90 Days down - the rest of my life to go..
For many of you reading this, 90 days seems like an eternity away. I have to admit that for many days throughout this process it definitely felt like it.
I've reached this stage before in my journey and still managed to slip up somehow but this time it feels different. I think the key ingredient is honesty. Being honest with myself when I'm using sex and fantasy to self-medicate and cover up other emotions and desires. This is the first streak where I haven't considered edging- and it's made all the difference.
I have achieved so much in my personal life since I began and achieved my goal of making this last semester of mine at college the best one by far. I have truly found the time and emotional space to engage with the people that I love and enjoy. I have been adventurous and explore my surroundings more than ever. I have been physically fit and feel in touch with my body and myself as a person. I have been relieved with the ability to actually focus on demand and my life after graduation seems like it's looking up to be some rockstar shit. Oh and in case you were wondering about my sex life- it's fucking awesome. I've been having sex 3-4 times a week for the past month, and the wildest places too. Nearly every time I go out I manage to kiss another girl. These results are all a symptoms and not an outcome of NoFap.
Being more honest with myself allows me to be more honest with others. Don't get me wrong sex is great and all but it isn't without it's downsides if used similarly to the way we used porn and masturbation before. Don't use anything to escape your reality.
In truth for those of you at 1 day, 90 days may seem like a huge achievement but in reality every day is an opportunity to either slip up or to succeed and live the life that you're supposed to live. It's only today that counts, nothing before and nothing after.
I have the rest of my life to go on this journey and I'm not going anywhere just yet. I read the 90 day posts with as much respect as the 1 day posts. Become the men/women you were supposed to be and don't wait any longer for it.
Thank you all for the support. Tomorrow it starts all again.
i realized this morning that today is the anniversary of the day I decided to stop watching porn. But if stopped there it wouldn't be the whole truth.
It wasn't the first time I actually started doing No Fap. I have tried ever since 2012. I have relapsed many times even after streaks as long as 4 months. It was crushing every time and sometimes I would even decide to stay in the hole because I thought there was no point trying to get back out again. Despite never watching actual porn I even later relapsed by sometimes reading erotic novels with the same intention that I once used porn for. My brain had tricked me into thinking that it wasn't the same thing- that it wasn't me just looking for an escape from the challenge of living in the real world. Once I snapped out of it, I decided to quit for real and stop making excuses and now I'm about a 7 months in as of tomorrow.
Yes I feel far better than I ever did without porn and deciding to stop PMO has been the number one single thing that I can point to that has made my life exponentially better. But No, it hasn't been easy and about 7 months in it still isn't easy. Today I had some of the strongest urges that i've had in weeks but the experience along the journey helps me to turn away from my misplaced desires.
This experience has taught me to be comfortable with discomfort- and that's a philosophy I take with me in other things i try do in my life. When faced with my own internal struggles to relapse or not, I always try to remember that the world outside your front door is greater than any world you could possibly ever imagine. Just get out there, and the rest will figure itself out.
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That's all.