Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes?

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Sexual brain training matters—especially during adolescence

Monkey faceIt's normal for kids to want to learn all about sex, especially during puberty and adolescence when reproduction becomes the brain's top priority. For this we can thank the specifics of teen-brain development.

Think of an adolescent jungle primate watching another band with such fascination that he (or she, in some species) leaves his companions, and endures the slings and arrows of being without allies at the bottom of another troop's pecking order—all for a chance to get it on with exotic hotties in the future. The things our genes do to guarantee genetic diversity!

Now, fast-forward to a young guy discovering the mind-boggling novelty of Internet erotica:

I started looking at Internet porn when I was 11. I immediately became hooked, and spent hours daily viewing porn. Simply seeing a pair of exposed breasts was enough to get me off. But desensitization soon kicked in, and I began developing fetishes to get the same hit from porn. It started out with different ethnicities, then lesbians, then watersports, then scat/beastiality/BDSM/tranny, and then any combination of the above to create the sickest porn imaginable. I can remember sitting in school fantasizing about sick porn that I could search for that night.

What is it about the adolescent brain that makes this guy's experience not unusual? Answer: During adolescence a temporary neurological imbalance develops. The "sex, drugs and rock & roll" part of the brain is in overdrive. The "let's give this some thought" part is still under construction, and won't reach maturity until adulthood.

This recipe for impulsive and risky behavior rearranges other adolescent-mammal brains too. It is evolution's way of driving the brash independence many young mammals need as they seek mates and carve out territories. In the brain's cost-benefit analysis, the scale is tipping heavily in the direction of possible rewards.

There's a kicker though. The capacity of our teen to wire up new sexual associations mushrooms around 11 or 12 when billions of new neural connections (synapses) create endless possibilities. However, by adulthood his brain must prune his neural circuitry to leave him with a manageable assortment of choices. By his twenties, he may not exactly be stuck with the sexual proclivities he falls into during adolescence, but they can be like deep ruts in his brain—not easy to ignore or reconfigure.

Sexual-cue exposure matters more during adolescence than at any other time in life. Now, add to this incendiary reality the lighter fluid of today's off-the-wall erotica available at the tap of a finger. Is it any surprise that some teens wire semi-permanently to constant cyber novelty instead of potential mates? Or wire their sexual responsiveness to things that are unrelated to their sexual orientation? Or manage to desensitize their brains—and spiral into porn addiction?

Incidentally, are you a guy remembering your own adolescence—and how you could never climax enough during those years? Perhaps you're supposing that Internet porn would have been a splendid innovation. If so, read these two articles: Porn, Novelty and the Coolidge Effect‏ and Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training. Porn, its content, the way it's delivered, and its potential effects on the brain have changed radically. For today's users, more orgasm can lead to less satisfaction

Teen brains differ from adult brains

When we dug into the brain research on adolescents, we were astonished at how malleable teen brains are. Radical changes in the sexual environment hit them hardest. Here are four vulnerabilities unique to teen brains:

1.     Much stronger "Go get it!" signals

The reward circuitry is the core of all drives (including libido), emotions, likes, dislikes, motivation...and addiction. In adolescence, sex hormones propel this ancient circuitry into a window of hyperactivity, which subsides by the early twenties. As journalist David Dobbs explains.

We all like new and exciting things, but we never value them more highly than we do during adolescence. Here we hit a high in what behavioral scientists call sensation seeking: the hunt for the neural buzz, the jolt of the unusual or unexpected. ... This love of the thrill peaks at around age 15.

The brain's sensitivity to dopamine, the "Gotta get it!" neurochemical crests, which spurs novelty-seeking, overrides executive control, and helps consolidate learning and habits. 

In fact, teen brains respond to anything perceived as exciting with twice to four times the reward-circuitry activation of adults thanks to their extra dopamine sensitivity and bigger spikes of dopamine. Both novelty and searching/seeking spike dopamine in all human brains, but cyber erotica's endless possibilities prove an irresistible lure for many teens. 

The first time I looked at those hot pictures the feeling seemed to be out of this world, just ineffable. Suddenly I knew there was something worth living for, everything else was just boring, everyday life. I fled to this artificial drug: porn and masturbation. It was not unusual to watch porn for hours a day.

Click to enlarge

"Ineffable?" Yes. Teens are more likely to register sexual arousal, and other highs, as transcendental, memorable experiences. That is why you can still recall the shimmering details of that first centerfold. But there's more evidence of hypersensitivity to thrills. (Click chart to enlarge.)

Alas, their heightened sensitivity to reward automatically renders teens more susceptible to addiction than if they encountered the same thrills later in life.

2.     Decreased sensitivity to aversion

Having spent Friday night playing "World of Warcraft" until 4AM, while washing down eight slices of pizza and a bag of Dorritos with a six-pack of Mountain Dew, our hero is ready to do it all again come Saturday night. Research shows that teens are less deterred by symptoms of excess. Aversion is a reward-circuitry function, and teens can handle more wattage before their circuits overload

Ever wonder why Slasher + Teens (sex)2 = Summer Box-Office Hit? It all comes down to the marvels of the brain. No wonder porn images that adults find shocking, "eeeew," or violent, register as abnormally exciting to teens. Also keep in mind that teens are less able to take other people's feelings into account (even bad actors).

When I was 14/15 I encountered [transexual] porn while surfing the Internet. I still remember the graphic nature of the advert. Something just snapped in my pubescent brain. All the straight and lesbian porn I had watched for several years seemed ordinary. My heart started racing. My head was thumping, and the fear of getting caught...not just watching porn, but watching what some could consider not exactly 100% straight porn...made it all the more memorable. I remember crying after I finished. I didn't know what came over me. I was so terrified I wanted to curl up into a ball in my bedroom. But I didn't stop watching it. I was still attracted to girls, but with the [transexual] porn, I could orgasm quicker.

3.     Weaker "Stop!" signals

The sex hormones that initiate teen sensitivity to thrills unfortunately do nothing to speed up development of their brain's self-control center. A teen brain is like a new car with a Ferrari engine and Ford Pinto brakes.

At puberty, an extremely reactive "accelerator" comes online: the brain's emotion-motivation mechanism, or reward circuitry, located below the rational cortex. It overpowers the "brakes," the brain's "CEO" or prefrontal cortex in the forehead, which won't fully mature for a decade. The latter assesses risk, thinks ahead, chooses priorities, allocates attention and controls impulses.

Meanwhile, teens often base their choices on their emotional impulses as opposed to reasoning or planning. Later, as the prefrontal cortex matures, there will be fewer "I can't believe he did that" moments. Teens make sounder judgments and modulate mood, plan and remember more effectively.

In the meantime, teens have trouble perceiving the consequences of "going for it." Again, this is no accident. Daredevil tendencies during adolescence serve species that must take risks then to strike out on their own or find mates. In the case of adolescent humans, evolution has simply not had time to adapt to the hazards of recreational drugs, fast cars, or excessive consumption of junk food, online gaming or Internet porn. That's why we have the Darwin Awards.

 4.     Extreme neuronal growth followed by pruning

Human brains go through two stages of dramatic neuronal growth: one in utero and throughout the first several months of life, the other between the ages of 10 and 13— just when most boys (and now, many girls) begin to look at Internet porn. Ideally, during this critical developmental period, we humans are exposed to age-appropriate sexual behavior. We learn how to flirt and connect with potential partners.

This second burst of neuronal activity entails first multiplication and then subtraction of neural connections. No wonder mood swings are a hallmark of adolescence! Together, genes and environment sculpt the clay of a teen's frontal cortex. As use-it-or-lose-it proceeds, the brain reorganizes and fine-tunes itself:

The cortex prunes away little used circuits, while strengthening well worn neural pathways. Nerve cell axons in favored pathways become better insulated with myelin, increasing the speed of nerve impulses. Little branches that receive messages (called dendrites) grow like vines to better hear the incoming signal. The connections between axons and dendrite (synapses) multiply on strong circuits and vanish on weaker ones. In the end you have memories, skills, habits, preferences and ways of coping that stand the test of time. (ibid., Dobbs, emphasis added)

In less glowing terms, we restrict our options—without realizing how critical our choices were during our final, pubescent, neuronal growth spurt. According to researcher Jay Giedd, (See this talk - Brain Evolution and the Digital Revolution, by Jay Giedd )

If a teen is doing music or sports or academics, those are the cells and connections that will be hardwired. If they're lying on the couch or playing video games or MTV [or Internet porn], those are the cells and connections that are going to survive.

This is one reason why polls asking teens how Internet porn use is affecting them are unlikely to reveal the extent of porn's effects. Kids who have never masturbated without porn have no idea how it is affecting them. (It's like asking them, "How has being male affected you?") They have nothing to compare with. Keep in mind that older porn users often do not connect their porn-related symptoms with heavy porn use—even when they develop porn-induced sexual dysfunction (PISD). Porn always seems like the "cure," because even if they can't get it up for sex, they can usually get it up if they watch enough extreme porn. Can we expect teens to figure it out?

Same problem with asking them about porn's effects on mood. Users always "feel better" when using, even if the more they use, the worse they feel overall. So why would porn be seen as the problem? Moreover, when users try to quit, they sometimes face weeks of severe withdrawal symptoms, so controlling use can be mistaken for the problem instead of the solution.

Fact is, most heavy users who are going to hit a wall from excess, don't do so until their twenties—just about the time their reward circuitry has curtailed its hypersensitivity. For example, by adulthood, dopamine receptors in the reward circuitry gradually decrease by a third or a half. Now, thrills aren't as thrilling, and the consequences of excess are more disconcerting. Once nature's foot is off the reward accelerator, it's time for a hunter-gatherer to settle down and raise some youngins.

No birds or bees, just pixels please

brain-penis wiringMeanwhile, the adolescent brain is ripe for a perfect storm as the genetically driven hunt for novelty and the unexpected collides with the endless erotica of the Internet. Hypnotic Web-surfing—requiring no effort but scrolling and fapping—replaces leaving one's tribe to search the savanna for fertile mates.

When I was 18, I had sex for the first time. When she said she was "down all the way", I ran to the nearest store to pick up condoms like I had the Reaper chasing me. After the deed, my thoughts were, "Hmm...it didn't feel that much different from masturbation, and it required a hell of a lot more work! Meh, I'll stick to porn and not bother with a girlfriend."

Another guy responded,

My thoughts EXACTLY. Just back pain, muscle strain, breathlessness, sweatiness and performance anxiety. MUCH less stress to just crack one off, plus you got your own 'Iron Fist' that gets you off better than that real vagina. Not only that, you always get a 'good visual' with a 'porn girlfriend.' You can see all those beautiful body contours in perfect lighting, breasts n' butts n' thighs look glorious, and *always* visible. In real life that's rarely the case. The first time I did it, I didn't truly enjoy it (even though we both came a lot). My first time should've felt like a TRIUMPH, given how 'successful' it was, but it felt artificial. It was then I KNEW there was perhaps something a tad wrong. The sex in my *mind* always seemed sexy and enjoyable. The *real* sex I had was primarily industrial and unexciting. Not good.

Today's teens sometimes wire their arousal to Internet porn's unnaturally intense, synthetic stimuli for as long as a decade before they try to connect with real partners. (See pages of self-reports of adolescent porn use.) The situation is even more precarious if a teen's innocent pursuit of jollies has led to more fundamental brain changes, i.e., addiction. Again, teens are more susceptible to addiction than adults, due to their hyperactive reward circuitry and immature executive control.

Courting disaster

More important, while glued to his screen(s), a young guy is not learning courtship skills and or spending time around real potential mates—the very tasks for which mammalian adolescence evolved. His brain is not wiring his sexual pleasure to flirting, pheromones or three-dimensional partners of normal proportions providing ordinary simulation. In days gone by, nervous young men fumbled through one-on-one, vanilla sex for a bit before graduating to the kama sutra. Now, a 17-year old virgin envisions his first time with his first love as involving two of her friends, handcuffs, strap-on gear and a massive amount of lube.

Nor will our hero be able to explain to a future sweetheart his apparent lack of ardor, his fading erection and condom mishaps, or his frantic attempts to stay hard by fantasizing about watching someone have sex. He doesn't have a clue why he isn't responding, or how to go about repairing the damage. Nor do his peers.

I'm really afraid that since all my brain knows is watching porn (these are really the only two sexual encounters I've ever had, and they're both complete failures) that I've messed up my brain soooooo much that I'll never get better. I mean, all my sexual experiences from my youth are from porn. For the most formative years of my life, I've only ever orgasmed to porn. That's all my brain knows. Will I ever be able to get it up with a normal woman? Will I ever be attracted to a normal woman the way I am to those pixels on the computer screen? I'm really afraid that I've messed up myself for good. Can I change?

Alas, many mates are too confused or hurt to hang around in such a disheartening situation. Resulting performance anxiety makes our hero's situation worse. Could this explain why 36 percent of young Japanese guys and 20 percent of young Frenchmen have no interest in real partners? Or why abstinence rates in the States are increasing

Today, a 13-year old's sexual pathways are chiseled by hardcore porn, multiple windows, and constant clicking. In contrast, Dad's matured to Sally next door and his fertile imagination. At first, we were astonished to see some older porn addicts recover from PISD (porn-induced sexual dysfunction) more quickly than young ones. Is it because thirty- and forty-somethings had well established brain pathways relating to connections with real partners from pre-Internet days?

The good news is that brains retain some plasticity even after teen years. When a guy stops using synthetic sexual cues (or fantasizing to them) for 2-3 months, his brain's recovering reward circuitry begins to 'look around' for the sexual cues it evolved to find. After all, its top priority is passing on genes, so it wants action. Gradually it wires the neuronal circuitry for natural cues more strongly to the brain's pleasure center. The girl next door looks more interesting.

Said a 21-year old guy three months after giving up porn/masturbation:

I remember saying to my girlfriend, during my very worst days of porn use and porn-related erectile dysfunction, that it didn't feel like I'd had sex yet. She didn't really understand, and I couldn't explain myself. But last night, OMG it felt so good. I could feel everything, and it was great. My penile sensitivity has increased loads. For the first time in my life, it feels like I've lost my virginity.

Another guy:

[Early twenties] Day 43 now, I am definitely seeing a girl as the source of my arousal now, rather than seeing her as an image that I can store up for later use. I see a hot girl now and think 'That's what I want', and try to take steps to meet her. It's been a gradual flipping of the switch. I'm probably about 90% there, but I can remember being 10%, 20% etc.

Today, average young Westerners are feverishly cultivating neuronal connections between all manner of Internet porn and their sexual response. No longer can we take for granted that teen arousal arises from some mysterious, individual, unchanging, core sexual identity. Thanks to the teen brain's incessant quest for novelty to relieve its owner's ever present boredom, some teens manage to wire in sexual tastes that cause them to doubt their fundamental sexual orientation

A few caveats

Adolescence is a unique period of brain development. In the right environment, it's highly functional and adaptive. No matter how keen hunter-gatherer teens were to seek thrills, they were also like bumper-car drivers. They had few opportunities to wire their sexual responsiveness to anything beyond the neighboring hotties.

The brains of today's kids are equally eager, yet they're titillated with abnormally stimulating erotica that pushes all their buttons: passion for novelty, delight in shocking things, potential for overriding normal satiety, and desire for sexual instruction with "adult" cachet.

Adults tend to assume that Internet porn use is harmless because "porn has been around a long time." But how many males born, say, in 1960 started daily porn use circa 1973? Especially the hard-core, endlessly novel porn available now

Today's kids can't necessarily stop themselves:

For years, like since I was 11-years old, I have been looking at porn and masturbating. I just can't resist it and I do it too much now. I wanna stop it now.  I'm 15 years old and wanna stop it because I think it's affecting my social life, relationships, and school grades. How do I stop?

Adults also often assume kids will naturally leave impulsive behaviors behind at adulthood. Indeed, studies suggest that college-age kids do tend to outgrow binge drinking, pot use, etc.  However, Internet porn habits may prove to be different. Did the young adults who outgrow substance abuse start their daily drinking/pot use at age 11?

[Age 35] When I was in my early teens and my mum would take us to the library, I'd sneak off to find an erotic novel. Just the talk/description of a woman would get me going. God, how I long for those days again LOL. Today, you can get 'maxed out' on porn. In the early stages it was a novelty and hard to get hold off. Over the last few years, porn is always on tap. Now it's a necessity rather than a thrill/reward. How sad is that? I have no moral objection to porn. In fact quite the opposite, but when you get to my state, it's no longer a positive, just a huge negative. A big, fat anchor around my neck.

Remember, learning to binge drink or get high isn't the brains' prime evolutionary imperative; reproduction is. Food habits may be a better analogy. Do 22-year olds suddenly change their habitual food choices? Now that junk foods are ubiquitous, 4 out of 5 adult Americans are overweight, and nearly half of those obese (i.e., hooked on food). Do they change their ingrained sexual tastes? Perhaps not unless they hit the wall of PISD.

Long-term effects

Obviously, watching Internet porn from an early age does not mean the user will end up a deviant, or more sexually active, or more violent toward partners—although some may believe it's normal for sex partners to relish "facials" while having every orifice filled with objects. Tragically, however, a percentage of users will end up addicted, and that percentage may be higher than we think, given the rates of Internet addiction already affecting adolescents (6-18%, depending upon whether Italy, China or Hungary did the research).

For many, the lingering effects of heavy Internet porn use are likely to be analogous to effects on online gamers. Overstimulation leaves the brain with a need for intense stimulation (unless it is consciously restored to normal sensitivity). Other activities seem boring in comparison. In this short TED talk, The Demise of Guys? famous psychologist Philip Zimbardo describes the ill effects of widespread "arousal addiction." 

Such effects impact relationships. Constant novelty is one of the prime reasons Internet porn is a superstimulus for the brain. Erotic training that relies on novelty as aphrodisiac can condition users such that familiar partners quickly lose their luster—confining users affected to shallow hook-ups. Also, the non-climax aspects of sex (skin-to-skin contact, kissing, comforting stroking, playful behavior, etc.) may be too unfamiliar and subtle to register as deliciously rewarding. Unfortunately, these are the very behaviors that soothe the brain and help couples strengthen their bonds.

First guy - Perhaps it is the easiness and comfort of just sitting in front of my computer jerking to images that I don't have to please. I can go at my own pace and not have to worry about them. Having a real girl in my bed kind of distracts me.

Second guy - I don't use porn, but going through my history of images, I realize that I sometimes look at thousands of images in an hour. I'm looking for that right girl or image that [gets me to climax]. Porn is not what's desensitizing my sexual responsiveness; I think my huge Internet harem is.

Brain plasticity education

Maybe no one should be turned loose on the planet today without thorough education about the brain's reward circuitry and its unique vulnerabilities during adolescence. That's when it's bombarded by junk food, drugs, video games, i-Phones and online erotica. Why not teach kids the simplified science behind the potential effects of extreme stimuli on the brain? (Watch Things You Didn't Know About Porn, for possible concepts suitable for 10-13-year olds.) 

Today, adolescents can (and do) wire up their brains to random erotic caricatures that their ancestors never imagined, let alone viewed intently for years before mating. Users may know that porn's cartoonish 2-D stimuli are nearly as unreal as Santa. Yet those who inadvertently wire their ability to climax to gonzo porn themes are sometimes horrified. Many are afraid to ask for help because they think they are hopeless perverts. Some are even suicidal.

Advisers who don't understand the difference between fundamental sexual orientation and randomly acquired, plastic tastes can increase an adolescent's angst. Sadly, few experts yet know enough about brain plasticity to help kids rewire, which results in some sorry advice.  (see - Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo)

As pubescent brains are going to start wiring up sexual tastes anyway, give kids the facts and explicit information they are seeking—without the implausible scenarios porn makers must rely on to lure viewers whose brains have grown numb to subtler sexual pleasures. Teach kids the difference between sexual orientation and sexual tastes, and how the two can slip out of sync with habitual use of extreme stimulation. Also, teach them the behavioral-addiction signs to watch for, and how to reverse those changes.

[Age 17 arrived with weak erections, and was still showing limited signs of erectile health on Day 50 of no porn/masturbation] Day 76: Feeling great, way happier and more energetic and way more libido. My morning wood this morning was ridiculous—it literally wouldn't go down for like 20 minutes even standing up! I'm gonna give it 90 days so I've done a full 3 months and then I should be completely back to normal and ready to try and find a partner. So relieved this actually works.

I'm 27 and I have a science and medical education, and I strongly believe that this brain-plasticity viewpoint about Internet porn needs to get out there. We're losing the opportunity to educate young men who are suffering from physiological problems within their brains. Basically, I wish I had learned about this 15 years ago.


For more information:

  1. BBC 3 - Porn: What's the Harm?
  2. Porning too much? by Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W.
  3. Did porn warp me forever? (Salon.com)
  4. Video presntation by neuroscientist Jay Giedd - Evolution and the Digital Revolution
  5. The Teenage Brain: Dr. Jay Giedd of the National Institute of Mental Health
  6. Insight Into the Teenage Brain: Adriana Galván at TEDxYouth@Caltech
  7. Teenage Brain: A work in progress (Fact Sheet) NIH
  8. FRONTLINE - One Reason Teens Respond Differently to the World: Immature Brain Circuitry
  9. FRONTLINE-  INSIDE THE TEENAGE BRAIN (Documentary)
  10. The Brain: The Trouble With Teens
  11. Study: Anxiety increases sexual arousal (1983)

NEW: Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn (half-hour presentation on sexual conditioning and the adolescent brain)

Comments

FOUR of the UK's biggest internet service providers are to force customers to opt IN if they want to view porn.

BT, Virgin Media, Sky and Talk Talk have agreed to the measure as part of a Government crackdown to protect children from filth.

Customers signing up to the web giants will have to choose whether they want to be able to log on to explicit sites in a bid to limit what material kids can access.

It is one of a number of moves being announced today to tackle the problem of the sexualisation of childhood following a Government-commissioned report by Reg Bailey — chief executive of the Mothers' Union.

PM David Cameron also unveiled a website called Parentport — where families can flag up offending media.

The site will allow parents to raise complaints about internet content, TV programmes, adverts, videos, computer games and sexualised products such as clothes being marketed to children.

It will also provide advice on how to contact the regulators responsible for clamping down on inappropriate media and marketing activities.

And the PM will host a summit at No 10 today bringing together representatives of regulators, industry and parents to assess progress on the report's recommendations.

Also being discussed will be new guidelines, published last week by the Advertising Standards Authority, to restrict sexual images on billboards located where children are likely to see them, such as near schools.

And there will be a clampdown on "peer-to-peer" advertising by under-15s, where children are recruited by companies to promote their products to their friends via social network sites like Facebook.

Mr Bailey's report, published in June, warned that modern life was putting children under pressure both to consume goods and services and to take part in a sexualised life before they are ready.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3865820/Users-must-opt-in-for-...

Puppy Love vs. PMO

I was thinking back to my younger years when I would get "puppy love" and I really do miss those feelings. It seems when you start to PMO it just destroys ever having those feelings again because when you see someone you like, you just think about them lustfully. I think some of the elements of puppy love stick around but for the most part if your into PMO and have been for a while the lust part of your desire for that person will be in full effect as well.

Its funny I think even as late as my early 20s (im in my early 30s now) I would still have puppy love. I know in high school I remember having it (most of us do I think) Its funny I remember not being able to get my crush out of my mind but at the same time I don't recall having lustful fantasies. They were more innocent in nature, the fantasies would involve just holding hands with her or taking a walk at sunset, looking into her eyes, etc.

Its almost as if PMO is puppy love's evil twin because they keep the subject of your desire in your mind to where its all you think about yet with PMO its an addiction that involves pleasure hits to the brain. PMO is like Bizarro Superman. Its like would you rather date someone who looks amazing and is physically attractive in every way but has nothing in common with you whatsoever or someone who is average or maybe below average in looks but you can carry a conversation with them for hours on end?

PMO will make you date the nothing in common attractive person. I guess the friends you keep also play a big part in that being important too, as with what society thinks. It keeps everyone so superficial. I guess unplugging from the matrix (rebooting) is the one true key.

All right--

I've been reading all the articles and comments on this site for a while now. As with most websites, I don't usually go through the effort to make an account just to send in my two cents' worth. But because the authors and users of this website have done such a good job of pinning down the effects porn has on one's sexual development, I felt I needed to demonstrate several points that the site dances around but doesn't actually come out and say. Perhaps my own past illuminates these concepts more clearly to me than to other people.

Right around the time I turned 21, I met a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl at a college internship. For the first month, as my very first love blossomed, I hardly noticed what was taking place. Then, one day, as if struck by an arrow, being in her presence made me feel fleshy and hot, almost to the point of losing control of myself. The subsequent two years (after having been rejected by her) have been pure hell. The first year consisted of my inability to fall asleep and stay asleep. I suffered heart palpitations, insomnia, serious weight loss and weight gain, trembling, pallor, intrusive thoughts. It's like I was stuck in a dream; the harder I fought to escape, the more strongly the dream consumed me. She had entered into a short-term relationship with another guy for about two months, and the images of midnight soirees filled my mind and imagination. I was plagued by thoughts of the sex I saw in pornography, and it disturbed me on a very deep level. As a virgin whose sex education stemmed only from internet porn, the idea that the love of your life spent night after night getting faced fucked by a guy she barely knew sent me over the edge.

This past year, I've been ruminating on what went wrong, and searching for answers to many perplexing questions. Why did I fall in love at 22 for the first time, when it seemed like my peers had been experiencing this since they were 16 years old? How come I had not liked anyone in real life up until that point? How come no one up until that point caught my eye, and why didn't I like people in degrees, like others did? It was as if a switch had suddenly been turned on in my brain--an all-or-nothing response resulted.

There is a danger that comes with all this contemplation. For one, I'm moving into territory which cannot be measured or proven, or at least not measured in any reliable/valid way. No one knows where the brain stops and the mind begins, so for all the neuroscientific studies out there on porn addiction, the only real currency I have in this matter is absolute honesty and authenticity. I can't prove the answers to these questions, but I can be as honest and truthful as possible. It's all I've got.

Looking back, I know now that *part* of the reason I was different from the mainstream was that I was a legitimate late-bloomer, as my mom and uncle were. Until I turned 18 years old, I was only capable of getting sexually aroused by really hot girls. Impossibly hot girls--in PlayBoy, porn, etc. No one in real life measured up to this impossibly high standard. And on the rare occasion that they did, there was no impulse to *do* anything with them (i.e., kiss, cuddle, makeout, caress, hump). I was just sexually aroused by them. Now, I could look at pretty girls and objectively see that they were attractive. But there was no real difference in feeling than in intellectually recognizing a handsome man. They were the same to me.

Two months before my 18th birthday, however, things changed. Three girls in my senior class caught my eye, and I developed an almost imperceptible crush on them. I don't even know if you would call it a crush. "Intrigued" might be a better word. But those fleeting moments evaporated, and I went to college 3000 mi away from home, to an Ivy League school no less.

The first year of college yielded no interest in girls. If my sex/love life were a closet, you would find nothing but crickets, cobwebs, silence, and darkness. My friends wondered whether I was gay...but mostly theorized I was asexual. I didn't think much of it, considering I was focused very much on school and other matters. By at the age of 19, I had my first real crush, which even then I had not noticed. I attributed most of the feelings for the person's rejection of me into depression and the cold winters of New York. Ergo, none of this even registered with me.

After that, nothing for another two years. I was officially headed to the margins of society.

Diversity is a concept in evolution and natural science studies that help promote a species' ability to adapt and survive. In other words, we're all meant to be different, because without our diversity we cannot grow and evolve. But underneath all of those differences, how would you know if there's something that needs fixing? How does someone separate true malfunction from mere uniqueness?

After meeting the blonde girl, I set out on a quest to find answer to some of my questions about why I had had no real interest in girls until I was 22 years old. Helen Fisher was the first scientist I stumbled upon; her research on personality provided some insight into answers to my questions. For example, she noted that one of the four basic human psychological temperaments (the director/a result of testosterone) had no real interest in dating. Their tough minds were exact and to the point; nothing they do has no specific purpose. Everything is a competition with them. Their interests are very deep and narrow, as opposed to being very broad and shallow. They are very intense people, who easily become absorbed (sometimes obsessed) with something that interests them. The same goes with dating, she says. They are not very interested in casual dating, because it doesn't make sense to them. But when they find someone they're interested in, they don't stop until they get what they want.

My temperament, based on her quizzes, is that of the Director.

So part of the reason I believe I didn't engage in dating relationships until 22 was simply a matter of my personality. I'm just not a very light person. Add to that, being a late bloomer in the first place.

But there's more to it. My being in love disturbed me in a way, because I couldn't suddenly understand what I saw in porn. How could I do something that degrading to someone that, as Robin Williams would say, "was an Angel put on earth by God himself"? In the same way a kid witnesses murder scenarios in horror movies but doesn't actually lose sleep over the experience because some part of him understands that he's watching pixels not reality, I too didn't think much of the porn I had seen. It didn't really occur to me that this was something real people did in the real world. Everyone, mostly. And this realization forced me to come up with emotional/psychological solutions to very real hang-ups I have about sex. Here are the things I've noticed no one seems to outright say.

1. Real life sex partners don't see each other as sacks of flesh. Kids raised on porn for their sex education don't understand many things that adults assume are just "givens". When a young man sees sex on tape for the first time, like I did, he doesn't understand that people who have sex generally have feelings for each other. He doesn't understand that what he "sees" is different from what the participants "see," in the sense that they see an object of affection, while he sees a sex object and assumes the participants do, too. For someone who has never had a crush, but watches porn consistently, I came to believe that when you look at a woman you want to have sex with, you are supposed to see her LITERALLY as a piece of meat. I came to believe that people suddenly had animalistic urges to pound flesh, without acknowledging or realizing the other person's humanity. This is a very hard idea to articulate to people, because when I say "piece of meat," most people subconsciously assume I'm being at least a little metaphorical. But the truth is that I thought men and women who had sex became animals for thirty minutes of their day and had intense urges to put genitals in their mouths for its own sake. The act, I thought, had absolutely no deeper meaning; it was, in my eyes, on the level of defecation, urination, or eating potato chips. It was just something that you do. Inhibitions were the only reason I thought everyone was not sleeping with each other.

This puts a very sinister tint on everything sex related, especially for an idealistic young man like myself. There's a website that outlines my newfound understanding of what most decent people are doing in the bedroom, called makelovenotporn.com. In regular porn, I never saw the kissing, holding, hugging, cuddling, and affection. I never saw the hours and hours of emotional turmoil involved after a breakup. Or the years of intimate secret sharing. Or the subtle things like being aroused passionately by the beauty of a woman's hands, or her eyes, or her smile. Growing up on porn caused me to see sex as degrading and empty, not an act of love. No one can understand the kind of psychological damage that causes a young mind. Porn turns what is essentially a giant kiss into a violent beating.

2. Porn = sexual arousal; real life = passionate and intimate feelings of love. When you watch porn, the feeling you get is NOT the feeling you get with real sex. Porn somehow separates love from sex. Just as kids don't understand that the participants in the act have deep feelings of respect and love for their partner (as mentioned above), they also make the assumption that the pure sexual arousal THEY feel while watching pornography is also the same feeling they will get during real sex. This further exacerbates the misunderstandings of sexual intimacy. It led me to believe I was supposed to feel the same thing to a person in real life as I did while watching porn, which is ultimately dehumanizing.

3. The arousal in porn is 400X more intense than the arousal in real life. Most of the arousal felt in porn is replaced in real life by the warmest feelings of love.

4. The things that actors do in porn, most people don't do in real life. Most decent people have limits in real life. I'm making an assumption here, but I don't believe that people in real life have the impulse to suck ejaculate from their partner's rectum and make out with them (felching), move their tongue in someone's rectum (rimming), face fuck someone, make out with their partner's semen (snowballing), or solely have the male spray their face with semen (facials). To a young man who doesn't understand the word "intimacy" these acts are in no way affectionate but humiliating and degrading.

5. If people in real life ARE doing the things a young man sees in porn, they are often doing them in vastly different ways. It's not necessarily WHAT they're doing here that matters as much as HOW they're doing it. People in the real world might see oral sex as just an extension of their kissing their partner, everywhere. In porn, blowjobs are nasty and degrading and animal-like. Pile driving in porn in exciting and fun; in real life, it's probably a bit uncomfortable and embarrassing.

6. Porn psychologically splits the viewer, zapping the vitality from his mind. He becomes two people, the watcher and the participator. In essence the alienation from himself deprives him of his ability to act on his romantic impulses.

There's an underlying theme through all of these points about porn, which is that porn separates love from sex. In real life, even when two people who are not in love have sex with each other, they're still doing what they would do if they were in love. People who say they fuck hot girls but make love to their girlfriends are essentially trying to say that the former is a kiss that isn't affectionate, but the latter is loving smooch. A kiss is a kiss. There are very few ways I can think of to make it violent. The same goes for real life respectful, consensual sex. On one end of the spectrum, some "relationships" might be more sexual than romantic (i.e., "fuck buddies"), and on the other end they might be more romantic than sexual (i.e., "Romeo and Juliet"). But on either extreme, no real-life relationship is completely devoid of affection or lust. They're all some combinations of both. Young people need to understand this, so their moral compasses don't get knocked awry like mine did.

The points you bring up (1-6) are the primary arguments listed by many concerned professionals and "anti-porn" websites. One of the reasons we don't delve into the psychological imprinting is that most other sites and professionals do. Our job is to write about what we know and educate the public on the neurobiology of addiction.

Secondly, a few studies (poorly designed) suggest that porn does not do what you describe. If we bring up your very valid points, opponents simply list a few peer-reviewed studies to refute these points.

Mind you, I think you are more than correct. It's the poorly worded questionnaires that are not revealing the truth. Asking a teen how they think porn affects them is liking a fish what they think about water. The truth is best observed in those thousands of young men who recover from porn addiction, or simply porn use. 

We are very concerned about the psychological imprinting. It's huge. My site links to seemingly everywhere. I've read thousands of threads, some with thousands of posts, from about 30 different countries. I can verify everything you have said.

After reading your reply, I googled "psychological imprinting porn" and starting reading all the research. I'm floored to find them saying the exact things I mentioned, sometimes even with the same language. I'm not sure how to separate the effects of porn from my own natural personality or hormones. I mean, everyone reacts differently. When I first started watching porn, it was very clear to me that what I was watching was staged. But as things progressed, the line between constructed and authentic sex on tape started to blur. Some videos featured people who were very clearly not actors, but were obviously aware of them being recorded by another person in the room.

Why porn affected me in such a different way than others remains a mystery. Could it have something to do with the fact that other guys starting falling for girls right around the same time they started viewing porn? This would counteract any misconceptions they have about real sex. Perhaps they have less intense personalities, or maybe don't think as deeply. Why does porn hook other guys and not me? After my sophomore year of college, I sort of just stopped watching it without any problems. I never had to abstain with effort; I just grew out of it.

The irony is that if kids really want to know what they're supposed to "feel" when they want to make love to someone, they'd be better off watching movies like "Titanic," "Good Will Hunting," or "Forrest Gump." Porn hyperbolizes and somehow strips the affection that is inexorably tied with real-life sex, casual or not.

Another possible cause of all these problems with males viewing porn is that there is a period of time in a man's life when sex is NOT about love, where the arousal he feels has no affection whatsoever. Not matter how much he thinks about "love" he cannot get aroused. He must imagine something specific and visceral to become aroused. This paradox between love and sex is not something that women face, I don't think. This explains to me why guys don't usually develop "crushes" as much as girl's do. This also explains why guys are more capable of casual sex than women are, or why guys can get more easily aroused solely from visuals, while women need some kind of emotional paper trail to climax.

My history with porn is a long and convoluted one, and tied greatly with these various heartbreaks, but I can elaborate more later. Really, porn has been the only sexual outlet I've ever known. Heck, my first orgasm was with a session of hardcore P&M. But I never knew how great a hold PMO had on my life. I always thought my compulsive masturbation habits were a consequence of a high libido, among other lies young men are told so often. But after experiencing the benefits of abstaining firsthand, there's no way I can go back. Being away from the porno grind makes me feel confident, charismatic, and creative. It makes me feel a zesty vitality, energy, and most importantly it lets me feel deep emotions, the kind which I haven't felt in years.

LINK

Submitted by Westminster93 on Thu, 2012-05-10 13:49

From this reuniting post - The blatant effect of online porn

I am currently suffering from the effects of porn induced ED and am 8 weeks into no PMO recovery. I recently decided to make my 18 year old son aware of its potential effects. I was shocked at what I learnt from him.

Not surprisingly he has discussed Internet porn with his mates. But one of them has already had sex and told them that he prefers looking at online porn to the real experience of sex! - and this is at the age of 17/18. I asked my son if he regularly has wet dreams (it was a very free and easy conversation despite my worrying beforehand). He said he had only had one wet dream in his life to date. When he mentioned this to his mates they all laughed - the reason they laughed was that not one of them had ever experienced a wet dream.

I would call this a clear indicator of the powerful effect of online porn - messing up the normal sexual development of teens. This is a clear time bomb which needs far greater exposure.

Comments: We form stronger memories during our adolescence

July 20th, 2012 in Psychology & Psychiatry

Netherlands soccer legend Johan Cruyff (dark shirt) in the 1974 World Cup final against West Germany.

(Medical Xpress) -- Whether the subject is your favourite songs or the greatest footballer of all time, surveys that rely on remembering the past will be skewed towards one particular decade of the participants' lives, according to a Flinders University researcher.

Psychologist Dr. Steve Janssen said that more memories are accumulated between the ages of 10 and 20 than at any other time of life.

Dr. Janssen has been studying the phenomenon, which is known as the reminiscence bump, as part of his research into the way memory works.

Recently appointed to Flinders School of Psychology as a postdoctoral research fellow, Dr. Janssen holds a PhD from the University of Amsterdam and has worked at universities in the US and Japan.

He said that while people are likely to have vivid memories of significant events such as marriage, buying a house or the birth of a child from any period of their lives, memories from their second decade of life will be far more numerous and therefore more durable and influential.

A keen soccer fan, Dr. Janssen, with two of his colleagues, demonstrated the robustness of the reminiscence bump by conducting a survey of Dutch soccer fans that asked them to identify the five best football players of all time.

He said the results confirmed that because people have more memories of the games they saw between the ages of 10 and 20, their nominations tended to favour players from that period in their lives.

When comparing the midpoint of the nominated players' careers and the age of the respondents, Dr. Janssen found a peak at the age of 17.

And while an indisputably great player such as the striker Johan Cruyff would be nominated by participants of all ages (including those not born at the time he played), Dr Janssen said that the strongest support for Cruyff came from the age group who were between 10 and 20 at the peak of his career.

"Cruyff had his peak in 1974 - the people who chose Cruyff the most were in their 50s and 60s," he said.

The findings resulted in Dr. Janssen being interviewed by Champions magazine, the official publication of UEFA (soccer's ruling body in Europe).

Dr. Janssen said that further evidence of the reminiscence bump can also be seen with movies, books and music.

"The movies that you see between the ages of 15 and 20 will remain your favourite movies," he said.

Dr. Janssen said it is a phase of life when memory and other cognitive faculties are at their height.

"We feel that between that between 10 and 20, your memory system works really well: you take on so much new information so easily," Dr. Janssen said.

Learning a new language is a prime example: "In your teenage period it is fairly easy to learn new words - it takes so much more effort to learn a language at a later age," he said.

"We think that at this age, the memory system stores information better and that later it's easier to retrieve this information."

Provided by Flinders University

"Best memory? You're likely to decide as a teen." July 20th, 2012. http://medicalxpress.com/news/2012-07-memory-youre-teen.html

A conversation overheard on the bus made me feel bad for the youth of today

I was on the bus today and two aprox. 14 year old guys came on the bus and got a seat in the back. They were clearly a couple of troublemakers because the first one was talking about the fact that his father had apparently banned him from to using the computer in the morning as a punishment for something. The second one found it strange that he would even use the computer in the morning and asked at what time he usually wakes up. The first one said that his father or his grandmother usually wake him up at around 6 or 7 in the morning so he would just go on the computer for a bit, then have some breakfast and then continue on the computer. Then he asked his friend "what do you think I do on the computer?" and then revealed that he was in fact looking at porn and fapping every morning and he found it very amusing.

When I heard this I just felt bad for the kid for thinking that doing this stuff is completely normal and a fine thing to do. I just realized that this kid might suffer from social anxiety or ED or any of the related PMO problems later in the future if he continues doing this every single morning. He's actively breaking down the reward circuits in his brain without even knowing it and thinking that he's doing no harm to himself. Just made me feel bad that porn is doing this to so many young people nowadays and that PMO'ing is considered the "norm".

GUY 2)

When i was 14-15 i thought that watching porn was normal and even considered that it was cool thing to do.

GUY 3)

Yeah, I did too but in the end it just fucked me up because I think it just made me more introverted and socially awkward along with making me addicted to PMO'ing and also gave me some ED issues. Now we know better and I hate to see the same thing happen to others.

GUY 4)

Everyone always said that masturbation and porn use was normal and healthy thing to do. I agree that it is healthy in small amounts, but you can do that too much and become an addicted to that. I think that our society needs more open discussion about porn addiction.

GUY 5)

When I was 14 if you wanted to access decent porn it was all 'diallers' which you'd get charged a bomb on the phone bill for and then your mum would know. But most of us didn't have the net at home yet anyway, I wasn't a regular internet user at all until I was 17. There's definitely an abundance of temptation out there for kids today because it's so easily accessible. These kids are going to have a bad time if they wire their sexuality to porn in its development, it's gonna be so much tougher for them later.

"Sexting" again linked to risky sex among teens

Photo
Mon, Sep 17 2012

By Genevra Pittman

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - One out of every seven Los Angeles high schoolers with a cell phone has sent a sexually-explicit text message or photo, according to results of a 2011 survey that also found "sexters" more likely to engage in risky sex behaviors.

In the new study, the LA teens who had sent racy texts were seven times more likely to be sexually active than those who said they'd never sexted.

"No one's actually going to get a sexually transmitted disease because they're sexting," said Eric Rice, a social network researcher from the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, who led the new study.

"What we really wanted to know is, is there a link between sexting and taking risks with your body? And the answer is a pretty resounding ‘yes,'" he told Reuters Health.

A study of Houston, Texas, high schoolers out earlier this summer found one in four teens had sent a naked photo of themselves through text message or email, and those kids were also much more likely to be having risky sex. (See Reuters Health story of July 2, 2012).

Rice's findings, published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, are based on 1,839 students in Los Angeles high schools, most of whom were Latino. Three-quarters of them owned a cell phone that they used regularly.

On a survey sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, just over 40 percent of teens with a cell phone said they'd had sex, and about two-thirds used a condom the last time they did.

Rice said the rate of teen sexting in Houston may have been slightly higher than in Los Angeles because of demographic differences - but that overall the two reports are consistent.

"Somewhere in the middle is probably a pretty good estimate of what's going on nationally," said Jeff Temple, a psychologist and women's health researcher from The University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston who worked on the Houston study.

His research found that girls in particular who'd sent naked photos were more likely to engage in risky sex, to have had multiple recent sex partners or to use alcohol and drugs before sex.

"Sexting appears to be a reflection or an indication of actual sexual behavior," Temple told Reuters Health.

"What they're doing in their offline lives is what they're doing in their online lives."

Rice agreed that was the most important finding to take away from both studies. "That may be a no-brainer to some parents, but it may be alarming to others," he said.

"This is a behavior that a minority of adolescents are engaging in, but that minority is engaging in a group of risky sexual behaviors… not just sexting."

With sexting, there's also the concern that naked photos will end up on the Internet and teens will be bullied online, or that students who receive explicit texts could be charged with child pornography.

Researchers still have a lot of questions about sexting, including which students are most likely to sext and what other behaviors or personality traits may be more common among sexters. Temple and his colleagues are currently working on a study to see what typically comes first among teens - sexting or sex.

For now, Rice said parents and teachers may be able to use media coverage of the latest celebrity or politician sexting controversy as an in to talk to teens about sexting and actual sex - especially because the two are so closely linked.

"Sexting might be an easier conversation for teachers to start having with teens than a full-on conversation that starts, ‘Let's talk about sex,'" he said.

SOURCE: bit.ly/jsoh2P Pediatrics, online September 17, 2012.

It's all we know, since we discovered how to it has been a comfort blanket. Little did we know before becoming dependent on it, that it would have such far reaching consequences on the rest of our lives. We can't be blamed for succumbing to its allure.

The "You may have a problem if..." post

Hawkeye5

I never even heard of the internet until my sophomore year of college, and here I am at my age overcoming this addiction. I am truly sympathetic for the young men who have been exposed to this crap from the time of first puberty.

J Adolesc Health. 2012 Aug;51(2):101-5.

The digital revolution and adolescent brain evolution.

Source

Brain Imaging Section, Child Psychiatry Branch, National Institute of Mental Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA.

Abstract

Remarkable advances in technologies that enable the distribution and use of information encoded as digital sequences of 1s or 0s have dramatically changed our way of life. Adolescents, old enough to master the technologies and young enough to welcome their novelty, are at the forefront of this "digital revolution." Underlying the adolescent's eager embracement of these sweeping changes is a neurobiology forged by the fires of evolution to be extremely adept at adaptation. The consequences of the brain's adaptation to the demands and opportunities of the digital age have enormous implications for adolescent health professionals.

Published by Elsevier Inc.

A life forgotten by many

well it struck me lately that i don't remember a life with out looking at  porn . i mean the first time i looked at porn was when i was 12 on the cable (it didn't take long to know the password i mean 1111 isn't really creative) .any way since then i used porn well its sad to say this but all my adult life ,i have been using porn so to say its a forgotten life is kinda a lie it's more like i life i never knew existed .i mean i don't know what to do when i am bored and have nothing to do ,when i can't sleep or when i want to look at hot naked women the likes i am probably will never have.i just don't know .i wonder if i am the only one like this?

GUY 2)

Nope, I consider it more of an lost youth - I have just been sitting on PC and PMOing and doing all kind of antisocial stuff. I was very antisocial my whole youth and now when Im 21 and its time to look around, the train has pretty much gone and here I am, all alone, without any experience, nowhere to wander, and it would be just easy to continue that same lifestyle.

GUY 3)

I'm on the same boat. 

I actually made a rationalization that "There's nothing wrong with doing nothing of my life."

lol

How pathetic.

GUY 4)
An inspirational man said something like this about porn addiction: 

"If I didn't cause myself so much pain, lost time and wasted effort through porn, I wouldn't have been able to make the decision to change, get to know and improve myself like never before"

Quitting PMO does open new doors,

I'm trying to kick a few open but I need to be patient and find the keys

I wish you every success

link to post - Didn't get suspended!

So I go to a boarding school, and recently we had a sexual scandal regarding 2nd graders molesting each other (I'm in the high school). As a result, the school is cracking down on people watching porn since it is what gave these 2nd graders the ideas to do these things. Today a buddy and I were pulled out of our Multivariable Calc class at 8 am and our computers and phones were searched for porn.All I can say is THANK GOD for nofap, as my stuff was completely clean. Unfortunately for my buddy, he had quite a bit of stuff on his search history and he got suspended for 3 DAYS :(. I believe he is planning on starting nofap soon as a result of this.

TL;DR School has legal issues regarding elementary schoolers molesting each other, starting to crack down on high schooler's laptops, came out clean thanks to nofap.

Lawsuit claims sex abuse of Burris student by classmates

Edit: source http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20121002/NEWS01/310020006/Burris-sexual-assault-lawsuit

You're exactly correct. I'm 50 years old. I've been in a very long-term relationship with a woman who I love very much. We've had many years of great sex.

Before that I had many years of masturbation to old-fashioned porn like Penthouse and Hustler magazine.

I'm assuming I have very deep pathways towards normal gratification. I guess I just fucked that all up with the Internet porn that's become available over the last 3 to 5 years.

I apologize for any typos. I'm using speech to text on my phone. I'm about to go meet a very happy and sexually satisfied woman for lunch!

I’m 45 years old so my exposure to porn was very different from younger guys who went straight to internet porn. If your initial exposure was to internet porn your rebooting process will probably be on the longer end of the scale.

Not feeling your libido is normal, I don’t feel mine until I’m in the company of a woman. I wish I had the knowledge that I have now of this addiction years ago, this addiction has caused me to blow a few relationships.

No longer self conscious about penis size

My wiener size is pretty average/not big and I've always been shy in the gym showers etc. When I was much younger it bothered me to the point of not wanting to go to school on gym days.

Now I do sports with friends and shower afterwards, and totally accept it. My thought pattern has gone from "they are gonna laugh at my small dick" to "penis size is not a hinderance to a good life" or "fuck it, I'm taking this for all my small dicked brothers". A long step away from victimhood!

Not watching creepy sex empty of love with huge dicked freaks, I believe is beneficial to acceptance of our bodies. And it's not like no one here are self conscious about their dick size, so this could be a reason for you to get with NOFAP.

My story started when I was 12 years old. Like any boy that age, I used to get erections very regularly and I used to play with my penis. Then I discovered my mums vibrating body massager which she no longer used…. One day whilst my parents were out, I plugged it in, switched it on and placed it on my penis. The vibrations were intense and the feeling was incredible. I had my first orgasm and from that day onwards I was hooked. Whenever I could, I used the vibrating massager to bring me to orgasm. At the time I was unable to reach orgasm using just my hand. I think it was three or four months after I first used the massager before I could reach orgasm using my hand. However once I could do this, I was masturbating to orgasm using either my hand or the massager 5 to 10 times per week. I did not have porno magazines or videos at the time (the Internet was not around then) but I did quite often look at pictures of scantily clad women. 

From what I remember I had no problems getting or maintaining an erection until I’d been masturbating for about 2 years. Obviously it was a long time ago now so I can’t remember all the details but I do seem to remember getting much less frequent erections, even when I had sexy thoughts or visual stimulation. However I had no problems getting an erection by using my hand or the massager to stimulate my flaccid penis.

I had my first girlfriend at around 14 or 15 and remember kissing her intensely and although I really found her attractive, my penis remained limp. I had a few more girlfriends after that and each time I kissed them, nothing happened in my pants. By the time I reached 16 most of my friends had had sex or were having sex apart from me. They talked about how they would get an erection from just holding or kissing a girl. I on the other hand rarely got one without manual stimulation. Was I masturbating too much or had the massager desensitised my penis I thought to myself? So quite a few times between the ages of 15 and 18 I would stop masturbating or using the massager. After a 4 or 5 day abstaining from MO, I felt an increase in my libido. Then something strange would happen. By days 6, 7, 8 etc I would start to lose my libido. This caused me to panic and I would start to masturbate again. The first time I masturbated after abstinence, it never felt particularly pleasurable. Then after doing it a couple of times over a two or three day period the sexual pleasure would return and I’d go back to masturbating several times a week.

Masturbating has starved me from living life (rant)

Upvote it, down vote it, I don't care, I just need to get this off my chest.

I honestly wish I never started masturbating in the first place. My parents gave me 0 supervision with computers, and allowed me to go on all hours of the night if I wanted to. I would masturbate sometimes 5 times a day if I could, until I was raw... and even at one point infected.

This started when I was in 7th grade. Now I'm heading into my 3rd year of college and I've realized that I never got to have a "normal" high school experience... All I did was masturbate when I had free time. I didn't go out with friends, I didn't join any clubs, I did literally nothing.

and now? I can barely finish in bed when I'm with a girl. If I'm wearing a condom the chance of that happening drops down to about a 5% chance of finishing on a good day... All because I've both physically desensitized my penis and mentally desensitized my brain.

We don't realize this at young ages when we are viewing porn for the first time, but we're really victims.

When I don't masturbate I feel 100% better. I recently made it to 30 days about a week ago and I've never felt better in my life. I actually felt alive. Now? I'm right back where I started. Hating myself and life.

This dirty stupid habit has taken over my life. It has starved me from being normal. If you're reading this and wondering if NoFap is for you, trust me, it is. You do NOT want to end up like me...

Fuck masturbating, Fuck porn, Fuck being weak. I'm sick and tired of this. We're all just little pawns in the porn industry. It's time to stand up to it and leave my past behind... I can't keep going on like this.

 Re: Gabe (age 25) and Gary discuss recovery from porn-induced ED

The following was written by Gabe from yourbrainrebalanced. Gabe often talks to teens, and this is his recollection of a conversation with a 15 year old.

It's an answer to this question:

can you elaborate on the 15 year old kid that watches porn on his smartphone during English class while ignoring all of the beautiful girls sitting around him. Are the girls around him aware of what he is doing? How do they react to it?

-Yea, some of them are aware of what he is doing. He didn't get into how they react, but he said the guy doesn't care.

Here is part of our actual talk covering this:


Me: “So everyone at your school gets their own laptop right?”

Teen: “yea”

Me: “do they block facebook and twitter to keep y'all from being on there all day, posting about how boring school is, or how bad you wish you were home playing call of duty? (a video game)”

Teen: “haha they try too, but everyone knows how to get around the block, they say if we get caught (on facebook) you get sent to the office, but they never actually back that up. They said they will use someone’s account who is friends with a bunch of the students and see who all is online then bust them, but never do it.”

Me: “Ya that’s how it was for us too when Xanga and MySpace first got big. We figured out how to get around their blocks within 2 days. What about cell phones, I know everyone is on their phone all day and can get online on them right?”

Teen: “oh for sure haha, I mean some kids get their phone taken up, but most the times they just ask us to put them up. We say yes mam then 5 seconds later post a tweet about the close call haha”

Me: “well let me ask you this... how many of the guys at school watch porn on their iphones, or laptops?”

Teen: “oh man, tons. Not a whole lot on the laptops but just about everyone on their phones.”

 Me: “yea that’s what I figured you would say, I bet you they do it right in the middle of class right?”

Teen: “all…the…time. No joke this one guy sits behind me and just stares at his phone in his lap the whole class lookin up videos. He doesn’t even care who sees him.”

Me: “wait, even if girls see him?”

Teen: “yea he could care less if a girl sees him, him and his friends think it’s funny.”

Me: “ it’s got to be tough for the class to pay attention if you know that’s going on right beside you.”

Teen: “For real! I’m like bro, you have cute girls sitting all around you, and you’re sitting there on your phone staring at a screen, doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “haha no it doesn’t, well how old were you when you first saw porn?”

Teen: “eh, it was the summer before 5th grade when I went to a friend’s house; he had a bunch of it on his Xbox.”

Me: “yea the average age is around 10 years old now for guys, it’s crazy. What was middle school like, because iphones have been around for awhile now.”

Teen: “Middle school was exactly the same, maybe even worse. There were a few times in 7th grade when guys would set their phone in the middle of the lunchroom table and everyone would crowd around it and watch it.”


We are in the middle of a epidemic that is destroying millions of lives, my goal is to make the neuroscience behind viewing porn common knowledge.

I think I got into it because I feel into a pattern at an early age. When I was 11/12 years old, I knew I was too young to have sex, but I discovered internet porn, an outlet of which nobody had alerted me of the dangers. After that, it was force of habit - going out with girls and having 'real' sexual experiences was foreign territory and a little frightening, but internet porn felt familiar and safe.

Sex with escorts to get over porn fantasies? 

 by original4

I'm 55 days into nofap and I still have vivid urges despite quitting porn as well. It feels like I'll never be satisfied until I get to try the things I've seen in porn IRL (which I wasn't able to do with previous girlfriends). I'm thinking of paying a high class escort so that I can act out all these fantasies in the hopes of getting it out of my system.

I eventually want to find a girl to settle down with but I feel I may end up having a mid life crisis if I don't experiment while I'm young. This may be a bit graphic but basically I want to: Face fuck her (rough), have her lick my ass and suck my balls, go atm on her, and the classic porn finale of cumming on her face/ in her mouth. What are your thoughts on this?

2 and a half months down, and I'm done. 

After 2 and a half months, I'm calling it quits. My previous best streak was 28 days and after relapsing then I felt like shit. Now, I don't feel like shit. I feel like I've spent enough time not masturbating to realise that it's just not working for me.

It seems like NoFap hasn't helped me neeeeearly as much as it has so many other people.

I will say that letting go of porn did help me on a psychological level. I do feel like it's rehumanized my mind a bit, lessening the objectification of women. So I'll give that some credit.

Think I'll go /r/pornfree at most from now on. Anyway, it's been an experience, but I'm outta here. I wish the best of luck to all of you whose lives really have improved thanks to NoFap.

Never really intended to share anything I wrote, but maybe this will help someone. 

by Fistful_of_Silence

I started writing when I started NoFap. Each day would be a few lines. It has now turned into something much more.

I was pretty young when I started looking at porn. My older brother’s house is where I got my first peek. It was the same year my sister got married and moved in with her now ex-husband. My older brother had a broken leg and was set up in their basement, so when I went down to play his Xbox, there was no reason for him to put his magazines away. I was 14 at the time.

After 6 years of sexually unfulfilling pornography, I am trying to stop. After seeing women be humiliated by man and beast, and men emasculated by women, it’s time the addiction stops. Unfortunately, it’s everywhere. Commercials contain flawless images of women’s bodies; YouTube is full of listeners sucked into the song by the picture of a lingerie model on the front. An internet connection is an open invitation into a 24/7 porn shop whose walls are so far from each other you won’t find an end to the building. A single door leads in and out. Even after you leave the store, the worst part remains.

Outside you discover the truth. That there is no easy escape. That the door out only leads to the smaller portion of your brain that you have dedicated to remembering the girls from your favorite scenes, and the feeling of ejaculation. Only the passage of time will cure these memories. With each glimpse they will fade until only outlines remain, remnants of a past life. This…This is what I work towards

What's normal anymore? 

by mrfreshman27 days

I walk around from place to place with a non-caring attitude more and more everyday. People seem to be more intimidated by me now. Yes, it does give you confidence and people see it. At the moment, I feel as though normal has been so far off my entire life. I'm feeling the way I felt as a kid especially when I wake up in the morning. It's a content mindset. Today, I just realized why I PMO'd all these years. It's because I've been angry. When I was 10 or 11 yrs old I had really bad anger problems. Mostly because my mom and dad separated. I just wanted a normal family and I couldn't get that. I would hit and stab walls. I think that's when the endless cycle of PMO began. So I would do that to feel better. These 27 days a have been a slap in the face by reality. I looked around campus and realized what I've been missing this whole time. Life is amazing! It doesn't make any sense at times but its awesome.

This challenge is tough but its better than where I was before. I just feel bad for the millions of young boys and girls who are going to suffer to this problem. Its truly crippling.

I'm A 27yo Who Was Forced To Watch Porn From 4-6yo And Started Masturbating at 5/6yo AMA

by ProbJustBSing47 days

I'm 27 years old, live in New York City. When I was 3 years old, I lived in a condominium on Long Island, NY. My parent's were amazing and caring, and we were a typical middle-class, suburban, family. My mom, when she was a child, was sexually abused by her mom's (my grandma) boyfriend. So, when we were growing up, she was extra cautious, in trying to make sure nothing harmed our childhood in that way...

Like most kids, my sister (18 months younger) and I had a babysitter. Her name was Andrea and she was a probably 15 or 16 and was a lifeguard, or swim-trainer, at our local pool, where she taught kids how to swim. My parent's befriended her, and after a year of getting to know her and seeing her daily, they asked her to look after my sister and I.

I don't remember how far into the arrangement this started, but I remember, at, roughly, the age of 3 or 4, Andrea started bringing over "videos" for me to watch with her. These videos weren't "porno" tapes to start, but they were definitely not suitable for a child of my age (probably rated R, with sex scenes). I remember her talking to me about sex, as those scenes were happening.

This sort of exposure happened more and more frequently, and eventually, the "scenes" I was watching were getting more intense. Full blown nudity, and more of it. She would explain to me what I was seeing, and almost "giving me advice" on sex, as we were watching the stuff.

After months of this, it got to a point where she was bringing over full blown hardcore porn tapes. At this point, I had grew to enjoy the scenes. I didn't know why, exactly, but I was aroused by them, and felt an "urge", is the only way to describe it. I also remember, at this point, my sister being present sometimes, but not nearly as much as I was. Andrea would also push me to watch them with her, almost making me feel like her and I had a "bond" over these experiences. She would use them to make me finish my chores..."Finish eating your vegetables or you won't get to watch the videos with me".

This went on for two years, or so. And I remember starting to masturbate in kindergarten (5 or 6 years old). I was so aroused by visuals and imagery, that the first time I masturbated, I was watching a movie of some girl who wasn't even naked or wearing anything sexually suggestive whatsoever. Just seeing a girl on a screen, in general, aroused me...

This is where my current Porn-Induced ED stems from (and why I'm here right now). Sex has always been something that has strictly existed on a screen. It was burned into my brain, at a crucial period of development, and I have never been able to overcome or shake it.

I can go on and on with more details, thoughts, and feelings, but I'd rather leave it open to anyone who wants to ask for more specifics.

Here's some other short facts:

  • I was walked-in on, by my father, at about 6 or 7 years old while I was masturbating.
  • I am very cold to feeling/touching things. I have never been aroused by physical contact from someone else.
  • A lot of my views on "nature vs nurture" are directly influenced by this situation.
  • This has affected me, in some form or another, in every aspect of every relationship I've been in up until this point...

An apology letter

This is an apology to myself, and to those who I have mentally degraded over the years.

I am turning twenty years old in one week today, and since I was about thirteen years old, I have been masturbating pretty much non-stop. The longest I have gone without masturbating is probably about a month, but definitely no longer than that. Masturbation is a perfectly natural thing for teenage boys to do, and I accept that. However, I do believe that I have a problem which needs to be dealt with.

So, I’ve been masturbating for all of my teenage life and the beginning of my adult life. It started off like I’m sure it does for most guys, just masturbating a few times a week. But soon I was doing it every day, and soon I discovered porn.

Discovering porn opened up a whole new world of sexual possibility to me. I was finding porn all the time and masturbating. I was too young to really think deeply about the degrading aspects of porn, and how these women were being abused for my sexual entertainment.

Things carried on like this for a few years. I didn’t have any long-term girlfriends in high school and I continued to masturbate to porn. Then at 16 I graduated high school and entered college, where I started a Facebook account. Facebook was for me, a whole new open door to the realms of masturbatory opportunity. Girls uploaded constant photos of themselves, a lot of the time in suggestive poses. My still developing and horny teenage mind had discovered a mountain of gold. I would masturbate to the pictures of girls I knew from high school, and even the girls I had met at college.

Now we move to university, where in “fresher’s” week I was able to completely come out of my shell and talk to most girls with absolute ease. I danced with and made out with several girls on the dance floor each night we went out (which was every night), and on the last night I was even able to get back to a girl’s place. We didn’t have sex but did pretty much everything else. I suppose looking back I was quite desperate to get a girlfriend and lose my virginity, so I kept in contact with her. Embarrassingly, I came on much too strongly and scared her away. It sucked, but I’m over it now.

While this was happening, I was beginning to watch increasingly hardcore porn. Videos of girls being choked and fucked in the arse were ones I would watch a lot. I even found the pictures of the girls I knew on Facebook, and then put them alongside the videos so I could imagine it was the girl I knew being fucked in the video. It’s sick, I realise.

Porn has ruined my mind. Now whenever I imagine a girl I know, even those who were my friends in college, I imagine them in really degrading sexual situations. It has ruined my respect for women. I don’t claim to be a sexist, and I believe strongly in women’s rights, but I idolise them as sex objects without even meaning to at this point. I have three female house mates who are all great people, and I’ve masturbated over them loads of times with thoughts of hardcore sex going through my mind.

My point is, I am sorry. After masturbating today, it hit me that I am a sick, sorry excuse for a man. I am mentally degrading every woman I know and I am rotting my mind.

I really want to lower my masturbation, and if possible, cut out porn completely. I doubt I would be able to stop masturbation fully, but I want to limit the amount that I do it.

The problem is at this point, I have an addiction to porn and masturbating and I lack the willpower to stop. Even when I tell myself it isn’t worth it, I still end up doing it. That is the point of this apology letter, to get my feelings out on the table and to help myself begin anew.

I apologise, sincerely, to women all over the world, for my selfish and degrading thoughts. I apologise, sincerely, to every woman I know personally who I have masturbated over and thought about in a degrading way. Finally, I apologise sincerely to myself, for letting myself get to the state I am currently in.

I must work on my issues, and if I stay strong and keep at it, I hope that my mind can repair itself and I will be able to look at women in a much more respectful way

Getting really anxious after 20 days of nofap, but catching my brother in the act helped me stay focused! 

So basically it has been 23 days since I started, and while I'm seeing so many benefits, the urges are really strong too. I found myself about to just look at porn so many times today, before I snapped out of it.

I walked out of my room and down to my kitchen, for some water, when I noticed my little brother sitting on the couch with his laptop. Now, he's about 13 and doesn't get out of the house much, so I didn't really notice it. Mom and Dad were out of the house, so I walked up to him and asked where they went. I caught a glimpse of his computer screen, and you can guess what I saw. He slammed the screen shut quickly, and responded "I dunno" nervously (we've all been 13 before, right guys?), so I knew he was watching porn. I asked him to help me take the dogs outside, and I watched him clutch to his computer while he did it.

When we were about to head out I said "I know what you were looking at, and frankly I'm disgusted. But you can give the computer to me and let me talk to you about it, or I can call mom and dad and see how much trouble you will get in." This took him by surprise a little, and without any argument, he gave me his computer. I took it inside and opened it up while he went outside to watch the dogs. What I saw was over 15 tabs of porn on his google chrome window. Remember how I mentioned really wanting to look at porn badly? Well I was looking at it now, and it was downright disgusting to me. So I cleared his history and installed a porn blocker (that would work in incognito mode too) and set it so that whenever he tries to look up any porn, I would get a notification via email.

He came back inside, and I sat down with him, showed him the TEDx video, and had a brief talk with him. I promised to not tell our parents, if he promised to never look at that stuff again. He promised me and went to go work on his homework. I'm probably gonna check in on his computer in a month or so to see if he has deleted the porn blocker.

Anyways, I now feel invigorated (and maybe even zealous) about the whole nofap cause, and my motivation is now stronger than ever!

I started porn at an early age. At age 10 I first started internet browsing, looking up words like "boobs" and "naked girls". When I was 11 I started masterbating, I used to rush home up the driveway and lock myself in the bathroom to masterbate.

Starting sometime in middle school and throughout high school it definitely escalated. I remember times when I would look at porn and masterbate so many times that my dick actually had rashes/rubbed off skin on it.

The first year of college my use definitely diminished due to having a roommate but since then I've had a single and have looked at porn everyday and masterbated multiple times a day.

My habit every single night became look at porn, masterbate then sleep. If I was hanging out with people and it was around 2 am or so I would leave them to go back to my room to do this.

The porn I was looking at definitely became increasingly violent and warped as well as vanilla stuff could no longer arouse me. I also definitely found that porn got me much harder than any girl could

90" Day Report

Porn taught me that being a man was about orgasm.

by heisable6 days

Porn:
- taught me that being a respectable man isn't about respect or self-discipline, it's about searching for orgasm.

Orgasm:
- bathes my mind in dopamine.

Dopamine:
- distracts me from the truth.

The truth:
- is that I accept my mediocre circumstances through temporary happiness via PMO, because instead of working hard for long-term happiness, I prefer instant gratification.

Instant gratification:
- encourages me to continuously pursue it, mainly due to PMO.

I wanted to share my train of thought with y'all because it made it even clearer to me how I need to cut PMO out of my life to actually accomplish the things I want to get done.

30 Day Report - Noticeable Pros and Cons

Hey guys. Yesterday I hit my 30th day of my first ever nofap. I brief background of why i started and all that good stuff can be found at: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/19lgtr/day_2/ but if i had to summarize it, I'm doing this because for the last 2-3 years Ive suffered from low energy, low motivation, depression, social anxiety, DE, having trouble speaking to girls... pretty much the works. Im not much of a quantity writer, so im gunna keep it short, simple, and sweet.

PROS

  1. Perception of females - I know this is kind of going to sound messed up, but before i started all this, i viewed famales purely as sexual objects, which caused me to use a few of them just for their bodies. I would rationalize these feelings by reminding myself that this is how our society in general views them. Slowly this perception has been changing tho. I noticed this especially when I went to vegas on my 20th day. Going to a strip club just seemed to make me depressed. It was so obvious how fake everything was. All the guys (including one of my friends) who got a lap dance seemed to be in heaven by having some random girl they dont know rub up against them for $25. It kind of made me laugh because a year ago when i was a full fledged PMO addict, i went to the same strip club in vegas and was one of those guys in "heaven." This time around i couldnt help but only feel bad for both the girls and the guys handing over their money for momentary happiness. Also, I no longer feel the need to stare at or point out hot girls to my friends. I did this quite often in the past.

Wednesday, Apr 3, 2013 05:24 AM PDT

I myself am 23 years old and growing up was kind of shy but grew up in a good home, played sports and was never a loner but did struggle a little with girls and as a result turned to a lot of internet porn around age 16.

For all the people out there saying "I watched porn when i was a kid". There is a distinct difference between watching a few vanilla scenes being played out in front of you on a VHS tape and having 20 tabs opened on your browser and simultaneously streaming videos every single day, multiple times a day with UNLIMITED novelty and genres to chose from right up to what the author posted as smut or snuff pornography.

Watching guys constantly rape women, assault them while they are sleeping, incest, Bondage, hardcore sex etc etc makes it kind of hard to be turned on by a girl when she is naked.

The problem is not in essence pornography but the unlimited amount of visual variety and novelty available that you are wiring to when you have an orgasm constantly watching it. Having a normal sexual situation in reality becomes boring and alien, It does not even come close to the dopamine hit that youtube like porn sites provide. Sex was actually a disappointment for me when i tried to lose my virginity at age 19 after a few years of hardcore porn i could not get an erection with a gorgeous girl, i had no arousal for women.

My porn use carried on until recently, I was still swept up in it even after multiple failed occasions with no erection. It got so bad that i could no longer get a decent erection with pornography either.

I am now 4 months off porn and have only masturbated 3 times in those 4 months (without porn), My streaks of abstinence are working for me and my libido is now on/off rather then permanently off. I no longer have sick twisted fantasy's and can masturbate with just sensation like regular guys. I feel a lot better about myself and am generally happy again and no longer feel like a zombie.

Now... I started at 16, well and truly into puberty. Lots of young guys are starting at age 10 or 11 as smart phones and laptops etc are all allowing for easy, high speed, unrestricted access to whatever the user desires. Guys are reporting issues with even vanilla porn who started young, it seems that its not the content of porn that is causing relationship/sexual problems but the constant novelty and arousal, lowering the dopamine response and arousal in real situations.

Porn addiction is real, trust me guys. I experienced it. After years of porn use, I ended up spending all my time in front of a computer, watching increasingly disgusting porn videos, searching for something that doesn't really exist, because no matter what I could find, it almost immediately stopped to be exciting. Every new video was exciting only for 10 or 20 seconds, and after that I had to search for something new. The kinds of porn I got into were appalling, but I could not stop watching it. I was loosing interest in everything else, and I was experiencing incredibly high levels of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with my life.

Finding yourbrainonporn 10 months ago saved my life, and I'm not exaggerating. Without it, I would still be a porn addict, and that means that I would certainly be dropped out from university, isolated from other people and who knows what else. I might also have committed suicide in the meantime. Seriously, I can't believe how much my life sucked.

Now I'm trying to fix my problems, but it's hard. Maybe I have kicked my porn addiction (87 days of no PMO today), but the damages caused by years of complete substitution of real sex with porn are huge and still there. If I see a beautiful girl I feel nothing. Real sex is not appealing. It is like if I rewired my brain to a screen. I just hope I will be fine, sooner or later.

Should 15 years old start NoFap? (NSFW)

by Halali__

I'm 15, male, will be 16 in few months.

I fap every day, usually two or three times. Started when I was about 12 years old. Now I fap to EVERYTHING. Gore, snuff, hardoce anal, prolapses, rape, gangbang, BDSM, gay, bi, lesbians, CP (definitely more than once), rule 34, everything.

I don't care about my sexuality atm. I started as straight, but now I consider myself as bi, thanks to porn. I don't really care what hole is that. I even experimented with some anal play, too.

The question is: Should I try Nofap? Or just try to limit porn and fapping, so one day I'll stop fapping completely? I really don't know

And yes, I'm serious.

2 Months Prostitute Free! For those of you thinking about using Escorts 

 by prostaddict9945 days

If you were like me - a virgin, a bit socially awkward, and with money to toss around - this is exactly how an encounter for me went down. This is also the thought process I use to remind me why I stopped and am taking on the NoFap challenge:

Let me explain to you exactly what will happen:

You will find a decent escort for a minimum of $250 an hour.

1) She'll ask for verification that you aren't law enforcement. Congrats, you just gave an escort your work information, your full name, and your phone number. Goodluck running for office or having a high profile job one day - you're now bait for blackmail.

2) You're going to be heading to an ATM and sketchily withdrawing $260 worth of cash and stuffing it in a wallet. Congrats, take a good look at it because that's the last you'll ever see that money.

3) You call the girl an hour before the meeting - your socially awkward self is going to be nervous and breaking up your words on the phone with her. She's going to give you the address nonchalantly.

4) You arrive at the hotel, and you're in your car. You call her, and she gives you the room number. She says to wait 10 minutes, she still needs to get ready. As you're waiting sketchily in the parking lot hotel, you can't help but dart your eyes all around you and hope there aren't cops around. You try to avoid eye contact with anyone else in that lot because 'omg what if they notice im being weird and they realize what I'm doing?'

5) Time is close, and there's 5 minutes left to your appointment. You walk into the hotel lobby and start looking for the elevator. You try to look like you belong but with your nerves sky high and your naturally socially awkward self, the second you make eye contact with the staff your eyes widen like a deer in the headlights and you panic. You take a wrong turn - shit, you realize you have no idea where the elevator is and staff already saw you. What if your escort had multiple clients that day? What if they're catching on to something? What if the staff don't recognize you and confront you for being suspicious. You panic and avoid eye contact all you can and you finally find the elevator. Someone else is getting on with you. You hit the button to the desired floor and as you're on your way up, you're nervous as hell that the guy next to you will try and interact with you or even worse - get off on the same floor as you. He gets off on the floor before... Phew, close call.

6) You finally reach the floor of your appointment. You walk towards the door. You're nervous as hell. You look around making sure no one else is there. You knock. The door slowly opens, you walk inside, and from behind the door emerges the woman who's going to take your virginity. The first thought that enters your mind - "damn, she's still a hot woman and I forgot I'm nervous as hell around them." You clam up, nerves wound tight, she smiles and hugs you trying to make you feel a little more comfortable. Oh, and by the way, she's nowhere near as hot as her pictures or the fantasies you played in your head of her.

7) She asks for your 'donation', she thanks you, and asks if you would like to freshen up in the bathroom. You say sure. You head into the bathroom. Get undressed, and take a quick shower. You're extremely nervous - more nervous with negative energy than excitement. Your fantasies of ravaging a super model were shattered by 2 things immediately when you walked into the door - 1) *you forgot that you're still awkward around women and an escort is still another human being even if the sex is guaranteed, and there's no way you're going to have that fantastic sex you imagined in your head *2) she isn't anywhere near as hot or as young as you thought she would be. You're just going to go with the motions at this point anyway. You dry yourself off, put on a towel, and head into the room with her.

8) She starts to have conversation with you, and after 10-15 minutes, you start to feel a little bit more at ease. Hell, maybe she'll compliment you a bit too. Now you might start feeling like 'omg this girl actually thinks im attractive!'. And she gets down to the business.

9) Your hour is up. The experience was nothing like you thought it would be - it didn't meet up with any of the porn fantasies you had and you feel no different because of it. You didn't have the confidence to lead because your social inhibitions kept you from asking what you want. When your time is up she all of a sudden becomes very business like and you rush out of the door.

10) You leave the room and head down to the parking lot avoiding all matters of eye contact on the way. You get into your car, and start driving back home. Your brain - no longer controlled by your dick - starts rationalizing what you just did. You spent $260 to lose your virginity with someone that lied in her advertisements about what she truly looked like. Regret starts sinking in, and you feel like shit about yourself. You're now worse off than you were before - and now you get to lie about the wonderful way you lost your virginity when you finally meet a girl: "Umm... Yeah... uhh... I had sex once with my highschool crush - it wasn't as great as I had hoped and was super awkward... oh well."

If you think you have it rough with women now, how do you expect to act with the skeleton in your closet that you saw a prostitute as your first time?

11) Months go by, you realize that seeing an escort wasn't the magic bullet you had hoped for with women, and you're still nowhere close to finding a girl willing to sleep with you. You're heavily invested into porn and fantasy again, and you can't help but see yourself browsing escort sites again. 'Maybe this one will be different!'. You cave in, convincing yourself that you probably just need more variety to make you more sexually confident. Your dick leads you to another escort in another hotel, and the results are the same.

12) Step 11 happens over and over - sleeping with prostitutes and jacking it to pornography is all your brain knows about sexuality. You're now hooked on the habit of seeking sexual gratification with your wallet - whether it be via porn, web girls, or that escort in the hotel.

Conclusion - Don't see an escort - you got issues with self esteem and social anxiety you need to work on, and that has nothing to do with sleeping with a woman. That's the entire point of NoFap. Don't be desperate - it isn't worth it.

P is not real.

by Passthejelly16 days

I remember when I was about 16 my mom walked in on me fapping and said "You know that's not real."

How was I to know what she meant by this? I was young and naive with years and years of lies and fantasies ingrained in my brain. Now, years later, I finally realized what she meant.

Porn is not real. It does not show how sex is at all. With all the make up and plastic and "acting." By watching it you are just lying to yourself and distorting your reality.

I've been trying to quit porn for a year and never beat 3 weeks. I'm 19 i've bin watching porn since about the age of 9 i cant imagine my life without it.

I can remember being attracted to girls that looked like the pornstars from porn when i was younger. Porn started to affect me at age 16 when i started needing extreme types of porn i used porn everyday for about 2 years binging for endless hours everyday.

I developed porn induced ed when i was 16 i remember going out with this girl from school and going round her house i remember laying on the sofa with her and not able to get an erection i remember trying to think of porn and id get a bit hard then it would disappear soon as i stop.

I soon broke up with her and i remember making up excuses for why i dumped her when really it was because i had porn induced ed without even knowing at the time.

When i was younger porn actually made me more interested in the real thing because that's how i found out about sex but know its the opposite.

I found out about porn addiction a year ago and bin trying to quit ever since but Ive relapsed so many times now i lost all hope.

REALLY NEED HELP

Re: Did porn alter your personality?

« Reply #25 on: Today at 08:09:05 AM
 

It certainly did. I can still remember the person I was in my childhood before porn. I was very outgoing, full of energy and hilarious. This no PMO thing is about rediscovering the you that was forgotten because of your addiction.

when i go on a binge my voice slurs like I cant be bothered to speak. Dont mantain eye contact as much as I should and in generall introverted and shy. But that is not the real me.

I'm a more fun person now, just like I was as a kid.

I'm joking all the time, I maintain eye contact, and my mood is overall better.

This, this and this.


notfeelingit

I feel like my personality is changing the longer I go in this reboot. It's really fucked me up on an emotional level.

Before Porn

 by hxc_ufos

Before porn I was kind. I had patience for days, and weeks, and would listen for as long. I could hear her heart speaking. I would be there beside my friends. I'd search for the sacred in the day to day, the constant flux, the summer grass and bright skies that filled my mind with color and kept me in pace with the Earth's turning.

Before porn I was young. I'd spring out of bed early and keep churning long after late. My movements were smooth and supple, no creaking in the body's boney meeting places. People said my eyes were wide and curious even for sights most mundane, ablaze when in love, soft and easy in the early afternoon. I had a questioning voice before I decided I'd seen it all.

Before porn, I was strong. I'd work til it was done. With head held high I would enter a room, and see you there, and without shame I would offer my hand - without fear, a simple "hello." I'd pick her up on time, I'd stick up for her to her friends, her parents. I didn't flinch on cue or hate the pavement when I might get knocked down.

Before porn I had fun. Kicking the can, shooting the breeze. Even the longest hours broke with the humor of silence. Shit luck was just that. Being human was a joke that never got old.

And the funniest part of all? Before porn I never noticed a damn thing. Before porn I was somebody, but not the man I am today. Before porn I felt love but did not understand that it is the only thing.

Life was always impermanent, and frail, and precious, but before porn it didn't matter because I had never been dead.

Maybe I can't simply trade back this awful knowledge. But as much as I want that innocence back, it is gone, and it was only wishing to begin with. It never mattered.

Here's what does: Porn addiction exposed me to my basest self and made me choose. I've never had such a hard time making an easy call. But from where I'm standing today, the highest point I have yet seen, the view looks pretty good to me.

I can't wait to see what happens after porn.

I didn't think I was addicted 

 by orangeredgoat

It wasn't until I decided to give up PMO that I realised I am probably addicted to porn.

After initially experiencing ED with a girl, my initial thoughts were about the lack of sensation I felt and I blamed death grip syndrome. Fair enough. I'd abstain from masturbating for a while. After my ED incident my sex drive flat lined for 2 weeks anyway and I resolved to masturbate less frequently.

I thought abstaining from masturbation would be a bit a of a test of willpower but it would be straightforward enough. It was. It turns out the problem is porn. I would not (and do not) really get many urges to masturbate, I get urges to check out pornography... [I hope this isn't a trigger for anyone with a similar mindset. I'm going to elaborate a little on my porn habits and my brain]

I can't stop thinking about:

  • checking filesharing sites out for new movies/scene releases.
  • Thinking in turn about each of my favourite premium porn websites and my old favourite scenes AND what new scenes they might have. There always seems to be a new website that springs to mind and my brain goes crazy thinking about what new material they might have. "Just take a look. Just a peek. Lets see what there is. Go on. Just a Look. Load it up. Just the previews. Go ooooon."
  • Cam Sites. That Girl I like might be online! She might be doing that thing I always wanted to see her do but never did before! There might be a new super hot girl started!

etcetera...

So it was the porn that was really damaging I think. When I've attempted NoFap in the past it was always the urge to look at porn that got me, because it would inevitably lead to MO.

I don't think it helped that internet access became a household thing in the UK when I was ~12 and puberty gave me a new toy at the same time. Then we got 512k "broadband" and I began looking at porn from then on. Until I was 24 and downloading dozens of gigs of content a week.

It's selfish of me to make my own post I think, so I am sorry. But I am in a good place and it feels nice to write some feelings down. I am truly calm and motivated now to change my life, not only in this, but also improving physical health/fitness, developing my social skills, and progressing my career. tfwnogf I feel quite different to when I have proudly stated to myself before that I am going to do something. I am hoping it's finally clicked a little bit and I ready to battle.

I beg to differ... 

 by yayagomo

I was talking with my friends about PMO, and I mentioned Nofap. In the group of 3, (who admitted each to fapping 3+ times a day) they all laughed at me and mentioned how I was missing out. I obviously had to defend all 62,792 fapstronauts on this sub, so I went on the lengthy speech about how awesome nofap is. They made fun of me, but inside, I felt so awesome, and how I was different and from these people who wasted their time jerking to a computer screen.

And the best part? After the group of friends split up, 2 of the 3 texted me about nofap, and how they wanted to start it. They were embarassed to admit it in a group, but they all were addicted, and knew they needed to stop. Awesome. I told them all about this sub, and they seemed really determined! Welcome to the land of fapstronauts my friends!

tl:dr: Was talking with friends about nofap, all laughed it off at first, but later contacted me how they also wanted to start nofap and admitted their addiction. wish them luck :D

What I learnt from porn

by drwoning21 days

  1. I learnt that if you don't have a big dick you shouldn't be having sex (unless you are Asian).
  2. That women love big dicks and will humiliate you for having a small one
  3. All a woman needs is your penis, she lives for the penis. cunnilingus is a novelty and clitoral stimulation isn't needed to put her into a mindless state of ecstasy
  4. Women love fellatio. they won't be satisfied if they don't do it there is no such thing as intimacy. sex is purely physical and carries o emotions
  5. Everyone cheats.
  6. Women love cum
  7. Sex is fast paced and very acrobatic
  8. A man is only worth the size of his penis
  9. If a woman doesn't have an orgasm, then the sex was a failure and she'll leave you

This is all I can remember right now. What did you learn from watching porn?

By Krowg37 days

  1. People will have sex anytime, any place, and with anyone.
  2. STDs don't exist
  3. Germs don't exist
  4. Women don't get pregnant
  5. Infections don't exist
  6. The only senses I have are hearing and seeing- I can't smell, taste, or feel anything during sex
  7. The purpose of female breasts is for sex partners to use as toys
  8. There is no such thing as emotion
  9. People don't have feelings
  10. It's better to live like a dog than a human
  11. People don't ever use the bathroom, except for sex
  12. People don't do anything other than have sex
  13. There can never be problems related to sex
  14. Sex is always great, and there are absolutely no consequences from having sex
  15. Women don't menstruate
  16. Genitals are the cleanest part of a person's body
  17. There is no such thing as pubic hair
  18. Prostitution is fun, safe, affordable, and problem-free
  19. All prostitutes are extremely beautiful, STD-free, rich, and super nice. And they have perfect teeth too
  20. The sole hairy part of a woman's body is her head
  21. Children don't exist, and if they did, nobody would know where they came from
  22. Having sex in an office is the greatest thing that can happen in life
  23. It's okay to love just one body part of a person, and nothing else
  24. Bodily fluids taste better than strawberry jam
  25. Sex is not complete without oral sex
  26. Human feces will not make you vomit
  27. When you come home, expect to find your wife in bed with 2 men
  28. People don't eat food, except during sex
  29. Food is only used as a sex aid
  30. Women enjoy getting semen into their eyes
  31. People can't shower unless they're having sex at the same time
  32. Having sex with a married 45-year-old mother is one of the greatest things you can experience in life
  33. People don't care if they get cheated on
  34. People don't work
  35. People don't smell
  36. Nobody has bills to pay
  37. People don't get offended by racial slurs (if used during sex)
  38. Condoms don't exist
  39. People love getting abused, and they reward their abusers by having sex with them
  40. Everyone lives in a Hollywood mansion
  41. People only associate with neighbors for sex
  42. People don't get sick
  43. Beds are only used for sex
  44. Kitchen countertops are only used for sex
  45. Couches are only used for sex
  46. Cars are only used for sex, or to drive somewhere to have sex
  47. People go to cafes solely to find a sex partner
  48. People go grocery shopping solely to find a sex partner
  49. Incest is fun
  50. A mother and daughter having sex with the same man is okay
  51. All women are blonde
  52. Women's feet always look perfect, and they don't smell
  53. Women always have perfect manicures and pedicures
  54. "Hot" women don't have flaws
  55. Women never say stupid things
  56. Women only speak to turn you on - they can never say anything to turn you off
  57. Female lawyers are extremely promiscuous
  58. Female doctors are beautiful, blonde, and willing to have sex with patients. And they don't know anything about medicine
  59. Female teachers are really prostitutes
  60. Nuns are really prostitutes
  61. Nobody believes in God
  62. Lesbians have sex with men
  63. Every woman is bisexual
  64. No man is bisexual or gay
  65. Nobody gets tired of sex
  66. Nobody calls the cops to make noise complaints
  67. Love really means sex
  68. Nobody has chores to do
  69. Women always look like streetwalkers, even when they crawl out of bed with a hangover
  70. Nobody cooks
  71. Everything in life takes a backseat to sex
  72. It's more important to have "good" sex then to eat food
  73. Nobody goes to prison, except to have amazing lesbian sex
  74. Nobody masturbates in front of a computer screen, all alone, unless they are an extremely beautiful woman with huge breasts. And then lesbian sex somehow occurs
  75. Nobody is ugly
  76. Nobody has health problems
  77. Everyone's genitals look pristine
  78. People don't get hemorrhoids
  79. Porn actresses are not abused human beings
  80. Porn actresses are the happiest people on Earth
  81. We should envy porn actresses
  82. We should replace God with porn actresses
  83. We should pay for porn
  84. We should lament the demise of the porn industry
  85. We should provide free universal healthcare to the porn industry
  86. Porn can never be bad
  87. You can't think, let alone speak, anything bad about porn
  88. Larry Flynt is a happy person - I wish I were Larry Flynt
  89. Hugh Hefner is not a scumbag
  90. Playboy bunnies are happy, friendly people who can do no wrong - they are better than saints
  91. Religion is evil, porn is good
  92. Families destroy people
  93. It's better to live like a prostitute than live with your parents
  94. Your parents should have absolutely no problem with your porn use
  95. Your parents should be extremely proud if you become a porn "star"
  96. There's no such thing as rape
  97. Having sex for money is great
  98. Being paid to have sex is not prostitution, as long as its being filmed
  99. It's great if you and your parents watch the same porn
  100. It's wonderful if you have sex with your sister-in-law
  101. It's even better to have sex with your mother-in-law
  102. It's best to have sex with your sister-in-law's 18 year old daughter
  103. 18 year-old female virgins are pros at having sex
  104. Women are always smiling
  105. Women don't get angry
  106. You can never not enjoy sex
  107. Virginity is a vice
  108. Celibacy is a vice
  109. If you aren't sexually active, then get sexually active. Until then, masturbate at least 3 times a day
  110. Watching free porn is immoral - you should pay top dollar for porn
  111. Pornographers are good for our society
  112. Pornographers improve American culture
  113. Pornographers pay too much tax
  114. Pornographers don't have enough control over our lives
  115. Pornographers are victims
  116. Pornographers can never commit any crime
  117. Pornographers are saints
  118. Pornographers should control the government
  119. Porn actresses should all be mothers
  120. Porn actresses would be great mothers
  121. Nurses first look to have sex with patients, and then worry about caring for sick, dying patients
  122. You can avoid a ticket by offering the police officer sex
  123. Waitresses accept sex in lieu of tips
  124. Coffee shop employees have sex with each other in the storage area
  125. Women in bookstores are really looking for sex, not books
  126. Making porn illegal or more difficult to access will be severely harmful to people
  127. If you have anonymous sex, you will be happy
  128. If you don't have sex within 5 minutes of meeting a woman, you're a horrible failure in life
  129. It's impossible to have an erection and decline both sex and masturbation. It's also unhealthy
  130. Nothing can go wrong during sex
  131. People enjoy shoving objects up their asses
  132. People enjoy putting objects in their mouths, especially after those objects have been in contact with someone else's genitals
  133. After sex, you immediately have sex again, preferably with a new partner
  134. You can skip work, as long as the cause was anonymous sex
  135. If you don't have sex with your brother's wife, there's something seriously wrong with you
  136. As a man, you can never turn down sex, even if it's with your own mother
  137. You should French kiss a woman after she performs oral sex on you
  138. You should always perform oral sex on a woman, even if she's menstruating
  139. You should allow a woman to put her tongue in your asshole, and then you should French kiss her afterwards
  140. You should jump at the opportunity for you and another man to have sex with one woman at the same time
  141. Breasts don't sag, even on 45-year-old mothers
  142. Everyone enjoys participating in orgies
  143. No one wears underwear
  144. Foreplay takes place within 20 seconds of meeting someone... always
  145. No one wears clothing for more than 3 minutes
  146. Women's ethnicities can be categorized like flavors of ice cream
  147. Women don't use tampons
  148. Sex will eliminate all of your personal, financial, social, and mental problems
  149. People have sex in public
  150. Women know exactly what to do during sex to fulfill your wildest fantasy
  151. No communication is required during sex - each person knows exactly what the other person wants
  152. No woman has small breasts
  153. Absolutely nothing about a woman is unattractive
  154. No one's breath smells
  155. Women don't get yeast infections - and if they do, they still receive oral sex
  156. No one knows how babies are made
  157. People turn into sex zombies when they're horny
  158. People have no morals whatsoever
  159. A woman will resist no sexual act
  160. A woman will perform every sexual act to perfection
  161. Every male is circumcised
  162. No one knows how urine exits the body
  163. Women like being called whores
  164. Women like being spit on
  165. Nothing in this world is free, but sex, the greatest thing in the world, is always free and available at all times
  166. Comic book super heroes are really sex maniacs
  167. All politicians are corrupt sex fiends
  168. An 18 year old female virgin somehow knows what the wildest fantasy of a 38 year old drugged up, mentally ill high school drop out is
  169. People always have time for sex
  170. Porn "stars" have high self-esteem
  171. The porn industry is being unfairly targeted
  172. Having sex in church is wonderful
  173. People don't believe in God, but they still wear crosses and use God's name during sex
  174. There is no such thing as guilt
  175. People don't get jealous
  176. If you aren't promiscuous, you're a loser
  177. Relationships must be horrendously abusive, but everyone is okay with that
  178. People fall in and out of love in a matter of seconds
  179. People never become attached to one another
  180. If a woman is attractive, she can do no wrong
  181. Everyone loves threesomes
  182. Grandmothers are always ready to have sex with anyone
  183. Interracial sex is very common
  184. Black men are sex slaves to white women
  185. Black women are super-horny sex fiends
  186. Latina women don't have sex with Latino men
  187. Asian women don't have sex with Asian men
  188. Former porn "stars" deserve special treatment when changing careers
  189. Order a pizza, not for the pizza, but for the sex
  190. The more attractive a woman, the better she will be at sex
  191. "Hot" women taste and smell the best ... literally. And they are agreeable, completely selfless, and very easy to along with
  192. In the middle of a tennis match, the players will strip down and have sex with each other
  193. Women love wearing 3+ inch heels, especially during sex
  194. If porn websites warn visitors that porn is for adults only, then it's impossible for children to watch porn
  195. If a child watches porn, blame the parents
  196. Porn was found in the ancient Roman city of Pompeii - therefore, porn is a good thing
  197. Pompeii had many religious temples - religion is evil
  198. Porn is holy
  199. If you haven't had sex in a hot tub, you haven't lived
  200. If you're against porn, you're against freedom
  201. Online porn improves America's standing in the world, especially amongst Muslims
  202. Any government that blocks porn websites is a repressive dictatorship
  203. Paying mentally ill people to have sex on film is good for all parties
  204. If you have sex with Tom's wife, Tom won't mind
  205. If Tom is having sex with your wife, offer him your daughter as well
  206. You should have sex with the person who delivers your mail
  207. The next time you get a FedEx delivery while your wife is home, make sure you have a threesome
  208. Women love sweaty scrotums more than chocolate
  209. Love = cheating = threesomes = 69 = true love = sex with your neighbor's mother and sister, at the same time
  210. If you haven't lost your virginity by age 14, go see a prostitute
  211. Porn actresses don't have boogers... and if they did, they'd never ever eat their own boogers
  212. The earlier you lose your virginity, the happier youll be. You'll feel better about yourself, and will realize that sex = love

 

Don't forget "the other" negative effect of porn. 

It is often mentioned on this subreddit the negative effects of porn - ED, objectifying women, getting a distorted view of sexuality in general, etc.

I rarely see anyone speak about the other negative effect of porn though, the terrible view some guys have of their own penises.

In our society, having a big dick is often seen as some kind of proof of manliness. But most men have never seen an erect dick in real life, except their own. So how do they base their view of what is an adequate sized penis? That's right - porn.

The guys in straight porn are usually there for one thing only - they have massive dicks. So how does many guys feel when the only schlongs they see are the top 1%? You guessed it right, they feel emasculated.

Feeling bad about your penis is a growing (pun intended) problem. I am myself pretty much average and I have always thought I had a tiny dick. Hell, I refused to piss at the urinal and didn't want girls to see it for a long time. I also spent tens of hours on looking into penis enlargement tips, drugs and surgeries (luckily, I didn't do any of them)

I know I'm not alone either. The penis enlargement business have exploded in these last years. Normal sized guys spend hundreds of dollars on penis enlargement drugs and there are forums out there dedicated to stretching out your penis. Most of these guys don't have micropenises, they have completely acceptable sizes, but porn has made them believe they are not enough to please a woman.

I chose to write this here on NoFap since I know that a lot of guys here struggle with distorted views on sex in general, and not unlikely their dick sizes as well. See this as an eye opener or just another reason to stay away from porn, it's up to you.

TL;DR Porn distorts a lot of men's views on their dick sizes. Stop watching that shit and be proud of your manhood.

Any preteen redditors starting nofap? You're not alone

by Young-redditer1 day

So I'm a 12 and fapping has drawn me away from school and friends. It's been REALLY tough the first 7 hours but I've managed to stay Alive. I just want to know if I'm not the only preteen out there. You can share your story down below or you can give me some advice on resisting it.

 

Bare in mind its not been too hard for me to abstain from porn. I know that sounds like i wasnt actually addicted, but it's affected me in every other way: my sexual fantasies are all pornographic, I've been using it constantly for three years and my tastes have escalated to extremism.

The worst is that the last year and a half I've had zero social life. I've had no motivation to go out at the weekend, I don't bother to make new friends outside of school and I'm not excited to go partying anymore which is worrying at 16 years old. All I bother to do is mastubrate to porn. Is this porn addiction/escalation?

Does rewiring require total abstinence?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/reader-comments/p/comment/link/43647381

I am a 26 year old woman and generally dated men older than myself (at 22 I was with a 32 year old man) but in my last relationship I dated a man of 24 and the difference in what he thought was normal sexual behaviour was astounding. I had heard people harping on about the "porn generation" but I didn't really understand what it meant until I dated a younger man who had grown up with free access to the internet (and therefore porn) during his adolescent years. Though we loved each other there was no real love making, he expected porn star sex every time and had to have quite violent sex in order to be able to climax. I was confused by this and put it down to a kink/fetish he had, but after opening up to some of my younger friends in their early twenties they weren't at all surprised and said that is pretty normal behaviour from young men judging by their experiences as young men have grown up thinking that the sex portrayed in porn is how people should have sex

 

 

Carboneraser

I am 15 years old, a porn and masturbation addict, and I 100% agree with this. Last Christmas, I got an iPod touch. Before that, I saw porn maybe 2-3 times a year or in movies. Since I got my iPod, my sex drive has diminished and I suffer from problems such as erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety and with all the extra stimulants, I've starts to masturbate much more often.

Although I don't necessarily think porn is wrong, I wish I had known that it is addictive and can cause health problems. I never cared about how it affected me, but now it is affecting my girlfriend so I've made the choice to stop.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1vlk0o/kids_access_to_porn/

I relapsed earlier, apparently I use PMO to deal with regret and stupid decisions, which in itself is really silly as it leads to a severe negative spiral and I’m not even horny it’s my addiction that wants feeding.

If I was horny I’d just rub one out and be done with it but it’s not that it’s the wanting to see fake destructive images that my brain craves, that’s what it’s asking for right now. Not because it’s “horny”.

But a massive reason why I shouldn’t PMO again tonight is because porn completely ruins real life drive to do anything of value.

Porn says it’s okay to just sit there in front of your computer like a brain dead rat and keep pressing the unlimited orgasm button.

Porn says it’s okay because your brain can’t tell the difference between fertilising these fake women, so your brain believes you’re an alpha male fucking all these gorgeous women. But it’s okay because that thought won’t set in until after you’ve relapsed.

Porn says it’s okay, you don’t have to put effort into yourself to attract women, porn gives you the good stuff with no effort, but you know how that makes you feel afterwards. Shallow and depressed.

Porn says it's okay not to connect with real people, because you can get all the pleasure you think you need from artificial stimulation.

Porn says it’s okay not to confront your feelings but to burry yourself in dopamine after dopamine hit until bam you’re looking at clown porn wondering why you’re getting so turned on.

Porn says it’s okay to keep feeding you’re addiction to dopamine, to dampen your ability to experience the full colours of life, to keep hitting refresh on facebook and to keep checking your phone. Then you wonder why you’ve ended up watching or why you’ve wasted the entire afternoon.

But you know who says okay to porn?

You do.

Only you have the power to change that, and believe me you do.

Update. What porn does to our brain.
 

I say this with caution. Obviously we are all one suggestive innuendo away from relapsing, but we are capable of overcoming it with the right priorities. I personally do not want to go back to the damaging lifestyle I had while using it. I'm only 16. I started looking at it was I was around 10. That's pretty messed up...yet I know there are kids out there who started younger.

Remember this always: you have the power to control your life. You CAN say NO to anything you want. You have the right to decide not to do something. Show yourself some kindness and strive to make changes in your life. Doing NoFap or PornFree will not cure all of your ailments. You have to take action. But hey, you were strong enough to acknowledge that you have a problem, or that you want to improve yourself. Guess what? You can! Stay strong, everyone.

Porn Isn't a Part of my Life Anymore

by DeterminedToLive