Okay newbie guys, this is what it takes: listen up, man up and quit screwin' up

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Manly dudeAdvice from a veteran (LINK):

Maybe you just discovered noFap or maybe you're a '1Week' guy who feels stuck in a cycle of never getting past the first week. Jot this stuff down:

  1. It doesn't take a superpower. If you're telling yourself that the 90day guys have something you don't have, you're lying to yourself. We all have sexual impulses, we all have rather animated dicks and we're all attracted to the fake, plastic sex-impersonation known as porn. We're all human.
  2. Stop teasing yourself. There's no way you can browse porn galleries 'just to look'. Porn always walks hand-in-gooey-hand with masturbation. If you do one, you'll do the other. Stop edging too. Countless threads attest to this. "Just a little stroke," whines your penis. Tell it to clam up. And then do pushups.
  3. While on the topic: yeah, pushups. How much do you exercise? If you mean to stop fapping, get ready for an energy boost. Because you aren't pathetically squeezing your life juice out of your feeble dick, your body is going to build up healthy levels of energy. That's a good thing. Now what are you gonna do about it? Channel that energy into the gym, into jogging, or just plan 'ole pushups. Start up a hobby, learn a craft, go walking, etc. Just get busy. Being a couch potato does not encourage you onward.
  4. Realize that you may be simultaneously facing an internet addiction. I mention this because I experienced it. I would stay up late at night browsing the web ... pointless idle time. And take a wild guess what happened when boredom really set in? Porn. If you cut back on your online time, you're only helping yourself.
  5. Determined guys take drastic measures. There's no shame in that. How badly do you want to be free of this mad cycle of PMO? What would you give to get out? Some guys insist on taking their iPads to bed to 'browse the net' but then - lo and behold - start browsing porn. Yikes, how did that happen? It happened when you gave yourself the delicacy of being so close & alone with an internet connection you can almost envision the porn. If your trip-ups are being caused by a laptop in your room or a tablet in your hand, choose to leave both in another room. Get someone to change the wi-fi password if you must.
  6. Focus on today. Don't worry about the other days left to complete the 90day milestone. You are always on DAY ONE because you should only focus on ONE DAY per day. Take it in 24 hour bits. Choose today to end the day being PMO free. Tomorrow choose to make the same choices you made today.
  7. It requires a lifestyle change and will - most awesomely - result in a lifestyle change. Turning your back on PMO requires you to make certain changes that others might call 'dramatic'. Just call them 'necessary' and nothing more. Don't run from it, because the outcome is pretty good: I've noticed better self-discipline in other areas of my life as well. Being free from a vicious vice of PMO has affected other areas of my lifestyle: work, school and relationships.
  8. Like everything else in this world, we require consistent maintenance. The impulses and urges don't disappear. You gotta stay alert no matter if you're just beginning, in the middle or beyond the end. Stay smart. Don't get sloppy with your dick.
  9. If you mess up, don't give up. Pick yourself up, tell yourself out loud how deceivingly disappointing porn is, and move on. After all....see point #1.
  10. The real thing is multipliably times better than the plastic porn thing. To have someone's arms around you, desiring you, loving you, wanting to give all she is to you, in all her faults accepting all of yours, tenderly & warmly kissing you, cuddling you, touching you with that feminine softness, whispering, laughing, smiling, a shining in her eyes and a shiver in her spine... She looks straight into your face and you can honestly realize that you want her beyond a moment's orgasm. You desire her for more than just a cum session. More than what your dick always asks for. You want her for who she is, for what she is, and the beautiful person you've come to adore. There isn't a porn star in the world who can make you feel this warm contentedness in realizing that you value her as a whole, and not just a hole to stick your dick into. PMO deadens your senses, beginning with those in your brain and ending with those in your dick. In contrast, as John Denver so eloquently put it, real, warm, living lovemaking fills up your senses like a night in a forest, like the mountains in springtime...

We're in this together guys. Other guys have done it, I've done it and you're next up to bat: you can beat this. Stop using the artificial crutch of porn to feel like a man. Time to be a man.

Let's do this.

TL;DR: points 1 through 10.


Same thread - answer to another post

That's right - don't give up all the hard work you've done so far.

You'll feel empty man. So empty. So wasted.

Let me encourage you to have a big picture: in my opinion, the first 30 days are the most difficult and - even more specifically - the very first 15 days. If you can just keep the course for another week, you will have taken a very big first step in beating this vice.

Finish today fap-free! You can end today with the knowledge that you won again.

It boils down to this: do you really want your dick to rule over you? Do you really want that 5.2 inches (length varies) of skin and feeble muscle to RULE over you? To decide what IS and ISN'T important?

Let me give you some motivation: it's such a breath of fresh air when - at the end of each fap-free day - you can say: my brain controlled my dick and not vice-versa!

Think about it: the stereotypical male who is hated by the ladies - what's his problem? "All he thinks about is sex! He doesn't talk with me! He doesn't cuddle! Just sex and then sleep." Of course this stereotype is askew, but there's some truth behind it. Men who serve their penises will be a let down in relationships. They won't think of her needs, her feelings, her wants...It's all about Mr. Penis.

Let me be clear: I love sex. I want it more often than I get it. But being free of both pornography and masturbation has given me the REFRESHING opportunity to use my brain in my relationships. I want sex just as much as the next guy - but I'm no longer driven by my penis. I get to decide when I orgasm. It's made my relationship with my SO so much more significant. When she's tired, I understand. When she's stressed, I can deal with it. We talk. We cuddle.

I view her as a person now. She deserves just as much respect as I do.

It's a sad reality, but my generation grew up on porn. And try as we might (and many of us do make a brave attempt at it) we have limited ourselves in relating to women. We see them as breasts, butts and vagina's, who happen to talk a lot. And while we are willing to spend time & money in our relationship, like it or not, we do this because we want something (i.e. sexual release) out of the relationship, and the more frequently the better!

I love my SO, and my greatest expression of this love was not in asking her to marry me, nor the flowers I send monthly, nor the hugs, kisses and laughing. The greatest proof of my love is when I stopped thinking with my dick, and started thinking with my heart.

Just like you, I have miles to go yet. I've got a lot of growing up to do. 90 days doesn't magically make all your memories and impulses go away. So we're in this together. We gotta grow up, man. We gotta learn to appreciate people because they are skin & bones, fellow human beings, with opinions, etc. The best way to make a step in this direction is breaking out of the vice of PMO.

And you're doing that. I'm proud of you. Don't stop

 

Comments

What if your problem is not porn but it's a fetish in real life that is taking me away from my true sexuality.. I watched porn but idk if this fetish is from the porn.. I fucking hate this so much and i'm sick of this shit. If you relapsed in the morning, do you have to start in the next day as day 1?

 This article explains neuroplasticity - ‘Straight Men, Gay Porn’ and Other Brain Map Mysteries

I also suggest this FAQ AND the the links at the bottom of the page. I'm straight, but attracted to transexual or gay porn. What's up?

I know both discuss mostly getting addicted to gay porn, but the principals of altered tastes and what to do about it may apply to your situation.

As far as starting your counter, that's up to you. Counting days is purely psychological.

I get very scared because if feel like the fetish i have might be something that i will never get rid of even after i reboot. I feel this way because i don't just like it in porn videos but in real life too. I'm not sure if when your taste changes in porn will it change in real life too.. But hopefully it's something that will go away because i love women just like other guys do and this so called "fetish" that i have isn't something that is me.

Hey man, first thing to do is address that fear/guilt reaction to your altered cognitive state. It's common to have your tastes rewired in REAL LIFE because of compulsive porn use. The strength of the "shock factor" in porn tends to do this very easily. You're right in keeping in mind that this fetish is not you. It's just a pathway in your brain that gets reinforced EVERY TIME you watch porn. So you know what to do, stop porn completely, and find things that allow you to connect back to yourself. Relaxation and de-stressing is particularly important. Deep breathing and meditation is wonderful for healing from the damage.

I really appreciate the reply buddy thanks alot :) I just wanted to know, did you fantasize about real girls during your reboot?

I didn't as far as I can recall. I don't normally do that though. Do you mean in combination with masturbation? I think masturbation is normally a really strong trigger for porn use, cos fantasizing just didn't cut it for me, I NEEDED the porn.

I didnt mean in combination with masturbating, i meant did you fantasize about real girls without masturbating and even look at girls during your REBOOTING period but of course with no porn?

I'm still rebooting, bro. Roughly at 45 days so far. The attraction to real girls is back and my mind sometimes wanders to thoughts about them. I try not to dwell on them though, it's a waste of energy. While rebooting, IMHO, our focus, at every moment, should be on how best to use the energy we currently have or to conserve energy using relaxation and meditation techniques. In fact, I plan to live my life the best I can with this focus always in mind.

Thing is i already have attraction to real girls. But i don't know if i should look at girls in real life because sometimes i get a big urge to look at these girls but it has nothing to do with porn i think. So i don't know wether i should look a girls because it might mess up dopamine and the rebooting process.

In fact many guys have sex during a reboot. Simple rules:

  1. Avoid everything artificial.
  2. Do not fantasize about porn.

OK I am 20 years old work full time love LOVE WOMEN. Before I had a massive sex drive i mean my ex and i would have sex up to 3 - 4 times a day and i could still go home and masturbate. Usually If I cum I would stay erect or if it goes down in minutes it would come back. Since I was about say 12 i watched porn and masturbated sometimes with porn sometimes without it but mostly with. However I always prefered realistic porn not that over the top gang bang violent porn. The women I would look for would be similiiar to the girls i like in real life e.g. thick big booty, breast, thighs etc. Fast Forward i met a lovely women shes older classy and intelligent. We are about to have sex and then I get erect but for a unknown reason cant keep the erection. I was surfing the net in desperate search for answeres and came across here. Ok I stopped watching porn period for i think about one week now but i am going to start keep track properly starting from tommorow. Now I do remember the night i didnt rise to the occasion i felt just strange like depressed and just blaaaah i was around girls the following day in bathing suits and the instant erection was not coming as it used to. This is where I am confused after a couple days I was waking up with morning wood (I dont think it stopped) and today and last night i was talking to a girl on webcam and i was getting hard there was nothing sexual going on. Another time i happened to see a pic of a girl i used to be with in a 2 pc and was getting excited down there. Is that and the webcam like looking at porn? Am I messing up my dopamine lvls also i relapsed a few times with the masturbating but not to porn just me getting horny or thinking of someone (real person not a pornstar) .Infact I was able to get hard thinking about sex with some girls I have been with but i didnt stay erect after masturbating or it didnt come back as fast as it used to. Would the fact i usually use cream to masturbate also desensitize me. I have a gorgeous young lady waiting for me sexually my feelings for her are getting stronger and I dont want to start out like this. She cant control her self around me sexually and I just want to be able to do what i normally do. Am i screwed up? Should I kill all sexual thoughts. Also i came across some porn i thought i had deleted by accident but closed it about 3 seconds in. Did i mess myself up there? Is looking at girls in seductive positions on a poster, internet etc (not porn though) does that mess up my dopamine. Something i forgot to mention that night I didnt maintain the erection I kept feeling a pain in my groin and my testes like blue balls in kept on coming up for about two weeks just went to the doc and did some test but waiting for results. Anyone experience something like this could this be why i didnt keep my erection that night . I am so sorry for rambling but ill be honest i am scared right now I dont know what is wrong with me PLEASE ANY HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED

You do not want personal info here.

First, this person will not answer, as they posted this on nofap, Follow the link.

To figure out what to do click on the above tabs - rebooting, porn & ED. I also suggest clicking on the support tab to find a forum There is no forum here, only occasional comments, like yours.

good luck

Wow ok thanks alot I didnt realize that I appreciate that.

"Advice from a veteran" is awesome. I'm starting again after so many failures, and every bit of advice hit home. The first one especially--I've thought many times I lack some kind of special power necessary to get past the cravings, but the truth is I don't need some superpower, I just need to keep at it and get my thoughts and plan better focused and organized. And, yes, I need ramped up self-discipline. So, thanks, man. You've given me hope.

ace8

I never had a real experience with a girl because i can't get it hard all when with a girl. been watching vid/pic for about 10 years and it gets more intensive within the last 5 years and I am now facing total ED. this is day 3 for me NO PMO and do you think that if I stick to the plan more than 90 days... my life may come back normal again? Anyone? Please help.

If it's porn-induced ED it will eventually heal. I suggest visiting http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ - most guys there are dealing with porn-induced ED. There is no forum on this site

you are just beginning - have a lot of patience

My therapist -- who I desperately am trying to listen to--thinks that during the rebooting-no PMO phase cannabis is taboo. Am at day 23 and have imbibed twice so far and no untoward effects. No porn or masturbating or orgasms or even alcohol but do I have to give up cannabis? I do believe that I can judiciously use cannabis and still reboot and not be more prone to relapse but is this the addict in me talking? I was trying to search for accounts here but couldn't locate them.

recreational or prescription. The reason is that YBOP does not give advice on drugs, prescriptions, diet, supplements or even masturbation. Sorry.