8 months - From virgin to a relationship
August 08, 2012
I stopped masturbating for a period of 6 months but would still go on porn binges every once in a while, though I tried to avoid it. What ended up doing me in was amateur pornography. I tricked myself into thinking it was ok because there was no profit motive, but the truth of the matter is its still degrading. Most likely its stuff the girls didn't want their ex-boyfriends or hackers uploading in the first place. Since then, I haven't looked at porn or masturbated for 2 solid months, and it feels good. My mind is a lot cleaner, as well as my dream content. I also have more confidence to talk to girls, as I don't have to deal with the cognitive dissonance of seeing them as sexual objects. I think abstaining from pornography has also revealed my true psychological needs, which is affection and intimacy. Ogling over naked bodies was just a palliative for my deeper psychological needs that have gone unfulfilled.
Where my dream content used to regularly be gross, sexual fantasy rooted in pictures I saw from regular porn use, lately my dreams have just reflected desires for closeness and intimacy. I think porn fucks with your head, and I'm glad I've been able to confront it lately.
I think the trick to quitting is making sure to delete all pornography off your hard drive and all saved links without seeing the images if possible. Just dump it all wholesale and make sure nothing is left. If you do see a link and accidentally click on it, make sure to delete it immediately. I accidentally clicked on a video link a few weeks ago that I forgot about, and I'm glad I had the will power to click off of it and delete it from my bookmarks. I also try not to let my mind wonder when doing google image searches. There's surprisingly a lot of porn that can turn up there as well.
I've also found that doing exercises and bike riding helps me burn off the energy that I would otherwise waste with porn. Its amazing, because the after burn almost feels orgasmic at times. Sorry of that's tmi.
Anyway, I'm at this stronger than ever, and I hope to keep it that way. I hope to use this site to help me stay true to recovery and to remind me of the positive benefits.
August 22, 2012
For those of you who want to just give up because of relapses, remember it takes time. I went without Oing for 6 months with occasional binges of surfing porn and masturbating without ejaculation or orgasm, eventually Oing again in May. From May to June I went on porno binges again, where I would try to masturbate to achieve orgasm without ejaculation but would accidentally do it from time to time. I made the rationale that amateur nudes, bathing suit pictures, and lingerie pics, which I found on Tumblir of all places, weren't porn. Your mind, when fighting addiction, often finds weird rationales, and you really have to be honest with yourself.
I finally gave up the P M and O in late June, and now its late August, so remember that falling off the horse will happen, but it gets easier the next time. It has for me anyway, and I don't really have the urge to PMO like I did when starting out. The other day, I even accidentally came across a video on youtube with nude content but had the willpower to turn it off and keep my pants up. If it was me several months ago, it would have lead me to surfing pornographic websites.
February 12, 2013
I stopped using porn, found a real girlfriend, and its so much more fulfilling than porn ever was, and I never want to go back. I still get urges to look at it when I have the misfortune of my senses being assaulted by over sexually stimulating Internet ads, but I remember how miserable I was when looking at pornography and steer away.
I was so tired of being a virgin in my mid-twenties, and I can attest that pornography was a main factor keeping me from finding real women. I wish I could get all my wasted years back, all the soulless orgasms that drained my life energy away, but living in the past doesn't matter, and I feel blessed for overcoming it.
I have a very warm, fulfilling, intimate relationship with the girl I'm seeing and am very thankful for yourbrainonporn helping me get my head straightened out. If you have to get rid of your computer, just do it. Porn is not worth it. ...and its not just the virginity factor. i've found that there's so much more to a relationship with a woman that transcends sex altogether and is so much more fulfilling, though I've had awesome sex as well.
Alright, bye bye, and I wish the best success to all trying to rid their lives of this awful, soul crushing vice.