100 days - ED fixed, more socially confident
Please do note: This report only reflects my own view, my personality and it might or might not be true to your views. The reason I'm writing this because I do feel that there is alot of misinformation about the benefits that NoFap gives or will give you. On top of that - it is quite a long read, I do not really care if you do read it all. I'm writing this post for myself as a landmark, a reminder, maybe as some sort of diary.
PART1 and PART2 are the "biography" parts describing the roots of my problem and first attemps to fix them and the downfall which started everything.
PART3 and PART4 are the main parts where I reflect my views and experience throughout the 100day journey.
PS. I'm not a native English speaker so there will be some errors.
PART 1: The 'OHSHIT I HAVE ED HELP' moment and baby steps to the improvement.
I've joined NoFap community last year on February with the idea that avoiding fapping will fix my ED which (atleast partly for sure) was caused by my regular masturbation and pornography obsession. Back then I used to fap pretty much every day since early childhood. The first time I've realized that I had ED was when I was trying to have sex with my friend/girlfriend for first time. I just couldn't get that up. Alot of research later I've realized that my problem was not physical because I could still get erections just fine masturbating by myself/with porn and still had morning woods. The only real solution to that was to stop fapping so I joined this community. I was not very successful during the first tries. I think my first time trying to NoFap I lasted about a week, second time - 2 weeks. After these 2 failures I've stopped this 'hardcore' 'NO FAP AT ALL' tactic and instead of trying to stop it completely I made a concious effort to reduce it slowly, overtime. And well.. It worked. A month later of this my average fapping schedule of 7 times per week dropped to about 3-4 times per week and mostly without porn. It does not look alot but still, a progress nevertheless. The best thing about this approach was that I never had to beat myself by constantly trying to control my urges. And now.. back to my ED... Few months later - I was still fapping 2-3 times per week but mostly without porn. However the impact on my ED was already visible - I could enjoy erections and have sex with my girlfriend. It still wasnt perfect and not very easy to maintain, but atleast it was doable, so - a progress nevertheless. Few months later my ED was still getting better slowly, however, my masturbating habbits remained at 2-3 times a week. This is how things remained and progressed until September.
A recap of first part:
- Started NoFap because of discovered ED, average fapping: 7 times a week
- Tried to take the standard approach of avoiding fapping completely, first time - 1 week, second time - 2 weeks but figured out it was too hard.
- Applied different approach, trying to reduce the fapping habbits overtime.
- 2 months later - 7 times a week became 3-4 times a week. ED got better
- 5 months later - fapping average - 2-3 times a week, ED is manageable.
PART 2: The downfall of everything
On September, last year, I had to go abroad for atleast half a year so my relationship with girlfriend became long distance. AKA - no sex/close intimacy. This is where things started to slip out of hand. Having 'sex talks' with my girlfriend would make me very horny thus making me fap and within 1-2 months the average of 2-3 fapping per week increased to 4-5 a week. Another month/2 later - atleast 7 times a week. Back to the 'old' schedule that I had a year ago. However, falling into this routine did not make me feel bad and for some reason I was confident that my ED would not get any worse from the increased fapping. Even though, I still would visit the NoFap community from time to time to see whats up and read other people stories. The reason I did that because I was not a confident guy, I was somewhat awkward and had other negative traits that you, most of the NoFappers have. I hated that, I wanted to get rid of my social awkwardness, become more confident and so on. However, the thought that I had a girlfriend would push all of it away because I would think: "meh, why do I need that, I'm happy already with my girlfriend, there is no need to change or try to improve myself". So.. Christmas holidays came and I went back to my country to visit my girlfriend and be with her for couple of weeks just to find out that our relationship was over. She did not felt attracted to me anymore. These news broke and at the same time gave me tons of strength, made me realize that It was a time to change, It was a time I put a real effort. A effort to become more confident, less social awkward. All the stories of the NoFap challenges were pointing to clear results - NoFap will make you less social awkward and more confident. Exactly what I was looking. And now.. Determined for a change I took it full on, hardcore mode.
A recap of second part:
- Start of Long Distance relationship with my girlfriend.
- Lack of sex and 'sex skype talks' increased my fapping habits back to old schedule of 7+ times per week within 4 months
- Had sex multiple times with my girlfriend when I came back for a holiday to be with her. ! ED issues did NOT increase !.
- Got dumped by girlfriend.
- Being lonely and single made me realize that I had to change, I had to get rid of my 'bad parts'
- This urge to change made me to go hardcore on NoFap hoping that it will fix my issues.
PART 3: Building the ladder from the bottom of a pit
With a broken heart and a strong urge to change myself, to get rid of my social awkwardness, an urge to become more confident I had nothing else to do but to take the NoFap challenge.. Well.. Because... All 60+ day reports mention how HUGE and POSITIVE impact it had on them and how magically they all got confident and less social awkward. First 2 weeks were a torture for me. The broken hearth.. the urges.. the need to relax myself.. Everything was crushing me and just pointing towards the Fap, the temporary relieve it gives. However, there was a huge block for that... Fapping meant me becoming horny and picturing my now ex, picturing myself having sex with her and so on.. And.. I just couldn't allow myself to get reminded of her because that would make the situation worse. So I knew that even if I did fap and got the short relieve from it the reminder that I'm alone, I've lost a person that I loved so much would crush that relive and make it useless. So I carried on... With the main holding hand preventing me to fap being exactly that thought... That fapping would make me think of my ex and ruin everything. 4-5 weeks passed... Barely holding myself together from not fapping. Every morning I would wake up with a raging boner and insane urge to 'release' (NOTE - NOT TO FAP!). The best way to get rid of the urge for me were either to go an and read NoFap subreddit or do some physical activity. Then... a 2 week long flat-line hit. I barely had any urges during that time. At the end of first flat-time week I thought.. That's it.. I've won. I'm in full control of my urges. However, the flat-line passed and the urges came back once again stronger than ever. The only thing that kept me from fapping was tracking my day badge every day, seeing it approaching the 60 day mark, the milestone for alot of guys where things 'magically' improved for most of them. I continued to battle on and soon I hit the 60 days. However... I thought about the experience of 60 days so far... And there were no 'magical' changes that most/other guys that wrote their 60day reports had. I was still socially awkward, I was not confident. I was still the same guy I was 60 days ago.. Just.. Insanely horny and literally, thinking of having SEX with someone (NOT FAP!) every minute.
A third part recap:
- I was sick of my social awkwardness and my lack of confidence. Reading 60+ day reports made me think that by taking NoFap these problems will magically disappear.
- 2 week of torture. The only way I was able to prevent myself fapping was by thinking about the negative things it will gie to me (in my case - remind me of my ex)
- A realization 4-5 weeks later I did not want to FAP. I wanted a RELEASE. However, the only way I could get that was to fap...
- 2 week flat-line. False thoughts that I won it, I was in control. Oh how I was wrong...
- Return of the urges, strong as never before. Reaching the 60 day mark, waiting for the 'magical' moment where my problems will go away.
- 60 day mark. Awkward as fuck, huge lack of confidence. No improvement. Thinking about SEX all the time. Can't even concentrate. Alot of negative things. It felt like things were even worse.
PART 4: First steps on the ladder. Towards the light!
The 60 day realization was hard. There were moments when I thought that there was no point to take it anymore, its not working, not for me. However.. The more I thought about it the clearer something became. I HAD TO GET LAID. I had to have sex with someone. And I'm confident that exactly this realization was the tipping point in my NoFap journey. The realization that the only way to achieve the thing, that I was thinking ALL THE FUCKING TIME was to go out, start talking to girls, START DOING SOMETHING. From that point on my only goal was to find a girl with whom I could have occasional sex. This gave me yet another reason NOT TO Fap. If I did - I would lose the insane urge that fuels me to find some girl to have sex with and its the thing that I REALLY want and would help me with my confidence/social awkwardness. So... I finally started acting... Researching, doing things which would lead me to my goal - find a girl to have occasional sex with. I started reading things on how to get girls, how to seduce them.. The /r/seduction is full of information, stories and examples of that, really great sub-reddit. And well... Everything that was related to seduction or how to 'get' girls was focused on exactly 2 things that I wanted to change about myself at the beginning - BE CONFIDENT AND OVERCOME YOU SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS. Bingo. Weeks passed by... And me... I was finally acting, doing something for my goal. Going out couple of times, reading alot, chatting online with other girls, doing SOMETHING. Progressing very slowly. So Here I am, 100 days later of my NoFap journey. I'm not feeling special or magically cured of my 'diseases' or relieved by any means. I'm still far away from my goal but.. But finally, I'm slowly getting there. The road is bumpy and hard, but everyday is making me stronger, making it easier on me. The thing that I realized is that as days pass the urge to FAP does not decrease. It remains as strong as ever. However, the thing that changes is YOU. YOU become stronger, YOU become more tolerant to that urge and you find it easier to control yourself.
A fourth part recap:
- After few days of 60 days mark.... a tipping point... No sex = thinking about it all the time, only negative things. Healthy sex = clear mind, no constant repeating thoughts.
- To have sex meant that I had to find a girl. In order to be successful with girls you have to be CONFIDENT and OVERCOME your SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS. Time to act.
- I started acting, started reading alot how to improve yourself, improve life, started chatting with girls, went out few times. I finally saw a progress, a tiny part of what other guys achieved on they 60days challenges.
- 100 days mark and a realization that the urge to FAP does not decrease overtime. It remains strong as ever. It is YOU that become stronger. YOU that become more tolerant to this urge.
To put everything together... I do not think that NoFap is magic or a definite cure to your problems. However, what I DO know that NoFap will eventually MAKE you to act on your problems, will make you to do things to overcome them. Sooner or later. For me the realization of this came after 60 days of NoFap. My advice for all of you who are doing the NoFap would be set yourself a goal. However! The goal CAN NOT BE a timed goal. By going 'NoFap for xx amount of days' you will make the same mistake as I did. You will try to wait that magical amount of days out and hope for that magical change which never came because all you did was count the remaining days. Set yourself a goal which requires your effort. My goal - find a girl with whom I could have occassional sex. Achieving this goal will mean that I will be over with my current NoFap journey. And, at the same time it will also mean that I also reached my original NoFap goal - I became MORE CONFIDENT and LESS SOCIALLY AWKWARD because I put tons of effort researching, doing various things that led me to finding the girl. I'm still far away from my goal... But.. But I know, for sure, that I'm slowly crawling towards it. I have no idea how long will it take for me to reach it, but I know that eventually. I will. I have to. I must.
Stay strong NoFappers, ACT by yourself, use NoFap as a force that will push you towards your goal, not as a hitchhiker that will get you there.
If there were some people that did actually read all of it - wow, congratulations. If you do have questions or some thoughts to share - please do :) Thanks.