2 Years - It's time for observations and advice
I started playing around with NoFap about 2 years ago. At the time, it was more of a personal challenge like "can I do it?" rather than an actual goal. I quickly noticed that there are a lot of things going on, but then later I would go back to the usual fapping.
After doing this a few times, I began to realize the benefits of NoFap. So I finally decided to make it a goal to just get the longest streak possible. My streaks were something like this: 7 days, 5 days, 6 days, 20 days, relapse, wait a month or two, 14 days, relapse, wait a month or two, 20 days, 60 days, relapse, that brings me here. (My badge isn't accurate).
So what have I learned? Why decide to make a post after years of lurking this subreddit? ... I think a lot of people have a slightly wrong idea about NoFap.
First of all, the streak number really isn't the point after you go about 20 days. Sure in the beginning when all you can think about is fapping while you're not fapping then yeah, the goal is very helpful. But after that you need to see a bigger picture. The number challenge doesn't really keep you motivated. I constantly read posts (or youtube videos) about people who go 90 days or a year of NoFap, convince themselves that they've finally 'won' the battle, say they will never PMO again, and immediately after relapse.
And I have a lot to say about that exact process.
First of all, after relapsing from a huge streak, or even a mediocre one (7 days, for example) you're not undoing all the work you put in. The reality is that for those few days that you had not been fapping you probably were engaging people in better conversations and being more of a beast generally. And this isn't something that any amount of relapsing can take away, because it already happened.
And that's what I think would be the biggest motivation for my NoFap. Not the streak. You could just be in a big flatline and not have the libido drive to get urges in the first place. What you get is the discipline, the energy, and the mentality about women that change. Even if you relapse like, it's not a big deal. I mean you need to push yourself but getting emotional about it probably won't work. NoFap, as we've seen before, isn't something you will ever master. The temptation is ALWAYS there. You need to constantly be fighting it until the day you die. It will never be a "fixed problem". (Now some people have reallly bad addictive habits that create ED and social anxiety/depression etc... those can be fixed which is great. I'm talking about the urges)
Okay now with the whole streak thing out of the way I want to elaborate on the "superpowers" and godly benefits.
Some people are dubious, while others swear by it. As far as I'm concerned after all this playing around and experience I've come to the following conclusions:
- The first 7 days of NoFap will give you a boost in testosterone
- If you are not fapping for over 48 hours you will perceive women differently ie less of a sexual object
- If you are not fapping for over 48 hours women will perceive you differently ie more attention than you're used to
- You will have more drive to accomplish goals and get things done
- After a while (10+ days) you get used to all of the previous goals, and the 'superpowers' become normal everyday life
- After a relapse of a long streak, you can get back to where you were before in 72 hours.
- You will be able to tell just by looking at men whether they are wasting all their libido on porn or not.
Okay before I continue, I just want to say everything up to now and after are just my own observations and ideas. I make lots of mistakes so take all this as the observations of just one person. Cross reference it for verification, and ultimately find the truths for yourself.
Next I will talk about techniques to actually overcome the challenges. I said earlier that you need something motivating, and a streak number really isn't enough. The first step to taking out an enemy is to understand how they attack so you can defend yourself. These attacks will work as follows:
- Your brain will try to convince you that NoFap isn't worth it. That it's okay to watch porn. That just a little won't hurt. That you need to make sure your dick still works. That you should... blah blah. You get the idea. Even if it's not true, your brain will make you believe it is.
- A tiny bit ALWAYS leads to more. If you click even just one single NSFW link on reddit or see some nudity bum shit whatever somewhere, it will become a HUGE incentive to go back for a tiny bit more next time. This ultimately leads to a relapse. Not just a single fap session to get it all out, but a really backwards relapse.
- The urges come and go in waves. You will need to put a lot of awareness and effort into resisting one day, then you will 'flatline' as they call it and not need to put the energy in. Later the urges will come back to surprise you maybe while your guard is down.
Okay now we need to talk about your defense mechanisms.
- When your brain convinces you that NoFap is good you need to ALREADY BE PREPARED to deal with that, otherwise you will relapse.
- You need to be going on hardmode or not at all. Many people have said on here that hardcore mode or whatever (where you don't even look at dirty images or anything) is actually easier. That's a downstatement. It's not just easier, I believe it's not possible to do it any other way.
- You are weakest when you are alone. You can try to keep busy and do stuff but ultimately if you can't handle yourself when it's 1am on a friday night and you're alone in a dark room, you'll eventually be in that position and relapse. In order to combat this you need to use techniques from the next section.
And finally my last section, not just resisting urges, but actually rewiring your brain. This is takes a lot of honest discipline and if you don't do it everything prior will eventually fail.
- For beginners, you NEED to CONSTANTLY be feeding yourself information about NoFap. Why fapping is bad, benefits of it, whatever you're interested in. You need to do this more than once a week so you can be well informed and also equipped to deal with the challenges ahead.
- You're going to have to love yourself. This means accepting your flaws and being aware of who you are rather than who you wish you were. You wish you were somebody who doesn't watch porn, but by focusing on what you wish you are focusing on what you are not, and ultimately resonating with those ideas. By resonating with what you are not you actually distance yourself from where you really want to be. Instead, be grateful for the streak you already have. Be grateful that you have this NoFap community. Be grateful that you actually have libido to begin with. Again, you need to love yourself including all of your flaws. Rather than the brute force resist the urge at all costs method, you need to admit that you will probably relapse and that you're just like thousands of others out there together.
- You're going to have to be making #gainz. This means meditating, working out, reading, learning, and consuming the world for all the wonderful things it has to offer. If you don't constantly improve yourself by doing these sorts of things then you will be degrading yourself. There is no "stay the same". You're either improving or getting worse. And improving means that you need to ALWAYS be making yourself a better person. When you're doing this there isn't any room for fapping to fuck it all up. Alternatively, when you're busy smoking pot and playing videogames and being a lazy loafer then you wonder why the relapse happened. It's obvious now.
Finally, before I leave you off to your journeys, I just want to add the ace in the pocket. For those really struggling: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
These techniques using in CBT are capable of rewiring your brain so that you associate fapping with negative emotions and ideas rather than the pleasurable sensations you get when you see hot women. The trick is to constantly be making these associations because the opposite ones are also constantly being made when you're hooked on porn. Everytime you see a sexy girl on a 3+ day streak you're going to get a dopamine urge which will reinforce your brain to want to see more of it and associate good things with checking out asses and whatnot. It's a terrible trap but if you can understand what's going on there's no more mystery to solve.
Thanks for reading guys, love this community. Stay gold