advancing further. I've also never had morning wood. I never put much thought into this, but apparently this is another side effect of too much PMO.
I did have sex again a few days ago and felt more aroused than I ever remember feeling during sex. My erection was firmer than ever before and I did orgasm with a condom...maybe even a bit prematurely which is unheard of for me. I'm sure you grow tired of hearing about random guys' erections, but it felt great to notice an improvement so quickly despite having my doubts.
While the porn fantasies still creep into my head, they're becoming less arousing and slightly distasteful. I knew to watch for the relapse after orgasm, but it has still been difficult. I've been more tempted than ever to masturbate.
These are the remarks of a young man who was addicted to HOCD porn, and has really struggled to leave porn itself behind:
I managed to go another 3 weeks PMO free, but ended my time-out having sex with my girlfriend. I enjoyed it, but I still want to do 6-8 weeks strait abstinence to reboot properly. I noticed everything was working fine and the sex actually ended a lot quicker than I would've liked, but to me that's a good sign that things are repaired!
I still get porn flashbacks in my head while having sex though. I don't really like that because I'll be having sex with my girlfriend and I'm getting images of all these porn stars. I try to ignore them as best I can though.
Over the last year I've noticed an increase in my sexual responsiveness. Two years ago I struggled to get an erection during a one night stand while I was heavily porn-addicted. Now, with my girlfriend, I get erections from just kissing her! Its definitely been a gradual recovery. I've tried to leave the porn alone as best I can, and I have to say, it's much easier to resist now I've built up a sort of defense to it.
This guy (age 34) recovered, even while using ganja, after a severe porn addiction.
I guarantee no matter who reads this that the odds are seriously in my favor as to whose addiction was worse (not proud of that - just a fact). Based on the hundreds of posts I've read, I would say that my problem was probably in the worst 5%. I rarely read about someone as bad off as me, and that was part of why this was all so heart-wrenching and just pure misery for me. Hopeless. ... Make no mistake - this was not easy. In fact, it's really f-ing difficult. I've battled a few addictions in my life - from nicotine to alcohol and other substances. I've overcome all of them, and this was by far the most difficult. Urges, crazy thoughts, sleeplessness, feelings of hopelessness, despair, worthlessness, and many more negative things were all part of what I went through with this p and m thing. It's a wicked awful thing that I will never have to deal with ever again in my life - ever.
I had sex the other day for the first time since I was confident enough to consider myself cured. And without trying to be dramatic or embellishing anything, I can honestly say that it was some of the best that I can remember. ... I wholeheartedly disagree with those who think that there's a connection between ganja and ED. ...I was honestly high as a kite, and all that it did was make me more horny. She sent me a message afterward saying that she would be down for a repeat of that night in a heartbeat! (I haven't heard that in a while.) And yes, I did use a condom each time. I've had problems with condoms in the past. I always thought that it was performance anxiety - but like everything else I thought about this, it really wasn't true!
I can rock my wife's world again
About 7 yrs ago my wife lost interest in sex with me. She blamed herself. I have been angry and resentful but knew the true reason she lost interest was my ED. I knew i had to change or life would continue to be unbearable. So i started nofap. After 7 days my wife and i were intimate and she actually climaxed. That got her interest. On day 14 we were intimate again and she had multiple orgasms. She says she is feeling interested again like her body is interested again. lol for the first time in years ed was only a minimal problem and while that is great for me it is making my wife find a new interest in sex. I have been tempted to fap but knowing i can rock her world again feels too good to sacrifice for a moment of self indulgent pleasure.
These are the remarks of a man answering another poster's question. The question was - "Does abstinence really work for porn-induced ED? I quit and my libido has dropped."
That is a known issue when you abstain from porn and masturbation initially. For me it lasted for 2-3 weeks. For some it's longer. Everyone will require a different approach to stick with it. The important part is to not give up prematurely.
The effects of rebooting are awesome. I experienced the flatline period right after I quit, but now I seem to walk around with a boner all day and feel like an animal I have to tame when around women. Not surprisingly, I have no trouble achieving and maintaining a solid erection during sex. This is opposed to sitting in front of the computer stroking a half-erect penis to hardcore pornography like I was 1-2 months ago.
Heavy squats, deadlifts, and other compound lifts are very helpful in boosting libido, as well. Zinc and Tribulus supplementation along with minimal alcohol/drug use are also helpful. But, I think patience and persistence with what you're currently doing will lead to huge improvements.
These are the remarks of a man being asked to describe his journey away from Internet porn (not from our forum)
Well The reason I decided to embark on this journey was because of certain insecurities. I joined this site right after my breakup. That relationship I was in lasted 3 years. It was my first one.. and my last one. And yet I was still a virgin. I mean it definitely didn't bother me when I was in the relationship because I had a girl and there was nothing to worry about. But after it ended, I kind of panicked a little bit and wondered why I was still a virgin at the age of 20 after being in a relationship for so long. I realized that every time we tried to have sex (we tried maybe 3 or 4 times), I wouldn't get hard enough. I would expect so much more from her and I just wasn't getting the arousal level that I wanted. And I actually loved this this girl. No one in the world turned me on like she did. But when it came time for sex, I just wasn't ready. there was definitely a lot of performance anxiety there, but porn definitely played a role. And each time I failed, the anxiety got worse. It's a viscous cycle that I'm pretty sure led to psychological ED. Then I started reading articles here and was convinced that I was completely desensitized thanks to porn.
I was really hurt after the breakup and I was willing to do anything to make myself feel better. So I decided to spend most of time trying to improve myself. Quitting porn was a big part of it. Porn was the only reason I would get hard besides the occasional morning/night wood and I wanted to feel like I could get hard without porn. The first few weeks after quitting, I rarely ever got erections. This was a little frustrating because I wanted to know If my dick worked properly or not and I couldn't tell without getting an erection. But after a few weeks, my imagination took control of my sex drive.Thinking about real girls that I knew in real life would get me hard. This made me soo happy. Quitting porn was definitely having a positive effect on me. After about 4 months without porn I'm still getting better and I feel great.
It was definitely hard at first, but I was a man with a plan (haha sorry I had to). Every time I felt the urge to watch porn I just spent my time reading articles and researching things about PE on this site. Eventually the urge started decreasing and now I barely ever feel the need to watch porn. I still have those urges though when I am really frustrated with life and what not or If i just want to get horny even though I am not. But I can deal with those urges by just diverting my attention to something else like sports or video-games. But I am really happy with my success so far. I know it'll take longer than 4 months to reverse the damage done over the course of 6 years. But I am up for the challenge.
It's definitely worth it to quit. And I recommend everyone to do so.Its Do-able. Good luck people!
A man who suggests to avoid all fantasy, even looking at women, while you reboot. It appears he claims 3 week reboot, but actually needed two separate 21 day periods. (not from our forum)
Sorry for the long post in advance, but I believe I have something that might help. The most effective way to beating this thing i have found is this. You have to stop fantasizing for a while, when I say stop fantasizing, I mean stop looking at everything related to sex. Stop looking at women if you have to. Why may you ask? I’ll explain.
Being addicted to porn your brain is sort of being addicted to drugs, or alcohol or smoking, something to that extent. As some of you may be aware, when you’re addicted to something your brain's dopamine goes all out of control, this is what causes the problems in the first place.
So what happens, we decide to quit the porn and MB and that’s a great start. However what I have found is when I continue to look at women, when I continue to look at them and fantasize it slows up the process tremendously. If you read literature you'll find that small amounts of dopamine are released just anticipating a stimulus (i.e., wanting a piece of chocolate cake, or in this case porn or sex). That in turn can slow up progress. Put it this way, if you quit smoking or alcohol would you spend all day staring at their containers? Probably not because it creates temptation, it creates that same rush in our brain. You see once you quit p and mb if your still looking at regular women and imagining them in porn scenes, that’s not really quitting in my opinion.
So what am I getting at? About a year ago i read in a similar post on medhelp titles "too much porn = total loss of libido" (still on here with 28 replies). A couple users had our problem and their strategy was to abstain completely for a couple weeks, abstain from fantasy, looking at any pictures of women, just complete abstinence and for them it worked in as little as 2-3 weeks.
I then tried this myself and much to my happiness it worked. However I did lapse back into porn cause I thought I was "cured" and it was OK for me to watch again. Now I’m going back to this strategy. What I did?
For at least 14-21 days I looked at nothing, no fantasy, no pictures of women, I tried not to even look at real women. I did this because I wanted to give my mind a chance to heal without any outside stimulus. Is it difficult? Absolutely! Very difficult to completely abstain for a couple weeks, but it was worth it. I felt it helped me heal, i felt it allowed the porn thoughts to disappear from my head.
Just quitting the p and mb for me wasn't just 100 percent quitting. It was the fantasies that kept it alive. How do you know when everything is back to normal? Both times I did this method it felt like my libido was gone for a while, and then all of a sudden it reset itself. Out of nowhere. Felt great.
Will this work for everyone else. I really don't know. I'm just suggesting something i read in another thread and tried myself. I'll also add during my times I also was taking a multivitamin for overall health.
Age 22, five weeks no PMO (total). It's rare to recover in 5 weeks from porn-induced ED.
1st post - Since I was about 17, I have PMO'd on and off three or four times a day....I went through two serious gfs and found sometimes I suffer from ED.. but mostly when it's a random girl..I'm writing to find a timeline. I'm on 22 days of no PMO but I have no sex drive what so ever. I mean the first week off I had a great libido. But now it's like nothing is there. From time to time I definitely notice I have morning wood, but not always.
Has any one experienced this? I mean for two weeks it has been like nothing is there....sexually. Please help. Will this turn around soon??
12 days later - (32 days no PMO) Great News!!! Soo, I have been dating this girl and last night was the first time we kissed. It was amazing. This girl is amazing. The feeling was amazing. I was super erect most of the time during hours of kissing and cuddling. Some times it died down a little.
Today the thought of porn is anything but appealing and a distant thought. I can't wait to see the future!!
Next day -Even gets better! Yup, all fixed. Last night had sex. Rock-hard and even had a dream about sex with a real women. Thanks for all the support. It's definitely worth it to stop porn. Best of luck to everyone!!
The next four posts are the only ones he provided. English is not his first language. His posts reflect the non-linear nature of recovery. He appears to have recovered in four weeks, which is unusual. It usually takes longer.
(Post 1) I’m sorry but I’m desperate. My penis is dead and my libido is dead after 3 weeks. Is this normal? I’m getting so depressed.
I think I’m worse than before I stopped PMO. I’m not saying I want to quit. It's just I’m desperate and fear to lose my 8 years relationship. I managed my sex life with a lot of porn stimulation, but with the time it caused me ED. I’m doing this because I really love my girlfriend and she is my force to keep doing this.
(Post 2) OK, well I’m in day 24 without PMO.
Wow! Something happened today. In a 1 to 10 count, I feel a 5 in my libido but, this is AMAZING, WHY? BECAUSE I had more than 1 year with 0 of libido, and I mean 0.00000000000000000. This is so strange because yesterday I felt so depressive, sad and frustrated.
I don’t know what happened, but this 5 in libido is something that gives me power to move on and live my life again. I forgot how it feels, and it's great. It is like at least part of my man force is coming back.
Thanks for the help in this forum.
(Post 3) Hi. I’m in day 28 without PMO. Well 4 days ago I really felt my libido a little and I was so happy, but the past days, I’m at 0.0000 libido again. I’m depressed again because of this, but, well, it is something that I have to get over, and continue I guess.
I feel so down because I saw a beautiful, beautiful precious girl and well, I felt nothing. Not a single spark of my libido and that was so depressive for me today, because she was exactly my type - big boobs, skinny, pretty face, black hair, white skin, spectacular. But nothing, not even a little bit, just zero. I hope my life can be better in the future.
(Post 4) My libido is back, 29 days without PMO, I havd sex with my girl last night, without Viagra or Cialis, or supplements. It was amazing sex. It just felt so natural, without fantasies, just pure libido and a sensitive penis.
For a resume of my past, I watched porn from about 11 years old to age 29. For the last 5 years, I lived a hell, with ED, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, Viagra, Cialis, zero libido - and now I’m back. Just so natural, like the first time I lost my virginity. I felt amazing.
Just 29 days without PMO. I guarantee this method.
Any doubts? Write me please.
An update after four weeks of no porn, and three weeks of no masturbation. As you can see he has made progress, but still has a ways to go (not from our forum)
I wanted to update on my progress since finding this site. More because when I was at my lowest, reading the positive stories of others and their successes helped me more than I can tell you. Like many of you out there I thought I might never be able to have sex again which scared the hell out of me.
Today is 4 weeks since no P, 19 days since no M and 1 day since no O. Being P free has been fantastic. I hardly crave it at all and love the challenge of going without it. My erections have been phenomenal since I quit and has made me feel like a teenager again. They almost hurt they're so big. My concentration is much better and work has improved as a result. I'm not sleeping as well which is not like me but I'm not tired so is an easy side effect to take.
I've been seeing someone for a few months and explained the situation to her and she was really understanding however the other night I was going down on her and we just got a bit carried away and tried sex. The first time didn't take long but I stayed hard throughout. It then took me quite a while before I could get hard again (ie around 30 mins) not sure if that is long or not as nothing to compare it to than how long it's taken in the past. When I M to P in the past I would nearly always do it just once as ended up feeling really embarrassed so think I've almost re-wired my brain to only want it once at a time so trying to re-wire again.
Anyway......after 30 mins I got hard again and then we had sex for 45mins or so. We tried every position and it was incredible. I made her O twice and I've never seen her so happy. I felt completely fixed until I realized I couldn't ***. We ended up stopping and then she gave me a ** but that wouldn't do it either. I think the M has harmed the feeling in my Johnson so it was hard to *** but hoping the 19 days and counting of no M will help that although my gf gave me a very vigorous ** and hj which maybe didn't help. Either way it was a MASSIVE improvement and it's left me so horny all the time and much more than before I started this which is a great feeling and part of the problem I had beforehand in that I used to get horny just not that often. I'm horny all the time now.
Anyone looking to start this please read this and take heart that we are just like organic computers. We can be rebooted too and the history wiped so we can start again. Like computers there will always be something left behind but not enough to stop you all enjoying a normal life.
Good luck to all and will update again in 4 more weeks.
Another example of not quite through the reboot process. This man is experimenting with occasional non-orgasmic sex with his girlfriend.
I will write something positive about the whole experience here. Even my short somewhat underacheived reboot had large effects on my previous ED problem. Particularly the last few days.
At the start or before I started this it was very difficult to maintain an erection during sex, and was a real battle within myself which did not make sex much fun.
As the days without porn went on it got easier to get and maintain an erection, though still not at 100% it was noticably better and it wasn't just me that noticed.
Last week I had morning erections and during the night a number of times and had some great sex with erection at 100%, although then I was trying not to go near orgasm so there was a different battle going on
I dicussed this with my gf last week and she said the difference is very noticeable, not just physically but also the love making is more relaxed and less pressured as my body is reacting more as it should as opposed to having to force it to happen.
Stick with this guys, it is definitely worth it and it is definitely the porn causing the problem in most cases. I feel sorry for the many who have not discovered this connection.
The following two responses are to another man who doubts porn caused his ED, yet has only dabbled in the rebooting process.
(1st response) Exact same thing with me, exact same thought process (leakage). Exact - would be semi-hard until about to orgasm. Bro, it's not a leak. Watch Gary’s video. We fuct our brains up beating off to too much porn. Stop it all. ALL PMO. I am on day 60 something of no PMO. Shit is improving...wet dreams very often recently (hadn't had one in years). Libido returning....It takes time but our circuitry was messed. Also Google nocturnal erection tests. There is one with stamps to see if your body initiates erections when you sleep (just bc you don't wake with morning wood doesn't mean you do not get erections at night). You aren’t alone. In the mean time, quit all porn, all scantily clad female, all masturbation. If you need to bang your girl...well there are certain 'herbal' supplements on the net (they actually contain chemical synthetics of the big three erectile drugs). Order those if you can't get prescription, after a few times you're confidence will increase too. Bc it is a vicious cycle.
You'll be ok just reboot.
(2nd response) I can almost guarantee there is nothing physically wrong with your penis. Your case sounds much like mine did 9 months ago. I seriously thought there was something irreversibly wrong with me. I could get aroused while watching porn(unless i PMO'd few times in a row) but when it came to actual intercourse.... MOST of the time I would go soft as soon as I entered or after changing positions to woman I found very attractive. It was like I couldn't get erect to the feel of a vagina(especially in a condom) cause my brain used to the feeling of a hand.
Then I started to think... well maybe it was my years of smoking pot and cigs. I'm sure those played some part in my porn-related ED but it wasn't until I went 35+ days of NO P M or O at ALL that I was able to solid erections again. Not just erections, but spontaneous erections, morning wood etc, staying fully erect during intercourse. I even "tested" myself as you did... which was a big mistake for me cause I ended up having a chaser effect after the orgasm which led me back into my addiction for PMO.
Also you mentioned you had performance anxiety sometimes. I too had that, but once you go 30+ days on a full reboot no PMO you will be SOOOO HORNY your mind will be so preoccupied with finally reaching orgasm you won't even think about "will i get hard and stay hard?" You KNOW you will be hard. Do a full reboot man. Not a half-ass a little porn here and there reboot cause from what I read in your blog you posted 2 weeks of "slight" p "slight" mo. You gotta go all out man. Abstain for at least 1-2 month and I can bet money you will be achieve rock hard erections at your age. Best of luck!
Has to do a second reboot:
I was doing good for awhile without having any issues with ED. My confidence was back than I did what most addicts do I reverted back to porn and masturbation. I was still able to acheive an erection until recently.
Now I have to reboot my brain again. It is possible to reboot to your brain. It worked for me but the real problem is being able to stay away from porn.
So shortly- I have been pmo free for 50 days. That being said, I began edging last week to test my progress.
No porn- very gentle touch- deep breathing/relaxation- sensitizing cream. Fleshlight only.. And the results were Amazing! Best Erections I've had in years.
Well a week of coming seconds away from O, I decided today was the day to see if the reboot was "really working".
All I can say is that it was the best sensations I've felt sex wise in YEARS!!! I was sensitive like a 14 year old. Able to stay rock hard without any stimulation. E quality of the charts. And whenIt came close to O town... I went for it.
Single best orgasm I've ever had. Multiple orgasms in fact (which has never happened before).
Now I have plenty of lady friends willing to help me "retrain" and I know this is the preferred method... But before I have sex again, I need to rediscover/reignite my sexual energy. And while I wont allow myself an O from M for the next 50 days or so---- I cannot fathom looking at this as a setback, rather then a huge step forward in my journey of reclaiming my sexualIdentity/associating pleasure with sex rather then fear.
So yes... I should not have O'd but I'm thrilled I did. I felt a sexual "charge" coursing through my very being. As long as I practice harnessing this/becoming comfortable with pleasure I really think that I'm on a good path.
No more porn, no more death grip, no more Compulsive masturbating. Not resetting my count Either... If anything this "relapse" has made me infinitely more excited/sure that full recovery waits around the corner.
Recovery from ED, found a girlfriend and new energy thanks to no fap
So i am on day 48, and boy oh boy my life has changed. Let me give you the run down on how i was before no fap. I am a hard working student who studies law and commerce. I had many friends and many friends who were girls, however i never seemed to get anywhere with chicks. When i was younger, say 16 or so, i would love to pick up as many chicks as i could. I became quite good at it, but never went past second base. Went i started getting older, and getting into a terrible PMO cycle, my drive to find girls and pick them up almost stopped. When i did manage to some how pick up chicks, i had ED issues which was embarrassing for me and her.
Let's fast forward to day 48 of no fap. I have just had more sex in the last 2 days then i have had in my entire life. I have met an amazing girl that i am really attracted to. My ED has vanished, and i mean vanished, i had sex for about 3 hours the first time and was hard for all of it. (for some reason i haven't cum yet, does anyone else have the same issue?). I feel like a man again, with more confidence, better skin and more attraction to women in general.
Come on guys, its 48 days (for me, may be longer for others) man the fuck up and do it, it changed my life.
Apr 02, 2013, To: All
I'm on day 76 of my escape from porn. 14 days away from ninety. Couple days back I woke up with morning wood, I have not had that in YEARS!
28yo Male. Was Strictly PMO for about 10 years+ until 20 days ago. Experienced ED and never thought it was PMO. Have had VI 4 times in past week, both times needing no ED medication for which I was hopelessly dependent on prior to learning about NoFap and YBOP. Even at this early stage sex has been better than it ever has done with ED meds. I am getting more work done. Feel better about myself. More time to do productive, beneficial things. Thank you YBOP and NoFap community.
There is already so much great content on this site, so I'll try and keep this short and simple. Here are some tips I have and some benefits I have already seen so far (after 27 days of no porn):
(1) I have tried to stop my porn addiction before, but I would always relapse eventually. Whether it was a stressful day, anxiety, or simply just letting my hormones/sexual desires getting the better of me, I'd find myself back at looking at porn. I couldn't get a permanent break. The advice and tips I read on yourbrainonporn.com has changed that. The most helpful advice I've read so far is to think of your break from porn as permanent, and not as temporary or open-ended. This has helped me tremendously. I no longer see porn as an option.
I completely ignore it and try my best to avoid any potentially troublesome websites that might lead me to a porn site. I've accepted that I must forget about porn forever. No more checking for new updates at my favorite sites and no more looking for the latest/hottest new girl. It's simply no longer an option. Porn has already hurt me enough. The porn induced ED was the main motivation that made me want to end the addiction, but the loss of time, friendships, relationships, etc. was all important too.
(2) Not watching porn has literally given me an extra 30 minutes to six to seven hours of each day. Admittedly, some days I don't do much with the extra time (just watch TV), but other days I use it to exercise, get work done, or hang out with friends. My relationships with friends and family is much better already because I am present when I am with them, rather than thinking about porn and wanting to go home to my computer. Also, I've even completed some needed household projects or other tasks, like making sure all my online bill pay accounts are in order. All in all, not watching porn is allowing me to accomplish more with each day.
(3) Now, to the best benefit so far. My porn induced ED is starting to go away! ED was causing me so much anxiety and depression. I was starting to feel worthless.
Fortunately for me during this time of healing, I have a girlfriend to help me through these trying times and also to "test" the results. After the first 14 days of no porn, I did not see much in the result of helping to stop my porn induced ED. But everything started to change around 21 days (3 weeks). We were making out and I could feel my erection coming to me, like I could when I was fully functional and healthy before my porn addiction days. We had great sex and I had a solid erection throughout. We had sex again the other night and once again my erection was solid throughout.
(4) I am now starting to reboot and get turned on by (gasp!) actual women. When I am with my girlfriend, I appreciate and am turned on by her body and clothes. My last relationship was so poor and frustrating. I was porn addicted and my porn induced ED caused major problems that led to our breakup. I remember one night my ex-girlfriend was laying next to me in bed and wanting to fool around. I ignored her because I had already watched hours of porn that day and masturbated twice. I had no sex drive at all. She felt so rejected. I can now totally understand her feelings.
I've already written a lot more than I thought I would, so I better conclude now. But I just want to say that you can do it too. Porn is so destructive to your life, it must be abandoned. I know that every day is a struggle. I sometimes have moments of weakness when I want to log in to my favorite old porn sites, but I power through and know that I cannot go back to my old ways. I want to be a fully functional, healthy man that has regular, solid erections and can have great sex with my girlfriend or maybe even wife someday.
P.S.- last thing, something that has really helped me to get to 27 days is the idea that each and every day without watching porn is a "win." So even if I have a bad day, or just a totally unproductive day, I don't let it get me down. I say to myself, "well, it's a win for the day because I didn't look at porn. Each day I go without porn, the better my reboot will be and the closer I will get to being fully functional and healthy again (able to get normal, solid erections). I struggle too, porn has been a big part of my life (regretfully) and it is hard to say goodbye and make the changes needed. But it is so worth it. I'm feeling much better already and my sex life is starting to get back to where it should be. Each day is a win. Stay strong one day at a time. Good luck to you.
I've completed my 90 reboot. I have regular erections and I have my life back. I've met a wonderful woman and am able to please her regularly. I only look at her and treat her well. No more PMO.
I will write more later. Just wanted to give hope to anyone out there who is going the reboot. I can tell you it works and is worth the effort.
I hvnt pmod for 8 Weeks nor have I mo or m...the whole time. I feel great about this, but have been tempted many times. I was in the top 90% of pmo'ers. My ED problem was killing me. Porn was my life. Sex with a woman was out of the question. What kind of life is that. ED strips away our manhood and belittles our self esteem. I have grown a hatred for porn for how much I abused it and how much of my life it has stripped away. This forum is a great and inspirational thing to me. Good news is that I have had successful, powerful sex with my wife. Orgasm from the gods. Chaser effect was crazh, but I battled thru. Like any addiction, porn is still part of my life without viewing it. Everyday struggle still...stay strong my friends....Word
Took me about 100 days no porn (Was still having sex with Viagra) to be able to get hard 100% on my own without porn or fantasy. Took another 60 days which i went no orgasm, porn or masturbation to be able to have sex without the drugs. But after initially getting it up i lost it after 5 minutes or so of sex but i was incredibly nervous as well and she was not even slightly attractive lol.
I was only getting maybe 70% hard to porn last December when i started rebooting and i was a virgin. I am also 23 but still feel that im only halfway their, I need to be intimate regularly with a girl to really heal.
Started dating an ex-gf as I began noFap. She told me recently that, while the sex was good when we were together long ago, that what we've been having every night for a few weeks now is the most passionate and amazing sex she's ever had. This is significant especially as I'd been wondering the last many months if I'd ever be able to even have sex anymore. In the last year or two I'd had just a couple weak and ultimately failed sexual encounters. Thank you NoFap. The world is new again.
11 days into /nofap. I have new GF since 2 weeks, and I decided to completely give up PM (O goes with her).
After a week we got intimate, and my dick gets up every time we kiss and cuddle and while she gives me a handjob. Even when we do it 3 days in a row. To my bigger surprise it goes up again after O, if we wait a little while.
I'm still very anxious about intercourse (PE is haunting me), but hopefully it will all go fine.
So yeah, it works :)
BTW I found it much easier to forget about porn when I have normal GF that I can focus my sexual desires on.
Yesterday I had a very satisfying sex session as it was many years ago. And so I share with you the experience.
First I'll tell you a little how I get here. I'm 34 years old. I started to masturbate when I was 11 and I didn’t see internet porn until age 22. For much of my life I stay away from women. I was young, I had all the time in the world, wanted to improve before being with women. And I realized I was not going through the years. And every time the barrier between me and the women was higher. Not afraid to jump the barrier, but was afraid to jump and do not fall correctly.
One year ago I thought it had gone too far ... I had lost many things in life because of the fear that was generated around women. I am sociable and I look good, but my confidence to approaches from sexual nature was nonexistent.
I started to confront me to my mental barriers ... It was difficult at first. But after jump and overcome the barrier it seemed easy. I found it hard not being with women and bring them to a sexual domain. What was my surprise when I saw that my penis was not working. I was not even excited to have beautiful women in front of me. I did not know what was happening. I had always been erected before in such situations.
I was frustrated, I did not know what was happening. I started going around the internet until I found YBOP. I began to think that my problem was masturbating me with internet pornography. I do not think my case is an addiction, but I guess my brain was used to excite only with pornography. My brain had neglected women.
It was not until March 2013 that I decided to seriously stop me masturbating while watching pornography. I tried it several times, but hardly spent 10 days with an unfinished straw. For me pornography was not a problem cause I didn’t feel any urges for that. In the last four months I've only watched once pornography.
The moment I decided I had to be more disciplined if I wanted to overcome my problem was after a sexual encounter with a woman I loved. In all the times that I was in bed with her I could not fuck her any time ... There came a day when I spent tears to the frustration I was feeling.
This happened on June 15, 2013. Since then I kept pornography and went down drastically the rate of masturbation. Since then I have masturbated about 10 times. And if sometimes I could not resist the urge is because a woman has made me warm while chatting. So, one of my tips is don’t have erotic chats while you're doing the reboot.
Yesterday I could fuck a woman! I felt at ease, relaxed and confident. It is very important to feel like that to have a good performance. I kept an erection more than 90 minutes until I had an orgasm while she gave me a fellatio. If I continue like this ... Someday I could have an orgasm while penetrating the woman I love.
I'm not cured yet. But now I know that if I continue working to get off this weird habit where I put myself many years I will succeed.
Strength and honor!!!
So having PMO'd for probably 15 years, at a average of more than 2 a day, and now in my mid 30's, I suffer with ED and performance anxiety. I think in all honesty the anxiety is my biggest issue, along with a lack of sensitivity due to deathgrip.
I'm now with a wonderful woman and while we've known each other for ages, we've only been together for the last couple of months. She knows all about no fap and my issues and puts no pressure on me what so ever. So the first time we did anything sexual, predictably there was no sign of life downstairs. It took me ages of whacking off to even get to a level of hardness where I could penetrate her. If I was getting oral or a handjob, I'd go limp in no time at all, even though it felt good.
Fast forward 5 weeks or so and there are improvements. Now, for this time I've been porn free for between 4 and 5 weeks. I've MO'd a couple of times, including a binge of once, 3 days in a row, last week. This also includes we fapping off over her/in her mouth etc, which in hindsight, hasn't helped. Deathgripping a limp dick to the point of ejaculation is doing nothing for my recovery, but it's difficult when caught up in the moment.
Anyway, fast forward to this weekend, and while still not ideal, I managed to penetrate her, while wearing a condom. This is a breakthrough for me. I woke up rock hard, and stayed hard for ages. Woke her up, still hard. Slipped on condom, still hard. Started kissing and grinding and I could feel it going. For fuck sake. Anyway, we got into doggy position and it was gone. Took about 5 minutes of gentle stroking just to get hard enough to start having sex. When I was in I stayed hard the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't 100% hard, but still hard enough. I actually came, a first for me wearing a condom.
I know this might not mean much to many, but it's definitely a sign of progress for me. I've still got a long journey ahead. I lose my boner far too easily still. Especially when receiving oral for example. I know that even if I was being blown for 2 hours, I wouldn't be able to cum. But that's ok. I understand it will take time.
Looking ahead, I want to avoid touching my dick in any sexual way, even when with my girlfriend. I'm sure that's the quickest way to recovery. However, it's easier said than done. If I lose my boner, I find it almost impossible not to start stroking it until it's hard again to have sex. I'm ok with it slowing down my recovery right now. I think it's more beneficial for the performance anxiety part.
This post is in part just to write something down for myself. But also I hope it'll serve as proof that this does work. Just give it time.
Nofap took a crazy turn last night. Lately, I've noticed that I've been able to arouse myself just with thought(This is awesome not gonna lie, especially after a LONG dead dick phase). The problem is I get so horny it's so hard to fight. Never thought that would be a problem. On the other hand, It's so fucking great to see results like this!!!!!!!
Very satisfied with my journey so far. Stay strong guys!
Man.. I wish I would have found out about porn years ago.. big thanks to Gary Wilson and all the people he's helping!
Now I haven't been doing the classic reboot.. been having sex with and without cialis. Didn't want to go the whole drug route but my gf kinda left me no choice..she's a very conservative girl.. but I did want to recap some of my progress thus far since I gave up PMO..
1. Back in March 2013 I usually needed 20-30 mg cialis with oral foreplay just to get erect.. usually could only have sex 2 times a week
2. Today.. on and off cialis 5-7 mg.. and can have sex up to 10 times a week..
3. March 2013..would never get erection from kissing or going down on a girl.. even when I was horny
4. Today.. even without being horny at all ( no drug.. sex 3 times this weekend and masturbating twice today) ( I know shouldve stayed away from masturbating).. I was still able to get a erection from eating out my girlfriend.. and if I'm horny I can get erection from kissing..
5. March 2013.. was always anxious about having sex.. kinda a crapshoot whether it will work out
6. Today.. always works out.. if I go soft which happens a lot when I try to have sex without being horny.. I can masturbate myself to an erection and try again..Eventually works!
So from my experience this process is working.. even with me Oing a lot!.. kinda leads me to believe that porn was always the problem in my life. Im still reluctant to give up taking cialis occasionally.. PIED really messes up your confidence and libido.. but I am tapering it off the medication and not using it sometimes..
so from all veterans.. how much longer do you think thisll take before I cured?.. I know O sometimes slows the process..
It seems like my libido is back, after long 4+ months of filling like sh**t. I have MO 7 days back and I don't remember EVER to have such strong erection...it is nice feeling when your erection is "locked". I also never have such strong morning wood. I can't believe I was so dumb not to suspect porn for my weak erections. ::)
Good luck guys!
a girl came to my place yesterday and we slept together. we had sex 3 times. I gotta say my dick wasn't 100% hard all the time, it was 100% during foreplay but when I put the condom it got softer as usual. With some masturbation it got 80%-90% hard and I was able to fuck her. it probably got 100% hard when I was inside her at sometime of intercourse… Anyway, I am able to have sex at day 77. Probably not the best sex I can have, but definitely able to please myself and my partner and Im happy for that. Whenever I get a really strong erection for perfect sex Im gonna post here. But this is how my reboot looked like during the course of 77 days so far:
First of all Ive been masturbating to porn since I was 12 in an average of 1-2 times a day. My ED level was not that bad when i found out about pied. I was walkways able to get 100% hard by PMO and MO. I used to get 80% hard by kissing girls but whenever we sex escalated I got softer. Abstained from O for 35 days. Had like 10 orgasms with a girl and 10 orgasms by MO after that. Haven't experienced flatline so far.
I lost my virginity during reboot (somewhere around day 50) but my dick was about 60-70 hard. I've been hanging out with this chick since I started reboot and I believe it has helped me rewire. Altough, I think its possible to heal without rewiring. I mean, you can get more attracted to real girls just by switching off porn… maybe rebooting without rewiring takes longer… but it should work i guess.
by fancyPantsOne37 days
since starting nofap, my little buddy is slowly but surely returning to normal behaviors and I'm finally getting my erections back. But now I'm finding that when I make a move to have sex with my girl, my heart starts racing and I start the "what if i still can't perform?" mentality, which often leads to losing it. so are there any strategies you guys have found to help with this other than "just relax dude"? I've been trying to reframe myself to focus more on my pleasure but it's easier said than done.
I'm recently divorced and without going into details, PMO was a factor as it contributed to my lack of performance. I was worried that I was just old (40s) and needed medication for ED. My wife was convinced I just wasn't into her anymore. ANYway, since my divorce I've had a couple of opportunities with dates to see if I still had issues. I did. 100% of the time. Beautiful women were ready and willing and I couldn't maintain. This was devastating and led to just getting lost in the PMO rabbit hole.
I accidently found this reddit and it was in the nick of time. I'm at 21 days now and last weekend a woman was over that I've been seeing. The first time she spent the night (2 weeks prior) it was a disaster. Last weekend something "clicked" in my head everything just started working again. It was like I was a teenager again. I don't want to get into details, but I will say it was the best intimate experience of my life.
Was it super-powers at 17 days? I don't know. I don't necessarily believe in the super-powers myth, but I was certainly more into her and more in the moment and not trying to "get in the mood" by thinking of hardcore crap I'd been surfing the night before. I was into it because of who I was with, not because of ridiculous fantasies. I was worried that the NoFap would mean I would be too quick even if the equipment did work properly. That was not the case. I was more in control than I've ever been.
I thought I'd share this for those of you who are here because of performance issues. I've had problems with the equipment for YEARS now and at 17 days into this challenge it all went away and I was stronger and better than I've ever been. I can't say whether it's all due to NoFap, but it certainly contributed. So, getting past the ED problems is in addition to having more time to be productive and more confidence in myself and generally feeling better about who I am. Super-powers or not... it's worth it.
I've been in Korea for about 1 year and 6 months. At one point, I dated a girl . . and to help me overcome some delayed ejaculation problems I had experienced in the past, I began noFap. Needless to say, it worked miraculously - I was coming with no problem after a mere 40 days.
Well, that girl and I had some difficulties and broke up. I shamefully admit that I started PMO again, at least once-a-day. So..when I met a NEW girl, I had already set myself up for some issues.
The issue? I could get it up easily enough, but when the time for sex was at hand, my little buddy dissipated like dew on a warm afternoon. She was understanding, but I was completely embarrassed..I knew what I had to do.
As of yesterday, I'm at 35 days with noFap. Nothing amazing, sure, but it was just enough to restore my confidence in myself. We had sex three times last night, and I received oral twice. I got it up and came successfully FIVE total times! I was ecstatic.
The best part? My refractory period was practically non-existent. After coming, I would go in to kiss her, and I'd instantly get hard again. Needless to say, she was happy about my enthusiasm.
So, I just wanted to thank you guys! I've told her about the challenge, so I'm going to try and maintain as long as I can. Right now, it's easy - the rewards are there, and I feel a great deal of motivation. But I know how brains work, and I know the temptation will return in time..I'll be ready!
Yeah the last 3 sexual encounters I had before NoFap were all halfhard requiring me to use my hand as a cockring and not coming. After trying reducing my PMO a huge deal, as well as deleting all my porn, I found a woman I was interested in. Stopped PMO completely after I first met her, and after a few weeks we tried having sex, managed to get hard enough 3 times. 1st time was a bit better than halfhard, but managed to jackhammer and finish before I went soft (luckily she loved that shit). 2nd time I had to jackhammer instantly to not get soft so that was over in like 2 minutes. 3rd time I just got softer & softer & it was really embarrassing & sucked totally. Coming too fast is much better.
We decided to take a break on sex after that so I could hard mode for a while, but then as she started trusting me for real I found out she had bigger issues than I do so I told her to work her problems out. She had to move back home to her parents halfway across the country for that so that ended. Still, I got to have sex first time in 3+ years, experienced true intimacy & love & learned that NoFap will cure my PIED! Doing the kegels now so I'll have better control & maybe get the multiple orgasms again.
I will be brief, it was awesome, I mean, much better than before I took part in this challenge. 0% ED, I was relaxed and confident and I had never been so horny, although maybe It was faster than I would like, but I think it's normal after all this time without sex.
I am really glad to have taken this decision, it's worth it!
My first streak was 114 days, new streak is 83 days according to the counter.
Went hard mode for almost all of that, recently got a serious girlfriend, things are regular mode now. Before I couldnt ejaculate during sex, then I couldnt get it up at all. Now I can get it up, and ejaculate but I still have difficulty getting fully erect with oral and vaginal stimulation. I have more sensation than before (before after I penetrated I basically just had to trust I was in. Couldnt feel a damn thing), but I feel like there's still some dullness there.
Has anyone experienced this before? Any advice? I'm not sure if everything just needs more time, if there's things I should be doing to speed my resensitization back up, etc.
When I PMO I can't lose myself in sex, and I have ED and a variety of other issues.
I was so close to losing it beforehand. I was so damn horny the night before that I almost PMO'd, but I didn't.
Now, fucking after long abstinence, my dick was rock hard and I found it so much easier to go with the flow.
Even putting on a condom wasn't a problem. It wouldn't roll down the shaft, so we fiddled around with it for a good 5 minutes. At no point during this did my dick go limp, which it definitely used to back in the day.
The condom was filled with spunk. I've never seen that much. Not really surprising considering what day I'm on I guess.
I've been on/off nofap for 2 years now. I was on this subreddit when there were almost no subscribers. My record so far is 28 days. I really hope I can make it to 90 and beyond this time around.
I started noFap because of some issues I had with Performance Anxiety and Delayed ejaculation. I haven't had any issues in more than two months - my girlfriend and I frequently have sex 5-6 times when we meet, and I can ejaculate and get hard again within a minute. It's fucking awesome! Also, my girlfriend knows about it and is VERY appreciate - she's never dated a guy who stopped porn and masturbation to improve physical / emotional relationships, and she thinks it's great.
Unfortunately, this isn't a COMPLETE success story--in fact, I still have quite a ways to go. However, I'd like to share with you all some recent success I've had, which I hope gives you guys struggling with this some motivation.
I'm probably one of the most severe cases on this website. I've been fapping to porn since 11, and started to develop some pretty significant ED problems around 16 years old. Years ago, I went to the doctor to get tests done, only to come back with a clean bill of health. This frustrated and scared me, as I'm sure it did all of you, and I started to frantically search for answers year after year as to why a young, healthy male would be suffering significant sexual problems. It wasn't until a few months ago that I discovered YBOP, and all of the dots soon started to connect.
Now, onto the success. I've been dating a truly beautiful, amazing girl for ten months now. We've tried to have sex before, but failed miserably each time. I couldn't get hard to save my life. I finally discovered YBOP on told her about my problems. I was an emotional wreck, but thankfully she stuck by my side and reassured me that we could get through this. So, I've been rebooting for over a month now, and I'm already noticing HUGE improvements. My mental health is getting better (brain fog is clearing up, derealization is fading, anxiety and depression are lessening and life just seems better in general), and *POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS* this past weekend we got a hotel and had sex SEVEN times in two days (I O'd three out of those seven times). Now, keep in mind, she had to give me a BJ to get it up, but I was shocked at how consistently I stayed hard (and at how long I was able to last).
Last night, we had sex three more times, and it was incredible. Again, she had to give me head for me to get hard, but I definitely consider this tremendous progress. We lasted about two hours, and I made her orgasm twelve times (she even squirted and said those were some of the best orgasms she's ever had).
I know this isn't a total success story, but I'm shocked at how far I've already come along. Before, she used to give me oral sex and I still wouldn't get hard. I literally had to finish myself off each and every time. Now, she gives me a BJ and I blow up like a balloon. *END OF TRIGGERS*
So trust me, guys, this stuff really works. I've only masturbated and o'd once during my reboot period, and I've been trying to rewire pretty much from day one. Months ago, sex was literally unheard of for me; now, I can last quite a long time with a little stimulation on her part.
Just to recap, here's what I've already noticed to be approving:
-Brain fog comes and goes, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I can concentrate better, my mind seems clearer and life in general just seems better.
-Depression and anxiety aren't nearly as bad as they used to be.
-Nocturnal erections (I'll wake up and notice my penis is hard, which hasn't happened in years)
-Successful sex (though, once again, I do require stimulation on her part, but sex in general was impossible before qutting PMO)
Again, I know this isn't a major success story, but I hope it gives some motivation to any of you guys who are struggling with this process.
Hey guys, just wanted to give an update / motivational story for all of you. I started nofap about 2 weeks ago because I couldn't have sex with my floppy wiener. original post here - http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2jnl6i/when_will_ed_subside/
But last night I was horny and said fuck it I'll give it another shot, so I went over to her place AND MY DICK WORKED! So pumped! I lasted all of 8 seconds...but I don't care, I feel like I've really overcome something. Some advice for others suffering ED, make sure you get lots of stimulation during foreplay, and it really helps if your partner puts the condom on for you, keeps the mood going.
Stay strong fapstronauts! This shit is toooootally worth it!
I've gone 90 days no masturbation no porn no nothing and have noticed some noticeable differences.
Girls seem way hotter;more eager to get a gimps of that ass xD, social confidence is climbing, sexual thoughts that aren't to my liking are fading, depression is clearing and anxiety is almost completely gone. I know that 3 months is just the start but I'm finally starting to see the point of all this.
Still have kinda a weird phenomenon with regards to ED I can get and erection over girls pretty easily and they look 100 times sexier than they did when i first started, but I basically jizz my self afterwards and then Boom dead dick for the rest of the day. This happened once in a hospital (I burned my eye at collage xD don't ask) and was pretty embarrassing lol still a 3 hour wait in intense pain staring at a hot girls was totally worth it xD.
iI truly believe if you cut out porn and stop playing with your penis or checking it out to see if your hard gets you back to having erections. I truly believe that. I worked out my body and stopped watching porn and fiddling with my dick and it got me to breaking girls backs in no time. For me atleast
I haven't been able to masturbate without porn, much less get hard w/o it, since i started watching it, I definitely feel like im accomplishing things here!
It's strange talking about this, as I tend to be a fairly private person. But I feel as though it would help to get this out in words and perhaps find a bit of support/encouragement needed to help me through this issue.
As a little big of background, I'm an obese male who has recently lost a large sum of weight (90 lbs). Six months ago, I ended a relationship of (on-and-off-again) 9 years. The relationship had failed to ever develop into anything more than lovers, and while it hurt to call it off, I knew I needed to if I was ever going to find someone who was right for me and fulfill my dream of starting a family.
Well, it was at that point that I realized I needed to make some changes in my life. Nothing noble or brave, just taking better care of myself and pushing myself harder toward my goals. As I said, I've lost quite a bit of weight and it felt as though my sex drive was going through the roof.
I had always jerked off a lot. Like 3-5 times a day, and if nothing else was going on that day, it wasn't unheard of for me to have sessions lasting between 4-8 hours. Needless to say, this was quite the commitment. I also tended to use an extremely firm grip, and orgasm was usually more of a painful release then a joyful experience.
I also found that I was desiring more and more extreme pornography. Unless there was some element of pain or the taboo, it usually didn't do much for me. I've always enjoyed rougher sex in the bedroom, but not to the intensity I was wanting to see it in porn.
So after a few months of intense masturbating and getting over my ex, I decided to begin dating again. I went out with a couple of guys I wasn't really into, and eventually on one of those dates, I ended up running into someone I dated back in college (during one of the "off-again" periods) who I thought was completely out of my life. Turns out we both had a really strong thing for each other. Bye bye other guy. Hello to the relationship that never had the chance to develop before.
So some time passes and we go on a few dates. Things get hot-and-heavy, and let me say, I have never been so turned on by anyone in my life as this guy. He hits all the right buttons. Strong-and-silent type, kind, honest, fit (former Marine), gorgeous, cuddly, kinky, smart. My only concern is how hard it can be for him to show emotion, but I can tell by his actions and his choices that he is a good person who cares about me.
So what could be wrong? Well, the horrible thing is that I keep losing my erection with him. Without constant and intense stimulation, I just go limp in a moment. Even his handjobs weren't enough and like with almost all of my exes, it usually requires me to jerk myself off to keep hard and cum.
After a few times together, he looked in my eyes and said "You keep going limp. I feel like I'm doing something wrong." My heart broke in that instant. I could see his eyes had a few tears in them, and his look of concern hit me as a side of him I'd never seen. This wasn't just a sexual concern for him. He blamed himself. He was like a scolded puppy who didn't know what he did wrong.
I pulled him in and kissed him, telling him how much he turned me on but that when I drank I had a hard time getting off (not untrue, but not the full truth either). I forced myself to get off with him that night. I actually hurt from the intensity I was using, but he was happy to see me have an orgasm.
His words still haunt me a few weeks out. "I feel like I'm doing something wrong." It didn't take me long to look up information on death grip and porn addiction. It was also the same night I deleted about a terabyte of porn. The only stuff I'm keeping is personal stuff sent to me from friends and ex-lovers. And that's locked up with a friend until I feel I can safely use pornography as a rare treat instead of my go-to way of stress relief. If I ever get to that point.
Well, I suck at being vulnerable. Like, really, really suck at it. But I decided I didn't want to hide this from him. So the next time we were lying in bed (a week later), I shared the truth of this matter with him. I explained that I read after a few weeks of no masturbation, most guys go back to full sensitivity and the brain stops requiring such intense stimulation to get off. He, for his part, was incredibly patient and claimed he was more than okay with that. His only question is "You're doing that no masturbating week now, aren't you?". I coyly replied "Yes, but that doesn't mean I won't be taking care of you."
I'm proud to say that after just a week, I stayed hard the entire time. He was playing with me, but I told him not to be offended if I didn't get off as I was still fairly de-sensititized. Although it did feel good. Long story short: he came, I didn't, but we were both happy.
So now I've faced down some of the mental blocks I had tied to this. I used to assume things like "It's because I really loved my ex and this is new and unsure, so I'm just nervous." or "I had too much to drink." or any other number of reasons. In hindsight, it just seems obvious that I was looking for ways to avoid facing that I was a masturbation addict with a porn problem.
tl;dr Found someone amazing after an overdue breakup. Porn and masturbation were interfering. I'm fixing the problem but need a place to vent part of that stress/frustration.
Thanks guys. Sorry for the long post.