90 days - Depression & social anxiety beat, got an awesome job & girlfriend

Printer-friendly version

happy guyTL;DR Nofap helped me dig my way out of depression, get an awesome job, get an awesome gf, and forgive and forget those who fucked me over in the past. Much thanks to all you beautiful bastards.

90 days ago I had no idea this day would come or any idea how my life would change. The year of 2013 presented me with some harsh challenges. The loss of my job, a sudden death in the family, the threat of being forced out of the country, and betrayal by friends who I thought I could trust weighed heavily. A dark stormy cloud of hatred, anger, and depression sent me into a spiral of negativity. This was no ordinary string of events and no habitual coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, PMO) would fix this mess.

I took a long look at my life and needed a realistic blueprint, a plan to make a comeback and somehow come out ahead. What I needed more than anything was a strong drive to get up every day and take measurable steps towards improving my life. Since I was unemployed and had some money in the bank it was easy to slip into trying to drink my problems away at the bar. This of course led to hangovers, isolation, PMO binges. Little did I know how much the PMO was affecting my motivation, which was so integral in my goal to get back on track.

I knew I needed to cut out the drinking and start clearing my head by exercising, eating well, and getting a healthy amount of sleep every night. While these all helped immensely, something was still missing…Something that would take me over the top and give me that extra boost I needed. I had briefly come across some posts in the /r/nofap but hadn’t really looked into trying it out for myself. Checking out some motivational subreddits while sending out hundreds of job applications every day eventually led me to the famous TED talk, explaining the destructive effects of PMO and how an entire generation of men are the first in history to have a virtually unlimited supply of this drug on our high speed internet connections.

I probably started the fapping when I was 9 or so years old and basically never quit (for 20+ years). Coincidentally, puberty and high speed internet were basically simultaneous events in my life and PMO just became a normal habit. I can’t imagine the damage so many years of this shit has done to my brain chemistry. Fuck. I wonder what would happen if I stopped?

I decided then and there I would stop cold turkey. 4 days later I went out for a friend’s birthday party and had a few drinks. Relapse. SHIT. This wasn’t going to be as simple as I thought. Time to check out /r/nofap and see what people are saying. Am I the only one? Are there ways to help me get through at least the first week? Is it even worth it? Yes. Help is available. Basic tips and tricks are provided. Support and stories from thousands of other guys and gals are updated by the minute. Apparently it gives you super powers…This shit is going to work this time around.

I installed the K9 filter, joined a gym, rid my computer of all files that could trigger relapse, and got a badge on nofap. Hard mode. The first days were rough. I would just see the autofill on my address bar when typing in “you” (for youtube) and of course all of those dirty URLs would pop up, triggering intense urges and cravings. Even with the K9 filter installed and the password stored in a far away place, I always knew I could get at it if I really wanted to. The only way to prevent another relapse was to shut down the damn computer and do something else. Ideally something productive or physical like working out, going for a run or walk outside, practicing music, etc would break my mental state and calm the urges. Stay the hell away from the computer for a while and get your shit together. One day at a time. It’s going to be worth it.

Got through the first week. Fuck yea! Strong urges when trying to fall asleep at night, some flashbacks of some disgusting video I watched in the past would occur throughout the day, morning wood more intense than ever before. Remained strong and did not relapse.

Got through the second week. Yeah bitch! Feeling great! Energy, extra brain power, decreased anxiety, borderline aggressive feeling of being “alive”, insane sex drive. Girls seem to notice your presence more than before. Flirting with the cashier (never would have dared this before) without even thinking about it. Emotions are more volatile and real. Clear view of what I want to do and clear vision of how far I’ve come.

Mid week two, starting to feel kinda shitty. The next day and days thereafter still feeling down. WTF? Did some digging through the sidebar and discovered the “flatline”. It’s normal to feel this way, it’s your brain coming to terms with the reality that it’s not getting the constant flow of dopamine it’s been accustomed to receiving for the past 2 decades. Give it some time to figure out how to cope with this and you’ll come out of it feeling better than ever before.

Mid week three, holy shit. Flatline over. HOLY SHIT. I’m not really myself anymore, but a vastly improved and focused version of my previous self. My body language felt solid, smiling for no reason other an awareness of my own positive state, my laugh was genuine and unforgiving, anxiety was nonexistent, energy level skyrocketing, rock solid eye contact, and of course the motivation boost I so desperately needed.

It was during this phase that I started getting some calls for interviews from all the resumes I had been mass mailing. Historically I’ve had some serious social anxiety issues. These issues affected my sex life, my social life, my studies, and work life. Job interviews had therefore been a necessary evil that I struggled immensely with. Everyone gets nervous during job interviews but that difficulty is compounded when you fuel it with severe social anxiety fed by 20+ years of PMO addiction.

This time around it was different. This new found energy that I could feel in my gut blew away all of that goddamn anxiety that’s plagued me for so long. I strutted into the office with a big grin on my face, absolutely ready for anything they threw at me. The interview lasted 2 hours (so long!). In these two hours I’ve never felt so comfortable with two strangers drilling me with all kinds of crazy ass questions. After the interview was done, they both gave me instant feedback. They said things like “you seem to not be nervous at all, you smile a lot, your personality is very warm and inviting, you have a very positive outlook, we really enjoyed meeting with you today.” Is this really me?

During this phase I also went to a gig that my friend’s band had at a local record shop. An attractive young girl who happened to walk by decided to go in and check out the music. The same burning energy in my gut pushed me towards her, told me that I needed to introduce myself and find out what her story is. After the show, I invited her to come along and crash a party with I knew was going on in the city. She enthusiastically agrees and we had a crazy fun night together meeting tons of new people, dancing, laughing, making out, waking up next to eachother. Wtf have I become?

If this is where I’m at only a month into the nofap challenge, where will it take me in 90 days?

Answer: I start the job I interviewed for next month, at a major car company with all the benefits I wanted and with great opportunities for growth in my career. The girl I met is my girlfriend now, and she’s fucking great. I’ve grown to accept the bullshit I went through last year and learned from it. I’ve grown as a person, as if I was a child trapped in my pussy-fying, depressing, anxiety filled world of PMO. I’ve been reborn. I encourage my friends who I know are struggling with (but won’t admit it) this shit to give this a try. I’m standing on a mountain looking down at the depressing little turd that was my previous mental state and wondering how much higher I will climb. I can’t even fathom going back to that shit and laugh in the face of any tiny urges that tend to rear their ulgy heads.

I couldn’t have done it without you guys. I read your posts when I needed some inspiration. I took your advice when I needed help avoiding relapse. My life has changed far beyond anything I expected and you had an important part in that. Thank you so much.

TL;DR Nofap helped me dig my way out of depression, get an awesome job, get an awesome gf, and forgive and forget those who fucked me over in the past. Much thanks to all you beautiful bastards.

LINK - 90 days. Thanks everyone.

 by scumbag4life

Comments