Age 32 - 296 days: thought my ED was from diabetes, but it was porn-induced

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couple in chairSo this has been my longest run yet. 10+ months. Nearing on 1 year pretty soon! Thought I'd check in with the fellow Fapastronauts to give some support and hopefully some tips that may help the rest of you.

A little background: I had a nearly 20+ year addiction going. Used to watch normal porn. Then when I got to college and it was just so easy to get got into weirder shit. MenInPain (not for the whippings etc but the woman in control was a turn on to me), and even weirder shit as the years went on. The most disturbing part? After a while it wasn't getting me off at all. I developed ED, which at first I attributed to my Diabetes Type 2 Diagnosis 3 years ago. (That wasn't the case more on that later)

  • Expect that this isn't going to be easy. It isn't. I relapsed a few times in my journey. There were times where I'd watch a Game of Thrones episode, and it was easy to not even TOUCH anything and get erect and lose control. What's important is to learn WHY you relapsed. What was the trigger if any? Did you recognize the point where you had a conscious decision to say yes or no, and why did you say yes?
  • Wet dreams, they're going to happen. It sucks, it's embarrassing but less so if you live/sleep solo. This past week I had 3 nights in a row, which has NEVER happened before. Talk about a bit degrading/demoralizing. But whatever...I picked up and moved on. I didn't do it intentionally, and it doesn't count as a relapse. I've come to look at them as a positive sign that my equipment is working A-OK.
  • Wet Dreams...They started for me almost like clockwork after Day 15 of the reboots, and each time they worked HARD to demoralize me. Acknowledge it happened and MOVE ON. Wear not so tight underwear if you have to, and avoid sleeping naked. Avoid the mess lol.
  • Delete your porn. Seriously. Why have the temptation readily available if you're planning not to use it. Saying you're going to stop masturbating and then leaving your porn there...that's like getting married with a pre-nup. You're setting a preconceived notion of failure and in this case relapse. Just delete it. It takes seconds.
  • Unsubscribe from sexy subreddits. Go to /r/gonewild ? Don't do it. The most you should have is r/gentlemanboners, because it's pretty respectable. I go to that one myself sometimes just to peruse a few pretty and classy-dressed women. Hasn't been an issue for me or a temptation, but if you know it is for you do yourself a favor...unsubscribe. Better safe than regretful.
  • You've really got to be in this for the long-haul. I started and I wasn't getting any results. For 2-3 months at the least. Not even a twinge in my penis. (Something I'll touch on again no pun intended in a min) It took that long for me to even start getting an erection when thinking of something pretty damn erotic. After 3 months....had a nocturnal emission. Was pretty shocked I even could have one.
  • As I mentioned earlier I thought I had neuropathy or something from my Diabetes...wasn't the case. By month 4 normal erections had returned. What was not just a flaccid penis most of the time, but actually seemed to be shrunken or "retreating" into myself returned with a healthy vigor. Even just sitting around I could feel that strange "twinge" in my penis, where it would get a little bit more blood and then go back to normal. (hard to explain past that) These had all but stopped before my journey.
  • My girlfriend and I ended up making a deal together. We decided to achieve nofap together as we both did, and even though it was nowhere near the problem it was for me, moral and cooperative support was a big deal to both of us. She's relapsed a few times, and arguably while it's kind of harder for a man (in my opinion since we have physical actions that simply cannot be controlled sometimes) she's done such a fantastic job. Being able to tell someone that I had a nocturnal emission, and for her to be accepting of it is a huge weight. Another person can give you perspective and deter you from trying to rationalize one as failure.
  • I'm proud to say I haven't manually or edged for 10+ months. My previous failures were STRICTLY due to Edging. The reason I lost it 2-3x was that I'd read an erotic story when I was horny. One I had bookmarked for a few years. I'd read, get aroused and end up keep reading and edging until I lost it and actually came without any stimulation but the erection basically took care of itself. Sad and pathetic. Don't edge. When you think of it, or are in the act of it think how you will feel 8-15 seconds later. You'll feel terrible, let down and ashamed. And the pleasure will NOT be worth it, trust me. Which leads me to my next point:
  • Ejaculations and orgasms after such a long time aren't pleasurable. If anything the relapses were the WORST I've had in my memory actually.
  • I'm Catholic so my reasons for not fapping really revolve around a more religious view than anything else, but also there's the side of not wanting to be a slave or controlled by something. You hear a lot of men (like smokers and drug addicts) say that they can quit if they want to...they just don't want to lol. I didn't want to feel like I was not in control of my own body and actions. I wasn't going to be a slave to this, I could break a 20+ year habit, and with determination and self-choice (every day!) I have!
  • Find a way to reward yourself. The fact that you're free of the addiction and negative effects of masturbation is reward itself, but hey go out and buy yourself something when you hit a goal. (Return it if you fuck up lol) I've gotten a new PC at one point, one of those cool LoveSac chairs, and a few games because I kept it up. If I have something to look forward to it helps immensely rather than not having any fixed goals but just days that blend into one another going by.

It's doable. The months have really flown by and I'm getting excited to hit the 1 year mark. Hopefully in 2014 I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend and then 9-10 months down the road my abstinence journey will be at an end, but the nofap never will! Be strong brothers!

LINK - 296 Days. And STILL GOING STRONG. Some tips for others out there.

by PetiePal