Age 28 - Married: incredible life improvements
I hit the 90 day mark and I wanted to report on some the benefits I've seen in my life:
- I feel better about myself. I haven't had a marked increase in confidence as I was already a fairly confident guy to begin with, but what I've noticed instead is that I just feel really, REALLY good about myself, basically all the time. The shame of constantly hiding my habit is gone. It's incredibly liberating.
- My relationship with my wife has improved dramatically. We already had a very strong relationship before I started nofap. We spent a lot of time together each day and we had very strong communication. I can honestly say that we never fight, because we refuse to yell and we are always listening to one another, even if we disagree over something. Now I spend even more time with my wife than before and our intimate times together (before a big weak point in our marriage) are much more fulfilling and enjoyable for BOTH of us.
- A feeling of saftey. Before I was always making sure I was clearing my browsing history and if I'd downloading anything (rarely, I mostly just looked stuff up) I would put it in hidden folders so no one could find it. Now that my browser is clean and my HDD's are clean I have no problems leaving my computer unlocked for anyone to look at.
Overall this has been a very beneficial experience for me and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. Porn is shit and will never return to my life. This is a fact. Fapping is generally a waste of time and the only time I would ever allow myself to do it again is if my wife was gone for a while, and a rule is that when fapping my thoughts are of her: exclusively. Part of my reason for starting nofap was because I wanted to associate sexual pleasure with my wife and only my wife. I think I've largely succeeded in that.
It's been a long and hard road. I had a PMO habit for well over a decade. Now that I'm finally getting free of that it's very satisfying and liberating.
A word to the wise: never consider yourself cured of PMO addiction. The way I tend to think of myself is as a recovering porn addict. I want to avoid any sort of complacency that could lead to me falling into the trap again. For the rest of my life I will be a recovering porn addict striving to stay clean and live a full life.
Thanks for the support everyone and to anyone struggling to get going: keep at it! If anyone wants specific tips on the methods I found helpful in staying clean feel free to ask. I won't go into details here in the main post because it's already a giant wall of text.
TLDR: I've been clean for 90 days, I feel amazing, life is 100% more awesome than it was before.
Simply put: my life is so much better. I feel like a man. I am happier. My wife is happier. I feel closer to my wife. I enjoy my time with my wife more (both sexy times and normal times). Life, simply, is more full of LIFE.
I have had some struggles recently. The temptations seem to be coming back and trying to trick me into viewing stuff that would probably be considered super softcore. On second thought, it probably wouldn't even be considered porn, just sexy pictures.
It's been a struggle but I'm saying no and even in the moments where I looked at some stuff that I know wasn't good for me I kept my hands out of my pants. That right there is a huge victory in my mind. When I started on nofap one of the rules I set for myself that I would only touch myself for pleasure in conjunction with activities with my wife. In the past anytime I had an erection I felt like I HAD to MO. Now I seem to have the self control to not touch myself that way.
My goal is simple: no more porn for the rest of my life, and probably no fapping for the rest of my life. I want my sexual pleasure and excitement to be tied to my wife. It seems to be working, because my wife excites me so much more than before now. Even the hint of a striptease gets me super hard.
For anyone who might be struggling with constant relapse know that there IS hope. I was trapped in the PMO cycle for over a decade until I finally broke free.
The best advice I can give anyone struggling is to consider, seriously, how important being free of this addiction is to you. What sacrifices are you willing to make?
In my case, the sacrifice that has helped the most was choosing to block all social media and all image databases via K9 (my wife holds the password for me so I cannot change the settings without her help). This severely limits what I can access and makes it easier to stay clean because I know if I do want to find junk to look at it's going to take a lot of work. Making access to porn difficult has made staying clean much easier.
TLDR: staying clean of porn and fapping has improved my life dramatically.