Tales of Porn-Related ED 8

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These pages contain a very small sampling of self-reports by various men who have experienced porn-induced ED. For more stories check out these porn-induced ED threads:

For longer, more detailed ED recovery accounts see Rebooting Accounts 1,  Rebooting Accounts 2, and External Rebooting Blogs & Threads    


My Addiction to M2P (Masturbating to Porn) was not restricted to just Video porn. I would join swinger sites, make up fake profiles, get access to other swinger pics and profiles and masturbate continuously to them also. See, I have a problem with acne. And I noticed that when I M2P I would have an outbreak of acne a few days after ( I'm dead serious). But I noticed that when I master bated to the swinger profiles, I would not develop acne a few days after. And I masturbated to porn and swinger website pictures for hours at a time. So for a few months last year and a couple of months the years before, I would actually not masturbate to porn for a month or two, just the pictures on swingers websites. At the time I was dating a girl, and even though I was not M2P, and just masturbating to the swinger pics, my erectile dysfunction continued. So, it's become obvious to me that just constant masturbation either to video porn or pictures of anything sexually related contributes to my Erectile Dysfunction.

What we think what causes ED are just observations on our part, but most of us have had the P2M problem for years, so I think we have a pretty good idea of what is happening to our bodies. It is absolutely not normal for a man ages 12-50 not to be able to maintain and sustain an erection and have regular and fulfilling sex. It's either something medical, or in my part and that of so many others on here constant stimulation to porn and related videos, pictures, etc...... Have made you psychologically or physically impaired you from having normal male erections. I am the first to attest that. If Harvard or any other institution did a study, I would be the first to volunteer and tell them my story. M2P has completely ruined my sex life. As of January 1st, I'm clean of M2P. there have been a few close calls, and there was one about an hour ago. Got so far as to pull my pants down and turned on a video. But I just got up and went to the kitchen. It's a horrible addiction.........

Here's the kicker, I'm going to meet a very attractive young lady for sex tonight. No date, drinks, etc..... Just go to her place for sex. Yet, I'm here fighting off the temptation to masturbate to porn, it's a horrible addiction. I'm 11 days pf M2P.........


ED issues (and reasons why I joined noFAP)

Male 23, joined NoFAP to help alleviate my issues with reaching full orgasm during PIV with women (for many years)

I always figured it was an issue with performance anxiety, but after having watched the TED talks, and YBOP, it made alot more sense, especially since I had some very willing and patient (And very attractive) partners before. I'd even say I probably lost alot of those partners due to this issue, which ultimately hurts your confidence in being able to hold a sucessful relationship.

I'm really amazed I didnt figure out that I was having issues in bed after not being able to successfully orgasm while having sex with other women, typically I'd just blame the other person for being in too much of a hurry, or pushy etc.

Its been many years (probably gonna say since 20 or so) as having this issue and have decided now and today to quit this bad habit of fapping to porn and take things into my own hands (no pun intended)

Gone about 10 days at best so far with abstaining from PMO (Urges just got really bad, and let my brain trick myself into doing it after many hours of thinking about, not masturbating, and what I was missing out on)

Been 2 years without sex, and figure its time to get myself back into the game, and be ready for whatever comes my way, whatever it takes. Starting with the 90 day challenge.

New day, new man, its go time!


I've been at it for a solid year. Well, not solid. I've relapsed quite a bit. I have probably gone a month at a stretch. But most of my relapses were with real sex. Anyways, this phenomena is real. Had sex once last night, and then again this morning. I'm not 100% yet but 10 years of damage will take some time. Had sex sporadically the past month too and everything was fine.

My last step is informing my Dr who sent me to two urologists to help me. I pray we can inform the medical community so other young men can get help. (LINK)


17 years old rebooting [RELAPSED recently]

I'm a young man from Romania, i'm 17 years old and suffer from ED,PE anxiety and i get very depressed when relationships end. So my story goes like this, i had real contact with porn at age 11-12 and since than I masturbated, i over did it, 2-4 times / day. Since i was 16 i did it a bit less , 1/day , sometimes 1/2-3 days (there were tiems when after 3-4 days of no porn i would do it for 4-5 times). I am not an ugly guy, I get alot of compliments from girls, especialy about my eyes. But simply sex with a normal girl didn't happen ( girl was virgin or we did not get to that point in the relationship)  I had a few sexual intercourses with hookers.

First time went pretty good, i was a little nervous but managed to get a good erection, as you know, there are sociable hookers and nonsociable ones. So i got a few nasty experiences were i wasn't able to get a proper erection , finish fast,  and i developed a kind of anxiety , but the porn did the job and messed up my brain. I remember one time were this girl was very hot (my type, big behind and medium breasts) very sociable and that was the best sex i had. Hard rock erection, no PE , was awesome. Than i met a girl and got into a serios relationship and got worried about my problems, often searching answers on health sites but no one seemed to have the right answer


No Fap Success Stories

I've noticed even after a just few days, of abstinence from porn and masturbation that I am more attracted to women. (I'm usually picky, because of porn's unrealistic expectations probably, lol) Also, I am achieving erections much easier with the girls. What are some of your success stories or improvements that you've seen?


I've discovered that my ED symptoms are in fact porn induced. Here is some background info:

-I'm 18 years old.

-Started watching porn frequently 14 years old, masturbated maybe 3-4 times a week with it on.

- Started a relationship (still going) 3 years ago, when I 15. Still masturbated.

- Lost my virginity at 16, but couldn't get erect at all. I put it down to nerves but after several other failed attempts, with the girl I love, I started to wonder whether something was wrong.

- Since then, I have had successful sex (to the point of orgasm) maybe 10 times to date. However, only a couple were so good that I didn't have to constantly check whether I was still erect during mid-sex, I don't know what made it work on these occasions but something did, reassuring me that it was indeed possible to have very pleasurable sex. 80% of the time, I find sex unpleasurable, hard work and I need to masturbate to orgasm after she has come.

- Over the last year, having continued to masturbate to porn on a regular basis,I have noticed a lot of changes sexually:

1. It is near impossible to get an erection around my girlfriend, even in sexual situations. We often force oral sex to achieve erection and eventually orgasm, but this must be accompanied by "dirty talk" that mimics the fantasies I enjoy from porn. Although she is fine with this, I don't feel this is natural, and it has become increasingly hard to orgasm, complete concentration must be used to get anywhere.

2. I no longer think about sex during the day, and my random erections have ceased to exist. I don't find other girls attractive, where before I would have some growth in my pants just being in the presence of these girls.

3. Porn choice has completely changed, I no longer find hardcore or even lesbian videos stimulating, its become more drastic and extreme, like gangbangs and things of a more unrealistic nature. Not only this, but I also find myself spending almost 30 minutes surfing through different videos to get off to, whereas before a glimpse at boobs was more than enough. The strange thing is that I don't actually crave porn, its more of a routine, like before bed etc. I'm currently on Day 4 of my reboot, and have had no cravings at all. However, in the last 3 months, I have been on porn and masturated more than ever because I had ankle surgery, meaning I have been stuck in my room for the last few months armed with a laptop and high-speed internet, it was definately more out of boredom.

4. My penis feels less "awake", it feels cold when flaccid and it gives me the impression my flaccid size has shrunken somewhat. I never measured, but I'm sure there's been a decrease in size, and I feel small and weak down there.

-----------------------------

DAY 9 - WELL LADS...THERE'S BEEN A TWIST IN THE TAIL

As I said earlier in my journal, I was beginning to feel as if my ED was more a consequence of over-mastibation rather than being completely porn-induced ED.

And today, I think I may have proved myself right.

9 days without PMO gives the body, specifically my penis and testis, to recover from the physical trauma of mastibation and ejaculation. Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time since the 9 days started, and I had rock hard erections, I'm talking 100% strength erections, she noticed them straight away during cuddling and kissing, which turns me on a lot.

Suddenly, my libido was back, I felt almost a new man within this tiny time period without PMO. Unfortunately, we didn't have a condom, so she gave me oral sex and for the first time in ages, it felt truly amazing:

1) The sensitivity in my penis had almost completely renewed itself, I could shut my eyes and just focus on sensations rather than having to imagine porn scenarios to orgasm.

2) I no longer felt like it was my mission to orgasm, I could sit back and relax and enjoy what was going on, whereas before I'd have to concentrate seriously (I even had to make sure the room was completely silent on previous occasions).

3) My penis was rock solid, 100% erection. Not only did this make me the happiest guy alive to see that this was actually possible again after years of weak erections, but my girlfriend thought I had taken viagra or growth pills because she was amazed at the size and hardness of it.

4) The orgasm itself was far longer and enjoyable, and she noted the load was thicker than its ever been (an increase in sperm count through abstinance?) Not only this, but my penis was still hard after ejaculation for a few minutes, whereas before it would have completely wilted away even during ejaculation!

My conclusion, and pointed out from the reasons above, is that my penis and testis simply needed a rest from all this excessive masturbation over the years - I'd gone 4 years without longer than 2 days resting from masturbation. In my case, over time the masturbation leads to a weaker performance from the penis, and the reduction in libido is the body trying to tell you "give me a break, I'm tired!". Of course, because of porn, I never gave my body a break because the dopamine spikes induced through porn made me have such a thrill that I masterbated through this "injured penis" stage, so much so that it reached a point of ED. This also explains why I was able to have sex enjoyably a couple times in the past - I must have taken a two day abstinance to let my penis recover.

However, porn has definately affected my views on sex in a negative way, and I will continue to refrain from masturbation and porn, allowing for longer recovery periods between sexual activity with my girlfriend (assuming we don't have sex every day haha). I will test this out with sex when I see her next week. So happy I found this out, I haven't missed porn at all, I was never addicted to porn, I was just addicted to masturbating and porn made it easier to ignore my body's tiring signals.


I’m 21, and suffering from ED. So starting from the beginning, I think I’ve been masturbating since a long time before I was 10. Just touching my penis felt nice and I would O way before I could ejaculate. This escalated when I was around 10 when i had a television in my bedroom. Late night television which showed topless women was now my chosen material instead of my imagination. This soon escalated to the occasional M with internet porn when my parents were not at home. It become a little excessive, and sometimes I would do it up to 5 times a day.

Ended up getting a girlfriend at 17, our first few sexual experience I was as limp as anything, but i now put this down to nerves and anxiety with losing my virginity, because as soon as it happened, we were at it like rabbits every day. Porn usage dropped, but still existed, and i seem to develop a bit of a love for anal porn, which I then took to my relationship. It wasn’t a massive issue at first, but after about a year I seemed to only be able to go once a night or twice if I was lucky and then i would be unable to get it up. Although if i was teased with the prospect of anal sex i would instantly get hard again and be able to go. At the time, the lack of erection after round 1 didn’t affect me at all. it seemed to annoy the girlfriend, but i just thought it was the norm, as I’d already ejaculated. And I know she was satisfied, I think she was just upset by the thought that she didn’t turn me on anymore, which wasn’t the case. I was still watching porn though and masturbating so this must have had some effect on erection quality. I did often prefer masturbating as it was a quick easy release.

We eventually broke up as most relationships do, and i then resorted to PMO again. I think it was made worse now by the fact I have my own PC in my room, and so I was accessing Porn everyday more or less. Thought nothing of it as it seems everyone is doing it these days anyway. However, i haven’t been able to get an erection when naked with a girl since, at all. Been home with a few girls after nights out, and started fooling around, got a semi, but that was it. So frustrating. Blamed it on the booze, but it kept happening, so i just avoid getting into sexual situations now. I recently had sex with my ex again, after 11 months of being broken up, and i was only able to keep it up for a few minutes the first time, and the second time i was going so fast in an attempt to keep it up, I Premature Ejaculate after a minute. It’s just become a huge issue for me now, I think that made me realise P has been bad for me, as objectively i was really turned on by seeing her naked, just nothing happened down there.

Tried to give up PMO on New Year, relapsed yesterday as I was ridiculously horny (that or just had a PMO craving, as I didn’t have an erection, I just felt horny. This seems to be what normally happens, I think I feel horny, but I don’t necessarily have an erection, and then as soon as I click on the Porn website, I get an erection, and masturbate like normal. I never seem to have marathon sessions either, it’s normally a very quick act, just to get that O). So yeah, starting again today. I’m just hoping it makes a difference, and I’m able to get erections just from thinking about sex again, like I could when I was 15.


19 year old with fetish and ED

Intro

First of all thank you so much for that board, I´m extremly surprised about that friendly and familiar atmosphere around here! I opened a thread yesterday ( http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=2028.0 ) and was very surprised at the friendly answers. So I decided to start a journal as well. At this point I already have to thank everybody who takes his time to read my entries. Furthermore I have to apologize for my english, I´m not a native speaker.

My Story

(Trigger warning) I´m 19 years old and I have a strong fetish to femdom (this is where a submissive male is dominated by a woman) and girls feet (sorry for naming it). Also I suffer from ED.

I think this fetish (and also the ED) is porn induced, because I clearly can see the escalation ladder. When I was 13 years old, I started masturbating to normal fantasy, then to random pictures of girls, then to pictures of girls feet and then I discovered short 30-second-clips of fetish porn. But the worst period began when I discovered the long, free and unlimited Tube-Videos.

In my early teenage years I was unbelievable bad with girls. I went to school to get good grades and then the first thing I did when I came home was turning on the computer and jerking off to porn. But when I became 15-16, I developed the deep desire to get a girlfriend "like all the other guys in my age". So I looked in the internet for tips to pick up chicks and started to practice very hard to get better with girls. I read every information I could get and started going out extremely often in order to approach girls. And I started to get better and better (while I still was jerking off to porn). At this point I didn´t even notice that I had ED, because till then I didn´t go further than kissing, and I thought it is normal to not get aroused by this. I was convinced that I will be turned on as soon as I´m in bed with a naked girl. But as I got better, such situations started to occur and I couldn´t get it up. At the beginning I had thoughts like "I was only to drunk" or "maybe I didn´t find this girl attractive enough". But after countless failures I knew I had to change something. First I thought something with my testosteron was wrong, so I did everything to rise my testosteron level. But this didn´t work. My situation was miserable. I worked so hard to get good in picking up chicks (I don´t want to come across as arrogant, but I think I´m pretty good in this right now and some of my friends are flirt coaches, so I´m always open for questions in this regard - just feel free to ask me, I would be glad to help! :) ) but when I had the girl in bed I couldn´t benefit from it.

So I started my first Reboot in July 2011 where I went around 110 days (but watched some porn from time to time). At the end I had successful sex with a girl, but only with a semi-hard dick. A few days after I got also a blowjob where I was a bit harder and I wasn´t aroused anymore by femdom (but still feet). But then I did a big mistake: I relapsed.

I relapsed because I thought I was cured and can masturbate again. So I told myself, that in the future masturbation without porn once a week is allowed. But once a week became quickly once a day. And soon I started fapping to porn again for the next 1-2 months. At the end of that binging-period I had my dreamgirl in bed and couldn´t get it up not even close. My dick was completely dead. That was a very memorable incident for me that I couldn´t even get it up with my naked dreamgirl next to me. Also the fetish for femdom appeared again.

This is why I swore to myself to fight that addiction definitively. I try this desperately since January 2012, but couldn´t succeed thus far. I always relapsed between day 20-30 and made it only once till day 50. Until 2 months ago I tried to reboot with a girlfriend, but I was only able to come by handjob (and sometimes blowjob). And I noticed that this slowed down the progress. So now I avoid intense contact to girls and focus completely on working out, spending time with my family and learning for college.


I have only recently heard/read about porn-induced ED but it makes a lot of sense in my case. I have had no problems getting an erection and ejaculation to porn as long as I found the porn I was watching to be stimulating enough, which meant the porn actresses had to be very hot and soon or later novel to me. However, while I was in a relationship, I couldn't maintain my erection for very long, condoms were a problem in particular, and I couldn't ejaculate. The stimulus just wasn't enough. Getting an orgasm with masturbation alone without watching porn became difficult - I could not always reach an orgasm this way. I first thought the problem was low testosterone or ED from an organic cause. Testosterone was tested to be within the normal range and tadalafil did not really help much.

So, now I decided to reboot my brain and see if this helps. I started with abstaining from watching porn at the beginning of December. I did not stop masturbating until December 20.

I first noticed that getting an orgasm from masturbating without watching porn was getting easier. This was a positive effect.

However, since I stopped both porn and masturbation, I experienced the following symptoms:

* I often feel depressed. I don't feel much joy in doing anything.

* I feel very lonely. I am currently single and not in a relationship. Since stopping PMO I have a very strong feeling that I would like to be with someone but not necessarily for sex. I feel there is something lacking. I would love to have a woman to hug, to kiss, to cuddle with. Never felt such a strong desire for this before.

* I feel a lot more emotional than before, which I don't like as it makes me feel less manly.

* Libido is mostly very low to non-existent. However, sometimes just reading sexually associated words or seeing pics of hot women in ads makes me extremely horny. The strange thing is that this is often not associated with getting an erection.

Will keep you updated when things change.


Lost kid (Day 29 PMO free) day 85 total

Thanks for reading this. Well I'm gonna start off by saying when I read YBOP I felt confident that I had this problem. Along with P.ED I have hocd. It is such a bitch. I won't get too into tho.. Anyways I'm 17 and been looking at porn constantly since the age of 10. I would do it at least 2-5 times during a day. Rarely ever took breaks unless I had to.

I'm currently on day 39. MO about 8 times :/ god dammit. Good news is I had my first wet dream in my life around day 20.


(Age 23)Later on, we were cuddling more and things got a little bit more sexual-- we were feeling each other's privates and I realized I could not get it up at all. I was completely baffled by this point.

From years of my internet porn use I thought that I had a huge libido, and the size of my erection is rather gifted so I felt like I was set for any girl who would want to have me. I craved becoming a lover + satisfying women. I felt confident about it before this experience.

I went to the bathroom and tried to masturbate to get to a full erection. I could seriously not do it. It would get to like 45% at most and quickly die. I eventually returned to the bed feeling the irony of obsessing over sex and women for a decade and here I was with this beautiful girl right in front of me and I couldn't feel anything down there. At first, it SERIOUSLY blew my mind when I was with this girl and I couldn't get it up. I couldn't fathom it considering how I was like with porn. Never thought in a million years that I could have ED.


Same problem here, too much porn watching.

Addicted to the hottest chicks I can find online.

To me it has a lot to do with seeing things, if I can watch me ******* a girl I can get an erection and come easily. If I do oral sex and don’t see much I lose it.

Jerking off is no problem, watching porn and jerking just the way I want it makes me come in minutes

need to quit the visual stuff, that’s a problem for me.

I'm just starting this journey, over 30 years old, been watching porn since I was 13 maybe? Lifelong habit of compulsive masturbation and porn watching and avoidance of actual intimacy and sex with women.

In a new relationship, first one in years, and I really want it to work. Problem - no boners, pretty much ever. I've noticed over the last 3-5 years that I would get hard less and less, but when I watch porn I'm usually hard the whole time. When NOT watching porn, however, pretty much nothing can get blood flowing down there. In this new relationship, doesn't matter what my girlfriend does to me, no results, no hard ons. She feels crappy, like it's her or something, which of course it's not. And I feel embarrassed and ashamed, so often times have pushed her away from touching me or trying to do things, leading her to feel rejected and now she's shutting down sexually altogether. Still haven't had sex, how could we? The whole bedroom situation has become a disaster! And now I'm feeling more and more pressure to get this problem solved, making it even worse.

So, here I am, trying to resensitize myself. No porn or masturbation for a week now. No change thus far. I will keep posting on my progress. I hope this works! I remember back in the day when I would look at a mildly attractive woman and get hard. Now, put the hottest woman on earth naked in front of me and I wouldn't have any response at all. Hell even normal porn does nothing for me, has to be some sort of oddity or extreme. This is embarrassing, frustrating, and heavily impacting my relationship! I'm going to start counseling as well to help with this and other issues I have.

Will post on my progress regularly.


Mike's Road to Recovery

Little bit about myself: I'm 19, and started masturbating when I was 10, with porn usage starting a few years later, averaging about twice a day.  I never realised this was a problem, or that it could be the addiction it's been, until I met my first serious girlfriend back in October.  We'd attempt sex most nights we were together, and I could usually get it up, but it would never stay up for long, probably because I never felt any physical pleasure from sex.  My brain was enjoying it, sure, but my dick felt nothing.  So I kept PMOing - it was the only way I could get any release, and in a way it was my way of confirming that I could still perform.  And god bless her, she stuck with me and tried to help, but I think that was one of the reasons for us breaking up in the end.

That was back in April, and I've been PMOing since then.  I actually found YourBrainOnPorn a few weeks ago, and looking at all these success stories (as well as the science behind what I now know is porn-induced ED), I know that this is something I need to face, and something I'm damn well going to beat.

I've always found that I'm better at sticking to something if I have a list of reasons I can look at, so:

1. Be able to perform in bed - Kind of a no-brainer, this one.

2. Better social interactions - I've always been an introvert, and I know that rebooting isn't magically going to reverse my personality (nor do I want it to), but if it helps me to improve my social skills, then that's a damn fine bonus!

3. More energy - I actually tried rebooting a few weeks ago, when I first found YBOP, and managed 12 days.  I remember how much more clear-headed, outgoing and generally energetic I felt, and I want to feel that again.

4. More self-esteem.

5. More time to do other things - Every moment I would have spent PMOing, I can spend doing something more constructive - exercise, read a book, watch a film, practice my saxophone, anything.

6. Learn to appreciate life more - This was another thing that so many people here and on YBOP were talking about, and if that's what rebooting can do, I want in.

7. The sheer satisfaction of looking back at the end, knowing that I had an addiction to porn, and knowing that I beat it.


Hello Everybody, Going to be a long post, you've been warned

I am a 30 y/o long time PMO'er here, since the tender age of 8. Back then, I shot blanks and was mainly using imagination, well, until I discovered my stepdad's "stash" off porn. Was socially awkward mostly through high school, especially with girls, although I was also kind of popular because of my prowess with sports and was a pretty good looking guy as well. Never could "Seal the deal" however, and was a virgin throughout H.S. I lost it maybe a year after to someone who, well, was let’s just say she was like the Pillsbury dough boy, everyone gets a poke. And way more experienced than me... I was just so sick of being a virgin when even kids who I thought were complete TOOLS were getting laid and not me.

Anyways, it was unsatisfying for both of us and that ended after a few months, so I pretty much remained celibate until I was 23. Started reading up a lot of mind/body stuff, eastern medicine philosophy and came to the conclusion that my masturbation habits were causing my problems. Lack of motivation, shyness, not feeling "the power". Basically what is said in here and YBOP but with more of a mystical approach. I kicked the habit, started reading some PUA sites, and it did work for me. I ended up with a girl for 4 years. IT was good, in fact... I went from being shy nice guy to and alpha jerk, and yes I did cheat on her and i do regret it still to this day. I guess I just wasn't used to this female attention and new found confidence. Our sex life was great, although we never "made love" it was almost always hardcore fucking and sucking... we did cuddle a lot though.. I guess we just never could combine the two. Anyway, it did start to dwindle... and two years into the relationship or so, I started falling back into my porn habits, even harder and with high speed internet becoming available, i started looking at more and more fetish/kink stuff. As I started to wack off more, we had sex less often, even though I still wanted it. I also didn't perform as well as I used to. Well, eventually it ended, and I was crushed.

I delved into porn hard, along with a cocaine habit for about a year. I think the combination of the two really screwed me up and opened the flood gates to a severe addiction to porn and particular kinks/fetishes. I also have been a heavy drinker which doesn't help, although I have cut way back in the last few months and have no intention of going back. I have had many sexual partners since, but nothing really totally satisfying and I've had to rely on cialis because I have screwed myself up so much that I can't get a decent hard on without it. I usually cop it from my stepdad, and have ordered it occasionally but it's so damn expensive. I am not wanting to rely on it anymore. I also need to think of these kinky scenarios/fantasies that I don't want to happen in real life, and they repulse me.

I am otherwise in very good shape, healthy, look young for my age other than the fact that I am pretty much completely bald, but women still find me attractive despite that. I still live with my parents... the stereotypical stoner/loner/slacker that lives in mom’s basement. I have my moments where I am outgoing and gregarious, but it's usually when I’ve been drinking. I present myself well, dress good, speak well... have talents that I have wasted or am wasting. It kills me... I should be doing so much more with myself... I lost most of my friends... I have some still but my old friends have all pretty much have abandoned me.

I just want to see a woman I find attractive and FEEL SOMETHING again... I feel nothing. I work with many attractive women, and I just don't even respond... i just stare blankly into space, some even flirt with me and i just like... don't respond. I used to be very flirtatious, even when I was an inexperienced young man. I'm just like super jaded or something.... It's sad.

So, yesterday was my first day PMO free. Woke up feeling a little bit more energetic than usual. Planning on going for a nice run in the snow before work. Going to try and be more social instead of just avoid eye contact like I usually do. Only time I’m social is when I’ve had a few drinks... so I need to learn to be social without. I also feel more creative when I’ve abstained, which is another reason why I want to kick this... so I can really dive into my music again and feel that creative flow again. I just wanna feel warm and glowing again, kinda like I did when i had that healthy relationship before, but in order to get that and attract a woman I need to get my game tight again. I just think about all these super successful people in all areas of life.. and think to myself... "do these guys sit around wacking off to internet porn all day?" Highly doubt it.

I really hate what gets me off. I have a thing for very big women... I’m not talking healthy/normal chubby women... I’m talking 300lbs plus. I always liked a bit chubby women with curves but now, I only like the really big ones it seems and it's disturbing to me. I think the years of looking at pics of chubby/big butt girls just kinda slowly escalated into liking full on obese women with massive asses. It's funny because women that used to turn me on so much before don't really do it for me anymore. I also find myself more and more getting into the dynamic where you "watch" not participate. Clearly not good for healthy sex, when you have to imagine your partner fucking someone else other than you to get a boner. I can deal with liking obese women, but I Don't like this one bit. It seems like an eternity when just looking at normal porn stars in the typical porn scene would be enough for me.

Thanks for reading this long post, I plan on posting daily or at least every few days as motivation to steer clear of PMO'ing.


Thanks for all these posts. I'm 29 years old, have been masturbating to porn since I was around 12, probably once a day/five-to-seven days a week. I was in a serious relationship from ages 19 to 25, and with that girl, sex was great. I was horny most of the time, and I never had problems getting up. It was a real relationship -- a meaningful one. She was the second girls I had been with.

That being said, after that relationship, I went on a bender of sexcapades with various girls... girls who meant nothing to me, other than sex. That's when the problems staying erect started surfacing. I wasn't used to wearing a condom, and once I started wearing one, I would lose my erection shortly there after.

I made the foolish mistake of not using a condom a few time, and luckily, I never caught any diseases. Nevertheless, in those situations, without the condoms, I was able to keep my erection.

However... now, as the years have gone by, I have continued to watch porn, and masturbate, etc. Now, I find myself not even able to keep my erection without the condom. It's like I'm so used to the way I jerk myself off that a girl's vagina barely meets the mark. I think this also has to do with porn, since regular sex just doesn't seem to do it.

For the most part, though, I think this may have to do with the fact that now sex to me has become meaningless, physical fun. It used to be associated with "love," but now, since I've been "broken hearted" once or twice, I seem pretty closed off to love. I think that's what's keeping my johnson down. Anyway, I just thought I'd bring the element of "love/honest affection" into the equation to see what people felt about it.

As for the pledge to not 'bate to porn, I've been giving it a try. I'm on day two right now. So far, I've had erotic dreams and mild morning wood, but no killer boners just yet. I can't wait to reboot this whole thing. I'll keep you guys posted.

Thanks for the all the honesty.


Breaking this lifestyle once and for all!

I'm 19 and have been masturbating pretty much daily since I was 10 (pretty much from the moment puberty hit). Until recently, this never seemed to be a problem - parents, books and school were all telling me that masturbation was completely healthy, I've never had any problems with my academic work, and I felt that any social anxieties or problems could be chalked up to me never being much of a social animal anyway, and above all, it felt good, so I kept on doing it.  As far as I remember, PMOing developed gradually: first fantasy, then random movie scenes, nude images and finally hardcore porn.  I've never gone right to the extreme end of the porn spectrum (simulated rape, bestiality etc), but there was definitely some escalation over the years, though like I said earlier, apart from a vague sense that I could be doing something more productive with my time, this never seemed to be a problem.

So, after a secondary school life with practically nothing to show for a love life (first kiss at the age of 18, nothing beyond that at all), I went to university last October, and somehow found myself sharing a bad with a flatmate within three weeks.  I'm still not sure exactly how that happened (she'd broken up with her boyfriend, I was being sympathetic, one thing led to another...something like that), but it did.  Of course, as you've probably guessed by now, when we decided to go all the way, it didn't work.  I could get it up pretty strongly, but the damn thing wouldn't stay up.  Over the months we spent together, we blamed pretty much everything - performance anxiety at first, then me putting a condom on, me having a condom on (serious question, are those things supposed to be tighter than my deathgrip?), me being tired, our physical relationship developing too quickly - you name it, one of us probably thought of it at some point.  By the end, I was pretty damn good at making her come, but nothing she tried on me worked.  In the six months (on and off) we spent sleeping together, we attempted sex most nights, and I came three times in bed, always though me jerking off after she'd given up.

Now, I was still watching porn during this time, even though both of us knew that it wasn't helping my problems in bed.  For most of it, we were just friends with benefits, and so I justified it by saying that we weren't in a relationship, and what I now know to be a porn addiction was screaming that I needed release, I needed to come.  And more than that, my ED was seriously worsening my depression.  Being unable to perform in bed really made me feel like less of a man, and plummeted my sense of self-worth.  PMOing helped to alleviate that.  Looking back, I think that the fact that I was watching porn hurt her just as much as my inability to perform in bed hurt both of us, and I still feel absolutely terrible for that.  We had a brief spell as an official couple back in February, and I made a serious effort to stop the porn then (I felt that it was only one step away from cheating on her).  I lasted five days before the sexual frustration took me back to the porn, and so the spiral of depression continued.  Eventually, she found someone else, and my PMO habit continued, bringing us to now.

I've been telling myself that I was going to stop watching porn and masturbating at various points these last few years (with no success, of course), and I was looking up sex addiction after watching "Shame", which, apart from being a fantastic film, made me realise that I was heading towards the kind of life the main character had, and that that was not somewhere I wanted to be, eventually stumbling onto YBOP.  Learning that I had porn-induced ED, and realising that I wasn't going to get out of it without rebooting, finally gave me enough of an incentive to give up PMO.

12 days.  I eventually relapsed on day 12 (10th July), and since then I've not been able to go more than 3.  In a way I'm glad, because this has really helped me recognise what some of my triggers are, but I've not matched that first attempt at rebooting.  Yet.  I'm not sure why - even after just those 12 days, I was feeling much more confident, outgoing, energetic and clear-headed, and I still remember how bad I felt after that intial relapse.  I really want to get back there, but I'm not sure if what's stopping me is the fear of failure, apathy, or a lack of confidence that I'll succeed after all these relapses.

So here I am writing this, hoping that making and updating this journal will help to keep myself away from relapsing.  My target's 90 days without PMO, or as long as possible if I'm still single after that time.  I know that this is going to be a bloody hard thing for me to do, but I've got a massive list of reasons for curing myself (which I'm going to type up tomorrow - it's 1:30 in the morning right now!), and I know that it'll be worth it in the end.  So if you've just read this wall of text I seem to have churned out, thanks for reading.  It's felt good to get this all off my chest.  Thanks as well to everyone else who's written a journal or has inspired me in some way to beat this.  I can do this.  I know I can.

 


Posted a couple of months back...... My E.D. because of masturbating to porn began soon after installing broadband internet in my house in early 2004. Took me close to 7 years to figure out why my erections had become non-existent. I would spend 1-2 hrs a day 7 days a week M'g to Porn. If i didn't do it for a day or two, that meant I would masturbate to porn 4-5 hours to make up for it a couple of days later....................It was a horrible-terrible addiction. In December I went 14 days without it, fell off the wagon. But with the new year I have taken a new stance against no porn-masturbation. I will admit, I still masturbate, like any other guy. My friends admit to masturbating all the time, but have no problem getting erections. I'm honest with them about not getting erections cause of porn-masturbating addiction and they just laugh......They can't believe a good looking guy like me can't get hard with some of the attractive women I spend the night with( I have disappointed a lot of great looking girls)....... But I will freely admit and will be the first to testify that masturbating to porn, for whatever reason, whether it's chemical or psychological, will keep you from getting normal erections......... I'm on day 6 and will keep you guys updated.........I HAD to change, I could no longer continue to live a pointless and hopeless sex life. I would watch amateur porn on X-Hamster and think wow, how is it that these guys get and stay hard. There older than me, in worse shape. It just didn't make sense. But I knew why I could not get and maintain erections. I was in complete denial.................But it's now or never, either I beat this thing now, or else it will beat me with no hope of ever beating it........................


I have just read the whole thread and watched the 4 vids, which are great by the way, they give some hope

OK, time to face up to my addiction and Porn induced ED.

I’m 39, been M to porn since I was 13, been M to internet porn since I was 18 and got ED at 30. I couldn’t work out what was happening, I wasn’t in a regular relationship so it didn’t effect me too much apart from the embarrassment, but it wasn’t all the time so I just got on with it.

Then at 31 I got into a relationship with a girl 10 years younger than me. She was insatiable, wanted it all the time so I decided to get myself checked out. As I now know there was nothing physically wrong and so I started using Cialis. It was great at the beginning, I couldn’t believe it, the erections where so strong and I could even repeat on them. Life was good for a change. Then after a while I couldn’t even get it up on that stuff so I changed to Viagra, it got a little better, but the ED eventually come back to haunt me. All the while still M on the net, gradually looking at harder and harder stuff. I think at that time it was a combination of porn and anxiety. At 33 that relationship ended due to other reasons, but I’m sure ED played a part. I dint want to talk about it, I got annoyed when she wanted sex.

I played around a bit, and started using sites to meet girls for occasional sex. As with any addiction, that got worse and started to get into bondage and very hardcore sex. The amount of hours I have wasted on finding the ‘right girl’ to fulfill my sordid fantasies is unbelievable, if I had channeled all that time and effort into education I could have a few degrees by now, what a waste of time.

I met a girl 2 1/2 years ago, so again went back on the cialis full time, 2 x 20mg pills a week, some times more. We moved into together 6 months ago. I still have trouble getting an erection around once a month and only have sex with my girl once a week now if she is lucky. My libido is next to nothing. I haven’t told her about my addiction, she has found my pills and I just say I use them now and again. I’m still meeting for kinky sex, I can’t leave it alone. I feel so guilty that I meet these girls but don’t want sex with her. She is 10 years younger than me and in her prime, she deserve so much more.

I think the thing that has escalated my addiction is that 4 ½ years ago I started a new job that means I work from home. It gives me the opportunity to sit at home all day and M. Literally over the last 7 workings days I’ve M on average for 5 hours a day. I’m not getting any work done and could lose my job over this. A comedian once said that when he learns that someone works from home, he always asks ‘how’s the M going’. How true

One year or so ago I discovered the link between porn and ED and haven’t done anything about it, but now I’m going to.

I never cheated on any of my other girlfriends, but I just haven’t been able to help myself. I love my girl dearly and don’t want to do this to her any more, let alone what I’m doing to myself. This is going to end, this has to stop.

I just hope I can return my brain to normal, have a proper life. It’s funny, writing this down and spilling my guts has made me aware how much I need to do something to get myself out of the hole I have put myself in.

Good luck to all of you out there, there is hope and I feel for the girlfriends and wives who have to go through this with them, often without knowing what the problem actually is.


Hey everyone,

Here is a little background info about me: I have been masturbating since I was 13 years old. When I started 9th grade, I got my first computer with high speed internet access. That's when the porn and masturbation addiction began. I would masturbate to porn at-least once a day up until now at age 24. The longest I went without masturbation throughout that time was 7 days because I was on a cruise with a bunch of friends and couldn't beat it without the possibility of them catching me; which would have been really embarrassing. During that cruise, it was amazing how badly I wanted to watch porn and masturbate. I literally couldn't wait to get off the damn cruise ship to get back to my computer and fire up the porn. Pathetic, I know.

I started noticing around 12 grade that I was becoming socially anxious. I constantly worried about what people were thinking of me. I have always been somewhat of a shy person but there is a difference between being shy and social anxiety. I had no interest in hanging out with friends. Socializing just felt like it required so much effort; I just wanted to be alone in my room. I was constantly tired and had no motivation to do anything. I had no idea it was the porn and masturbation rewiring my brain. The funny thing is that I had always thought things like "Man, there has to be some kind of negative effect of me jerking off every day to porn". Since a lot of my friends masturbated to porn, I thought it was normal. I looked at porn and masturbation as my drug of choice, except it was better than a drug because there were no negative side effects. Holy shit was I wrong. I soon began to have casual sex with a girl from school. The first time she gave me oral sex, I could barely maintain an erection. I couldn't believe it, I was finally getting a BJ and I couldn't keep it up. How could I be 18 years old and have ED? We fooled around the next day and once again I could barely maintain an erection while having intercourse with her. I felt so embarrassed. The problem then continued with other girls.

The social anxiety, brain fog, lack of motivation, and other PMO side effects continued to escalate. I began researching the internet on excessive masturbation and somehow ended up on Reuniting and YBOP. I couldn't believe it. I began reading all the information on the sites. I was amazed how so many other guys were feeling the same way I was. I have been rebooting now for 6 weeks, with one relapse into week 3. I feel so much better. I still have a long way to go before my brain fully reboots, but I do notice around a 30% to 40% improvement. I'm more comfortable around friends and total strangers, I have more energy, more motivation, I'm in a better mood most of the day, and many other positive effects.


Success stories for porn-induced ED? I'd love some support in this new journey!

YES! I'm straight, but guessing that the effects of porn are pretty similar regardless of orientation. I've had ED off and on for years (ever since the first time I had sex actually). I always knew it was psychological, but didn't realize it was related to porn until about a year ago when I started reading up. As you can see from my counter, I still relapse with porn on occasion. But I no longer have ED ever. I probably watch porn an average of once a week at this point, though I'm always striving to give it up completely. I can definitely say reducing porn usage got rid of my ED, and that sex is the best the longer I've been away from porn.

The tip on stopping masturbating was true for me too. I masturbate much less now as well. Masturbation doesn't have much of an effect on my ED, but it does make me crave porn, which is why I avoid it for the most part now too.

Give pornfree a try for awhile, I bet you'll notice a difference and feel better.



Hey, I found this site through yourbrainonporn.com. Anyway, after another unfulfilling sexual encounter with a girl a few months ago... July I think, I realized that porn and masturbation were my problem, I've been at it since my mid teens and like many here, I find it more enjoyable than regular intercourse. Anyway, I went a week at first, but then it was on and off trying to stay away. About a month ago I was with another girl, no intercourse, but she gave me a bj and a hj. It was barely enough, but I finally had my first orgasm with a girl (I'm 22). It really wasn't satisfying so I decided again to try and improve. I had never been able to not masturbate for more than a week until I found yourbrainonporn. I recommitted, but only made it two weeks. I got drunk and indulged myself, and did so again the following day. I did notice that my penile sensitivity was greatly increased.

The downside to this is that I also discovered that the rush I get from PMO is larger again, so the past few days have been a struggle with 2 days off the biggest streak since my relapse on the 2nd. But I really want to make this work. On the two weeks off, I felt great! I could tell that girls were checking me out and I was being more assertive around them. Also I've been feeling depressed over the passed few months and this depression all but vanished during those two weeks. I know a reboot would do wonders for me, I just have to keep trying. I feel like reporting in here will give me some sense of accountability, so we'll see how it goes and I'll try to report in on a regular basis. Any comments or questions are welcome.


Getting back on track.

It is such a nice feeling finding out that you are not the only one suffering this problem, and an even nicer feeling discovering that there is already and established and supportive community out there as well. As bad as it sounds, it was overwhelmingly exciting reading about other people experiencing identical symptoms as myself. I cannot believe that this problem is not more widely known, I have been to the doctor several times only to leave with a sample pack of viagra/ciallis and a sympathetic pat on the back. There must be so many other young men like me who are yet to discover the cause of their problems, and that in itself is incredibly worrying. I guess I should start by talking a little bit about myself. Currently I am about to turn 19 years old and I am in my first year of university, and am suffering pretty badly from ED. My story seems to be a fairly typical story around these parts, so I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. I remember when I was around 11 or 12, I used to lie in bed at night thinking about girls all the time. I remember that I looked forward to going to bed, just so I could lie privately in bed, and think about them. I never even used to notice that I would get erections from doing this. Then one night, when I was around 13, I masturbated for the first time. It was such a strange experience, and I remember that when I ejaculated, I felt scared yet elated at the same time. Over the next year or so I began masturbating more and more frequently, beginning with maybe once or twice a week, then around once a day. I didn’t have any access to pornographic material, and was completely using fantasies for arousal, but boy, it was enough.  Even the sight of a pretty girl would get me instantly hard at times.

Then, when I was around 15, I discovered the joys of internet porn. I began to masturbate around 2 or 3, sometimes up to 6 times a day, consistently up until the present. At first it was wonderful, unbelievably good. I had a few girlfriends around the age of 15, 16, we never got into anything very serious sexually, but I was always hard during making out etc. Around the age of 16 and a half though, I began to notice a decline in my erectile function. I attributed this to many things: stress, anxiety and on bad relationships/break ups with ex’s. I never even considered it to be due to my PMO habits. It gradually got worse and worse, up until the present day.                

 

Currently I cannot sustain erections for very long at all without constant stimulation without my girlfriends or my hand, even when watching porn (obviously alone, my girlfriend would never watch porn haha). I remember getting erections when I was younger, and they felt unstoppable, once I got even slightly aroused, bam, instant hard-on. Now I need to force my penis to become even 60-70% erect and have not even come close to achieving an 80-90% for at least a year. I am constantly tired, I am never motivated, and my memory is getting markedly worse. I recently lost my virginity, and it was a let-down, a disappointment. It didn’t feel anywhere near as good as I had experienced with porn in the past. I only lasted about 5 minutes before I was limp, and to be honest, I didn’t really enjoy it that much sexually. This did not make sense at all. When I was younger I used to dream of the day I’d lose it, and I used to think my biggest problem would be premature-ejaculation.

This lead to a lot of self-doubt and anxiety, and also what I now recognise as HOCD: Was I gay? Was I asexual? Was I physically ill? I tried to answer these questions with a lot of research and perseverance.

 I am definitely not homophobic, and I have many gay friends, but I have never ever really felt romantically or sexually attracted to another man, especially in my pre-PMO days, when I was very, very definitely straight…  I even tried watching gay porn, which didn’t excite me one little bit. Shemale porn shocked me into arousal a couple of times, but I realised that it was mostly the womanly features and the “wrong-ness” (for want of a better word) that were turning me on. So I crossed that of the list.

Asexuality was another possiblitly, as there were times when I experienced absolutely no sex-drive or libido, and was only PMO-ing out of habit. However, given my pre-PMO days, I could rule this one out pretty quickly.

The last possibility was that I had a physical problem. I was pretty convinced that this was my problem, as my penis had developed a definite bend/crook from constantly masturbating and I often experience pain upon achieving an erection (although this is when I force one, not on the very, very rare occasions when I am genuinely aroused) I was also needing to go to the toilet far more often than my peers. I went to the doctors several times, and even went to an urologist. Neither could find anything wrong with me or my penis, and both said I just needed to relax and gave me Ciallis or Viagra. Blood-tests also returned normal results for testosterone levels.

I think the reason the medical field has not yet caught on to this problem is because most medical researchers and doctors are old, and did not have easy access to pornography when they were young people. Therefore this condition seems unfeasible to them because they have never even had the chance to become susceptible to it. I know that if I didn’t have access to porn, I definitely wouldn’t be having the trouble that I am having now.

So there I was, confused and very depressed. The medical field hadn’t provided a solution, I wasn’t gay and I wasn’t asexual.  Thank God I discovered Yourbrainonporn.com.

I am going to begin rebooting immediately. I know that this is very ambitious to begin straight away and it will be hard to achieve but I see no reason to delay ceasing to PMO. I think the hardest task will be getting to sleep, as for the past three years I have masturbated myself to sleep every night. Even last night, I was up till 4 in the morning until I fell asleep, but boy, it felt good waking up in the morning and knowing that I hadn’t masturbated the night before. I don’t think stopping myself from accessing porn will be a problem, as I have successfully done this in the past many times. Looking back now, I actually noticed the benefits of stopping watching porn previously, but I, like many others, failed to make the connection between porn and my ED. I think the biggest challenge will be stopping masturbating altogether.

At the moment, I am living at college and I have a girlfriend who lives in the same college as well. We sleep together (literally sleep, not the other “sleeping together) most nights and also have sex maybe every second night. This is a very frustrating experience for us, as I am only able to stay hard enough for sex for about 5 to 10 mins, and if I stop for even a tiny amount of time, I lose interest immediately. In the morning I will pleasure her and get her to orgasm, and most of the time she will give me oral or a handjob. I will orgasm, but it is not as strong as when I watch porn, and I am not completely hard either. Thankfully she is understanding, and I hope she will have the patience to wait it out while I attempt to reboot, although I would completely understand if she wanted to break it off.


30 y/o male here…I have been struggling with wanking since I was introduced to it from the tender age of 8 by a friend. I look back; I spent most of my high school years awkward and shy, even though I was good looking and one of the best athletes around. I went bald very early… although I am genetically predisposed but no one went bald that early in either side. I did manage to get laid a few times here and there after high school, but nothing was satisfactory and I couldn’t cum from sex and would lose erections frequently. I always have been into “esoteric” knowledge, and I came across something that said men should not waste their semen (jing) and it all made sense to me. I quit for a while, met a nice hot girl and we had great sex…. during this time I was magnetic, i evolved from a guy chicks liked as a friend to a stud… much to the dismay of my ex because I did cheat from time to time. I was just reveling in my new found sexual energy that I never allowed to build up.

Unfortunately, I ended up going back to my old ways, and in sync with that, our sex life decreased and eventually we broke up after 4 years. I was crushed… And instead of giving up this habit I just went head on into porn consumption, and with high speed internet, along with a bad coke habit… spiraled out of control with this. My sexual tastes started getting much more specific and “kinky”. Eventually, I got to the point where I get barely an erection even while masturbating… sex was totally out of the question unless I had some viagra or something… then I was a stud but it still didn’t feel right.

Well, 4 years later, here I am depressed, anti social, nothing going for me and living in mom’s basement. I have decided once in for all to kick this habit, I know it locks me in a negative state. Anytime I’ve ever given up this habit, good things start happening. It’s not a magic cure but I really feel that you give off a different vibe when you’re “Full” of your manly energies. I have gone the last 5 days without and immediately I can notice my interactions with girls, and guy to be much better. I a much more relaxed, my voice is deeper, the girls seem to go out of their way to talk/flirt with me. I know they found me attractive before… I dress good, look great for my age despite being bald. I just feel a certain magic/sexual power… like I can seduce any woman and it’s great. I think most people that are saying this is bullshit are just so deluded… denial is very powerful.. few people have the power to look deep within their soul and question themselves. Ego is the destroyer of so many people… lose your ego. One of my best friends has potential to be a great musician, but he also is lacking in some areas and anytime I’ve tried to bring this up to him… he goes into denial or kinda does the in one ear, out the other thing. He will most likely not succeed on his own unless he has a major eye opening.

My personal belief is “they”, the powers that be, want a population of docile schmucks and I think that is why masturbation is encouraged so much. You’re weird if you DON’T do it… I feel so much more able to take action ALREADY and it’s only been 5 days into my “rebooting” process. I recommend people check out the website- yourbrainonporn.com It is quite enlightening, and explains how this is truly a bad thing to indulge yourself in on a regular basis without religious dogma or eastern mysticism for you scientific/logical types.

Now, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the occasional tug job, IF you’re not getting laid. If you have sexual prospects you shouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a necessity; you aren’t going to get prostate cancer, that’s a bunch of bs. Wet dreams are nature’s way of “cleaning the pipes” if you’re not getting sex.

It’s crazy how we went from being a totally repressed puritanical society, to a completely depraved wanton society who’s motto is, “if it feels good, do it” Where is the balance??? I think in 10 20 years it’ll become mainstream knowledge that excessive wanking, especially to porn is detrimental to ones well being. Sure, porn has been around for a long time… but never until the last 10-15 years have we been exposed to so much porn. You don’t have to go to the seedy “book store” to get your fix, and even then you’re only able to get so much and it costs a lot…. now you don’t have to pay for it (if you know what you’re doing) and can be up to your eyeballs in it immediately. That is not natural.

Think about highly successful people that you admire or want to be like. Do you think 2pac sat around beating his meat for hours a day?

Hi I'm 33 years old and married for just over a year. While my wife and I went on our honeymoon just over a year ago we tried having sex. I remained abstinent up until I was married (Although growing up having girlfriends I did other things i.e. heavy petting, oral) and so did she. So when we finally did it, it was needless to say awkward and clumsy. What I had noticed though is that I could get it up but as soon as I tried to penetrate I would go down. If I did penetrate I wouldn't last long. For the past year this is something that I have been struggling with. My wife (God bless her) has been VERY patient and understanding. But we always thought that this was normal and it just take a while to "Get it right"

But something in me said something wasn't right. Advice that I had gotten from friends was that I was just anxious, and I needed to relax. That could be part of it but it still wasn't helping me. At this point in our marriage I was becoming discouraged. Sex was something that I couldn't do and wondered if I ever could. I was afraid that I would never be able to have children. My doctor suggested that I take some meds i.e. cialis or Viagra but I really don't want to.

Then I stumbled onto yourbrainonporn.com And it all made sense to me. A lot of these behaviors described me to a tee. Since I wanted to remain abstinent till marriage I used PMO as my outlet. And had no idea what I was doing to my brain. I feel that all those years of PMO have lead to my problems in my marriage. I have been using porn steadily since I was a teenager. But now I really want to kick the habit. Not for me really but for my beautiful wife who deserves so much more in the bedroom than I can currently give her. I shared with my wife all the research that I had done regarding porn and the brain and my problem with porn. To my surprise her response was "of course you've had a problem, you're a guy after all". And we laughed. I apologized to her for my use of porn even in our marriage, she said it was ok. I also told her of my plan to try a reboot and see if that would fix my problem in the bedroom, but this means that we couldn't have sex for 2 months maybe longer. She is 100% on board and supporting me thorough this process.

George Clooney? Leo Messi? No, they most likely channeled that sexual energy into their respective crafts to further themselves along.


Hi I'm 33 years old and married for just over a year. While my wife and I went on our honeymoon just over a year ago we tried having sex. I remained abstinent up until I was married (Although growing up having girlfriends I did other things i.e. heavy petting, oral) and so did she. So when we finally did it, it was needless to say awkward and clumsy. What I had noticed though is that I could get it up but as soon as I tried to penetrate I would go down. If I did penetrate I wouldn't last long. For the past year this is something that I have been struggling with. My wife (God bless her) has been VERY patient and understanding. But we always thought that this was normal and it just take a while to "Get it right"

But something in me said something wasn't right. Advice that I had gotten from friends was that I was just anxious, and I needed to relax. That could be part of it but it still wasn't helping me. At this point in our marriage I was becoming discouraged. Sex was something that I couldn't do and wondered if I ever could. I was afraid that I would never be able to have children. My doctor suggested that I take some meds i.e. cialis or Viagra but I really don't want to.

Then I stumbled onto yourbrainonporn.com And it all made sense to me. A lot of these behaviors described me to a tee. Since I wanted to remain abstinent till marriage I used PMO as my outlet. And had no idea what I was doing to my brain. I feel that all those years of PMO have lead to my problems in my marriage. I have been using porn steadily since I was a teenager. But now I really want to kick the habit. Not for me really but for my beautiful wife who deserves so much more in the bedroom than I can currently give her. I shared with my wife all the research that I had done regarding porn and the brain and my problem with porn. To my surprise her response was "of course you've had a problem, you're a guy after all". And we laughed. I apologized to her for my use of porn even in our marriage, she said it was ok. I also told her of my plan to try a reboot and see if that would fix my problem in the bedroom, but this means that we couldn't have sex for 2 months maybe longer. She is 100% on board and supporting me thorough this process.


Speedy recovery, maybe.

I'm 18 years old and have been watching porn since i was about 13 or 14. I don't think i was ever heavily addicted for those four/five years; i never got into really hard stuff and normally i wouldn't watch porn everyday sometimes not even every other day. However, I'm pretty sure that porn use is responsible for my ED when i'm with real girls. I discovered YBOP in early August and i started to try a reboot around the 4th of August. I've MOed twice since then the first time to porn, the most recent being around the 13 or so without porn or fantasy. But since then i've been going for broke and trying not to jerk off or anything again. I start college the last week of September so i'm hoping to have regained a lot of erectile health by then so i can fool around with girls again. But if not i'll just continue the reboot more. From some of the journals  i've read on here it seems that some of the younger guys had a relatively quick recovery, i'm hoping i'll be the same.

On a side note I'm a pretty dedicated to fitness and weightlifting, normally i'll work out 4 or 5 times each week. If figure that means I probably have a lot of testosterone could this be advantageous in my recovery?


It seems like every time I try to get horny, I have to go to the bathroom while I still don't get an erection or barely get horny. I'm changing though. Starting right now, I'm quitting porn forever. I've been looking at it since I was 12. It all came crashing down when I was 18. I'm 19 now by the way. I had problems getting hard just fantasizing. I just thought it was all in my head, so I tried fucking this girl. She was naked right in front of me and I didn't even feel anything, so embarrassing. Then about 3 months later I tried again with another girl, she was soo good and I couldn't even get hard or feel anything. So embarrassing. I kept saying how it couldn't be from porn. So I decided to give it a try about a few weeks ago. I went a whole week without PMO. I felt great, I even came close to getting a boner just looking at these girls doing yoga in my class. When I was talking to a girl, I started to feel aroused. But then I fell right back into the trap, back to porn. And I still didn't feel it when looking at porn. It's just so addictive. So now I'm calling it quits.


For me, porn is the greater evil.

Now I'm all for nofapping, because if I understand correctly, most of us are here because vanilla sex isn't doing it for us anymore, and nofapping helps us return to normal again, but what causes this abnormality in the first place?

For me, it's porn. I'm still not gonna fap because I'm so pissed at myself for getting to this level of fetish, but I don't think M or O is as destructive as P.

You may be asking why.

I'm lucky enough that I had access to internet only at the age of 14-15, on a 28.8k modem. So any early life fapping was done with imagination (I already had submissive tendencies so I usually imagined soft S&M with girls I liked).

Then the internet came but femdom wasn't that popular yet, so I spent most of my young porn days looking at vanilla sex stuff. I was again fortunate enough to have lost my virginity at 17, which was when I started searching more into femdom, but because this era was still in the 56.6k modem stage (DSL was too pricey), I never suffered from ED much.

Then high speed internet came and femdom branched out. There were tons and tons of sub fetishes. At first I was glad to just see .zips of pictures of those new fetishes. Then they turned to videos. Then harder stuff. Starting to notice how my fetishes have changed over the time, I got scared. I used to just enjoy a girl sitting on my face but now I have fetishes I'll NEVER tell anyone in real life.

All this while I was starting to feel the ED (not really physical, but more "disinterested" in vanilla sex, thus no hard on). I figured I still could ejaculate in 3 minutes to porn so I thought nothing of it.

Then lately I've been getting lucky with girls, but whenever the time comes to do the deed I just feel like I'm going through the motions. Sometimes I feel as though I DON'T wanna do it. My thought process goes a little like this:

Man she's hot, but I can't get it up. WTF is wrong with me? She's lying there waiting for me, why am I not bothered to do anything? Hm.. fingering her isn't fun. I'm soft. She's looking at me, I better fake pleasure.

All this thought makes me do everything with a pause, or lack of passion, and it gets really weird. Then when we get to poking, I end up being distant, I don't moan, I close my eyes and focus really hard on my fetish. I almost never cum most of the time.

So I thought fuck it I'm forgoing porn, my fetishes, fapping, and I'm gonna make myself as desperate as possible so that the next time I make love, I'll actually enjoy it. Then one Google search led to another, and I found out there's actually a thing called porn induced ED.

To any skeptics out there, I can assure you, it's REAL. It fucks up with real life, unless you're willing to pay pro's to live out your fantasies, which doesn't sustain anyway.

But seeing how I went through life, I won't say that M&O kills it. I'd say porn. Online high quality novelty porn. Fuck that shit.

Now whenever I have the urge to look up porn, I just think about wanting a proper lovemaking session, and I easily forget about it. It's been roughly week 2 and I've been spared the withdrawals, but it might take a while before I actually don't need to imagine my fetish to get off during vanilla sex.

I've been reading around and I think the worst is financial dom. I see a lot of guys who are struggling as hell, because they don't even need to see porn. Once they hear a mistress asking them to give her all their money, they do, and for them, that's one major P relapse. I'm so glad I just have normal femdom fetishes. But that'd easily escalate if were to continue down my porn road.

So for all you guys who've relapsed with M&O, don't fret. Get back on it, but for the love of God try your best to stay away from P.

TL;DR Porn is your biggest enemy, not your bodily wants.


There is nothing wrong with masturbation in moderation (which could be once a day, or once every few hours depending on the person).

I, and many others, have harmful masturbatory practices. I stopped being able to maintain an erection with women consistently at 18. I've had huge issues with depression and anxiety that have been resistant to treatment. Shortly after I wasn't able to even get a full erection with women.

I almost always used porn when I masturbated and taking 45 minutes to over an hour was not uncommon (between distractions --I'm always high when I fap-- and searching for good porn it could take a while. Most of the time im just holding my limp dick in my hand).

I'm hoping nofap cures my ED. It's extremely limiting. I haven't seriously tried to pick up a woman in a decade.

It's ok to fap. It's just some of us have harmful habits.

I will say that my first two faps after going almost two weeks were insanely intense. The entire sensation was new. Breaks can benefit even those of you not engaged in harmful practices. Just find the right balance for you


LINK -NPH

Hi I'm 38yrs old and I've suffered from ED for the last 8years. I watched porn for the last 10 years but I never thought my ED was caused by this. I thought it was performance anxiety. My erections would be weak, I had no sex drive and there was no sign of any morning wood. Depressing times  I came across yourbrainonporn and decided to try it. It's been 96 days without porn and masturbation and I'm having some success (morning wood is coming back and slightly stronger erections).           I've been in a relationship with a seriously hot woman for the last 5 months so I have been attempting sex at the weekends. I get hard but I lose it when I start to think about the lack of sensation in my penis. I literally cannot feel my erection sometimes. Crazy! I try again and I usually orgasm.           

 

I'm wondering has anybody continued with sex with their partner and recovered? Am I slowing the process down by orgasming with my girl? I sometimes use natural herbal supplements because I fear it might not work.

One other thing has anybody gone through feelings of sadness with the reboot? These last 2 weeks I've had no sex drive or sensation whatsoever even though my girl is extremely beautiful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


I'm a gay guy who's had ED issues for the last five years. The first time it happened was with an ex boyfriend. I lost it halfway through sex because I was quite frankly bored. And over the years it's just got worse. The most embarrassing times are always during foreplay where I always stay soft; I tried to imagine the porn I watched to get my junk working, but nothing would ever happen, and my hook ups would always think something was up. Over the years I just sat in my room and let my PMO habits take over. I was depressed, hated socialising, and started to imagine my entire life sat in my room, tossing off to porn - I even started to fantasise about this scenario.

But over the last few weeks, I started to think something must be wrong with me. So I typed into Google, 'erectile dysfunction and porn addiction.' I couldn't believe this disorder existed, and it was amazing just how many people on the internet who were in a similar situation. Any way, I've given up porn for the last six days now, and I've already noticed some effects. I was sitting on the train, and I heard two guys talking intimately with each other - nothing sexy - and I got a huge erection. I couldn't believe it. It was embarrassing trying to cover it up when I was walking off the train. I felt like a teenager.

I'm thinking this might be one of the best decisions of my life.


LINK -Day 1

I am 26 years old - Suffering from ED for the last couple of years and I will give you some background about it. I started masturbating without porn when I was 13 years old. This was the best feeling the world and before I knew I was hooked on it

By 15 I was introduced to porn by a friend. And I was totally hooked on it. I didn't have a computer in my house so I used to go to Internet cafes and spend hours watching porn everyday. And come home and Masturbate .This habit continued till I I got my computer . I would watch porn since my family used to go to sleep around midnight till usually 5am .I will masturbate a couple of times everything. I had a girlfriend but she lived out of state and we never had sex.

By 18 I was still a virgin and one I was watching porn everyday - I had a crazy sex drive. I never had a wet dream I was masturbating every day without exception. The first time I had sex was with this girl. My first time it was awful I didn't have any sensation at all -it felt like a chore it wasn't at all I saw in the videos. I blamed it on the woman and my inexperience -she wasn't tight enough and I didn't have any experience. Never saw her again .Next time I had sex was a year later with this another girl when I was 18 again and this time I lasted a long time and I fucked her like crazy full hard but the sensation wasn't strong and I was using a condom. I in my head thought that the lack of sensation that I felt is an advantage that I can use to last longer. I feel the longer you last the better is it for the other person. I wanted it to be a performance the same way I used to see it in the videos. I lasted a long time and she loved it as far as I know and boosted my confidence a lot. I thought I was porn star.

At age 19 I am masturbating everyday - sometimes a couple of times. from teen porn I moved to mature ladies porn - and now i get my first gf that i can have regular sex with . The first time I tried to last a long time constantly trying prolong the session. I wanted to have sex for atleast 1 hour every time. I would go soft but I could get it back hard. We used to it in the car. My gf was very insecure and I always thought I could do better. The first couple of months was ok - I never enjoyed sex but I always blamed i on the fact that she wasnt hot enough. I started experiencing a lack if interest in sex By age 21 I cheated on her - and I was rock hard. so it was confirmed it was my gf. I would go to clubs and grind with girls to make sure i got erections. a few months later we broke up

By age 23 - I am still masturbating everyday and this is when I realized something is wrong with me . Where I meet this my friend to have sex with her and I couldn't get it up. And that has been a prb since and I started exercising and blamed it on my smoking habit. but nothing changed - Last year it was confirmed I had problem with by third girlfriend but I couldn't tell her. I started using Marijuana and for some reason when I was high I would get rock hard and it used to feel very good and the sensations was great. I could not get erect without getting high. I broke up with her a couple months later.

   " I don't feel like a man when I can't make love to the woman I love"


Stories like these is the reason why I have hope. (LINK to thread)

I recently hooked up with a girl 2 times but they were both fail, I have had porn addiction since middle school till now. I did not have any problems getting erect in front of a girl as late as 19 but now at 25 when I hook up I am ED mode. Tried for more than a hour and it was just embarrassing and I could tell I really hurt her confidence which I feel terrible about and I can no longer face her. I'm heading towards Day 10, hopefully after several months I will be cured. Good for you man! I want to pleasure a girl as much as I love her.


My porn induced ed reboot

Hey all , I'm a 24 yo gay guy from Ireland liveing in Australia. I'm on day ten of my reboot, and really loving this site and all your posts and comments, very helpfull!! I've been po free 10 days altough I did edge abit on day 5 but Notting since , this evening I was texting a guy and it got steamy! I was very aroused don't no if this is a set back? But not gona let it happen again this means to much to me!! I've been mo for as long as I remember before I even had pubes lol I have always been a very horny young man, been pmo since about 13 I think started whith erotic stories moved on to naked pics, hard core vids have been round the last 3 or 4 years:(. Have a lot of symptoms in common with other guys on here, can't remember the last time I was fully erect without porn, and when I'm with a guy I get hard really easily but lose it just as quick and it's really pissin me off!! So I'm determined to see this true!! I've had few sexual experiences in my youth but web I did I never had trouble even wen it was with women and I'm gay lol, so on day ten and feelin really good so far, my head is much clearer and I'm fully focused to see this true, I'm not going to txt guys anymore till I'm sorted cause it always ends up talking dirty and it's getting me aroused altough during the last to days I havnt been looking at guys as bad as I normally do, think I'm getting close to flatline cause I've experienced it before and I'm starting to feel that way again , so here's hopeing!! I'll keep posting my progression true this so hopefully it will help others as other peoples have and still are helping me :)


so what pushed you over the edge and made you say "no more"?

I already knew I had a sexual addiction related to pornography, lacked the willpower to stop (even when I promised myself), but I didn't think it had much effect on the rest of my life, just my own personal private addiction.

Until I saw the TEDtalk, anyway. it helped all the pieces fit together, and I realized how much it was affecting my life overall.

All the online courses I was interested in taking that I just couldn't find the motivation to really get into.

All the cleaning I had been planning to do that I just couldn't get started

All the games I had reneged on playing with my kids...

See, that's the thing. I think I may be significantly older than many of the people here. Got a wife, kids, career...but the porn isn't new. It started years ago...many years ago when I was 6, digging out my dad's Hustlers and Playboys.

later, in teens, I finally got the balls to call some of the numbers in the back of the magazines, and for many years I was hooked on phone sex. Racked up my parents' phone bill, then moved out and kept getting my phone disconnected due to the 3-400 dollar phone bill, from phone sex. I'd eventually be able to pay it off, get it reconnected, and the next month it was disconnected again.

Then the internet became common enough that everyone could get it in their home, the world wide web, and...I appeared to get better to everyone around me.

Not the case, I had just gone deeper underground.

Through all this, it wasn't ~too~ bad, I was able to maintain a social life. Yeah, I avoided some gatherings, I was too busy on USEnet downloading binaries, but I also got dragged out, made friends, had girlfriends, had relationships. Not a single breakup was due to fap, as far as I can tell, though maybe even now I don't see it as well.

I got my wife slightly before streaming video became commonplace. thank Zeus.

Things got a lot worse with streaming video, my wife and I started losing contact. I attributed it to her pregnancy and not wanting to be touched, in a way I blamed her, it was her fault I had to turn to this stuff anyway, denying me, how dare she. in retrospect it was just more of the same, and I was making excuses.

The real problem seems to have been when she started taking anti-anxiety medication that lowered her sex drive. I didn't pressure her, I was supportive....but I also started turning more and more to porn to relieve my issues. It was there in the background, but with her loss of interest it became a daily, even several times daily occurrence.

The fact that my brain chemistry, my dopamine tolerance...will lower in a couple months give me a goal to shoot for (pardon the pun). I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. I know I can save myself. And honestly, I know the triggers too.

boredom, really, is a big one. nothing going on, don't want to do the things that I should be doing, why not take a few minutes out?

Because it has measurable effects, that's why, and it's a slippery slope. That's why. Because I can't trust my own integrity, that's why. And because the few times my wife shows interest in me, she wonders why I'm not that into it. Blames herself. How do I tell her it's because I'm having troubles with ED at that particular moment, having troubles getting myself aroused, that despite all my love and desire for her, it seems to be misplaced at that moment??

So yeah. Day 1, Zeus help me. I can do this.


SUCCESS Becoming normal again! HAnxiety Journal

I'll start my journal. I'll tell my story real quick. I did PMO very hard the last years. I got a girlfriend and have DE and sex was amazing - for her. For me, I was desensitized and was never able to cum inside. Also started to develop ED and lose erection during intercourse. I continued PMOing and ED gots worse. Also  I start to get more and more anxious about it, because I know my friends are different than me, my libido turned to zero and girls' body doesn't seems attractive anymore. But i was sensitized to everything related to PMO, like being alone in my house, the time before sleeping, this kind of stuff. Then I have strong cravings.

I stayed 60 days PM free but had sex every 15 days. Sex got better, I could ejaculate and was starting to get spontaneous erections again. I thought I was "cured". Got back to MO and back to day 01. Never saw porn again since April. I will NEVER watch porn anymore Now I'm on day 22 without M and day 1 without O.

I fucked a girl Saturday. The problem is that I ejaculated to fast, like PE. My urge to orgasm got really big after 15 days no PMO so I called a fuck buddy and had sex. But I regret a little bit. I really want to see how much I can get without O. And, yes, my ED problem is not fixed yet!

So I decided to start the journal!


I Can't Let This Happen Again, I Won't Let This Happen Again! 2 O

I am a 24 year old straight guy in New York City and I have spent the last 8 months trying to kick the PMO habit, albeit on an inconsistent basis. I have probably watched porn about 4 times in this time span and masturbated twice in the process. I have also masturbated with fantasy and without fantasy a lot in between although the erections would sometimes be iffy.

I'll go over some key stretches and relapses I have had. My first attempt to only lasted 8 days because I was being given a handjob by a girl I was dating at the time and orgasmed. Since I was having issues ejaculating/staying hard anyhow, it took a ton of effort and it essentially felt like I was masturbating when I eventually came. During my 2nd attempt, I stopped dating the girl I was seeing and lasted 35 days. I ended up smoking with a friend, lost my composure and eventually MO'd. In between then and now I have had stretches where I wouldn't masturbate for as little as 2 or 3 days or as long as 3 or 4 weeks. So I don't think I have totally done this in vain. I have even been able to sex with a condom a few times to orgasm, but I couldn't begin to explain how inconsistent and erratic my libido and erectile strength has been. I'm currently at 6 days no PMO since I had absolutely no sex drive with 2 separate women on Friday and Saturday which was mind blowingly depressing.

My biggest issues have been partying, drinking, smoking, etc. I used to work out 3 days a week consistently, but with my job and the travel involved with it, working out on a frequent basis just isn't feasible. I would say that 80% of my relapses have come at the hands of alcohol and/or marijuana. I drink a lot at work with/without clients and on the weekends, but have curbed down going out on the weekdays. I have been pretty active this summer playing in basketball and soccer leagues as well. I am also a big music buff and hit up concerts as much as possible.

At 6 days from my last MO, I am in a flatline. I didn't realize flatlines could come so quickly after a MO, but I had no urge to MO again and, as I said before, had no luck during the weekend getting it up. I have a neuroscience/philosophy background so I tend to over think a lot especially at matters dealing with the brain, neurons, and neuromuscular junctions which are especially interesting to me.

At this point, it is probably better to not think and just do. I also have attachment/acceptance issues with women because of the ED associated with all this and have lost some potentially great women so it's now or never to move on and start building worthwhile relationships.

To finish off the environment I am in, I have 2 roommates. One if is a NYU film student who is extremely created and just a ton of fun. He is my best friend and a huge pothead. He has been influential in the weed smoking no doubt. The other roommate is a girl who loves partying and brings over women all the time. I have been attracted to and/or fooled around with a handful of them, but because I don't want to make things too weird for my roommate, I don't want to risk anything by even trying to have sex with any of her friends. So friends of friends, random women I meet, women in my building, etc are safer (not literally) bets. My roommates and I have been friends since Freshman year of college and are really close. They are both aware of my performance issues.

Anywho, here are some goals I want to meet in the next 3 months:

1) 90 days of no PMO. I would say longer, but because I have been inconsistently battling this issue anyhow, 90 days should be sufficient.

2) I am trying to curb my drinking down to as little as possible. I think cutting it out completely would be incredibly tough, but 1 night out a week where I drink beers and am somewhat tipsy rather than drunk is very doable. The hardest part may be that NCAAF and NFL seasons begin next Saturday and I literally spent all weekend in bars last season.

3) I will quit smoking altogether whether it is cigarettes (which I haven't smoked in a month or two) or marijuana. This should be much more manageable and my best friend knows I have given it up so my biggest influence is under control.

4) I want to try to workout more often, preferably 3 times a week.

5) Most importantly, I want to stop fooling around with women for at least the first month.

6) I will continue taking a GNC sports multivitamin and Gingko Biloba for the remainder or this journey.

I really need to just step up and kick the habit. I am sick of attempting to sleep around with random people. I am sick of my libido being in a total flux. I just need to get my shit together and make a strong run. I don't want to go through the depressing my penis is not working problem ever again.

I am excited about posting my progress on this website and getting everyone's viewpoint on my situation.

Thanks again everyone!


Journal of Nickolas Duval.

I am new here. My name is Nick Duval and I started this journal for a simple reason. This morning I woke up next to a girl. We had a fun night, but I experienced a problem. Again.

I was 14 years old when I got my hands on a magazine with pictures of naked girls. It didn't take long before I replaced the erotic magazine for a magazine filled with pictures with a pornographic nature; the kinds of magazines that are hidden behind all the other magazines and are located on the top shelf in a gas station. Probably to keep them out of sight of 14 year olds…

At the age of 15 my parents installed satellite TV in my room. The decoder was equipped with a porn channel but I needed a code to access the channel. It didn't take long before I knew the code and I watched my first porn movie. It became the first of many.

When I turned 17 I bought my own computer. The computer was connected to the Internet. This allowed me to watch the kind of porn I liked at the moment I "needed" it. It started with relative innocent video clips, but slowly the innocent clips didn't excite me anymore. Slowly I turned to the more extreme video clips.

Currently I am 24 years old. I watch porn daily. In January of this year I ended my (one year during) relationship. Since January of this year I've had several sexual encounters with girls. But these encounters didn't go that well. From the moment things turn sexual with a girl I experience ED. I’ve started searching the Internet for an explanation. It didn't take long until I stumbled upon a website called yourbrainonporn.com. I’ve read the stories on the website and I started with a reboot. After two weeks I started masturbating again. Two weeks after that, I was watching porn again.

To me this proves that I am addicted to porn.

After waking up this morning I decided to start a new reboot. From my earlier reboot attempt I’ve learned that I should treat this more serious. That is why I believe it is important to keep track of my improvement. Therefore I’ve registered on this forum and started this journal.

My personal goal: Getting excited by “normal” sexual stimuli instead of the extreme stimuli I am getting turned on by today, so that I am able to enjoy to be sexual with a girl again.

Action plan: 100 days without porn and masturbation. I will allow myself sexual releases when I am with a girl.  (Because sexual releases based on normal stimuli is the whole point of my reboot).

Promises: I will commit myself to write my experiences in this journal at least once in two days.


I'm making a fresh topic because I felt I didn't take my original one very seriously. This time I'm making a proper intro so you'll get a proper idea about the nature of my struggle.  I found Your Brain on Porn after I had sex for the 2nd time and was suffering from serious ED issues. In both cases, a potential relationship got reduced to a one-night stand because of my inability to “get it up”, and it’s probably left a scar on my psyche. I feel as though I haven’t truly experiencedwhat sex is supposed to feel like, that in some respects I am still a virgin. I think a major part of the issue is disillusionment. I’ve had 22 years to build up sex as the ultimate stimulus, a pleasurable sensation with no equal. But then when I finally penetrated for the first time, it really didn’t feel all that special. Nobody told me how much porn exaggerates the pleasure of sex, the difficulty and awkwardness of changing positions, etc. Still to this day I find that aside from BJs, neck kisses and cuddle/holding each other, the act of sex isn’t anything to write home about. And yet I still cling to the belief that if I have ED-free sex, it will cause my outlook to shift 180 degrees. To add another layer to the onion, I have asperger’s syndrome, so naturally I have a lot of social anxiety, and anxiety in general. I have tension headaches on an almost daily basis, and worry about things that probably aren’t normal (eg/ flushing the toilet using my feet, opening doors with my wrists to avoid germs). Many people I’ve told about my ED in confidence seem to think my problems are purely performance anxiety. I’m not so sure, but it’s not the easiest thing to find out when it’s difficult for me to get laid in the first place.  I feel very strange when reading YBOP articles because I am nota porn addict. While I do use porn (or did, rather), I have no trouble getting hard or achieving orgasm through masturbation alone. In fact, I could orgasm while thinking about cats, or something totally random and non-erotic. I can’t really relate to much of what I read on the site, such as the constant search for novelty. I’m perfectly happy watching redtube videos with certain generic preferences (eg/ ebony, Asian, curvy, loud, doggystyle), I don’t feel the urge to watch transvestite or animal sex. I guess I’m desensitized to seeing naked bodies, and the typical big-titted porn blonde doesn’t do it for me. Really, all I care about is that the woman loves to moan & scream and demonstrate that she’s experiencing intense pleasure.           

 

What I most certainly AM addicted to is masturbation. I am a pretty innocent person in that I do not smoke, do drugs, or even drink caffeine. Yet I still believe I have the same emotional voids that draw people to these kinds of addictions, and so I find my release in other ways, one of which is masturbation. I remember jerking off since I was maybe 5-6 years old, started to cum at 11 (apparently that’s early for male puberty?), and probably jerked off 3-5 times a day. Sometimes I’d masturbate so much that no semen would come out when I orgasm, or I’d cause so much friction on a certain part of my dick that it would cause a small bleed. I guess those actions have taken its toll because I can’t even masturbate more than 2 times a day without causing my dick to become very sore. There seems to be a permanent bruise mark on the part of my penis covering my foreskin… I think you get the idea. So just like that I no longer get morning wood, I don’t even get hard when I pee 80% of the time, the only way I get hard is with an aggressive masturbation technique that oddly enough involves flexing my pelvis. I started doing that when I was much younger because it increased the pleasure felt exponentially, but now I can’t orgasm without doing that. I also can’t orgasm when standing up. In fact, I love masturbating so much I used to counter suicidal thoughts with it. I’d think to myself, “why on earth would anyone want to kill themselves when they can experience THIS kind of pleasure with nothing more than one hand and a private room?”. Maybe orgasm feels better for me than it does for most people because I can’t think of any other feeling I’d want to experience than a prolonged orgasm.

Well, enough about that :P Let’s talk relationships. I’ve only really had one girlfriend in my life when I was 15-16. We stayed together for 1.5 months, then 6 months after that, in both cases she broke up with me and made me feel completely devastated. I’ve gone through years and years of mild depression at times, but the 8 month depression I had after the breakup was just pure hell in comparison, I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through that. When I was 19 I started to read about the pick-up community, doing cold approaches and visiting nightclubs regularly. I’m not sure if it really helped me or just poisoned my mind with toxic jargon and mindsets. Don’t really want to get into that, but regardless I’ve made out with plenty of women since then, but never got into another serious relationship. I still have a great deal of trouble making friends, particularly from a motivation standpoint, and sometimes take solace in being a hermit/quiet genius type.

So what do I want out of this reboot? All I’m really expecting is for the ED issues to whither away so I can have a normal, healthy sex life. Finding quality friends, relationships, becoming happy, I consider these things all self-improvement efforts somewhat independent of my ability to resist masturbating for x number of days. I don’t expect to find the woman of my dreams just by keeping my hands out of my pants for 800 days, I still have to put in the work in other components of my life.

So, even though I’m by no means a porn addict, I’m starting to recognize that masturbation is a far more serious issue than I gave it credit for. I thought that going 2 weeks without masturbation is some kind of herculean accomplishment and that it should only take 30 or so days to rewire the brain (after all, new habits form in something like 21 days). But, on day 17 of no PMO, I had sex with an escort and ran into all of the same issues as my first 2 sexual experiences. Whereas I thought I was nearly out of the ditch, now I’ve been humbled into realizing that this is only the beginning. It seems 90+ day reboots are commonly needed, and there are some unnerving posts of people with 250+ day reboots still suffering from ED, so I’ve got my work cut out for me.


Its NOW or NEVER ..time to take control of my life.

Im 19 years old and my porn induced ED is probably not as severe as some people. But i want to treat it that way in order to get off porn permanently and stop the masturbation. Ive started masturbation around the age of 14/15 , started off with just plain masturbation then i started taking it up a notch and using porn and im now 19 and im having problems getting it up and keeping it up with ladies.I believe one of my main problems is that when ever im aroused i must use my hands in order to simulate my self to get an erection and most times its not as hard or 100 % as it should be.

I've tried countless times and relapsed over and over again  but im not losing faith and i believe i can do it, its just a matter of self control and proper thinking.I was also trying to do it on my own with out using web filters and stuff like that, but its not working somtimes i just cant help me self and it has become a daily routine to masturbate, i stumbled along this site and im amazed to how many people are open and clear vut about this problem, so after some thought i decided to join and get a journal going to see how far i can go.


The long road ahead from a teens perspective

I'm currently on 6 days without PM. I am 16 yrs old, and I have been addicted to PM since I was 12. Before I was addicted I was really bright, confident and I could concentrate (this was when I was the chubby kid). But now I have social anxiety, ED and have a lack of motivation. I'm a nervous wreck around girls or women, but I manage to hold my feelings on the inside without showing it. For these last two years I have been coasting, I've felt brain dead yet I've achieved good marks in tests.

I just want to see my full potential again. I'm in a big group of freinds about 12 guys (no girls)but I don't have any 'best freinds,' I'm just not able to fully be myself. Somedays are better than others but the majourity are horrid. The one girl in my school I've felt comfortable talking to,  it's strange because she is one of the best lookers in my year. She has a boy freind who's a nutter, I suppose that's why I dnt get any serious  feelings for her. But that's how I want to feel when I'm around all girls.


Nothing is set in stone, I've learned.

Hello, I am 19 years old. I have been masturbating since fourth grade, probably. I am thoroughly convinced my brain has been desensitized. I remember when seeing a pop-up that included a close-up of a girl's butt was enough to get me excited. In fact, I could see it, think of it later, and have a very satisfactory masturbation session.

Now, by the time I am done ejaculating, I'm lucky if I get away with only watching eight videos that I deem acceptable AFTER already fishing through 50 or so. And of course, I skip around for the PERFECT scene. What is this nonsense? Desensitization of course!

But it's not just that. It's online flirts where BIG temptation comes from. I'm not going into detail over the complexities of what turns me on about doing this, but let's just say it is mentally abusive to myself, and I don't do it for attention or for the nudes, but I guess I am just chasing a fantasy.  I like to be lied to, deceived, ect. My sexuality has become contorted. I don't know what turns me on sexually, and what just feeds my addiction/fantasies. However, these shallow relationships are also a big part of my social life, so it's not so easy to just let it all go. But I have to if I want this to become any easier.

Not only that, but I masturbate in an unconventional way. I suffer from Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (a condition in which one masturbates in the prone position). This is destructive because it kills my sensitivity. Masturbating in this fashion in NO WAY mimics the actual feeling of sex. Most men masturbate with their hands, and they have no trouble assimilating to vaginal sex (assuming they do not have a porn addiction). But not me. I remember the look on a girl's face when she tried to give me a handjob. My penis was unresponsive to it. Trying to put it in her vagina was out of the question because I cannot stay hard long enough, because my penis is accustomed to aggressive, constant thrusting. Usually I ejaculate without even being hard when I masturbate. BAD SIGN.

Bottom line: I am desensitized both in the mind and physically.

I have made it seven to eight days without masturbating three times. After I give in, I notice a big difference in my PHYSICAL sensitivity and my orgasms feel overwhelming like I am twelve again. BUT eight days is no where near sufficient - I still need unnaturally ROUGH stimulation to ejaculate.

I do have a real life girlfriend. Thankfully, she is not very sexually driven so my inability to have sex with her has not hindered the quality of our relationship, but I would like to have a sex life at some point. That is why I'm doing this challenge. My plan is: No porn ever again. Keeping my fantasies in check and dropping the online flirts will be more difficult part! I'll try my best to manage. I also plan on doing 30-60 days of no stimulation to my penis. From there, I will TRY to ease my way into doing gentle sexual acts with my girlfriend (no death grip, no masturbating prone).

If my penis remains unresponsive to NORMAL stimulation after 60 days, I will leave it alone and try 30 additional days of no stimulation. If that doesn't work, HELLO DOCTOR


20 year old male here. I have a girlfriend and I am currently doing nofap to get rid of ED and enjoy real sex.


Extreme circumstances required NoFap. And progress report

Firstly im a 26yo guy. My story is similar to many on here i have read except i was extremely unlucky, or stupid, or both. Others stories have been inspirational and motivational, so i will share mine out of fairness...

I started the fap journey at about 15 when the parents got dial up internet. Since then i was hooked, looking at porn and fapping at least once a day. I built up quite the collection of images and vids, totalling about 40gig at its worst. Once I hit college i continued this, but thanks to my gift of talking shit, did pretty well with the ladies, managing around 15 roots per year with no real performance issues. It wasnt until I was 21 and my laptop crashed that sent my world crashing down. I had got a local computer shop to fix it, they thought there was some underage material on it, and all of a sudden the federal police were at my door. The whole house was frisked and they took any electonic device able to store digital data. Not just mine but also my flatmates. A year later they rung to say they had found nothing, and would be returning my gear, and my flatmates gear. But it was too late. I lived in a fairly small town, and word had got out that i was a suspected pedo. My family were shamed, and my finances were ruined by laywers fees. Basically it was shit. 5 years on and the fapping continued, and things were starting to head south. In this 5 years I had the classic signs of fap-ilitus, massive ED issues, social and personal problems, I couldnt hold down a girlfriend, spent an extra year at college, tried every drug known to man, and couldnt seem to look anyone in the eye. I had seen doctors, psycologists and even an endocrinologist. Everything was physically normalish

It wasnt till i stumbled accross TEDX on youtube, that I put two and two together and figured out my issues and stopped the whole lot. The porn, the fapping, everything. Basically 22 days ago i realised that i needed to sort my shit out. I had lost most of my buddies, had put on 15 kilograms in fat and was socially retarded. To be honest i have found the 22 days fairly easy, with short, almost overwhelming desires to get at those porns and smash the schlong. But ive been good. My libido is pretty dead, my dick looks tiny and cold, but i have a sence of ownership over my destiny that i have not felt since I was much younger. I have started hitting the gym hard, and have lost about 5 kilograms, and have plans to give up smoking in the next week. Best of all I have started seeing a girl and can finally feel like I can make eye contact with a female. No sexy times as of yet, as I have been putting it off to help my reboot. She thinks Im just being a gentleman. I realise I have a long way to go. But I am committed to the cause.

Anyway thanks reddit for the inspiration to change my life.

TLDR: Master wanker accused for being a pedo after cops sieze his porn stash, loses everything including digity. 5 years of shit later starts nofap with promising results


Already a huge difference in my ED

In my previous posts I have made it clear that the main reason I am doing nofap is to help my ED and DE that I have suffered in every sexual encounter I have had, more specifically any time my girlfriend and I try to get it on. Well I can't even remember what day I am on but something has happened. My girlfriend decided she wanted to spend the weekend with me so she drove the 2hrs here on Friday night. We went out for dinner and both had a lovely meal and a few glasses of wine. Once we got home I was somewhat apprehensive. What was going to happen? Was this going to be another night of embarrassment? No is the answer to that.. ;)

She knows about the fact I'm doing nofap and when I pitched a tent purely from her running her fingers down my back while we were undressing each other she knew something had changed! ;) Honestly I couldn't be happier with the changes that NF has made over such a short time. It wasn't a fluke either. The weekend was exceedingly action packed in the sexual department and it didn't fail me once! I feel like a different man.

Also I noticed that sensation all over my body is greatly increased, she could run her fingertips down my back before and it would be nice but nothing special... Now it feels like she has electricity coursing through her hands. Anybody else notice this


On day 30 as a curious non-addict

by batwingsuit 29 days

As someone who came into this with his porn and masturbation under control, I am happy to report that even I see and feel marked improvement!

Ever since my first sexual experience at the tender age of 15, I have had problems maintaining my erection in various situations. Especially when condoms are involved. I basically wasn't able to have sex while wearing a condom—until now!

I'm in a great relationship for almost 4 years now. For most of that time my girlfriend was on birth control, but made the decision to stop taking it a couple of months ago. I can't blame her—I'm not sure I'd want to trick my body into thinking its perpetually pregnant either…

Anyway, I made her aware of my problem with condoms early on and she was cool and understanding about it. I wasn't exactly stoked on the idea, but I want to be supportive of her and take the responsibility over for a while so I said I'd try my best.

Shortly afterwards I started NoFap, and it's been great! This past weekend was absa-fucking-lutely amazing. I came from the best blowjob I have ever received, I came from an incredible handjob, and I had a very full hard-on while wearing a condom and fucking her slowly and "gently"—I would never be able to do any of these things before. With motivation like this it just gets easier and easier to keep from wanking, and porn is a fucking has-been.

So, thank you NoFap for the motivation and support! I hope those of you starting in a dire situation will stick to it and turn your life around. I myself am eagerly looking forward to what the rest of this challenge will bring!