90 days - I feel rewired. Female friends I've known for many years look at me differently

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cliffsGreetings all. Here are my impressions after 90 days of nofap.

--I wouldn't have done it without the nofap community. The counter helped a lot, especially at the start. The anonymity also helps a lot, I have not revealed to anyone in person that I am on nofap, though I will when the time is right, and I can say it the right way.

--The biggest changes were in the first 20-30 days. The first ~10 days are the hardest. It is extremely tough without a girlfriend. I will admit I dated a couple girls during nofap I would not have considered before, likely due to my "agitated" state, so to speak. But I ended up rejecting them anyway, so no harm no foul I suppose. I am more serious about finding a real girlfriend now, not just something short term.

--Days 40-90 were pretty quiet, my body settled down, I didn't think about nofap too much, it was just something I was aware of in the back of my head, kind of like wearing a hat all day--you don't think about the hat, it's just there.

--Seems like a lot of people had to restart their counters and felt terribly about it. Early on, I watched porn when bored but didn't reset, which I do regret. Looking at porn was a waste of some time and energy when not fapping, I stopped now. In your moments of weakness you'll find the true challenge of nofap.

--I have become significantly more sociable and outgoing. Some of my friends, who have known me for over 15 years, noticed the change.

--People started calling me to go out, spend time together, rather than me being the one always chasing people. People enjoy your company when you are not a depressed shut-in, who woulda thunk?

--I have definitely noticed that the majority of men in society, especially young men, are not on nofap. I have noticed it both among my friends and among strangers. You can tell--the downcast eyes, sickly skin, stringy hair, quiet voice, poor posture, general lack of confidence. Each time I saw one, I wish I could take them aside and tell them about nofap. Maybe someday.

--Since my sexuality had no outlet through PMO, my brain "rewired" to become more sociable, seek out women in real life.

--Another outlet was through wet dreams. I had two over the 90days. Each time, the morning after, I had a relieved feeling, almost felt mentally refreshed. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out lucid dreaming enough to make it a voluntary act...yet.

--Journal: over the years I would occasionally write stray thoughts in a paper notebook. I still have some of them hanging around my room. I started a Word document journal and write more regularly now, most days. I have also used this as my private dream journal.

--I had a surge of confidence at the start of nofap, around 7-10 days, and though there have been some peaks and valleys since then, I think my general demeanor is more self-possessed. My personal circumstance is that I feel pretty down about my crappy job, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling that way. I am working on getting a new job.

--One thing I noticed: women give me "the look" more often now. I never consciously noticed it before, but since starting nofap, women hold their gaze longer. As objectively as can be said, people over the years have told me I am a fairly attractive man. But I think women can somehow sense it; maybe there is some chemical smell that is nearly imperceptible women can pick up on, in a man who is on nofap. I remember from first year psych class: there is perception below consciousness.

--Why mention this? Because each time, a woman expressed interest in me, without me even doing anything! So, I was placed in the position of deciding whether or not to flirt and ask for her number. Generally I would be more aggressive at bars, but less flirtatious in other settings. The key is that I make that decision now, rather than be a victim of fate. Perhaps the lesson is that when you choose nofap, you begin making decisions in other areas of your life where you didn't even realize you had a choice.

--Several of my closest female friends I've known for many years look at me differently. You can see in their widened eyes that they're thinking, "what is he doing differently, what happened?"

--I will admit I haven't spent as much time exercising as I probably should.

--I decided early on in nofap, actually day one, I would do this permanently. Previously, I used to PMO maybe once a week sometimes, other times a couple times a week. The worst was going on a PMO bender, losing several days in a row, just wasting my time, my life, my energy, hours at a time. I've replaced that now with quiet contemplation, but also more TV time, and stressing about work. I'm working on cutting out the TV, replacing with exercise. Work issue is also in progress.

--I would recommend to other nofapstronauts to also think of nofap as a lifelong commitment, rather than a 90/100/200 etc day challenge. Set days as goal posts, but don't get discouraged if you fall short. Just restart, but remember that this is a lifelong journey. I noted in my private journal the day I started: May 27, 2012. Even if I had to reset during this time (luckily I didn't), that was my true start date, because that was the day I decided to take control of this area of my life. I would recommend noting the day you started nofap this way as well, so even if you reset, you don't think you lost "everything" just because of one moment of weakness.

--If you do have to reset, don't think of it as a mortal failure. I think we Americans have a strange relationship with our sexuality, both being more sexual but also more ashamed about our sexuality than is healthy. If you have to reset, consider it just a weakness you will overcome, rather than something to be ashamed about for an extended period of time.

--Like anything in life, find some balance between this and other endeavors. For example, doctors all say the same thing about weight loss, all you need to know is two things: diet and exercise, diet and exercise, diet and exercise. Combing nofap with other self-improvement programs, if you can, so you can maximize your returns. I combined it with also joining seddit, as I have been reading about game for several years. Don't overload yourself, but to maximize your returns, think of what you do as a life-long journey of self-improvement. If you just do 90days and out, just like yo-yo dieting, you'll just fall back into the same bad habits. Change your life, make it easier to live the life you want, to find your happiness.

--I have developed a general no-fucks-given attitude. This has many effects, in many areas of your life. Mostly, it entails taking calculated risks: if I have two choices, and one has a greater reward, but also greater risk, I'll just go for the greater reward, because the worst that could happen is I fail, then try something else which might succeed later. The easiest example is with approaching women. I used to be a creeper, but now, when I'm actually out at a bar with friends, feeling good, just the right amount of drinks (i.e. 2), I'll talk to any woman I want. If she's not interested, the worst that could happen is she walks away, and I go talk to another woman. I definitely notice that most of the men I see at bars refuse to even break the ice, because of their fear of rejection, among other things. Be confident!

--Clean your room. When my room is cluttered I'm more stressed, when it's clean I feel more at ease. When you PMO you don't really care about anything except PMO, leading to a messy room and a messy state of mind. Seek clarity. Your world is much bigger now, but start with a strong base at home, literally and figuratively.

--At the start of nofap, especially in the first ~20 days, I definitely felt an improvement in mood, and a sort of feeling like a cloud was lifted from my life. I drove with the windows down, listened to more music, was more outgoing. Where I was always friendly with close buddies, I would be even more talkative now.

--I think I may have been successful on my first attempt at nofap (no resets) because I started it with the intention of a lifelong decision to stop masturbating. But, since that is such a major committment, to stop doing something forever previously done regularly, I considered the "90 day challenge" just a milestone, to note but not put too much emphasis on. I'm just writing this post since it seems that 90 days is the general consensus as an attainable, good short term goal to keep in mind. It's much more attainable than a "300 day challenge" or "10 year challenge." Also, if you have to reset before 90 days, you won't feel as bad since you didn't lose a lot of time having to restart the "challenge." I will say, when first starting nofap, 90 days seemed like a big goal. Now, it doesn't feel like such a big deal, after 90 days; I feel like 200 days, 300 days, etc won't be much more difficult. Things mostly evened out after about 40 days, nofapping was just a regular part of me, not a major struggle on a daily basis.

TLDR: nofap is a good start in your journey of self-improvement.

LINK - My rambling 90 day post

by realtalkdude