101 Day Report - Success
It's Sunday morning and back a few months ago this sort of time would usually be my nemesis as I would struggle with my urges to fap, however 101 days later things seem a little different now.
After 101 days, hard mode, no wetdreams and no sexual encounters (by choice: explained later) I could feel that today for the first time in a long time, there was some underlying urge telling me to fap. After being so strong for the past few months I'm not surprised the urge has come has come as 97 days had always been my target that I wanted to beat, and I beat it spectacularly.
Throughout my life fapping has always had a deathgrip on me. I always felt powerless to it and I felt if there was any force that could beat me down it would be the urge to Fap. In other words I lived in total fear of it as I knew I could never beat it (not that I was trying to when I was a teenager). I knew deep down that there was no point fighting it mostly because of fear; the fear that I would lose anyway. What's the point of trying if you are going to fail anyway? I also felt there was no point fighting it because I told myself I wasn't addicted and could stop at any time. Isn't it amazing how we lie to ourselves even if we know it's not true? And in this lie, two conflicting beliefs are created, one that I am not addicted and another; a deep knowingness that I should stop. This I now realise is the 'mind' battling with my true self.
When I was a teenager I choked the chicken twice daily from roughly 2000-2008. Then as I progressed it went to once daily 2008-2011. Then in 2011 I was down to to mutilating the Monkey once a week. During this time fapping and making a lot of money was all I thought about, with fapping being my main activity of the day with all other plans planned around the Fap session. I was socially awkward and spent most of my times indoors trying to make a lot of money to compensate for my low self esteem that I had had.
Now that I can look back with clarity, I can see that I pumped the peacock to boost my self-esteem after all wouldn't any guy's ego be boosted by the proposition of being able to handpick a beautiful woman and then have her willingly want to pleasure you? The only problem is that it's all virtual.
The reason I gradually slapped the snake less and less was because I started to read personal development books and began to appreciate myself more. I began to look to the positives about myself and my life, whereas beforehand I focused on how my life wasn't where I wanted it to be. The trend here is, if you respect yourself more, you don't need to find artificial ways to create self respect.
Some people have different reasons why they fap, this was mine. Despite this improvements in my overall wellbeing I still wasn't quite where I wanted to be as I would rather spend time alone indoors working on my succession of failed online ventures (whilst supporting myself with a full time job) shunning interested women. The urge to whack the wallaby still haunted me during this time and I knew that I had to beat the urge, but I still knew I would fail if I tried...
Then I found this subreddit in summer 2012. For the first time I realised that I wasn't alone and that there was a community of other guys with the same problem. Before I felt alone, but now I had support. By the time I started I had matured more and had a deeper understanding of life, so I had a bit more belief that I could beat this habit. I set 90 days as the goal. I said to myself if I get past that mark, I win, anything less than that is not good enough. To me reaching the 90 day goal meant that I can smash my habit into the ground and laugh at how pathetic it is.
Starting No Fap
So I started off with streaks of around 2 weeks. A 2 week streak wasn't too hard for me as for the past year before I'd be doing 1 week streaks. I then got to 29 days in October 12, relapsing only because I got overly cocky, I was upset but took solace that this was the longest I had gone without strangling the squirrel in over 10 years.
Then I did an impressive 49 days but relapsed after going into a strange depression round about Christmas. I then did bouts of 2 weeks from the new year until the middle of February which is when I knew it was time to stop fucking around, I knew it was my time to beat this fucking demon and stamp it into the ground. After deciding that I wanted to not only stamp on this fucking demon, I decided to do the equivalent of setting it on fire too by upping the goal to 97 days. This was my mark.
The 101 days
The first month was easy. I had already done 49 days so I knew I could cope with that, what I wasn't sure about was what the other side of 49 days would look like. But I didn't want to worry about that until I got there. The first 49 days went by in a flash, I barely noticed them nor did I pay much attention to my counter. I often lost count of the days and had to check my counter to keep up. At the same time I started to take up meditating more seriously to clear my mind and it helped. It helped me ignore the thoughts that told me to dunk my donut. In all honestly the urge to fap was low for the whole challenge with only a few small spikes.
The other side of day 49 was easier than I though. I didn't have to take cold showers, do press ups or take emergency walks whenever I got horny. I was in complete control. It's funny how easy the 90 days is when you're so certain you're going to make it and that nothing is going to stop you from achieving it. This is where my mind was for most of the challenge and I got this feeling after around 30 days...if I were to describe the feeling it's a bit like a cool head that just silently nods at his enemy knowing that anyone who tries to attack is going to getting fucking slaughtered.
Although I sound aggressive, I channeled any sexual energy into creative outlets rather than wasteful outlets (such as grasping the grasshopper) just as described in Napolean Hills 'Think and Grow Rich' chapter 11 'Sex Transmutation). Hill purports that the most successful men do not use their sexual energy (which is the most powerful energy) and waste it through plucking the pigeon or having sex but use it to create useful things.
It was during the last 101 days that my app business finally took off and I started making money. After all the failed attempts things started working. I began correcting some of the old apps I had made the previous year; seeing how bad there were for the first time. I worked on the flaws and then I was contacted by Apple saying that they wanted my banners so they could feature my app in the Appstore. You could say that this was pretty big news, but again I just cooly nodded. I knew what was going on....
I also finally got hold of my personal finances after wanting to do it for so long. I opened new bank and savings accounts and took control of my money after leaving it in the open for so long, it was always something on my to-do list. I started to cement in a new routine of exercising every morning before work followed by a meditation session.
And I've also started to read more and watch a lot less television. I connected with new friends and started becoming more social. I used to spend my time going out during lunch and eating alone on a bench, I certainly do value peacefulness and enjoyed these moments but now I connect with new people at lunch and find time to be peaceful later on. As well as new friends I also reconnected with old friends that I had lost contact with.However I was very picky here, I only reconnected with people who I wanted to and actually enjoyed spending time with, not all the other 'friends' who I never really enjoyed seeing.
In terms of women, I was always decent at talking to women and keeping them entertained, but recently I've gone to another level. Last friday a beautiful female friend at work asked me out to lunch, then shortly after another beautiful female female friend at work asked me to lunch, which I had to decline because I had said yes to the first one. Then whilst I was having lunch with the first one, another beautiful female friend decided to crash our lunch. So I was there with two great women and I enjoyed it.. why not as that was my 97th day.
Women are definitely checking me out more as I stand with confidence and a posture that calmly shouts 'fucking bring it!.' A lot of these changes sound forced but I was surprised at how naturally they came, I didn't really have to force it; they came about almost completely effortlessly. I'd like to point out that before the 100 days I was already getting new routines into place and trying out new things, but the last few months it's gone up many notches.
I always said that 97 days was the goal but I decided to go to 100 because not only did I want to set alight to the demon by taking the challenge from 90 days to 97 but after he was burned to the ground I wanted to stamp on him again and that's where I am today on day 101.
The No Fap challenge is my greatest achievement I have ever done in my life. To some people who don't fap it isn't that great an accomplishment. But to me there's nothing bigger because this is the challenge that the universe decided to give me when I entered the world. Some people have alcohol addiction, drug addiction, gambling addictions, sex addictions and some people have certain obstacles put in front of them to overcome in various forms. Every single person on this earth has at least one obstacle and we are supposed to take them head on and defeat them.
There will be dark days along the way but if you keep plugging through you will get there because that's the way the world works. Most people sit back and are too afraid to deal with them, because they know that they have no chance of winning. I can relate to this because that's where I was before. My addiction to Fapping was my life obstacle that I had to defeat and now the shackles are off I feel free.
Superpowers 'Yes' or 'No'?
Guys on here always argue about whether super powers exist or not, but here's my take on it. They do and they don't. The superpowers that you may get, increased ability to attract women, talk to women, loss of social anxiety etc. come from the increased confidence you get from knowing that you are fighting and defeating a life demon of yours. If you were addicted to fapping and thought you would be forever in it's shadow then suddenly you work your ass off to break free, you will radiate a new found belief and confidence in yourself. This is something I've noticed and seen first hand. When you have this confidence everyone picks up on it and things seem a lot easier all of a sudden.
When I took this challenge I wanted to do 97 days hard mode, which includes no form of release whatsoever. This doesn't have to be a goal for everyone but I wanted to cement how much control I had over my mind and body. Back in the past there were times I used to worry about how I would fit in my regular fap sessions during family vacations as I would need to release in some way. I don't want to be a slave to my urges and I can safely say I no longer am.
I read about guys on this subreddit, who are struggling to get past a week let alone a day. And my message to those guys who are in complete hell right now is that you have the most to gain from this challenge and the journey will be most rewarding to the guys in the deepest darkest hole right now. When you come out the other side as a person who no longer beats his badger, and you then compare yourself to someone who never had a Fapping problem; you are the stronger person because of the journey you went through even though both outcomes are the same. I remember hearing a quote and I paraphrase, that it's better to be born bad and to overcome your problems than being born good (perhaps someone can help me out with this quote). I certainly am glad that I had a fapping problem because it's made me what I am today.
Thank you no fap and the no fap community!
LINK - 101 Day Report - Success