120 days - I talk to everyone now, my child-like wonder has returned
I'm starting to get into the habit of posting daily. I think it helps with getting another vantage point on my own situation, or even just to bring people up or whatever other can get from these self posts.
I also just want to say another thing. People most of the time will say things like "the OLD me couldn't have ever done that and that NEW me can't". I don't look at it that way. The Me that is coming out now is actually the OLD me BEFORE I started getting addicted. It's the NATURAL Me. Whatever the decaying skin I'm shedding out of right now was was facade, a cheap mock of the real model. I say this because when I was a kid, I talked to EVERYONE naturally. Now, that is returning to me.
Anyway here it is:
- Talking to People I recognizeOne day I saw my old Chinese teacher walk into her office from a distance. Before NoFap I would just pass up checking in on her, but I turned around and went to have a great talk with her for about an hour.
I also don't wait the awkward distance when I see people from far away. Usually, seeing people from afar and still shouting to say "hi" or just waving makes them more friendly to me.
- I am able to talk to the girl that rejected me last year without anxiety.
Last year, I decided to just go up to her and ask her a really just forward question, "Are you dating anyone?" She instantly just gave me bullshit reasons not to go out with me, and after that we never made eye contact and got nervous around each other, and I beat myself up for it.
Now, she is an okay friend, and, since I'm a composer, I go to her for my cello pieces. Now I know I really don't want to date her, because she's really squirrelly every time I talk to her now. I would imagine that's her being attracted to me with my returned confidence.
- I have female friends!
Last year, I wouldn't have been able to say I did, but now I do! I'm still having some trouble with hanging out with them, but I'm sure I'll get there somehow.
- I'm taking more risks.
The other night, while I was working my job watering pianos, I saw a women reading Chinese characters on her phone. So I did what I wanted, I spoke Chinese to her. Even if I couldn't speak fluently to her, she still understood me enough to hold some light conversation. Whenever her daughter came out of her piano lesson, she had her talk to me. I don't know if any of you have ever had a 3 foot little shy Chinese speak Chinese to you but it practically melted my heart. It was possibly one of the most adorable things I have ever been a part of.
- I talk to everyone, and actually listen.
I have a bad habit of talking over people and talk about myself, but now I let others steer the conversation. I love to listen to people now, it's relaxing and eases my mind to listen to people's lives. I remember being like this in Jr. High.
My life basically now revolves around hanging out with people, permeating myself into Chinese culture, composing music, rock climbing, and just enjoying my returned almost childlike wonder to the world again. I have aspirations to travel all over the world and bring everyone together. I love people and NoFap is giving the push and energy I need to make these ambitions a reality.
Brothers, keep on going. Find ways to push your energy elsewhere.