95 days - Less socially awkward, more confidence & energy, the fog has lifted
I have now gone 95 days without masturbation, porno, or sexual release of any kind (excluding wet dreams.) Broken into pros, neutral, cons, next steps, tips
- How I did it: I slowly cut down my porn use, and slowly tapered my fapping before I found nofap. I installed k9 web protection, and tried to cut down. This led to lots of flatlining and freaking out. Which led to finding nofap.
- I didn't have the insane horniness that some guys do, I was already freaking out that my sex drive was in free fall, with depression and girl trouble.
Pros - so I was really skeptical about the social awkwardness improvement. Now I can say I do notice smaller improvements, although I cannot explain why that should be the case:
- I AM less socially awkward. I used to really freak out before dates, before social engagements. Had to do lots of things to "create myself". Now I am just easier. I am more relaxed, more comfortable in my skin (yoga helps). Part of this may be attributed to my new job. It's given me practice talking to lots of people, approaching groups of people etc.
- i used to do this nervous laughter thing, and project the "needy" behaviour that goes with it. I try less hard now, care less about putting on a show
- I used to have this thing where i could never look at the driver in the next car at the stop light. Now I can
- I used to make this involuntary tense face when girls looked at me. I didn't know how to respond. Now I don't tense up. Don't see it as such an invasion of my airspace.
- I do have more energy. Porno was a big time waster.
- i have accomplished quite a few things, dont feel like I'm pushing through quicksand quite so much
- i feel proud of myself. It is quite an accomplishment. If I can do this i can do anything.
- nofap requires that you focus less on your penis. Which is a good thing for your life, but can be difficult if thats where you draw your power from.
- i am now in excellent shape, lots of exercising.
- the fog lifted. I could finally make a plan for my future, create a direction out of nowhere.
Neutral - I thank porno for one thing: opening up my mind. Whatever turns you on is ok if it does no harm. Expanded my sexual boundaries, showed me I'm kinky and that's perfectly fine.
- My sexual encounters are still countable on one hand. Nofap did not get me laid. But things are moving well in that direction, and I am more open to experiencing connection, shedding my well entrenched insecurities and walls.
- i had several wet dreams, which made it manageable. I like wet dreams, almost more than fapping.
- (still a theory at this point, but I believe I improved my premature ejaculation, or at least stopped actively contributing to it)
- still can't explain the whole social anxiety link.. but it's there
Cons (sort of) - fapping was my stress release/coping mechanism. Without "my medication" I have in short, been more stressed and pissed off. If you stop taking valium you're going to notice a drop in your level of calm. But that's ok, just teaches you to get better at handling your shit (again, see hot yoga).
- my sex drive is still diminished. I used to be horny every day or every second day. Now, not so much. I wonder about this: my friend who regularly watches porno seems to be horny all the time.
- i feel like I have to re-rewire my brain, give it permission to get erections and turn my libido back on. But I'll go to 120 days just to be safe.
- i worry my penis has shrank from disuse
- like relearning to walk after an injury, i wonder if my cock is up to the challenge after such a long time out of "the game"
Next steps: - going to 120 days. I think 90 is too short. I'm just warming up (in terms of mental progress) at 90.
- cutting out tv entirely (even though my family watches it all the time) my other massive time waster (just relasped after 5 days)
Tips - opendns.com (much less glitchy than k9 webprotection) makes it so much easier to abstain with that extra step, even if you know the password
- leave your motherfucking house. Can't relapse in the bar (can you?) can't have adventures in your dark room, can't meet any ladies there.
- just talk to people (any people) with no expectation of anything except a 5 min chat everywhere
- do yoga, exercise
- no smoking, drinking. Eat green veggies, take zinc. (all common reasons for lack of arousal/erections.)
- forget about counting days. get to the point where 5 days pass and you dont notice)
- eventually I may transition back to some limited fapping. I don't expect to never do it again, and I think that's perfectly fine. I'm not going to be too harsh on myself if I relapse in future. "Everything in moderation, even moderation" Key is just to realize how you feel without it, remember that feeling.
Overall - yes i am glad I did it. Extremely. Now I feel fan fucking tastic. I am going bungee jumping to reward myself. (rewards are good)
Best of luck dudes and dudettes