90 days - Not a heavy PMO'er. Where do I go from here?
So here I am, 90 days later. I Stopped cold turkey. No relapses, and no PMO whatsoever. I guess this is what you call hard mode.
Here's my story. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, but I'll probably fail:
Let me tell you first of all that I was by no means a heavy PMO user. I would masturbate like 4-7 times per week, and never more than once a day. I realized when I read other peoples' reports that this is considered rather light use compared to those who used to masturbate several times a day, every day. Also, my sessions would never last more than 30 minutes, and more often around 15 minutes.
Anyways, let's rewind the tape 90 days. I was initiating another PMO session and thus I entered a pornsite. I went into jerk mode but was at this point not hard at all. This is when it struck me that something just isn't right. It took me a good 30 seconds to get it hard despite having hundreds of physically perfect potential mating partners displayed right in front of me. I quickly finished my business and then started googling. This is when I came across YBOP and this subreddit. After having read mutiple reports and scientific studies I was more motivated than ever to stop with it all. And that's what I did.
Alright, so fast forwarding 90 days, here is a bried resumé of these three months:
- First week or two: I was horny. I was constantly thinking about PMO, visited this forum several times a day and so forth. I wasn't really close to relapsing though. My mind was made up.
- Third and fourth week: For some reason I slept without underwear one night. Bam! First nocturnal emission in many many years. Goo everywhere. PMO is at this point not an option. No way I would reset my badge, and I was probably entering a flatline here as well.
- Fifth-eleventh week: felt like a big flatline when it comes to PMO, but I was gaining serious interest in IRL girls. So yeah, I wasn't thinking about PMO very much. Sure, it felt good holding your erect penis, but I wasn't gonna rub it.
- Eleventh up till now: my thoughts at this point were and are different from before. I realized that I was approaching day 90. "After this I'm cured!", I thought. "I can soon masturbate again! Oh my god is my fleshlight gonna get it in a few days".
And that's were I am now. I'm horny like I was the first week again. My penis thinks the coast is clear now. It keeps reminding me that "LET'S DO THIS!". But I really don't know what to do. I do want to have the epic orgasm that would follow a MO session, but I don't know how prone I am to fall for the chaser effect. There are thumbnails of bikini girls all over youtube. "That's not porn right? So what if I just use that picture when MO-ing? You know, as an extra spice?". I think this is a scenario that could come true, and the road to porn isn't long from there. And I am done with porn, seriously, it's not good for anyone.
So I'm asking you fapstronauts, do you think I should be restraining myself from masturbation or should I allow myself to do it once and a while? Like I've said - I'm not a heavy user and I will most likely not become one NOW. The worst thing that could happen is that I peek at porn again, but I still find this unlikely.
So to clarify: I have never used masturbation as an excuse to not hang out with friends, exercise or anything like that. I simply rubbed it daily or less for about 15 minutes to get the orgasm. Because it felt good.
Please let me know what you think! I want to, but now that I have a badge that says 90 days... it feels kinda odd and somewhat stupid.
Also, I know many of you want to hear how I have changed more in detail. Nothing has happened that you haven't read about before, but a few things can nonetheless be said.
- I wasn't socially handicapped before, far from it. Also, it's difficult to notice changes from three months back, since you only know how you feel today. And I wouldn't let nofap have all the credits for the improvements that has actually taken place. I'm actively trying to be more open and outgoing and not really giving a fuck when there are no fucks to be given. I have also started to look girls in the eyes as suggested in the seduction subreddit. But I wouldn't try to improve this if it wasn't for nofap in the first place. I know many of you don't like the attitude on seduction, but they have giving me a lot of good tips.
- IRL girls are more attractive. Getting any sort of physical touch in the sexual sense makes my penis overly excited. You just don't get this sensation if you PMO regularly, at least not I.
- I don't know if there is more to it when talking about nofap itself. Nofap did however cause a snowball effect of improvements in my life as examplified two points up. Once I quit fapping I got the sense of achievement and self-control. This has helped my trying to improve myself in other aspects of my life. This gaining of willpower is one of the most important aspect of nofap in my opinion. Many of "superhero effects" people talk about can be attributed to this point I think.
And that's it. Please, post comments with your reflections. Thanks for all the support too. This reddit has been helpful many times :)
11 months ago, when this subreddit had less than half the number of members as today, I made this post on this subreddit explaining why I thought of ending my streak of 7 months. If you wish to keep the reading at a minimum, I basically explain how recently (at that time) my erections were lacking in frequency and stiffness, and that this concerned me.
After that post, I actively tried, and sort of succeeded, to lose my virginity at age 23 and met a girl a few weeks later. Now, I know what you want to hear. You want me to tell you a story of how I got a raging boner and made love to her all night. Unfortunately, this did not happen. In fact, my dick was most often just hanging there, acting all noodly. There were a few surges of blood rushing to it from time to time, but nothing that lasted. As you can imagine, I was pretty bummed out. I didn't feel very nervous at the time either. I actually told her in a casual manner that: "you know, I think I have some sort of performance anxiety", while dangling my limp penis in front of her (she was lying completely naked, waiting for me to do my thing, can you imagine..?)
It was after this experience that I ended my streak with a PMO session. That was itself pretty anti-cimaxy, but after that I returned to my former PMO habits and that brings me to where I am today. I should point out a few things though:
- I was only truly PMO free for about 5-6 months. After that I began experiencing with some anal stuff as some sort of substitute (cause that wasn't the same thing, I reasoned) for my lifeless penis.
- I did have one or two orgasms prior to my meeting with that girl. These were achieved by rubbing the area below the scrotum. It wasn't really intended, but it was a side-effect from my anal play.
- I wasn't really attracted to the girl, which probably affected the flaccidity of the d. Still though..
- I'm not overly horny and usually only feel the desire to PMO once, sometimes twice, a day ~ 15 minutes. Thus my experience might not be applicable to guys with graver PMO addictions.
So, where do I stand today? Well, I wrote this post to somewhat try to balance the posts made by other veterans telling you it's the best think ever. I encourage everyone to abstain from PMO for a while. It's an interesting experience, and it takes willpower and determination and that deserves respect. Just don't let it go too far if you don't feel like it gives you any additional benefits. Mind that a few initial flatlines are natural. But for me, beyond the 3 months mark or so, it was constant flatlining. If you feel the same, you should rethink your intentions. I think the first one or two months were the most beneficial in terms of a more natural sexuality (as opposed to one centered around a computer screen).
In my opinion, porn is a greater evil than masturbation (actually, without porn I wouldn't masturbate as often either). Again, I did feel the difference at the start of my nofap session. Just having a girl rub my leg a few weeks in could make me super aroused, and I miss that. It felt so natural and right. I also felt like a better person because I think porn is dubious for ethical reasons, but it didn't go farther than this in terms of personal improvements.
So, to sum things up: realize that this journey have different effects on different people, and don't feel bad if you need to abort the mission earlier than you think (for me, ~3 months). I don't want you to feel bummed out. Do this thing, beause it can be good for you to try out. But if you don't think it's doing you any good, I'd say you should start up the machinery again.
I also write this post today because today is the day that I have decided to try to give up porn and nothing else.
Be safe, and cherish what you do if you feel like it's the best thing to do.