90+ Days - Where is what I've learned
I did it. 90 Day of not watching porn, jerking off or even edging!
If your currently at the beginning of your NoFap journey, asking yourself: is it really worth it? I can assure you it is! This forum was extremely helpful for my reboot, so i wanna give back a little and share my experience with you. After reflecting the last 3 month, i'm gonna describe my journey so far in 3 stages. So, here we go:
Stage 1. The Pit
I accepted that i have a problem with Porn & Mastrubation. My previous attempts to quit failed, so i knew that i needed to do something more serious this time. I joined this Forum! I started to read your Stories, asked for advice, educated myself (dopamine, habits etc.) and i began to keep a journal of my struggle. I can not emphasize enough how import it is to journal!
The first few weeks will most likely suck. i mean really, really suck. Cutting out an escape behavior is not a pleasant experience. I discovered how much porn was actually in my system (way too much)and how messed up i truly was. It is exhausting to resist the urge to PMO if a big part of you is demanding it! For me this Stage was roughly 4-5 Weeks long. In this Time NoFap was pretty much the number one thing on my mind, because resisting urges was taking up a lot of my energy! Without my accountability partner i wouldn't have made past 12 Days.
5 Things that help me a lot in Stage 1:
- telling somebody (a few good friends) and getting an accountability partner
- cutting back computer time & leaving Facebook
- educating myself about dopamine & habits
- avoiding situation/trigger that brought me down in the past (a though one!)
- start doing something that is good for you: running, reading, studying...
Stage 2. Rise
After a while, it will get easier to resist the urge to PMO. I still had porn flash backs but my fantasies were more about real girls now. After 5 or 6 Weeks i noticed that i am more confident and much more positive. I stopped thinking about NoFap so much and started to work on building positive habits: getting up earlier, cutting back on sugar drinks, do push-ups daily etc. Suddenly i had all this energy - it was great. I thought i've beaten the PMO-Monster (foolish...more about that in Stage 3)
3 Things that help me a lot in Stage 2:
- having a counter that shows me i've added another day to my streak
- noFap emergency button!! if you don't have it yet, get it now!
- doing push-ups in the morning and making my bed to give the day a good/intentional start
Stage 3. The journey inwards
I've wrote about this already but it's important. Say you manage to go past 60+ days, yay, i've beaten the PMO-Monster! And then the urge to fap hits you like a tidal wave. How many boners can you have in 24h? Your brain starts rationalizing that you've proven your will power and that there is no need to keep going. Or how nice it would it be to release some pressure, now.
PMO is an escape behavior, if you stop to run away you'll have to face what you've been fleeing from! For me (amongst other things) it was self loathing because i've never had a girlfriend. In order to leave your addiction behind you must face the thing(s) in your heart you've tried so desperately escape in the past. If you face it and take the pain transformation will happen. Now, you might say i (over-)simplify and you are right. It is simple but it is not easy. I am still in the middle of this - often unpleased - process but i like what is happening to me.
The 2 most important things in Stage 3:
- Friends! People i can talk to about my doubts/struggle, who will listen to me and tell me about the good side of me that i often refuse to see.(If you're a believer) people who pray with you and accompany you on your spiritual journey.
- A big goal! It is my dream to learn Japanese. So i stated to learn all the 2200 Joyo-Kanji. This is a big project, i learn 15 new Kanji each Day and repeat 30-70. By doing so i put my newly gained energy/discipline to good use and remind myself on a daily basis that i'm currently doing something that would have been impossible for my former self.
I hope this was somewhat helpful. Stay strong everybody!
BY - Yorokobi