The main reason I have been doing NoFap is to help improve my relationship with my girlfriend. Been looking at old school paper porn since I was six (never really understanding it) but still fascinated, and video porn since the mid to late 90’s with dial-up. Longest time I was without PMO previous to /NoFap was back in basic training (approx 21 days – I caved and used the latrines after lights out, half way through). But circumstances were different back then (enforced discipline, heavy physical activity, no contact from the outside world except letters). Was a strident advocate of a man’s right to view porn until, while living with my girlfriend, I realised that I was addicted. It manifested in a few different ways:
- In spite of my girlfriend being extremely attractive, I was finding her less and less so. I rationalised that a part of this is the Coolidge Effect. But in terms of my porn viewing, I’d been getting aroused by some pretty kinky stuff which was quite different to the vanilla reality. This is not a criticism of my girlfriend or her preferences, but more a reflection of the escalation of my addiction/tastes. Relationship suffered, as girlfriend began to feel that she wasn’t attractive.
- ED, probably linked to the first point, couldn’t get hard and stay hard. Sometimes losing my erection in the act before I came. Sometimes coming prematurely. Rarely on time, my performance was like a dysfunctional pre-Mussolini train station. Except the passengers were less satisfied.
- PMO nightly, especially after unfulfilled sex, but mostly whenever I had a spare moment by myself. http://youtu.be/co_DNpTMKXk (Mitchell and Webb telling it how it is).
- Looking at porn all the damn time. On my phone, on my PC, at work. Work was never full on PMO to full on porn. But it was starting to concern me that I’d be scrolling through NSFW posts on my phone at work whenever I had an idle moment.
Circumstances changed with work, and I moved across the country. I was in long distance relationship territory now and I went into fap overdrive.
After a particularly vigorous night of self-abuse, I saw the TEDx presentation and it crystalised something in me.
I resolved to stop watching porn and fapping my life away.
I made it to 110 days.
Unlike a lot of you guys I’m a bit older (Gen-X), in a monogamous relationship, that’s also long distance. But the addiction is the same.
Here are my observations and insights, your mileage will definitely vary:
1. Increased focus
After about three to five days of NoFap, I observed increased motivation and drive. This helped me with exercise, and work. Note that this is separate from physical energy, I’m talking about a mental alertness and agility that helps you to be witty.
2. Mild depression/Dead dick syndrome
After ten to fourteen days or so, felt empty inside. No sexual feelings, which was good, but not many feelings in general. Just grim determination. This will lessen with time but occasionally rear it’s ugly head.
3. Your friends will think you are crazy
Well mine did anyway. There is a wide-spread belief that not ejaculating is unhealthy for males and can lead to prostate problems. Your real friends will understand though, once you explain that it’s about addiction and wanting to change yourself. They will still take the piss out of you for trying. Some will admire you. Your female friends who have had partners who are addicted to porn will think you are a legend.
4. You will have more energy
You will feel alive. Probably because your body isn’t having to compensate for depleted trace elements and utilise massive amounts of energy to produce sperm and semen. Instead of waking up in the morning with hangover levels of lethargy, provided you get enough sleep, you’ll actually feel rested. Like you did when you were a kid and you got up early in the morning to play or watch cartoons on Saturday morning.
5. You will feel empowered
As an exercise in self control, NoFap is second to none. At about the 15 – 20 day mark, this will translate into confidence and a feeling of strength. This is general confidence and self esteem.
6. You will be attracted to real women.
This, I feel is one of the main benefits. Real women are not air-brushed, perfectly symmetrical, flawless or compliant. They are real people, whose breath smells just as bad as yours in the morning and who will have good or bad days. When they look good, you will appreciate it. Note that this is not about your “standards being lowered”, it’s about your mind re-adjusting to reality. And the reality is, women in film don’t look anything like they do in real life. (I cite the many trashy “womens” magazines at your news stands as evidence, I never thought I’d say that).
7. You will be horny.
At about the six week mark I found my way out of the fugue and was pretty damn “hungry like the wolf”. For you young hunters out there, you’ll appreciate the added strength to your spears but…
8. Your first time sex after NoFap may be disasterous.
“Versuvian”, from the volcano “Mt Versuvius” which exploded in AD 79 and covered entire cities with its hot, sticky, ejaculate.
That was me.
After about 10 seconds.
Use a condom.
It’s easier.
Trust me.
In all seriousness, ejaculation after 67 days felt a bit odd/painful in the perineum area. (I had a conjugal visit from the girlfriend about a month into NoFap, and it didn’t feel as odd/bad).
9. The Chaser Effect is real
And so here I am having reset two days ago, roughly 5 days after having sex. Increased horniness and concern regarding the odd ejaculation feeling led me to consciously choose to fap. I am ashamed to have rationalised to myself that if I was going to do it, I may as well do it properly and caught up on /gonewild. The resetting ejaculation did not feel weird/odd/painful.
10. You will be really damn horny.
Just accept it. As a bonus your dreams will be awesome too.
Conclusions
So is it worth it? Yes. Definitely. I LIKE the person I am when I don’t fap daily. The benefits overwhelmingly outweigh the ‘costs’ and effort.
Relationship with girlfriend has improved significantly. She is quite supportive, and appreciated me no longer looking at porn.
Would I do anything differently? For starters, I’ll be checking in to /NoFap more regularly. You people are the best!
Due to my particular set of circumstances I will have to be more vigilant this time around. (No sexually attractive imagery at all).
However, as I am hitting the high demographic risk group for prostate cancer, I am concerned about the odd sensations I felt after not ejaculating for two months. I am going to see a doctor and get a referral to a specialist about this. Too many of our brothers die in silence from prostate cancer, and I’m going to make sure I don’t join them.
Anyway, I am open to any questions.
Stay strong comrades,
Kerenzikov
LINK – A Frank Discussion of My Journey
by kerenzikov
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