Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance

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  • Read the many self-reports from other forums below this post

Is porn dialing down humanity's pair-bonding program?

Today's media equates "sex positive" with zeal for orgasm. According to this formula, the more orgasms we demand, deliver or procure, the more "sex positive" we are. This makes Internet porn and sex toys, with their ability to override our normal sexual appetites so we can orgasm when we otherwise could not due to satiation, the most "sex-positive" inventions in all of human history. Or does it?

This definition of "sex positive" rests on a misunderstanding of how intense stimulation can potentially numb the pleasure response of the human brain. It also discounts the gifts of flirty exchanges, and human touch exchanged with a trusted mate. Given that affectionate touch and enduring relationships are generally positively associated with increased wellbeing, these omissions are especially unfortunate.

For reasons that lie at the heart of evolution, our brains are extremely responsive to today's super enticing versions of food and sex, such as junk food and Internet erotica. Alas, more is not better for some brains; it desensitizes them. This is why many of us are obese and/or furiously fertilizing our screens—yet feel more dissatisfied than ever. Recovering porn users describe their experiences with desensitization:

Imagine if you were on an extreme rollercoaster for 10 years straight. Then you get off the rollercoaster and have to make do with the swings at a children's play area. After 10 years of extreme rollercoaster riding, you won't be able to obtain any kind of buzz from the simplicity of the swings. You have become desensitized. Porn ruined my appreciation of and responsiveness to normal sexual acts, and masturbation to porn ruined the sensitivity of my penis so that the gentle caress of a lover was barely noticeable. It was so used to being pounded with a sledgehammer that when it came to being tickled with a feather, I didn't even notice. Unless I felt something pretty hard and heavy, it simply didn't register.

Feeling so emotionally numb to every girl I've dated also caused me to doubt myself. This led me to suspect that I was gay. I am not. Once my brain started to heal, I became much more interested in all girls.

Biology not morality

Long before the Internet, the father of modern sexology warned of desensitization. Alfred C. Kinsey cautioned his photographer Clarence Tripp that, "As soon as we get you to photographing sex every day and paying attention to sex right, left and center, pretty soon nothing will turn you on, nothing in the area, nothing visual will turn you on. Because you'll lose all those sensitivities." 

For the same reason, Kinsey counseled his staff to "Be cautious with sadomasochism because the human body adjusts rapidly, and so levels of pain can escalate rapidly." [James H. Jones, Alfred C. Kinsey, W.W. Norton & Company (1997): 610] Unfortunately, many of today's experts have forgotten Kinsey's warnings, which were based on his personal experience. They teach only, "If it feels good, do more of it."

In fact, however, desensitization is having a major impact today. The more some people rely on cyber erotica, the more frequently they may feel the "need" to climax,  and the more extreme material they often require to get the job done. For many, erections also grow weaker. Escalation and youthful erectile dysfunction are often signs that someone is inadvertently numbing the brain to subtler pleasures.

I sold porn on the Internet for over 10 years. It ruined relationships and led me down a dark road of heavy use. I became totally desensitized. I remember when certain acts were taboo or at least non-mainstream. These acts are now part of most mainstream productions.

Desensitization is an addiction process related to a drop in dopamine sensitivity. Nora Volkow MD, Director of NIDA, explains:

Once the brain becomes less sensitive to dopamine, it "becomes less sensitive to natural reinforcers" such as the "pleasure of seeing a friend, watching a movie, or the curiosity that drives exploration."

Tragically, the now-less-enjoyable pleasures often include the rewarding feelings of human touch and close, trusted companionship. This is how extreme stimuli can indirectly interfere with our innate pair-bonding tendencies—causing dissatisfied unions.

Becoming restless in your relationship due to too much porn use isn't a character defect. It occurs because too much stimulation causes physical changes in your brain. These may be gradual, but for some, the introduction of highspeed porn is the turning point for radical desensitization:

Highspeed porn changed everything. I began masturbating more than once a day. If I didn't feel like masturbating, but wanted to relieve stress or go to sleep, porn helped me get aroused. I found myself looking at porn prior to sex with my wife because she just couldn't do it for me anymore. Delayed ejaculation was a huge problem: I could no longer orgasm from oral sex and I sometimes had difficulty with orgasm in a vagina. I masturbated after sex with my wife because I couldn't get off any other way, and sometimes even masturbation didn't work. Once I eliminated porn from the equation (which hasn't been easy), my masturbation frequency dropped and my sex life improved.

The good news is that former users can indeed reverse this desensitization. They give their brains a rest from frequent sexual stimulation (sexual fantasy, masturbation, orgasm) and steer clear of porn. It's tough. Most experience weeks of uncomfortable, temporary withdrawal symptoms, such as mood swings (irritability, anxiety, despair, apathy, restlessness), insomnia, fatigue, very frequent urination, intense cravings or flat libido, etc. One man charted his ups and downs.

Happily, recovering users often become more responsive to pleasure even before the withdrawal symptoms and hypersensitivity to porn cues stop:

After 34 days I tested myself. I could masturbate to orgasm without thinking about anything for the first time of my life. And erections came much more frequently and stronger. At the same time I knew with absolute certainty that the process wasn't finished yet.

What lies on the other side of withdrawal discomfort?

Here's what men reported as their brains returned to normal sensitivity to pleasure:

  • [Single guy in his 30s] As my body recovers, sex is already feeling twice as good as it was. It's funny how the decline was so gradual that I just didn't notice that sex had lost the whole "WTF JUST HAPPENED?" feeling. It's back.
  • [Married, age 50] I never thought I had ED...I managed to have sex with my wife. Boy, was I wrong! Since my recovery, my erections are way bigger, fuller and longer and the head is flared. My wife comments each time. I also remain erect even after orgasm, and think I could keep it up for a loooong time. My morning wood is also bigger and fuller. I just shrug and laugh each morning, now that I realize I really had ED and was too caught in my addiction to realize it. Keep in mind I am 50, though in pretty good shape for my age and clean living. I believe you will find the sensitivity of your penis improves all on its own. I am circumcised (wish I was not). The sensitivity is so much better than I ever remember. Very light touch by my wife feels so strong! Now, after 68 days of no masturbation to porn my erections are like in my teens!
  • [Age 26] Last night I had sex with my partner twice and reached climax both times! I've been in a really buoyant mood since Day 28 [of no porn/masturbation]. Once we started kissing and touching each other, I couldn't hold back on my urge to penetrate her. It felt so natural. The sensitivity in my penis has definitely returned, plus I sense there's more to come.
  • [Age 21] I can honestly say now that porn really is the problem with relationships nowadays. Sex with my girlfriend took a little over a month, but time flew so fast because I was enjoying just hanging out. Just holding a girl never crossed my mind as pleasurable before. When you're masturbating every day, with or without porn, you really do relinquish your innate ability to connect with the opposite sex. I am 100% sure of this now. Before I went 100 days I still had some doubt about the benefits of giving up porn, but now it doesn't even cross my mind as a serious activity. As far as sex goes, I was questioning whether I should have sex with her or wait a little. Then I found out that she also wanted to wait because she cared about me. Naturally I took it slowly, and we were holding each other for a long time before we decided to do it. I really wish that everyone here could have not only successful sex, but a passionate exchange between two people who care about each other. We even continued to cuddle after we were done (both times). I really couldn't be happier about my first time.
  • [Married, 52] I have many decades of porn under my belt (so to speak). I have not looked at any porn or masturbated for nearly 4 weeks, and all I can say is the change is dramatic. This morning, I woke up with one of the most intense erections I have ever had. My wife noticed, and was nice enough to give me a wonderful BJ, all before 7 AM! Prior to this, I cannot remember ever waking up like this, except when I was a teen. Plus, the feeling was very intense, much better than any porn release I remember. While I was receiving this wonderful gift, not one porn image flashed before me! I was strictly focused on her, and it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I have had in a while. I am stoked! This only strengthens my belief that I can never look at porn again. Eventually, my ED problem is going to be a memory. In another 3 to 4 months, I cannot even imagine where I will be, but it is going to be a much better place than "Pornoland."
  • [Age 24] About 5 weeks after stopping porn/masturbation, I slept with a female friend; a drunken one-night stand. Despite being hammered, I felt totally different about the sex. I was much more passionate. It felt better; and I was more turned on and worried less about performance, which was always a big concern. I was just enjoying myself. Normally, when I go to put on a condom, I freak out and go limp, but this wasn't an issue this time.
  • See Sex life way better.
  • [Married, 42] Not being able to trust your own body to back you up when you want to physically express yourself to your mate is mentally devastating. To once again feel your body respond without effort eliminates self-talk and doubt and frees you to focus on the one you love. For me that meaningful connection makes sex with a partner transcend mere masturbation. My skin is feeding me far more input from my wife's touch than it has in a long while. Orgasms are also much stronger. They FEEL better. Sex is reprogramming the healthy, normal and natural pleasure pathway that was lost to me during my porn years. The more I achieve and maintain an erection through just caressing and holding my wife, the fainter the voice of doubt about sexual performance gets, and the more immediate and impressive my body's response is.
  • [Husband, 37] The reward for 4 months of no porn has been an improved sex life with my wife, and after nearly fifteen years of being together, that is a considerable reward. Hurrah for "vanilla" sex. I seem to feel more than I used to. I experience more physical sensation from being in her vagina or her mouth. Before, I rarely came from a BJ. Delayed ejaculation is not a problem anymore. And premature ejaculation has not replaced it, thankfully. I actually feel more in control of my arousal and orgasm now, than I did when I suffered with low libido and other sexual dysfunctions. The old anxiety is beginning to be assuaged by frequent, successful lovemaking with my wife.
  • When I fap all the time it's just a release because the orgasms suck. The orgasms I had [while not masturbating and while having] real sex were incredible. I'd forgotten how good real sex could feel.
  • (Day 125) I am in a long-term relationship, and I can vouch for the fact that quitting helped our sex life. A lot. We did not have ED or PE or any other kind of sex-related problems to start with, but compared to what we have now, our sex life while I was fapping was .... dull. Now it is anything but dull, and both me and my gf have stronger libidos now than before. I am not exactly sure how -- or if -- my quitting affected her libido, but she sure is much more interested in sex now :).
  • [Age 50] Over the years, I suggested to my wife various activities straight out of porn stories. She was okay with some of them, but it never satisfied at all. Although we had a decent sex life relative to most people our age, I was always comparing the porn scenarios with my real life and real wife and feeling dissatisfied. Now, things are shifting. During intercourse last night, I felt suddenly very intimate, almost scarily intimate, deep contact I have never experienced before. It felt kind of shocking to me. It was wonderful in a way I can't describe, but I am in a kind of awe over it. It feels scary-wonderful.

Those without partners notice benefits too:

  • [Age 20-something] - I'm starting to have genuine feelings of desire and interest for women again. For a while I somewhat questioned my sexuality. Not that I was interested in men, but I just didn't have any interest in women. I'm noticing women's attractive features more and more. I've even had a desire to kiss them. That is very new for me. I haven't felt it in years. I was talking briefly with a fellow student and noticed she had absolutely gorgeous eyes. I never noticed those things while using porn. Also, I no longer fantasize about porn scenarios "starring" potential mates or women I know. I try not to fantasize, but when one creeps in, it's now all first-person, one-on-one, and nothing kinky or odd. Refreshing.
  • [Age 19, gay] When it comes to relationships, I don't "like" people often, and there are very few people who can maintain my interest beyond maybe 3 weeks, maximum. This may seem weird, but even though I watched porn... I've never really been one to want sex. Anyway, there are TWO guys who have managed to grab my interest and maintain it. However, I think porn/masturbation was suppressing my longing to be with either of them. Last night, I suddenly had this intense realization that I really like those two, and I could see myself completely happy in a committed relationship with either. Suddenly it felt like...my heart was reaching out for them. Idk, it was weird. Instead of daydreaming, my body was like, "Let's go make this happen in real life." I don't really understand it, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing. I just know that all of a sudden I felt this huge wave of some weird attraction-type energy surge over me. [He soon began a relationship with one of them.]
  • [Age 20, day 67 no porn] I've always been the type of dude who wanted a girl every now and then but never really needed one. But for whatever reason today I feel different. I'm not sure if I could ever really stay committed to a female completely, but I can't help but feel the need to bond with one ... Even if it doesn't mean actually date a girl but at least get intimate with her ... play, kiss, crack jokes, smile, gaze deep into her eyes, whisper in her ears, play with her neck, etc ... doesn't necessarily have to lead to f*cking but I just miss those feelings. I never thought that porn could desensitize me to a point where I no longer craved for those feelings of intimacy until now.
  • (Day 31) I have never felt more attracted to my wife and not just sexually but emotionally. I just can't get enough of being around her, I miss her when she isn't here - a big change from enjoying her absences because it meant I could freely PMO - and at the same time I don't feel the need for her approval anymore: it's difficult to explain this but basically I've never really felt like I can make my own decisions and never really felt like I can do things for myself, I would always be thinking 'I will do this because Mrs NMRN wants it done' or 'I won't do this because she will find out.' Now I do stuff for myself. I'm more independent and assertive which, although she hasn't mentioned, I can tell she likes because we get on so much better.
  • (Age 17) I started masturbating when I was 13 years old and never looked back. I would say I fapped at least once a day over the past 4 years. It has robbed me of feeling love, patience, happiness, and a whole slew of emotions. I can now talk to girls with ease and I'm obsessed with females in general. It is finally making sense how the whole relationship thing works being that I never before had a desire to have a SO.
  • [Age 30] The reboot has really driven home to me that we humans are social beings. Porn can fool you into believing that you can be content in perpetual solitude, but it is an illusion. When porn is out of the picture, especially if you go as far as no fantasy, you will be madly driven to make connections with real women.
  • My Story: Porn-love, Secrets and Self Hatred
  • I still want to have sex with girls just as much as before I started nofap - more than that, even. But at the same time, this desire has become one tiny little part of all the things I want from a relationship. The way I see it now, to see girls as sex objects actually means you want very little. Far from asking too much of them by fulfilling your fantasies, you ask too little. Life is so much bigger than sex, and girls can give you so much more of themselves than their vagina. Only wanting sex seems like you're cheating yourself out of the greatest experiences life can offer.
  • So last night I wrote a late-night post about temptation talking to me. Eitherway I went to sleep without giving in. Not to go into too much detail, but in the middle of the night my wife leans over and starts kissing me... It lead to an amazingly intimate and special experience. I felt so much love for her that I have not felt before... I loved HER not some idea of what sex is like, just her. After, instead of feeling awkward or like I had to clean-up (fap habit) we just laid there and talked. Its always been hard for my wife to talk openly after sex or really ever. But last night I got to know a little more of her than I have ever known. No it wasn't some crazy multi-position, hours-long F* fest it was guilt-free and satisfying! So for you married guys and girls: things will get better so keep going. For the singles or dating, maybe take sex of a pedestal and its value may actually go up in your mind and body. Finally for everyone: the power of a secret is the secret; once it is exposed it has no more power... its dead. It might hurt, but you deal a deadly blow to your enemy's attack. You all are beautiful people even if you can't see that fact. Best sex of my marriage
  • Age 30+ currently in a relationship.... In the past, sex wasn't emotional, on some level it was like there was nobody else there because you were in your own head the whole time for one reason or another (fantasizing, DE issues, etc...). Girlfriends during my mid 20's to early 30's just didn't arouse anywhere close to what high-speed porn offered, no matter how good they looked. I didn't recognize these things at the time of course, but since beginning this journey thanks to YBOP, in the past 4 months, I can honestly say I'm shocked how good sex can be with your girlfriend when you eliminate the constant, steady pattern of PMO. It didn't take long once I brokethe pattern to change everything. I'm not in my own head while having sex, I can actually focus on my girlfriend and everything that makes her attractive....and boy what a difference! I'm posting this is for the younger guys out there....If I only had the benefit of knowing this when I was in my 20's, who knows what may be different now?
  • 32 days - You can't look into a woman's eyes if you spend hours every day visualizing misogyny.
  • I don't have a queasy conscience anymore. There isn't anything i need to hide anymore and this feels pretty good. I feel more comfortable, when i'm spending time with my girlfriend. I actually get a boner again while kissing her. That's amazing, because that hasn't happened since we got together two years ago. I have the feeling, that i finally can love her the way she has deserved to be loved.
  • (200 days) I now have an undeniable sex drive. I want my wife more than ever. If a long time passes without sex, I feel this thing called 'sexual tension' which is apparently a real thing!

    For you single guys... If you make it this far, you will definitely gain confidence to interact with women. You will notice things you never noticed before. Hair tossing, quick glances, breathing patterns, body language... It is a different world and let me tell you... When you get to this point, you really won't care about whatever super specific porno fetishes you thought were the only thing you could get off to, because just the word WOMAN (or man or whatever) will make you feel urges.

    In a way, this has been like being a stereotypical teenager for the first time. My wife has commented about how awkwardly I've been hitting on her. And I've been hitting on her a lot. And it has been really, really good when it works... Like, screaming, whole body orgasms. 6, 8, 10 powerful ejaculations with whole body convulsions. You will never get that from Rosy Palms. The most I ever got with pmo was maybe one medium spurt and then a couple of almost painful dribbles. There is a lot to be said about not being the one who is doing the stimulating, since your brain kinda goes haywire when you do come. Having someone else stimulate you... Or getting off from intercourse... Wow, it's just so different and you really, truly have to abstain from PMO to get to that point. Life is good.

  • In my experience with nofap, I've finally reached one month (for the second time), and have been facing challenges. I had real sex, with a real (and very beautiful) woman just this past week. This awoke lots of sexual desire within me, and I started looking at porn again; no fapping, but porn. What I was first struck by was the rush, the feeling of intense lust and physical desire. I was getting hit with the drug again. I didn't fap. I closed my computer, and I went to bed. I woke up this morning, and I did it again.Here's what happened: whereas last night, when I felt the rush, and was very physically aroused, I was less aroused this morning. And as I turned it off, and went about my morning routine, I noticed something: I felt a little dead inside again. Walking through my day, I was feeling a lot of attraction for women around me (it's been very hot out lately and girls have been wearing skirts, tanks, and dresses), BUT I have also noticed a very weird and impersonal kind of quality to that feeling of attraction.Then it hit me, here's the difference: when I slept with a real woman, after 29 days of not looking at porn or fapping, I was genuinely aroused, and by HER. Now, after getting stoked in the fire of porn, I was just aroused, and these women happened to be around me. Burnt out from dopamine, the normal feelings of connection that would've come to the surface when I looked into a woman's eyes, when she looked back at me were gone. My hunch is that women can feel this, and I think this is the "really creepy" quality that women talk about sometimes feeling from a guy, even those he seems like a perfectly nice guy. Something is off, and they can't quite put their finger on it (although I'm sure some can).And there is the disconnect. When two people who are feeling desire or interest in one another normally experience a similar firing of hormones, triggered by anticipation and also the firing of mirror neurons, now don't fire in one person. It's maybe blind conjecture, but I sometimes wonder how many times I'm looking at a woman who might actually experiencing a feeling of attraction for me, but who feels something incongruent coming back from me, not only incongruent, but very impersonal and potentially agressive. I can't imagine anything creepier than this. Original post
  • Yesterday I went on a first date with this girl I've been chatting with online. We had a lot in common, laughed a ton, told each other funny stories, and I completely lost track of the time. We ended up getting a few drinks and then walked to a park to watch the sunset on a bench. Without hesitation, I put my arm around her while we were talking and she snuggled up against me. A few minutes later I looked into her eyes, smiled and gave her a kiss. A huge rush of dopamine hit me right in the gut that felt healthy, and my buddy in my pants also woke up from his 23 day nap. After dropping her off I realized that I can't wait to see her again because I had so much fun spending time with her.

    Walking home I realized that because of NoFap I genuinely want to get to know her better and just spend time with her without any expectation of sex or orgasm on my end.

    I would imagine that my body has been desensitized to dopamine since I started fapping in middle school and that is why I never felt this way before about someone. It kind of blows my mind that this is a normal feeling that so many people have experienced before, but I never did. Not any more! This realization about myself makes me feel like this.

  • (1 yr effort - Day 90) I have been in a stable relationship this whole time and I have seen a huge transformation in how I approach our intimate time. That time, for me, used to be about one things: simply getting my rocks off. Of course it was enjoyable, but there was no difference between how it would have felt if I was with her or if I was doing it myself. It was just about the chemical feeling that comes with release. Now, because she is my only outlet for sexual activity, it has changed everything. Engaging in that experience has become more about her and I spending time together. Doing something that only she and I can do. It has become much more sensual, much more intense, and a lot more fun.
  • (Day 90) The Beauty in women - The first things I noticed when I began my nofap challenge, was that my bad habit of seeing only the beauty in women automatically shifted to be very accepting and openminded towards almost any woman I've met. Right now I want to go out there and FIND a mate for me. MY sexual desire has never been higher, and I've started to become more observant towards women who could become good girlfriends and eventually good mothers. It's not entirely about their beauty anymore.
  • I've always loved my wife but I've PMO'ed all through our 8 years of being together. Our relationship is very strong, strong enough to survive this but now things are just super amazing between us. Everything is on steroids. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2e7u17/you_know_whats_nice_about_...
  • Quitting makes you "realize that not everything in life is easy". In fact, the most important things in life are very difficult indeed, but if you have the self-discipline for this, you can have confidence that you can tackle the other things as well.
  • Before realizing that porn was the problem, I used to think I needed to get healthier fantasies. Now, almost 8 months after quitting porn, I'm finding that the fantasies I used to have don't appeal to me anymore...at all. I actually find myself feeling repulsed by the idea of them. It turns out, I didn't need healthier fantasies, I needed to quit porn. We live in a culture that encourages us to have fantasies, share them with our SO and even act them out together. But what I found is that my wife and I both enjoy sex much much more when there is no fantasy involved; just the two of us in the moment. I'm now able to make love to her without erectile issues, face-to-face with eye contact. She tells me that her enjoyment of sex with me is far far better than it ever was before; of course we are learning to be together in the "Karezza Way", and that helps a lot too. This was something I thought I might never achieve, but I did. All it took was to give my brain a break from all that extra stimulation; to protect it...saving my arousal response only for my wife. It's worth it. Oriiginal post

  • A bonus besides all of the benefits you see on here regularly is that the girls you see on a regular basis are so much more appealing and beautiful. While looking at porn the average girl I saw (including pictures/videos/and real life) was much hotter than most girls I would see during the day. So my rating of what a 1-10 was very harsh compared to what it is now. Im no longer holding girls to standards that even porn stars haven't accomplished. I now have more realistic standards. Finding regular girls more attractive has made the number of pretty girls I interact with on a daily basis increase. This has given me more confidence as well.You are also able to develop a more broad and real view of what you find beautiful in girls. While looking at porn you are able to get exactly what you are looking for when you type something into the search bar. But this is often the same thing over and over again because that is what you think you like. This reinforces a very narrow range of tastes in women. I have begun to find many different things about a women beautiful just besides big asses and tits. Soft skin, petite figure, so many things. TL;DR: Real women become more beautiful.
  • (30 days) Finding much more women attractive and spending less time focusing mentally on their body parts. Instead, I’m finding myself wondering what their story is...what do they like/dislike...and wanting to get to know them. Not objectifying them off the bat and putting sex on the backburner. In the past I would consider most women sub-par and focus on their flaws, but these days I realize I have flaws and so do they and am able to see through them.
  • I reached day 7 of nofap, the longest I've ever done, horny as piss and one of my ex fuck buddies is over. We start having sex and I just. I just didn't want to. I don't know who i am as a person or what I want, but I'm learning what I dont want and who I am not. It is a start.
  • Married guy here. Just completed 30 days - and LOVING the results... (self.NoFap) First, some background. I’ve been a fapper as long as I can remember. When I got married four years ago, I hoped that my need for porn would no longer be present. But nope. It was. I told myself that porn wasn’t hurting my marriage. But over time, I stopped making as many sexual advances with my wife. And the rare times that I did, she seemed uninterested.So, for the past year, I would say on average we were having sex just once every 2 weeks. And I was OK with that. Porn had emasculated me. After stumbling onto r/nofap, watching the youtube videos, and reading lots and lots of your stories, I decided to give this a go and see what happened.

    The results so far have BLOWN AWAY all my expectations. Around day 7, I noticed some major changes.

    • My horniness levels for my wife went THROUGH the roof.
    • My skin became clearer than it has ever been. Almost radiant. To the point where friends have complimented me on my skin (which seemed weird to me)
    • I started having more energy and not feeling as sluggish during the day.
    • I noticed an increase in productivity at work
    • My workouts felt better and I started to feel like I was making major breakthroughs physically.

    Even as these benefits continued, between days 20-28, I began to feel a strong desire to look at porn again. I started to feel like maybe I had “gotten over it” so it would be OK to look at again. Damn brain. The only thing that kept me from falling back in was hope of reaching Day 30 and posting about to this community. And boy am I glad I did.

    Here are just a few of the highlights of reaching Day 30:

    • Last night, I had the STEAMIEST sex with my wife I’ve ever had. I can’t keep my hands off of her now. I came home from work and literally picked her up and threw her onto our bed and had crazy, mind-blowing sex. My new-found sexual aggressiveness turns her on like crazy!
    • Also, she keeps saying how amazing and sexy my body looks now. In four years of marriage, she has NEVER said this to me before. Even though I’ve been doing the same routine I was before, ever since I started r/nofap, I’ve been shedding fat and building muscle like a machine. This is the best my body has felt in my entire life.
    • I’m become more comfortable with myself and a lot of the social anxiety I used to have is gone. I feel like I just project an aura of confidence and transparency now. And it feels great.

    So, there you have it! I know it won’t be easy to continue this streak and that the temptation to relapse will also be present, but so far I’m really blown away by what a HUGE positive impact nofap has made in my life, and I’m excited for that to continue! Thanks to everyone in this community, and I hope this post helps inspire other married fapstronauts out there!!!

    TL/DR: Married but still PMO’ing. Completed 30 days of nofap. Sex with wife now mind-blowing.

Warning - Cutting out porn may be a one-way street, as this man found when he experimented with porn again:

The binge wasn't as enjoyable as I expected. For the first time, being in the perspective of the voyeur felt wrong and kind of sickened me. It had always just felt normal to me since I'm a longtime user. This time, masturbating without any context/connection felt strange and perverted. I now can't imagine doing that in real life, just having a woman sit there emotionless opening up her holes in front of me. During the reboot I felt more attracted to women as a whole. Now, I can imagine myself looking into a woman's eye at orgasm rather than focusing on her stretched holes in a detached way.

Restoring relationship harmony                              

I believe that during porn addiction, it is basically impossible to connect romantically. It just zaps that part of you and burns it away. I am on week six of my reboot, and for the first time in 5 or 6 years I find myself really feeling like connecting with a female when I am speaking to her in person. I notice all the things I used to notice when I was younger, and inside I feel this now unfamiliar urge to get closer to her, look deep into her eyes, smile etc. I have not been able to look a woman in the eyes like that for a long time, never mind smiling! It's great.

How we use our sexual desire appears to have a powerful influence on how loudly we hear our pair-bonding programming. Unlike us, our ancestors weren't driven by unending, novel erotic visuals to climax beyond normal satiety. They were more likely to allow their brains and bodies to rest and renew themselves.

Returning the brain to homeostasis in between passion bouts may turn out to be very healthy for those who want relationships. The greater the brain's sensitivity to pleasure, the more rewarding we perceive our intimate relationships.

I looked up at her and our eyes locked, and then she smiled very warmly, and *BOOM*, I literally got this surge of chemical loveliness up my spine and into the back of my head. I smiled back, of course. The feeling was so physical, so palpable, that it really surprised me. It instantly made me feel extremely happy and optimistic. I don't ever remember being so affected by a smile or glance. It's just astounding. To go from being so numb, where only the most vile and shocking sexual images triggered a response in me, to getting such a positive sensation from a simple smile and meeting of the eyes...that is what makes this whole process worth it. Curing E.D. or other such problems is just an added bonus. Feeling ALIVE again is where it's really at!

If too frequent orgasm alters the sensitivity of the brain temporarily (and it appears to do this in some brains), then it makes perfect sense that when we overdo it, our mate doesn't look so hot—until our brain returns to homeostasis. Trouble is, thanks to today's hype that "more is better," the unsuspecting heavy porn user is unlikely to realize what's going on until he hits a wall. This can lead to futile churning in intimate relationships.

 As the men quoted above stopped the intense stimulation of Internet porn, the pleasures of closeness gradually grew more tangible and satisfying. For them, "sex positive" now has a whole new meaning, and has led to some insightful reflection. One of them posted the following passage from Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning":

The more a man tries to demonstrate his sexual potency or a woman her ability to experience orgasm, the less they are able to succeed. Pleasure is, and must remain, a side-effect or by-product, and is destroyed and spoiled to the degree to which it is made a goal in itself.

Could Frankl be right? Might our frenzied use of sex-aids be spoiling our pleasure? If so, what about redefining "sex positive" in terms of pleasure and sensitivity rather than mere quantity?


A counterbalance (not in original article)

The game has changed, and it kind of sucks now.

by wiseguyhobbes4 days

Warning: this post is pretty rant-ey, but here me out. I'm hoping my discontent and my reasoning will resonate and inspire change on a larger scale.

I think it's a combination of things, but our culture has definitely changed with regards to sexuality, dating, and what's possible for a guy to obtain. If you haven't noticed, the majority of sex occurs outside the context of relationships; it's casual. That means that girls have guys wanting non-commital sex with them, all the time. It's much harder to hold a girl down, and to do it, you have to exert great effort in competing with the other wanna-be alphas. Even if you're a quality guy with a lot going for him, it's easy to get cheated on, and you can sense that girls just aren't committed. Another way to put it is that guys aren't as wanted anymore. They have to turn into duschy competition-machines in order to please a girl at all. They want to be fucked, and they don't really give a shit about you if you're not, at this moment, offering that. (hopefully we'll find out why in a minute)

I'm a very good looking guy -- top tier, even. I long for the days when an intelligent and good-looking guy could have a decent job, a social network, and a quality girlfriend where there is intimacy and romance. The dating game and being truly social is over; all there is anymore is chasing tail and anti-social debauchery. It's like we debase ourselves with our porn and our promiscuity to the point that we're just savages.

We'd be much better off adopting cultural values closer to what exist in the romance countries like Italy, etc. They have hot sex but it's not animalistic. It's sensual and intimate. You can actually talk to the girl you want to have sex with, and she loves it! Although the truth is they may be changing to be more Americanized anymore.

Also I do realize that plenty of people fall outside of these norms. Reddit has an above average amount of non duschy-wanna-be-alphas. But reddit is also frequently sex-deprived (aside from Gone Wild, but those girls mostly wouldn't fuck the average redditor anyways).

Maybe the fact that girls are looking for a fuck is the problem in the first place. Porn is what unleashed this beast, if you ask me, and it won't be easy to put back in the bag, if ever. How did porn do this?You see girls obtain esteem by their sexuality. Men gain esteem by their sense of self. We gain confidence through sexuality, but not esteem. Ever notice that monogamy was always a man-sanctioned institution? Men enforced monogamy because they valued themselves enough to not go fucking every slut and throwing true male values out, and thus their power and sense of worth as men.

So do we need to go back to a patriarchal monogamous society? Fuck no. But IMO the world would be far better off if everyone quit porn, and cared about something more than fucking. Guys are the ones who need to lead this, and their the ones with something to gain by doing so.

TL;DR : most girls primarily are only looking to get fucked. While sex is fun (thus the alure of porn) guys get their esteem from more than sex, and have something to gain from cultivating values, and a social sense of self, beyond chasing a fuck. Promiscuity raises female value, monogamy, male value. Ever notice that men were the protectors of that institution? We don't need to reinstitute strict monogamy, but something closer to it would be good for us males.


Growing scientific evidence of a lingering post-orgasm cycle (studies)

Studies on the overlap between sex and drugs in the brain    

Comments

I've noticed that with women before, I would be afraid of getting too close to them. I don't know why. I had pre-conceived ideas about what the girl should look like, etc. And at the heart of it, I was afraid of it. But now, I don't feel that way. This girl isn't the most attractive girl I've been with, but I feel so attracted to her. I like the feeling. This might not even last very long, but I do enjoy feeling this way. Like the other day, I saw her and she wasn't wearing makeup. I still felt attracted to her though. I feel like sometimes it's not necessary. She wasn't wearing anything hot or tight, but I felt really turned on while next to her - when she smiled or laughed, etc. Again, this is a girl I've seen since I've started this reboot - and you could read how this has progressed. In the beginning I was in it for sex. But, since I already knew I couldn't keep it up to do it (and she was down for that), I put it off. But now, I want to be around her (and yes, have sex too). I was always afraid of being judged for not being with a hot girl (yes, this was shallow), but now I just don't care. I keep thinking "well, this is who I like right now, what's wrong with that?"

I noticed that I can hold eye contact much better - and that I'm more attentive to others around me. For example, I volunteered to help my family with cooking all the food for a birthday party. That's something I normally would never do. Everyone commented how they were shocked I was doing this. And I wanted to do it! I don't feel 100% yet socially speaking, but I'm starting to feel real improvements.

I was out with my brother today, and he commented how it's not normal for me to point out how hot girls around me are. I was walking in the store, and saw cute girls here and there - it was nice. Again, I don't feel like jumping on them and talking, but I feel more attracted to them now.

This morning I had some wood - I think it's about 75%. And I just think about the girl I'm seeing - how it would feel to have sex with her. But the fantasy wasn't about the thrusting - I kept thinking about touching and feeling.

Anyway, things are not 100% yet, but they're definately getting there. Weird, but just two days ag I was going through some hard stuff - and I even doubted this girl would even want to be with me. But now I feel I can be honest with myself emotionally. And I've also realized that I didn't know how to do that before. I'm actually learning what this means right now! And I'm starting to feel free.

I've also noticed that I get joy/happiness when I see my nieces - normally, I just ignore them, but now I feel happy for them being there - like their precious little smiles and stuff. I also went to coffee this afternoon with my mom and brother - I've never done with before. I was even hungover! But I enjoyed being there with them!

 

In the first few years of being married, I regularly looked at teh Pr0n [porn] several times a week. I hid my credit card statements that showed the billing company info. I consumed it in secret. It was a forbidden thrill.

Then one day, I was ruminating while lying in bed, in a post-coital haze after consummating marital relations with her, and I realized something: Teh pr0n was ruining my enjoyment of the real thing. It was corrupting my marriage. I had begun feeling like no matter what sex act or novelty we tried, it wasn't enough...more...More....MORE.

Now when I used to look at girly mags or watch videotapes, I never had any problems or sense of dissatisfaction with my real life carnal experiences at all. I had a flash of insight.

Teh Pr0n was insidious. Fuckin' evil.

Soon thereafter I quit cold turkey. I cancelled my subscription and stopped visiting the then just emerging free sites. Within a week or so, my attitude and satisfaction with marital relations improved dramatically.

Read entire piece

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/v6hkf/being_not_in_the_moment_and_my_mistake_to_chase/

 At this point, not fapping is fairly easy and my bad habit of going to porn sites and fap is foreign to me now.

After quite a few successes in achieving full erection and actually maintaining the hardness (yes!!! about time) during sex, I had flood of confidence not only in meeting women but in any other part of my life in general I was confident and more assertive. UNTIL LAST NIGHT...

Last night I realized a HUGE hole in my nofap practice - and that was human connection. I was just so happy at the thought of no ED that all I wanted was sex (almost back in my dark self). Yesterday I met a girl and while doin the deed, I was extremely excited. I wanted to have sex with her at that moment, but she kept resisting all night. Not a biggie. and I was preparing to sleep to sleep. But later that night she wanted to have sex and by then for some reason I could not get it back up for the life of me. I felt a bit devastated that my ED came back.

I didn't want to tell this girl of my shame in porn/gap induced ED so I decided to talk. As I looked into her eyes while we were talking I noticed things that were cute about her, and frankly things that I should have noticed before like the color of her eyes. As we made more connection amazingly my lil guy was ready to play again. I was very confused but realized something big. I was not enjoying the moment. I was chasing after sex and becoming my old self.

Guys, I read a lot here that people who have been in this nofap cleansing process have noticed their significant increase in connection to their SO or people in general. THIS IS THE TRUE GOAL OF NOFAP. Curing ED happens to be a bonus effect that comes with it.

I know now. I feel like I know the mistake and this whole journey has taught me so much. thank you guys so much

reported by another guy:

Thoughts as 90 days approaches....I'll keep it going because I have a girlfriend and therefore only have to cope with 1-2 week periods when we're apart because of work or going to see family. I want to keep it going because it's having such a positive impact on my life. When I started rebooting my libido for real-life sex was virtually non-existent. My GF and I hadn't had sex for 2-3 months. The relationship was near death. Things weren't easy, there was an initial period of renewed sexual interest on my part, but there then followed the flatline period, which was fairly prolonged for me. I'm through it now, and sex life with GF is much healthier, and improving all the time.

It's a harmful thing, porn, and I now see that, being liberated from it for the first time since I was 9 years old.

I'm going through a new phase now, one very unexpected: I'm seeing the world from a woman's perspective. Porn was fueling a misogyny in me that I'm only now beginning to recognize. With the widespread consumption of hardcore porn, I wonder how much this is fueling the online hostility towards women, which is all too apparent to me now. I wonder if it's related to the frustration men can feel at their lack of control over women. They can summon women at will to have degrading sex on command on the internet, but all the real-life women are different, they seem to have their own idea of what they want to do...

rediscovers sex with his sweetheart:

I just got back from a 5-day work conference. Normally I would have been fapping the entire time, but with a week already under my belt I was committed to no PMO while I was away. A little back story: I've been in a relationship for 5 years as of this past Sunday, and I've recently begun to wonder if the chemistry is fading. But that was before rebooting. When I got back from the conference yesterday I was exhausted physically and mentally. In the past that would have meant me backing out of sex, fully believing that the fatigue was the problem. But this time I discovered an inner reservoir of energy I never expected to find. The sex was incredible, passionate, and unbelievable. I felt like I was 20 years old all over again. After 5 years of being "too tired" to have sex in times like these I now know the problem isn't about fading chemistry but about wasting my sexual energy fapping all the time.

Okay newbie guys, this is what it takes: listen up, man up and quit screwin' up

That's right - don't give up all the hard work you've done so far.

You'll feel empty man. So empty. So wasted.

Let me encourage you to have a big picture: in my opinion, the first 30 days are the most difficult and - even more specifically - the very first 15 days. If you can just keep the course for another week, you will have taken a very big first step in beating this vice.

Finish today fap-free! You can end today with the knowledge that you won again.

It boils down to this: do you really want your dick to rule over you? Do you really want that 5.2 inches (length varies) of skin and feeble muscle to RULE over you? To decide what IS and ISN'T important?

Let me give you some motivation: it's such a breath of fresh air when - at the end of each fap-free day - you can say: my brain controlled my dick and not vice-versa!

Think about it: the stereotypical male who is hated by the ladies - what's his problem? "All he thinks about is sex! He doesn't talk with me! He doesn't cuddle! Just sex and then sleep." Of course this stereotype is askew, but there's some truth behind it. Men who serve their penises will be a let down in relationships. They won't think of her needs, her feelings, her wants...It's all about Mr. Penis.

Let me be clear: I love sex. I want it more often than I get it. But being free of both pornography and masturbation has given me the REFRESHING opportunity to use my brain in my relationships. I want sex just as much as the next guy - but I'm no longer driven by my penis. I get to decide when I orgasm. It's made my relationship with my SO so much more significant. When she's tired, I understand. When she's stressed, I can deal with it. We talk. We cuddle.

I view her as a person now. She deserves just as much respect as I do.

It's a sad reality, but my generation grew up on porn. And try as we might (and many of us do make a brave attempt at it) we have limited ourselves in relating to women. We see them as breasts, butts and vagina's, who happen to talk a lot. And while we are willing to spend time & money in our relationship, like it or not, we do this because we want something (i.e. sexual release) out of the relationship, and the more frequently the better!

I love my SO, and my greatest expression of this love was not in asking her to marry me, nor the flowers I send monthly, nor the hugs, kisses and laughing. The greatest proof of my love is when I stopped thinking with my dick, and started thinking with my heart.

Just like you, I have miles to go yet. I've got a lot of growing up to do. 90 days doesn't magically make all your memories and impulses go away. So we're in this together. We gotta grow up, man. We gotta learn to appreciate people because they are skin & bones, fellow human beings, with opinions, etc. The best way to make a step in this direction is breaking out of the vice of PMO.

And you're doing that. I'm proud of you. Don't stop.

YRON: Your Relationship on NoFap

Even though I long expected that porn and masturbation were damaging my relationship, until now I had no idea how true that was. With 27 days now under my belt, I can objectively say for the first time in my five-year relationship that P and M were at the root of 95% of my relationship problems, maybe even more!

Heading into this experiment I thought that my relationship was on the slide: attraction was slipping, sexual drive was low, etc. Embarrassingly, I looked forward to times when I could just rub one out all by my lonesome because sex felt like a chore at times. Porn fantasies were also a problem. In short, I'd turned one of life's greatest pleasures into an obligatory duty to keep my relationship going.

Fast forward 3.5 weeks, and things couldn't be more different. Any anxiety I felt about sex is all but gone. I've stopped thinking or fantasizing during sex almost entirely, and I'm totally into it. I don't think I've said "I'm too tired" or "Not tonight, honey" once since starting NoFap, even though I've been absolutely exhausted at times. Once I'm aroused I'm like an animal after its prey!

To boot, I've started to care about my physical appearance again after 6 months out of the gym. This is having some positive side effects for my relationship, too, but probably because I'm feeling more confident.

I've gone through sexually exciting periods in my relationship, especially in the first couple of years and on vacations to exotic places. But this is better because it's not based on novelty or on external stimuli. This experience has totally reinvigorated both my sex life and my faith in myself that I can sexually sustain a long-term relationship, something I'd begun to doubt in recent years.

Thanks to all of you for your support and your posts!

Would love to hear from others in relationships about there experience with the NoFap challenge. Anyone else having a similar experience?

LINK

I should also say that I seem to not have any brain fog after [real sex with my girlfriend], even if I have it once on 2 or 3 consecutive days over a weekend. It was very different with masturbation.

With sex I don't feel that extreme lethargy. Instead, I almost feel energised. And as if sex is the last thing I want to think about. Another thing to note is that I only orgasm once per session (it sounds crude calling it a session I know). Once I've orgasmed, the desire to do it all again is zero, for at least 12 hours, and some times a week.

LINK - icarusfalls

I'm a few years older & fapped ~once a week. I've never had a probelm with ED or low sex drive.

It's not that I fapped/watched porn too often according to anyone else, but it's who I was that I hated. I viewed women as sexual objects and treated my wife....(the only word I can think of) poorly, while desiring her to be something/someone else.

After my ~50 days here I know that I am a different man. My attitude towards my wife & other women have changed. I no longer feel like I need pornography/self pleasure to deal with stress or boredom.

I'd encourage you to try it. I mean, if it's only every other day right now try and go 7 days without pornography or fapping & see if there's a difference. Like me/the many others here, you might discover that you like who you are without the need for PMO in your life.

Another benefit: cleaner fantasies

I noticed recently that all my sex fantasies are about sex with my wife. I used to feel guilty that I fantasized about more than that. I'd use scenes from porn or self-crafted scenarios, all with crazier and crazier positions and situations.

All I'm obsessed with now is making sweet love to my wife. It's nice. Makes me feel much cleaner.

(Btw, my fantasies tend to happen when I'm falling asleep. They're not exactly conscious and it does tempt me to edge or fap, but thankfully neither have happened.)

27 day report... having difficulty

Hi guys.

27 days ago, I stumbled into this subreddit, picked my jaw up from the floor and started realized all the effects porn was having in my life.

I told my wife what I had realized, and undertook this journey.

Well it hasn't been all good, nor all bad.

The good, I am relating to a lot of what the other guys have been saying. My wife is absolutely loving the new me. I am feeling so much better about myself. I am walking with my head held high. The other day a poor kid (early 20s) posted a sad story about finally getting together with this girl he's liked for a long time, and having ED when it came time to do the deed. I asked him if he watched porn and put a link to this sub, lo and behold he had a major realization and pledged to join our little movement. I felt very proud and hope it will make a difference in this kid's life, he found out about this ten years quicker than I did.

Now the bad. Well there isn't too much, I haven't had a major wall (flatlining) yet. It was really easy resisting the usual urges at first because this made so much sense to me, because deep down I realized porn wasn't satisfying me at all, and because I was having more quality time with my wife.

No close calls and I've stayed away from all my usual go-to resources with relative ease, but after 27 days it's becoming increasingly difficult. I stumbled upon some NSFW material a few times lately, and each time it was harder and harder to close the window and purge the thoughts from my mind.

I know some redditors think this sub is BS and that we're all kidding ourselves, but honestly I don't think I would be able to keep going without knowing this community exists. It makes a world of difference knowing I am doing this for a reason, and that this restraint and sacrifice matters and will pay off and continue to pay off.

Day 60, no PMO) I am finally glimpsing my libido. I am a huge horn dog. It has a different quality to it. I can control it as compared to sneaking to the bathroom with my android phone to watch some porn every time i get horny. This is normal 24-year old libido. Huge difference. Feels good. Before it was weird and shameful. Now I feel like a cave man. It's so cool. I check out every chick now. I want to sleep with practically every one...but not just sleep with them. Make love. Clear distinction. I want to lay on the beach and feed them grapes.

http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/alpha777/day-60-whew

[Day 30 NoFap / Day 300 NoPorn] - Progress Report

I promised to check back once I hit 30 days of NoFap, and that time has finally come, along with my first NoFap star ever. I'm not really sure what encouraging words I could add to the mountain of existing wisdom already conveyed on this subreddit, so I'll just share some thoughts on the last 4+ weeks.

Firstly, I fully acknowledge that I probably couldn't have reached this milestone without the extra motivation afforded by my wonderful girlfriend. Being with her has allowed me to begin to put my sad and pathetic past behind me and look forward to a future in which I can feel good about myself and my deeds. I started running every day because everytime she mentioned her running experiences (she used to run track) I would feel like a lazy piece of crap, and today marks the 12th day of an uninterrupted daily running streak. I have no delusions that this is but a small step in the right direction - I only run about 2.5 miles per day, in two equal segments separated by a 10 minute break.

Secondly, a big part of why I finally started doing NoFap again after having lapsed into an erratic pattern of fapping is because I wanted to be able to provide a satisfying experience for her when we finally began to have intercourse (which happened much sooner than I would have expected or even hoped for). Due to my inexperience, the first time was underwhelming, but what mattered more to me than the actual act was what it symbolized: that our relationship was becoming firmer and more well-defined. Yesterday marked our second time together in bed, and I must say that it was a vastly more satisfying experience. Again, the intimacy permeating the encounter was considerably more important to me then the act itself. However, what really made yesterday special was the completion of the exchange of "I love you"s, a pivotal moment in any relationship.

With regard to NoFap itself, it was tremendously easy since, as I stated above, I've had more positive motivation than ever before. I've pretty much had zero urges, and I don't see this changing anytime soon. I realize that this is probably not particularly helpful to those of you without significant others (the very position I was in prior to 5 weeks ago), and I'm sorry I can't provide any useful / motivating advice. All I can really say is "get a girlfriend / boyfriend if you can", which can be rather difficult (and my particular experience was that she texted me out of the blue and we went from there).

Good luck to everyone in your NoFap endeavors! :)

LINK - I was looking for a place to post this, my own personal experience and this sub-reddit is perfect.

When having not faped for a week or more, I genuinely feel much better about myself. I feel like a lot more confident when talking to people, I'm much less of an introvert. I become much more assertive in day to day activities, this includes mentality to keep a steady work-out schedule, getting up and to work on time and general motivation to do complete jobs.

My abilities to focus on extracurricular activities such as learning new languages, developing my skills in Photoshop and playing piano increase by leaps and bounds.

Downsides to fapping include disinterest in my girlfriend... I mean I would sometime just have sex with her to make her happy, all the while thinking of when I can watch some more porn. This time I'll try to stick with it.... with the 22,492 of you!

One guy described his experiments:

Eventually I relapsed. I won't bore you with the details, but it was pretty typical. I let my guard down and then proceeded to PMO three or four times over the course of about a day. The crazy thing for me was how substantially different the effect was from fapping than it was from sex. When I'd had sex, I felt satisfied afterwards, and happy, but my sexual appetite returned pretty quickly. I still had "the fire." After PMO I felt satisfied and happy as well (just speaking the truth), but my sexual appetite didn't return. I had a desire for more PMO, but the fire was gone--I had less energy, lower libido, less attraction to women, less energy, etc.

It's now been almost a week and things are starting to get back to where they were before, thankfully. In a way, I'm glad I relapsed, because I got to really experience the drastic difference between PMO and real sex. I knew PMO had been holding me back, but until this happened, I still kind of harbored this feeling in the back of my mind that the benefits I was receiving just came from reducing the number of orgasms, not actually reducing the amount of porn and masturbation. Turns out I was wrong.

For more on the benefits of intercourse over masturbation, see this journal letter, which discusses a lot of research.

My boyfriend is in Day 2 of NO PMO. This is all new to me, to us and I want to help him get through this. Any advice for me?

Hello Fapstronauts! My boyfriend and I just (meaning yesterday) learned that PMO was the cause of his low sex drive, anxiety and sadly, ED. It hurts to see him like this, frustrated and embarrassed. But I'm so proud of him for wanting to learn / do something about what his going through.

We've been together for 4 years and we are not the typical honey bunny type of couples. We don't celebrate anniversaries, gifts or no gifts are fine and most importantly we are each other's bestfriend. He's 29 and I'm 23. During the first 3 years of our relationship, we only spend time during weekends and every time it was amazing. Mainly because we rarely see each other during weekdays due to work and that set-up worked for us. When we decided to work overseas mid 2011, we did not moved in together until 5 months ago. Seeing each other every day made things complicated for us. The first few weeks was great because we finally have an apartment to ourselves and we can get intimate whenever we want to. But after a while it got customary -- it was "let's-just-get-it-over-with" kind of feeling. He became whiny, pessimistic and incompetent about his work and his life in general which we now realized were flatline triggers. (please correct me if i'm wrong) During intimate moments, he would stop me and say he's not in the mood and that he can't concentrate. Of course, I felt confused and hurt. It made me question a lot of things like our status as a couple and if what we have now has an expiration date. I even questioned my own actions, my own knowledge in sex & intimacy or if our age difference is starting to be an issue. We got to a point where he implied that he's not THAT attractive to me anymore and there are just to many other pretty girls where we live now. Ouch! But he said I have nothing to worry because he is not cheating and will not pursue other girls. (insert okay guy here)

We both want to make things work and we continue to compromise. I offered to watch porn with him but he said it might be too much for me. I'm glad he wasn't demanding or anything. We then agreed to watch this adult tv show (beyond my comfort zone) with him but still he couldn't concentrate. We ended up arguing and just hurting each other with words we regret saying afterwards. We even tried Karezza which was great but still, we failed. So frustrating!:( Until 2 nights ago after a failed attempt to have sex, he confessed that he started PMO again while I was in a business trip a week ago and even last Saturday when I went for my doctor's appointment. I was shocked and anxious. How can he do this to me when he said he stopped watching porn already? Reading through other posts, we now call it relapse. I feel a bit betrayed but at the same time I'm worried about him. I opted not to talk about what happened until I am able to comprehend his confession. That night, he deleted all his porn collection over the span of 6 years (I think) in his own will and I'm proud of him for doing that. He's been a long time redditor and NoFap subscriber but didn't take it seriously before. Now, he's on Day 2 and kept telling me to not give up on him and to help him. I can say with all honesty that I will not give up on him, on us, but how can I help him? What can we and cannot do? Now that we know the problem, I'm relieved that he will stop making excuses about his lack of enthusiasm and will stop whining once and for all. He's a great guy and I love him. I support him 100%.

I hope I didn't bore you with this essay-ish post. This took me a lot of courage to write. Thank you all in advance and you are all incredible!

P.S. To my dear boyfriend, thank you for introducing me to Reddit. I know you'll figure out this is me....haha hello! I want to assure you that I'm committed to this as much as you are. I'll be waiting in anticipation. Eyes on the prize!:)

LINK Guy 1 - Just seeing a woman remove her bra in front of you feels like a lightning bolt of pleasure coursing through your rib cage. I could never use condoms because they spelled instant ED for me every time. Now, they are essential.

Guy 2 - Even to just look into a beautiful girls eyes is now a jolt. Its enough to keep me from ever going back.

Why I am quitting porn and how it's improving my relationship.

Hey everyone I just found out about this subreddit. Seems kind of slow here so I'd thought I'd share my thoughts/story, I'll try not to wall of text.

I've been married for about 4 years although I am only 23. I have been masturbating to porn regularly since I was about 14 years old, much to my wife's dismay. I went through pretty much all of my teenage years with the mindset that porn could not be harmful and that everything was a-ok and the only problems were in my wife's head.

To make a long story short, after many years of fighting and self-reflection I have come to revise my view of pornography. First and foremost, regardless of what I think (or used to think), it's obvious that porn use hurts my wife. It makes her feel less attractive and lowers her self-esteem. I have realized porn is just not worth losing my wife. No matter how much I try to justify it.

Secondly, there is a noticeable difference between when I watch porn daily and when I am able to abstain, even for a week. I get more sensitive and sex with my wife only gets better and better the longer I go without. I can feel more connected with her, and because I feel less guilty, I am less likley to be distant or depressed.

Finally, my wife is beautiful, like literally she could be a model. She is a few years younger then me and almost everywhere we go she can turn heads. She also has a very high sex drive, and has almost never turned me down. So what purpose could porn possibly serve?

I feel like this post is already longer than I wanted it to be, but this seems like a supportive place and it's nice that a sub-reddit exists that isn't always pushing the "Everyone watches porn it's so normal, nothing is bad about it at all." mentality that thrives on reddit. (see the front page submission "Do all men watch porn?" for a pristine example).

*edit: Wow, hadn't realized it's been three weeks already! no relapses so far! Sex with the wife lately has been mind-blowing. Definitely have had urges, but have been able to get through them so far.

LINK -Do you feel more "love" feelings towards your SO when you've been fapstinent for a significant amount of time?

Hi Everyone,

I have gone on a few long streaks (longest was 30 days) and what I noticed was the return of longing and feelings of love for my SO. Kisses would be explosive even. I'm just wondering if it is just me or if its a common thing. Does PMO and hypersexual-stimulation reduce our ability to feel the feelings of love with a partner that we've been with for a while? If this is true, then it would have long term affects on marriages too, no?

 GUY 2)

To actually ANSWER THE QUESTION, yes, I do feel more loving toward my SO.

And yes, I have to agree that "fapstinent" is definitely the word of the week.

 GUY 3)

Here is an AMA a guy did who didn't fap for a year. He talks about feeling closer with his fiance, I think it answers your question.

 GUY 4)

I haven't seen a noticable INCREASE in feelings of love yet. But I've always felt a lot of love toward my wife of 7 years. Also, this is my first attempt at complete fapstinance, probably in the whole time we've been together, which is 12 years. What I have noticed after my current 17 day streak is that our sex was phenomenal this weekend.

 GUY 5)

To answer your question, without a doubt! I am more in love with my wife of over ten years now then I was three months ago and no fap / porn free deserves all the credit.

 GUY 6)

Makes it the way its supposed to be! we were designed for those feelings and for them to be healthy. ....

..except when I start fantasizing about an ex girlfriend that I got rid of for a reason... and start seriously considering calling her up.

 GUY 7)

During my fapping days I always had fights with my fiance and almost lost all feelings towards her, but now after only 14 days I text her every morning and enjoy talking to her and feel like a magnet next to this shiny metal pole . It's true bro!

 GUY 8)

Well, when you spend time fantasizing about other women, watching them have sex, wishing we were having sex with them, we are at the least committing emotional infidelity. When we spend so much energy lusting after other women how can anyone think that won't effect our relationship with our SO. After seeing my wife suffer through my addiction I can say with absolute certainty that pmo is cheating on your wife.

 GUY 9)

Of course! Perhaps it's not simply the not fapping, but a combination of spending more time with your SO, them being supportive, more sex, etc.

 GUY 10)

Definitely. It's one of the first things my gf noticed along with my better overall mood. I also feel more in control of it as well.

GUY 11)

I sort of feel more lovey towards everyone, with people i like, that increase in feelings is stronger :) it's good stuff

GUY 12)

I do feel more loving for my SO. I desire the affection in cuddling, hugging and little sweet kisses.

After realizing that fapping was the problem for me, I now see what my GF meant a few years back when she said I objectified her. No more. Ever since NoFap, I feel like I love her more. I want her more not for her female attributes but for the person she is; I want her for everything.

TL;DR Being fapstinent makes me more loving.

Day 90: report

I forgot that I hit the day 90 mark, so I'm posting a usual report.

My background: I'm in my late 30's, started fapping when I was 10 or 11 I think. Back in the day, there wasn't high speed Internet, so I was using mostly VHS and magazines. but when I got the high speed Internet, I got worse, I ended up fapping almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I got addicted to visiting "ladies of pleasure" as well. Then I came across a page that mentioned noFap by chance, and I kept reading, and it brought me to noFap. Initially, I tried it for a week, then went up more little by little. By the end, I was feeling almost disgusted at myself for fapping because what I really wanted to real sex with someone special.

I went through mainly 2 phases during noFap that I really want to emphasize. The first month, I wasn't with my GF, so now sex, noFap, no nothing. It was freaking hard! Big kudos to those who are doing this without a partner! Once I started having sex regularly, it got super easy, so I decided to stay on this at least as long as I'm with my GF.

Within the first 7 or 8 days, I noticed an increase in horniness. I guess that's the rising testosterone. I was always looking in the eyes when I was talking or even just passing by someone, which I wouldn't have done before! I kept giving smiles to random girls. I felt I was full of this positive energy. Compared to how I used to be, I became completely a new person! I ended up flirting A LOT with one of the girls at the meetup I usually go to. She eventually asked me out! But for unforeseen circumstance, I passed it. My confidence level was that high!

Then I moved to a city where my current GF lives in. We started having sex, BUT I experienced ED, though rarely. It totally reminded me to stay on noFap until I'm cured. It is getting better as far as I can tell. But the it is a slow progress. I do have a morning wood everyday, so I know it's more psychological than anything else. My performance is getting better though. It's just that ED happens irregularly. What I miss is the pumped up energy from not having orgasm for a long time! But it makes sense though. When I was alone with no prospect of sex, I was more assertive and full of energy in order to attract girls. Now that I have a GF, the need to hunt for a girl is gone, hence the decreased energy and the more introverted demeanour.

You might wonder how I met my GF, oh well, it wasn't because of the super power induced by noFap. We were kind of dating in the past, and we rekindled in a way.

I'd love to talk about the noFap super power, but all I've noticed is the overall positive energy accompanied by increased horniness. What you do with it makes the difference! It's not going to deliver you a new GF! You still have to get out and interact with girls!

What I've learned is that at least for me, orgasm is reserved to achieve only with a partner. Why waste the energy that increases while you retain your sperms! Sex became more than a mean to release sperms and have an orgasm, it is now a beautiful ritual. And I learned to enjoy the physical intimacy without thinking about sex all the time. With an increased awareness of the energy, I love the feeling of embracing her naked, which is not necessarily the prelude to sex. It is the connectedness with an extra sensitivity. The whole intimate interaction is becoming more spiritual.

Anyways, I now understand the benefit of not wasting my orgasm through fapping. I decided to be on noFap for life.

Real Women are Looking Hotter

After 14 days of complete abstinence, I'm getting signs of the porn hypnosis starting to wear off. My ridiculously high standards of feminine beauty are slowly returning to a normal level. Today in town, I gave a number of women (who I would usually ignore) a second look, thinking hey, she looks pretty hot, I could meet her. I think that within a month or two I could be surrounded by beauties - the same women I used to think weren't attractive enough. Porn really distorts the mind!

GUY 2)

This is so true. The reverse is too: I used to see girls and think about just having sex with them, but now I observe their obnoxious behavior and unattractive personalities, and I think to myself "what did I ever see in her?"

GUY 3)

It really does. Real women are beautiful...and they're everywhere : ) Glad to hear you're coming back down to earth...there's lots to look at enjoy here! Congratulations on your progress!

GUY 4)

I had noticed something like that, but with girls I already liked before, they look hotter now, more charming... I don't want to fuck them but just touch them, look at them and make them laugh.

The attraction is kind of different and I think it's a pretty good sign to see this so early during the PMO

edit : sry for my english

 

I've given up porn and masturbating so the sex with my boyfriend is more intense. Its not that the sex is bad - its really passionate and wonderful. It's just that porn tends to desensitize me. My goal is to be able to finally orgasm with him. LINK

Feeling emotions? WTF?!!

I cannot begin to describe how much I'm thankful I found NoFap. Why? There is a hidden benefit I had not noticed until just today - possibly the best benefit of all. I'm beginning to actually have pretty strong feelings for the girl I'm dating! Most people out there are probably thinking "duh... why wouldn't you have feelings for a girl you entered a relationship with?"

Well fellow fapstronaut, I've never really had feelings for girls I've dated before. I pretty much just looked at them as a means to sex (which usually didn't go very well anyway... it was always much more enjoyable to fap). I didn't care about being around them because I could be doing other, more pleasuring things to myself. Now that I think about it, that sounds extremely fucked up.

Today was amazing though. I recently picked up started dating a new girl (perhaps when I was around 40 days in), and something wonderful has happened. I actually have feelings for this girl. It's not just desire to have sex with her or anything like that. I just want to be with her because I just feel a connection with her. This has never before happened to me. It's so weird, but so awesome.

TL;DR I was pretty much a heartless asshole towards girls before NoFap, but now I actually have emotions. Stay strong fellow fapstronauts! I truly believe NoFap makes you a better person!

GUY 2)

I started feeling this too with a woman that I've been dating, recently. It was bizaare how intense the emotion was. Simply things that she did, a look, a smile, the wave in her hair. All of these things have begun to take on new meaning to me. It is amazing. I am about 69 days no PMO, and about 21 days no MO, FYI. It took about this amount of time for this to happen. A pleasant surprise I must admit.

GUY 3)

This more or less describes a component that's been missing in my attractions to girls. I always felt there was a dimension that was left out.

GUY 4)

The best thing about having a strong connection with someone is it takes away the cheapness of sex. Sex means so much more for both parties if they care about each other. Fapping is the cheapest thing of all, it just makes you feel worse, and it's pointless.

GUY 5)

Nail on the head. I actually used to wait for my gf to go to sleep so that I could fap. That's fucked up.

I've been struggling for the past 3 years to maintain a relationship. Always wound up breaking up with chicks because I didn't feel anything for them and I would get bored, and I felt like a huge asshole for it. Currently single, and not too far into my nofap endeavor, but I really hope I recoup some emotions for the next gal.

GUY 6)

I started getting some emotion coming back from my recent week long streak. It really surprised me, I had always just thought feelings just seemed less intense as you age.

Reading this all I can do is think about the ways this affected my last 2 relationships. How did I really feel about them? It must have been awful to experience such ambivalence from the man they loved.

Brothers! This is exactly the reason I was drawn to NoFap. I used to fall in love like a dumb animal in my late teens and early 20s. But have been in and out of relationships that caused me endless frustration (because I couldn't be what the other person needed me to be), and terrible pain for the other. Started thinking there was something seriously wrong with me. Since starting noFap 3 weeks ago (frick yeah!), I'm not exactly feeling the love yet... plenty of anger... felt like crying after my workout this morning. Gotta stick with it just to see what comes next hey.

Now I'm addicted to manliness

Today I figured out that, even though I used to fap for years to feel the non-hornyness, now I enjoy being horny because it makes me feel powerful AND this way I'm relevantly more interested in women! Sometimes you don't feel like asking a girl out, because you already relapsed, and that ruines all!

question about MO effects

I am on day 59 in my current streak, and have hit over 90 days in the past 4 months. I began PMOing at 15 and have been a habitual user since. It's amazing how much quitting porn has changed the way I perceive women.

The other day, I realized 2 things about how uncalibrated my sexuality had become.

1) I had coupled it to a 3rd person view. I never fantasize about myself with a woman, only how it is to watch her.

2) I was aroused by feelings of control. Now I think it is part of the masculine identity to be dominant, but this was different. There is a distinction between power and force. I wanted sex MY way, and I obdurately focused on MY needs, rather than appreciating the needs of women I was with. I think it damaged my ability to love, honestly.

Nowadays, I'm just more aroused by real life than porn. I don't see myself going back to it. I'm healing.

I have started to FMO again. When I FMO, I try to make it a loving fantasy and see the world from my perspective, like real life. Or I think about women from my life. I'm trying to train myself to MO only, ie orgasm using only physical sensation (without fantasy). If anyone has advice or comments please post. Am I harming my recovery?

NoFap, you are my hero.

I'm in a relationship with someone who only masturbates a few times a year, an it is such a relief! He has realistic expectations about sex and wants it a lot more. I love that he isn't addicted to internet porn. Giving up my sex life in the past and contending with pornography in past relationships has been brutal, and it's always been thought of as normal. Thanks all you guys. You are manly, sexy men. I am so proud of you all!

From another forum

The last 30 days has been a lot different than the span from 90 to 120. I seem to have a rather constant level of horniness throughout most of my days. I've gotten pretty good at channeling the energy into work and other positive endeavors. I suppose it's due to taking different vitamins/supplements and working out a bit more intensely. One thing that also leaves me in a frustrated position is that I can't readily just go out and meet someone who would be DTF; I'm not quite divorced yet. The legal process takes time. All I can do right now is be patient and focus on work and other goals. I can easily say that if I was still fapping and looking at porn on a near daily basis I would be a total wreck right now.

It's hard for me to really say what to expect to someone who hasn't gotten to this point yet. I'm essentially on hard mode, since I haven't had sex in about a year. There are days where it gets really difficult not to think about sex, and resisting the urge to throw open a quick incognito window is tough. But these days I have no interest in even looking at any porn related stuff whatsoever because it just straight up makes me angry. I don't even want to bother, I just would rather connect intimately with a real human being. Some days it makes my heart hurt to think about it. Putting so much weight on wanting something is a bad behavior pattern that I'm working on fixing.

That's another thing, you not only feel arousal in your crotchal area, you start to feel it in your heart as well (at least I do). Sort of like a ravenous make out scene in an Italian soap opera. I was saying to a friend of mine that the next time I have sex I would probably have a heart attack and create the next Octamom simultaneously.

This challenge is different for everybody. But on a less esoteric and more practical note, I'm not doing anything different than many other members of this sub. My diet doesn't consist of sugary junk food, I exercise on a moderate-to-frequent basis, avoid smoking (including THC), take supplements, get out into the world and interact with people, and have a life goal that you can push towards every day (work...lots of hours of work). But most importantly, just take it a day at a time. Willpower, self-discipline, direction.

TL;DR: Scroll up and read it.

A guy reports:

Basically, I don't want to think of women as objects anymore... not even of those who purposely present themselves as such. This will sound sociopathic (and I think it actually is) but I was having a hard time acting towards and thinking about women as... you know... persons. Porn and my own fantasies destroyed my ability to apprehend them as beings with feelings, with need of sincere affection, with a dignity which demands utmost respect (as with every human being)... furthermore, I think that, regarding this, my own fantasies were more damaging than porn as I've never been a regular porn user.

I've been trying to quit fapping for at least ten years... I joined r/nofap a few months ago and it is helping me a lot.

Ex-autosexual writes:

I identified as an autosexual for several years. I thought that's just how I was. Sex with real girls didn't do it for me after 15 years of PMO. At one time in my life I could have sex with girls. Then ED set in combined with performance anxiety. I thought I would never have sex with another person ever again. Depressing as fuck.

Then some things happened and I woke up one day and said, "No, I want a partner and to have children of my own with a woman I love." That's when I started nofap, and went and got a script for ED meds. I'm not there yet, still use the meds, but I have a SO (significant other) and my life is 1,000 times better than it was 2 years ago. Also note I'm old, 40.

Shows perception shift as brain rebalances:

Tonight I ended up on a porn site for the first time in a long while. While at this point I had almost submitted to the fact that this was going to be another relapse, the feelings I had this time watch porn were completely different from before I started no-fap. The sheer visceral intensity of the stuff is shocking, I suppose leading a life without porn your desensitised nerves start to return to a standard level, so I could almost feel a sort of physical reaction in my mind upon suddenly returning to it. Moreover, I just felt gross to be watching such appalling, bottom-of-the-barrel, degrading depictions of women and sex. Though I felt this in the past too, crucially it was always after the PMO deed had been done. This time though, that consciousness was there straight from the beginning.

his conclusions at Day 91:

I have just hit 91 days. that was 91 days with no fapping and no porn. my goal hasn't been achieved yet, but my goal is to never masturbate or look at porn again. i don't feel like i have reset yet but that doesn't concern me. my relationship with my wife is tons better then it has been in the past couple of years. better on both a physical and emotional level. my obligatory endowment of wisdom on my 90 day completion is this:

Understand where the superpowers come from.

First of all they aren't really super powers at all. it's just you being a better version of yourself. second, understand that these super powers don't come from nofap. sitting on your couch not touching your penis will not do much to change your life. what nofap does is lets us take all the time and energy we have been wasting on porn and masturbation and use it to better ourselves. we take the time and energy we get from abstaining from PMO and we use it to exercise. exercising teaches us discipline and improves our health and body image boosting our self esteem and making us more attractive.

As we continue with nofap we learn that we can set and accomplish goals which further boosts our self esteem and we feel like we can actually gain some control over our lives. having control in one aspect of our lives gives us the desire to take back control in other aspects, whether that be with jobs or school or relationships we realize that we have the power to change our lives for the better.

As we continue further with nofap the way we veiw women and sex starts to revert to 'normal' women are no longer simple boobs and a vagina for our use, but become complete actual people worthy of friendship and respect. if we allow ourselves to evolve beyond being total douche bags we start to change our desire for meaningless random sex to one of wanting a deeper relationship with an actual companion. someone we can trust and connect with on a deeper level then we have ever achieved before.

We take all our new found time, and energy, and discipline and start to cultivate other interests in our lives. we take up hobbies like, playing the guitar, or working with wood, or computer programming. these new activities make us more interesting, someone who actually has something to add to a conversation and whom the opposite sex find appealing. the opposite sex also finds us more confident and less pervy, looking in their eyes instead of staring at their breasts. they like this and want to get to know us more. we become fully actualized human beings, no longer slave to our basest instincts, but masters of ourselves.

 

I made it. 365 days without masturbating.

And I almost completely forgot. Heh.

If I do fap, I'm definitely laying down some guidelines. A lot of you will probably disagree with me on these, but that's fine. These are just my personal opinion:

  1. Only fap at night/end of the day. Orgasm during the morning/day often makes you feel lethargic for the rest of the day and make you unmotivated/lazy. Fapping before bed once you've already got everything out of the way and can relax makes much more sense to me now.
  2. Reduce the amount of times you fap. 2-3 times a week tops. Multiple times a day is where it gets problematic and unhealthy.
  3. Restrict porn. This is a verrryyy hard one. The male brains loves nothing more than watching an absolutely gorgeous girl get fucked - I'll be the first to admit it. I've fapped before without it as we all have, but as we know it's a lot more boring not having that visual stimulation. We're guys and we're very visual creatures. If not cutting it out, at least reducing the explicitness of it. It's a tough one and you have to be very careful as it could lead you back down the rabbit hole you spent so long climbing out of.
  4. Changing your mindset while watching porn. If you're in a relationship (like me) it can be very easy to develop negative expectations on what sex should be like or what your girlfriend/boyfriend should act or look like. Girls in porn are almost always chosen based on their looks, a lot of them are downright gorgeous. It can be very easy to become dissatisfied with your significant other, whether it's looks or performance based on what you see in porn. Remember porn is just a 'fantasy' as such, they get paid to have sex and get paid to look beautiful. It's not just in porn either, it's everywhere; advertising, movies, tv, the internet, reddit. Enjoy porn for what it is but never lose sight of your SO's beauty or what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Keep your head in the real world.
  5. Become multi-orgasmic or learn to orgasm without ejaculation. Yes it's possible - the ancient Chinese based a lot of their sexual theory/practices by making the male focus on abstaining from ejaculation. Step 1: more kegels!
  6. Never put masturbation ahead of sex. If you know you're going to get laid in a day or two, then don't fap for those days. You'll be much hornier if you wait and more likely to excite the other person/have more passionate sex because of it. It'll also be much more rewarding for you!

Nofap and noporn changed the way i had sex. 

I had 3 sex times in my 65 days stretch, and from yesterday to next 10 i will have sex every day. Yesterday i felt almost like a virgin feel on his 1st sex it was so drastically passionate which i haven't had in my 3 years of sex life and i ejaculated that i never had in my entire life is was pure Ecstasy and felt enlightened for a moment.

Before i used to had sex like i am fucking a meat with whom i had to ejaculate, feeling of love and passion was missing.

Tl;dr :- Passion and emotional development while having sex, more compassion pouring out for my GF more connected with her.

Day 78. Proposed to my girlfriend. Holy cow! She said yes! (self.NoFap)

submitted  by fokerpace200079 days

78 days ago, I was a shy guy. I was in a failing relationship. I didn't know what to do. I started nofap to get my life back together. Now I feel great! I don't feel gross all the time, or lazy.... Anyway, my girlfriend gave me a chance and here I am now! She said yes! Thank you nofap for giving me my future!

-Sorry, I don't have much to say....:)

A guy wrote:

As I was going to get my coat, there was a girl in my way so naturally I said "Excuse me," and put my hand on her back to brush her aside. Her hair happened to be long, so I accidentally pawed a bit of her hair during my gesture.

Wow.

It just struck me. Her hair was so soft. It gnarled my fingers with gentle grasps like a newborn's innocent hands. I have not been dazed like that from one touch in a long time, or might have been never until then.

The thought is proposed: arousal might not just be from seeing cleavage or a tight ass or just thinking of banging. Arousal has so much more depth to it then that. The intimacy of just getting to know another person's body goes so much farther outside of the usuals.

Now, I'm looking at pictures of women online (not nude) and thinking: "If I could see her naked, it won't have that same feeling of pleasant coolness that the presence and touch of a real women will give me." I feel like when I get my next romantic relationship, I will experience it in a whole new light because of quitting.

 

The Part We Forget 

by David_Coron80 days

Last night, I went to a party. My friend threw up from excessive drink so I started rounding him and my other friend up to leave. As I was going to get my coat, there was a girl in my way so naturally I said "Excuse me," and put my hand on her back to brush her aside. Her hair happened to be long, so I accidentally pawed a bit of her hair during my gesture.

Wow.

It just struck me. Her hair was so soft. It gnarled my fingers with gentle grasps like a newborn's innocent hands. I have not been dazed like that from one touch in a long time, or might have been never until then.

The thought is proposed: arousal might not just be from seeing cleavage or a tight ass or just thinking of banging. Arousal has so much more depth to it then that. The intimacy of just getting to know another person's body goes so much farther outside of the usuals.

Now, I'm looking at pictures of women online (not nude) and thinking: "If I could see her naked, it won't have that same feeling of pleasant coolness that the presence and touch of a real women will give me." I feel like when I get my next romantic relationship, I will experience it in a whole new light because of quitting.

Always thought I had low sex drive until I started nofap

The reason I wasn't actively seeking sexual partners wasn't because I had low sex drive, I guess I just had low motivation to seek sexual partners. If I truly had low sex drive then I wouldn't have been fapping every single day.

I'm only 7 days in and I find myself messaging girls and actually attempting to hook up, the funny thing is that it's so easy, not trying to brag, infact if anything the opposite, I'm actually okay looking, above average, athletic build, if I told my friends I was a virgin I guarantee they wouldn't believe me, so I pretty much don't have any excuse to be a virgin other than I am too lazy and unmotivated to attempt to lose it, also too shy and not enough confidence.

My point is that I've already had girls offering to meet up with me for sex, but due to certain circumstances I'm not going to, or it's unlikely I'm going to with the girls who are willing. One girl wants me to travel a fair distance, which I'm not willing to do purely for sex, and by a fair distance I mean like an hour on the train.

Being horny tends to humble me, if I was fapping every day these girls I'm talking to wouldn't be of any interest to me, even if they lived around the corner from my house.

40 days, and counting..

First post on NoFap. This is the longest streak I've been on in a few years. It's been rough, I'll admit, especially the first few weeks. Occasionally I'll spend too much time on Reddit and end up browsing /wtf, seeing all sorts of NSFW stuff, and occasionally the urge strikes. But I don't do it. Why? Since I started, 40 days ago, in the time I would've wasted fapping and looking at porn, I've met like six or seven awesome ladies that might make it unnecessary to fap at all. My outlook has changed, and I've worked on being social and charming rather than, let's face it, antisocial and sticky. So, thanks /nofap. You da man.

A Month in- A Success that I Haven't Heard Mentioned Yet

by StolenCamaro26 days

Well, technically it's only 26 days, but I had a few days head start when I discovered this site... so it's a month. ANYWAYS...

I've been doing the PMO routine since my family first got a computer when I was 14, and I've been having sex off and on since I was 18. That said, I've never had a healthy sexual relationship. The ones I had that involved a close connection and strong feelings always seemed to lack truly passionate sex. However, with girls I didn't care about, I could have much better sex- no anxiety, no ED, I'd even perform better. I think it was always in the back of mind, but only in the last year or so have I really admitted to myself that sex and intimacy were mutually exclusive things for me. I couldn't make love with girls I loved, and that usually resulted in messy ends to what were otherwise meaningful relationships. It got to the point where I literally wanted a relationship that didn't require sex- that was always my downfall.

Right about the time I started doing nofap, I started seeing a new girl- the sweet, caring kind that I'd fall head over heels for. We've been taking things pretty slowly, but sexual things have started to happen, and I've already noticed a huge difference. When there is sex, it isn't just a porn playing out for me in real life, it's a passionate endeavor that FINALLY melds all of my affection with a physical connection. It feels completely different than any kind of sex I've had before this, and I'm absolutely astounded at the effects porn has had on me. I still have a long way to go with a lot of the other issues, but this huge leap has held incredible meaning for me, and I hope that anyone else who has made a dichotomy of love and sex will read this and have hope.

TL;DR- I've been sexually active for 6 years, but I never made love until now. It seems to come about faster than a lot of the other benefits of nofap, and it makes me really optimistic about what's to come.

Thanks to everyone who posts in here, this really has been a life-changing thing for me, hopefully it works and does the same for everyone who partakes.

[–]LactoseGalaxy121 days 

Yes, this was my experience too. I think I was at 30 days too, when I posted about it.

NoFap gets you to think about anything/everything other than those few seconds of ejaculation. The focus is no longer ejaculation - it's experiencing something lovely with another human being, it's sharing intimate feelings, and filling the void in someone else's life.

[–]zoolionsobersup5 days

I know this isn't the case for everyone... some people are find with a "casual" variety of sex.... but I just wanted to jump in and both validate and extend your experience.

You're right. Sex is SOOOOOO much better (for me) when I'm really 100 per cent connected with my partner on all levels. And you know what? That's the case even even in a sexual relationship that's now lasted 15 years so far. I can confirm that it's not just the "novelty" of a new partner that's boosting your experience. It's passion, it's intimacy, it's real connection and not just the shallow "live action porn" that I'm so guilty of formerly engaging in.

The best to you and your new girl for much more completely gratifying sex to come!

 

One of the craziest things I learned because of nofap was that, up until recently, I was a misogynist. I Effectively judged gils based on whether or not I thought they were attractive. Frankly, I'm ashamed of myself because of this. It was at the point where I was basically disregarding someone who tried to be a very good friend to me for a very long time purely because I wasn't attracted to her. Don't get me wrong, I was polite, but I wasn't giving her the time or respect she deserved. This has been a pretty significant change in my life. Now, I treat women as people rather than potential sexual opportunities. Even if you're not obvious, I think they know this. A massive thing for me.

The Great Porn Experiment * Official Version 2*

Achievement unlocked, by spaghettilegs 

When I was a young lad, I had terrible problems getting the girls, so I fapped, a lot. At some point it became an addiction, so much so that my first few real relationships weren't as satisfying as they could be and had I not made this decision, I may never have known how big a problem it really was.

When I met my wife, the sex was the best ever. No doubt in my mind.

Shortly after we met, we had a month long vacation together and the sex was frantic and frequent and I would never believe it could be better than that.

But I've reached a no-fap milestone.

The last three days worth of sex have been out of this fucking world. Better then our first vacation by far. And I'm not certain how it works but she feels the same. We're just feeling everything on a higher level and it's beyond my wildest expectations for how this would go.

I'm not saying I'm immune to the urges or that I'm all better.

I was a fapbeast for a long time but now that I have reached this milestone, the yield from my decision so far is enough motivation to continue.

It's like the fap fog has been lifted and I can breathe the free air again.

If things continue to improve, I may just die of pleasure.

I hope everyone can experience similar success. Thought I'd share on the chance it may inspire.

Stay strong brothers.

Instincts Took Over; Unlocked an Unkown Tenderness

 by Yamochao14 days

Snow-crusted Wisconsin golf course at 2 AM. We snuck out behind the caddy shack, and sat in a tree. She brought out her bubbler and we got bubbly.

We've been friends since highschool; four years or so now. She dated my friends, but I was always too beta to try and pull anything.

We'd get drunk, sleep in the same bed, tell secrets, nothing more. Always liked her plenty. Always thought about her, staring at the ceiling, excavating my vas deferens.

I could tell her about anything. About the books I thought about writing, but never sat down to. I told her about NoFap. About my fears. About getting stabbed. About my short comings, about feeling emasculated.

However, I never told her how I felt about her. I still haven't. Last night, though, I showed her.

The bowl was finished. She stood up and I stood up. And something happened that had never happened to me before: I communicated non-verbally.

I didn't even know I was doing it, but she returned my stare with a look I've never seen on her before. Her goofy smile dropped into shock. She looked as if I was about to attack her. I sort of was.

I stared at her for thirty seconds maybe. It seemed like thirty minutes. Not a thought in my head.

Then I reached out and stroked her face so naturally it was like a stage direction. The flow of the stroke moved seamlessly to the back of her neck as if I wasn't the one doing it. I snagged a handful of her hair and pulled her in.

After maybe twenty minutes of bliss, we walked around the golf course, snuggled, kissed some more. She said I'd changed somehow. I knew I had. We watched the sun come up and kissed goodbye to the tune of a waking world.

I've had my share of empty hook ups in college now. Forced, unsatisfying, centered around the orgasm. This kind of tenderness is completely alien to me, and yet it felt hardwired; a natural part of myself I'd just never explored.

Thank you NoFap. This has been a challenging fortnight, but it's so, so worth it.

Porn doesn't turn me on anymore. 

 by ParaIlax130 days

It's been a full 130 days (Hard Mode [Well, extra hard mode kinda. I'm 17, waiting for marriage.]) I've noticed something lately. Around on reddit, I still tend to click on the NSFW posts. Even when it is porn, even when I do look at it for some time, it doesn't turn me on anymore. It's just disgusting now. I have the first girlfriend of my life (of a little over 2 months now) and porn just doesn't compare to being with her. Even if we aren't doing anything too sexual, porn just can't stand a chance.

To those who are still low on the badge, it gets easier. Trust me. Stay strong, brothers.

Are pictures of your wife considered porn? 

by Notsofap28 days

Hello fellow Fapstronauts!

Been 22 days since I quit PMO. I am finding it the hardest to break a decade old habit of watching porn. So far the results are fantastic. I appreciate my wife so much more now. The sex is much more satisfying and lasting.

But I get these amazing cravings to look at porn. I have since deleted my collection and no longer visit the websites.

One year of stops & starts - still experienced many benefits

Feeling differently about women - this may be because I’m not pleasuring myself to female degradation anymore but at around the 1 week mark, if I risk relapse by fantasizing, it’s more about romantic situations and not the nasty stuff anymore. I want to feel a human soul connection more and want to slam a girls head into my crotch less….and as I’m not a psychopath, that’s a great change.

First superpower attained 

Today is day 3 nofap. One O from real sex 3 days ago, but in reality I am at like day 10 excluding that. I am starting to feel energy. Deep energy, not the fake redbull type, more like real bull as in a male cow with his balls attached. I was feeling pretty edgy because I was super excited by seeing my wife of 15 years in her thong and bra. I took this energy and converted in into a desire to go play in the snow with my kids and we did an Epic snow hike in the rugged terrain. Good day. I credit nofap.

GUY 1) It’s amazing how porn has desensitized us. My extreme porn addiction started around 19. But between the ages of 14-19, I use to get erections nearly by all type of women, skinny, busty, average. Heck, once my teacher at school when I was 17 showed some cleavage and I had an erection for 2 hours and even old women sometimes turned me on. I have not been excited by a woman in real life since 19 and I am now 23. I hope I can get that feeling again, LINK

GUY 2) Same here. Its hilarious the things I used to get turned on by. Average looking 40 year old women with nipples showing through their shirt, for example.

Now, I could have my favorite type of girl butt-naked touching me and not get turned on. It's so absurd all you can do is laugh.

GUY 3) This. No porn does not lower standards, but the opposite way around. Watching (too much) porn increases your standard with as a results that no normal woman is good enough for you to make a move.

GUY 4) Before reboot, a woman can be hot but one imperfect feature will be enough for you to dismiss her as being "not hot". During reboot, I'm finding that a woman can have an imperfect feature but a nice ass/body/rack/smile/face/personality/etc. is enough to wipe the imperfection out.

It's definitely my favorite part of the reboot to go out and about and realize that the women are more attractive than before. Funny how not emptying your balls puts a layer of an unknown species of make up on a women's face that causes them glow.

GUY 5) Not watching porn brings you back to reality. None of us are perfect and all of us have physical faults. Going without porn makes us more accepting of all those imperfections and more content as people rather than chasing perfection that does not exist in the real world.

GUY 6) So... it's been my experience that the longer I go without porn, the more I find myself noticing women I wouldn't have even considered before.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/15tg0z/ed_gone_after_12_days_girl...

I always was comfortable with women, kinda social, and a quite happy person, but my love story with porn was too old and too strong to let me be a 'normal' person. Daily masturbation, sometimes up to 5 times, multiple tabs, Edging for hours until my dick felt nonexistent and my brain burnt like crazy.

Was I single? No! The girlfriend was always asking for sex, but I would fake orgasms just to get the real "rush" with porn when she's gone. One time I had an O with her, was fully satisfied, but couldn't resist PMO after she left the house like an a hour after. Then it happened: my girlfriend was like disappearing, in bed she would look like fog, my brain was full of other images, I'd be thinking about porn images while fucking, feeling foggy, sleepy, absent, like my girl was ten miles from me, so naturally, ED hit.

Denial, didn't want to stop my other love story, my longest affair ever! So I kept fantasizing while with her trying to get it hard, and my lovely girlfriend became barely another masturbation tool. I became sad, depressed, irritable, and felt I was living in a sort of bubble. The ED got worse, even fantasies weren't enough, so I looked for a solution on the internet, and found YBOP!

Decided to start the journey. Felt horny for 2 days than big flatline, I was sleeping all day, dead dick, etc. But I talked to my girl of the goal. After a week, my girlfriend started to look real again, she gave me massages which helps the resensitization. I thought I needed more days, weeks, even months. But yesterday we were on the couch watching a movie, and she started kissing me, I was hard, and I knew it was a different erection, an old erection, a healthy awake one, and guess what? We made love, without any ED, without any fantasies, and it felt like she was a new person I was discovering, even I felt like a new person. Sex was not foggy anymore, and even after O didn't feel any sadness but plain healthy satisfaction.

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