140 days in and I'm just now seeing the reboot I thought was behind me
If you're like me, day 90 was/will be a difficult temptation. I felt like I had succeeded, and a voice in back of my head said I could start looking at porn again. What cut off that line of thinking was this: I had previously told myself that if I were to end my streak it would only be when I decided that the benefits no longer outweighed the costs. That way I would not feel any shame afterword. I couldn't honestly say that, so I made a new goal: give it an extra month to make it through a canoe trip with my friends.
At day 100 my results were noticeable but lackluster. Now they are becoming pronounced. Maybe it's because I have a girlfriend and have been having sex, thus slowing my reboot. But my sex drive at day 1 was pretty low, and if I were to describe our sexual relationship in detail now it would probably make a few newbies relapse.
Beyond that, on the canoe trip (BWCA, go there), my introspection and clarity of thought were more profound than they have been in years. I felt completely awake for the first time in a very long time, and aside from all the other benefits of NoFap I would stay dedicated for this reason alone.
After I got back, I became more dedicated to my girlfriend, more sexually adventurous, and more emotionally aware. The frequent anger that I've felt through this whole process has seemed to melt away more easily.
I also began attending to my appearance more. This, in turn, has fueled me to seek out old friendships and start connecting with coworkers outside of work. I've noticed women flirting with me more, which is an ego boost even though I love my girlfriend.
I could go on, but mostly I just want to urge you to personalize your goal beyond making it three months. It takes a pinch more imagination, which, of course, is part of what you're trying to wake up by laying off the porn and the wanking, right?
Hey, full disclosure, I don't masturbate anymore, and I subscribe to nofap.
I can't speak to the whole community. There probably are some people who are as you've said. The bulk I've found are not ideologues or religious whack jobs.
I'm in a long-term (5yr) relationship and we fuck like bunnies. Stopping masturbation motivated me to improve my sex life.
I watched a fair bit of porn before joining the community. Probably about par for the course for most guys. I never felt ashamed to masturbate or to watch porn. It wasn't taboo at all, and I didn't even imagine before stumbling on the community that it might be problematic.
After a session of masturbation to porn (as you say it should not be taboo), the one thing that did bother me was the images would still be floating around my mind's eye, distracting me from more serious pursuits or any kind of serenity. I also felt pretty lazy and would usually play video games or take a nap.
After six months of great sex and no porn or wanking, I pretty much have no desire to go back. Now it's an active challenge the way not eating hot pockets is an active challenge.
90 DAY POST - 90 days and counting: pros and cons.
Hey NoFap, thanks for all your help and advice! I want to catalogue the changes I've noticed, but I'm sure I'll leave something out.
- Balls are hanging lower. I swear I jerked off so much they were permanently up near my body cavity.
- Social interactions are easier and less stressful. That said I haven't had an increase in social-seeking behavior.
- Slightly better self-esteem.
- Desire for porn/masturbating greatly reduced (though it comes back occasionally).
- Productivity: I took on a research project at a university before nofap, with the intention of getting a letter of recommendation for grad school (got my BA a while back). I'm certain that giving up PMO contributed to doing really well on it (though no booze or MMOs helped too); the professor said he's willing to write one in glowing terms.
- It seems like my voice has gotten deeper, but when I asked my roommates they hadn't noticed... weird.
- Not worrying about sneaking off / look at porn on a prolonged road trip or upcoming canoe trip.
- I don't think I had an unhealthy perception of women before nofap. Maybe I'm being optimistic here, but I don't think I was objectifying women.
- Mood hasn't changed too much.
- Sex drive took off at first, now I've had a long flatline period. I don't necessarily judge either as 'good' or 'bad': the benefit of flatlining is that I'm not craving porn.
- Sensitivity is maybe slightly better during sex, not a big change.
- Didn't have PE or ED problems before NoFap, so no real change there.
- Still spend too much time on the internet.
- there's probably something.
- lemme think about this for a while and get back to you.
About making it to 90 days: yes it was my first try, yes it was difficult. But I would say it got easier after the first month. The baser parts of my nature want to say "go ahead again" now that 90 days are up. To that I respond: 90 days is an arbitrary signpost. If I've considered this a worthy pursuit up to now, why stop?
Thanks again folks!