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To begin, I am glad that I have found this site and have had the chance to read the many encouraging stories of others. I can’t tell you how optimistic I feel about my future.

Here’s a glimpse into my background and where I am currently. I am 42 years old, and began masturbating probably around age 11-12, so it’s been around 30 years. I have had some form of ED for about the past 17 years. I began masturbating at a young age but it did not take much to reach orgasm. In the “old days” my porn of choice was Victoria's secret catalogues, bra advertisements in the newspaper, or “bikini girl” posters. After hitting puberty I ran into some of the “cool kids” who had access to porn mags, so I could see pics of various sex acts and noticed that it was more of a rush, so that is when I became hooked. Throughout my late junior high and high school years I would masturbate everyday and sometimes 2-3 times per day, always using a “visual aid”. Once I was “lucky” enough to find a girl that would perform oral sex, but I had trouble ejaculating. She tried for at least 30 minutes and I ended up having to jerk off to reach orgasm. Then in college I had a girlfriend who would perform any sex act that I wished. At first there were ED problems with intercourse (I had never had intercourse, so I was scared/nervous) but after a few weeks that went away and it was never a problem again. This girl would do everything that I asked but I still could not ejaculate (she performed oral sex one time for 45 minutes and I still did not ejaculate). I had a problem with ejaculation during intercourse at first but after a while it wasn’t a problem. We were together for several years, had good sex, but then later broke up.

Now I was age 24, and I was alone; I had a job and the privacy of my own place so I turned to porn for “relief”. I bought playboy videos and sometimes would rent porn movies for stimulation. I was always (and still today) mostly aroused by oral sex being performed on me, or videos of oral sex being performed (woman on man). The most stimulating were the “virtual BJs” because I could mentally put myself “in the action”. I watched these videos and masturbated to this for 2-3 years at least once per day. Later, I finally met a girl; we hit it off and began dating. The first time we had sex it was ok (she had good orgasm, but I did not reach orgasm). The second time I noticed that I was going limp so we stopped. I am very attracted to this girl but could not get the super erections that I has always had and was accustomed to. I thought that maybe it was her (I wasn’t attracted to her, she didn’t satisfy me, she wasn’t doing something right); I honestly didn’t know any better. I see now that over the years, my brain had rewired itself to be stimulated by porn alone. We’ve been married for 16 years now (18 in the relationship) and I have had ED on and off the whole time. Fortunately, my wife has been very supportive and understanding throughout all of the ED problems. One note here; my wife does not know that I view porn and I will not tell her. I think that it would destroy her trust, and our marriage. I am not willing to take the risk! Anyway, I have viewed internet porn (video) for at least 13 of those years and I never have erection problems while viewing (actually I have awesome, full erections when looking at these videos). When I knew that we may have an encounter together I would take yohimbe or some sexual herb mix to help (cobra, viper), and even got a prescription for Cialis which worked at first, but then not very reliable, so I gave it up. My wife sometimes performs oral sex on me and that used to be enough to give me strong erections but over the past years I have noticed that even that isn’t doing it for me like it used to. There are times when intercourse is good, other times I can’t get it up even when I am very attracted to “the mood” and turned on by her body. I seem to have the most ED issues with the “cowgirl” position. It’s not that I don’t like it; I love the position because I can feel, see, and touch her body all over in this position. It is by far her favorite position, but the one that I have the most ED problems with. Even if I start out with a strong erection from foreplay (usually her giving me a BJ) we get in cowgirl position and I lose some of the erection. On a good day I will be 80% hard, but sometimes the erection goes away completely. One strange note here…when we do “doggie style” (my favorite position, because I have more stimulation) I do not have the same ED problems. The erections are usually 80% or more this way). She always lovingly says that it isn’t a big deal, or that it doesn’t matter, but I know it does. I usually have to “finish her off” by manual stimulation. She does perform a hand job on me at least once a week and I do not have erection problems with that at all.

I am currently on day 45 after beginning this voyage. I made it to day 23 with no PMO and felt great! Then out of the blue I wanted to “test” myself by lightly touching my penis. BAD IDEA! I quickly went to masturbation mode! The positives that I noticed are that I was rock hard with no “herbs” or ED meds. That was encouraging! I also noticed that my penis was more sensitive. I used to have to view something and jack off pretty hard, and when my wife jacked me off it would take me at least 15 minutes (by myself about 5), but this time it was a light touch and I came quite easily with no visuals, just focusing on the feeling (that was nice for a change!) My wife and I had intercourse 5 days later (missionary position) and it was the best it has been in a while. I had a little problem becoming fully erect at first, but once I let myself go and just enjoyed the “moment” I got a pretty strong erection (90-95%). I noticed that I felt more connected with the intimacy and enjoyed the touch, taste, etc with sex. I did not orgasm, but my wife did. We stopped because after she reaches orgasm, intercourse is uncomfortable to her. I am sure I would have reached orgasm if we would have continued. She performed oral sex on me a few days later and my erection was rock hard, but we had to stop because of an “outside” interruption. My libido is still up and down, but that is to be expected. The thing that bothers me is that a week later I masturbated again and the following day AGAIN! I don’t remember being overly horny, and I’m not quite sure why I “gave in” and did it…bored maybe? I did not view porn during masturbation however. I waited about 12 days and then I masturbated again. Each time I concentrated on the sensation and no visual. I feel that is progress in itself, but I worry about a binge and then losing all progress. One other thing though. About a week ago I took a quick peek at an oral sex video online and it gave me a rush. A week or so later I did it again and again today! Sometimes I feel like I am losing control and will binge, but I am determined to beat this for good! I know that is a relapse, but I still am trying to focus not on the failure, but the progress that I have made. Do these relapses really set you back very far?

I guess this is my ultimate question: When will I know when I have fully recovered? I have morning erections on most days, occasional sex dreams, interest in my wife sexually, feel more outgoing, and I enjoy simple pleasures in life more (exercising, walking, and conversing with others). But when I think of intercourse I get nervous and don’t want to attempt sex because of the fear of failure. Is it just anxiety?
I guess I’m here posting this to get encouragement, or to see if any of you went through a similar scenario and how you have recovered.

BD

Congratulations on your success.

These two links may be helpful, but there's no clear cut answer to "knowing when you fully recovered".
http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-know-when-im-back-to-normal
http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-long-will-it-take

I would suggest setting the bar very high. Such as 1) very hard erections under any circumstances, 2) no urges to use porn. Number two is far more important than than number one, as it determines your long term success & erectile health. No porn frees you in many ways, as there is no more hiding or concealing.

As with every man with porn-induced ED you are rightfully very focused on your penis. I suggest not getting caught up with day to day erection monitoring. First, many guys have sudden recoveries. The healing is rarely linear. Second, your mood may be tied to your erectile health and as a result rise and fall with it. Third, your ultimate goal is no porn, because the rest will follow.

As for setting you back. No one can say. Your mantra should be "long term".

The real forum/blogging by recovering porn addicts is on reuniting. It's unlikely anyone else will answer your post here. I suggest posting over there -
http://www.reuniting.info/tracker

Im so glad I found this site, ive been 8 days porn free and 2 days MB free, which i have to say i gave in on sat. ive been seeing this girl for about 4 months and we started fooling around, i had no problem getting an erection the couple times weve been fooling around. fooling around as in i got a erection no problem with cuddling with her etc. But then we started getting more physical and she was playing with my you know what and i couldnt get hard for the life of me. and she even asked me why i wasnt hard! i was so embarrassed, i made up some story how i can control my erections or whatever. We were even dry h***ing and grinding and i still couldnt get hard. so when i got home i thought uhoh my brain is all rewired from the constant porn use. it started around 13ish with the porn and it continued in hs then in college it got bad, but after college it was an everyday thing 2-3 times a day. i mean like had to MB everyday bc i thought it was a great way to unwind. Now that i can admit i have problem i feel better. Really better, I feel like i have more energy. I am going to stay MB free for the rest of the month b/c now im in a long distance relationship and i will be seeing her next month. And I hope i will be staying porn free forever. thanks for hearing me out!

Have your read the material under this link?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

Glad you are feeling better. Hope that continues. Be aware of a flatline period as it is normal. If you want support and to follow others in their journey I suggest visiting our forum at http://www.reuniting.info/tracker

Continued success

I've always had problems getting and maintaining erection as well as having problems with delayed ejaculation. I've always watched porn, tried to give it up before and wasn't able to. I recently came across this site and decided porn must be the reason for my problems so decided to give it up again. I also recently came across 'prone masturbating' and realised this is something I do. I did it from a young age and only did it this way until I was about 14 and discovered the 'proper' technique. After this I would do it both ways, sometimes just on my bed or other times when I'm sitting at my desk using my hands I would mainly use a strange technique with my left hand (I'm right handed) where I would rub it but then sometimes did it the normal way. I would always ejaculate the normal way.

I'm not sure if my problem is porn or prone. I've gone a few days with out porn now and in all honesty it hasn't been that hard all though I do crave it a bit. It isn't easy, but compared to trying to give up masturbating it's very easy. I gave into masturbating last night. I made sure I did it the normal way and I got a full on erection the whole time which isn't usual for me. I'm not sure if I should carry on trying to go the 8 weeks without masturbating or not, because it's incredibly difficult and it's not something I want to do if I don't have to. I will never prone masturbate again and that's not that hard for me, even if it will take some adjusting to. What do you think I should do?

It's probably both prone masturbation and porn. From your description, you may not be as desensitized as most with porn-induced ED. Did you masturbate to fantasy? If your did, then try it without any fantasy, only sensation, and speed & pressure that would mimic intercourse. What are the results?

Be aware that both porn masturbation and porn cause ED by altering the brain - not the penis. Maybe you don't have to give up masturbation to regain erectile health. Only you can answer that. I would suggest staying away from porn.

I could do it without fantasy, but when I did it at the speed of intercourse (the firmness wasn't a huge issue) nothing happened. In general it seems like it takes me a while to get away from being completely flaccid to being semi for a long time and then being fully erect for the last minute or two. I guess without fantasy I'm just not that excited. Do you think I should just carry on masturbating in a normal way, at a slow speed without being firm and not fantasizing, or should I try and go a period without masturbating? And if so how long?

It's not normal for a young man to have the symptoms you are describing. Typical these days, but not normal. If you are asking my opinion, I say do a reboot.

How long? This link might help.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-know-when-im-back-to-normal

A young man should be experiencing morning wood, spontaneous erections, and have no trouble quickly achieving a strong erection with manual stimulation only. So that’s your goal.

Really get this concept - that your ED has no relation to ED caused by aging. Your ED is your brain saying I can’t do this anymore. If you choose to override your brains signals you may elongate process.

Good luck

Thanks for this. I've been doing quite well not masturbating. I do however keep finding myself touching myself, but not masturbating to orgasm. Not that I do it until the brink and then just don't ejaculate, I mean I lightly stroke myself for a few minutes now and then. Not watching porn isn't that hard, not masturbating is difficult but not touching myself at all: Impossible. During the rebooting process is this a big issue? And if I were to masturbate now and then without porn, say once a week, would that mean the whole process starts again or that it is just a bit less effective?

Every guy asks that question. It will not set you back to the beginning, but masturbation lengthens the process. The ones that recover the fastest and easiest avoid all touching. Everytime you touch yourself you are upping dopamine, which increases cravings to masturbate. That's what you are now experiencing.

I'm on here to get a little advice. I'm 28 years old and have been watching P since i was 13 but internet porn started when i was about 20. Ever since i've had my first partner, when i was 17, i've struggled with delayed ejaculation. I never really mad much of it until a few years ago when ED became an issue. I would find myself constantly thinking about my delayed ejaculation problem and i think that's what brought on the ED. I kept thinking there something wrong with me physically, but whenever i would masturbate (which 95% of the time was to internet porn) i could maintain a strong erection for as long as wanted to and reach orgasm pretty much "on demand". I thought about getting prescription for cialis but i could usually maintain a decent erection 1 out of 3 times which led me to believe that this problem wasn't physical (delayed ejaculation was still a problem).
I never really looked into this until yesterday night and this is how i fell on this site and it litterally changed my whole perception on this problem i've had for so many years. But there's a slight problem; i'm beginning a new relationship.
I met this girl a few weeks ago and since then we've been on a few dates. For the first time in years i've found someone i'm really into. A few days ago she came to my place for dinner and things started getting pretty hot. We made out for a while and i got a decent erection but we both decided it would be better to wait a little. This came as a relief because the only thing i could think of was "i hope i don't get ED".
Then this past sunday i went to her place and things once again got pretty hot but this time she decided we had waited long enough. Horror! We started having sex and again, the only thing i could think of was " i hope i don't get ED". Of course, a few minutes into it i started losing my erection and just pulled out. Luckily i was able to make her orgasm manually before so she wasn't to upset....or so she says.
As we layed in bed i told her about my delayed ejaculation problem and mustered the balls to tell her it sometimes caused ED. She looked at me and said "do you watch too much porn?". I shrugged it off by making a funny comment but she let me know that years back she dated a guy for 3 years who she didn't see reach orgasm once. She said she later found out he was adicted to child pornography and obviously dumped him.
When i got back home that night i got to thinking "when's the last time i masturbated without porn", i couldn't think of the time. i got on google and found this site. Reading up i found that i had many of the symptoms others had: no morning wood, delayed ejaculation, ED, thoughts of porn when with a partner, etc.
Even though i only found this site yesterday, i'm currently on 6 days without porn or masturbation and i got my first morning wood in ages this morning. Only 50% hard, but its a start.
Here comes my problem on which i'd love advice. As mentioned above, i just started dating this girl, If she were just a random for who i didn't care much about, i'd stop calling her would concentrate on no porn or masturbation for the next months or as long as it would tak. But i really care for this girl. I can't go up to her and tell her i'm addicted to porn (i don't have the balls for it),so what do i do? Will i be able to "cure this thing if i'm around her and have intimate relationships with her? Any advice would help.

Just making sure - Have you studied this FAQ? This answers most questions.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

This link is - Rebooting with a partner
http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner

This article talks about sex causing increase in cravings.
Do You Need a Chaser After Sex?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-you-need-a-chaser-after-sex

Having a partner is great, and men often do a lot better rebooting when they have. If however, your partner wants sex, that may slow down the process. We have no pat answer to this often asked question. I suggest posting on our forum, as other men going through this give you their opinions.
It's here- http://www.reuniting.info/tracker

What about fantasy? Is fantasising about sex but not masturbating and not thinking about porn but thinking about maybe people I know and having normal sex with them or ex girlfriends and intimate things a problem? I've been asking a lot of questions, I get like this sorry. I think this is the last thing I need to know. Would trying not to think about sex at all make it easier to reboot? If I'm thinking about it a lot does it mean I'm not actually rebooting?

You are still rebooting if you think about sex, but you should avoid it. The concept is real simple - let your brain rest from all sexual stimulation. First and foremost is porn, then masturbation, then fantasy. No one is perfect, and most guys relapse before they make it.

Rebooting accounts: Look for the heading on avoiding all fantasy.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-recover-1

Hi Gary and all!

I can't thank you enough for all the info and positive vibe i found in this website.Really help me a lot.I've been thinking to stop P and M but only later found out this site and other site that i've found then i decided to make a stand and stop this nonsense once and for all.I've been free from M for atleast 3 weeks now but used to slip to P (before i found this site).

forgot to mention of who i am.I'm 28 years old and a muslim. Yes,muslim ppl do have this kind of addiction and i'm not proud of it.Porn addiction knows no boundary.No matter who you are,you still can be addicted to it.But somehow I've managed to overcome it at least for nearly a month now.Feeling better and more positive.

i've been into porn and masturbation since i'm a kid.i used to stop for a while but slipped not long after and only until now i decided to quit.it can be hard without having positive vibe in you and we need to stay positive to overcome such addiction.Distract the urge by doing other positive things like music,going for a walk or going to gym.Don't let the P and M control your life ever again.Channel the negativity towards something more useful.

i leave you with some lyrics by Minor Threat from the song called "Screaming at a wall".Fit quite nicely eventhough i know the song is not about P and M addiction.haha.

"I'm gonna knock it down
Any way that I can
I'm gonna scream, I'm gonna yell
I don't want to have to use my hands".

Every religion, creed, color, you name it is getting hit by porn. I am aware of several Muslim sites linking to YBOP. Perhaps you are aware of our forum at - http://www.reuniting.info/tracker - that's where all the posting action is.

Good luck on your journey

Hi all,

I am a 21 year old virgin. I first realized that I had ED when I was 17, when I tried having sex with my girlfriend at the time and it just wouldn't stay up. The closest I'd ever get was putting on the condom, then down it went. It was weird since she was able to stimulate me orally and I was able to successfully orgasm. But I guess when you get a blow job you don't have to be 100% hard.

I am now 21 and have tried to have sex several times with several girls in the last few years but the situation is always the same. Condom goes on, penis goes down - that's IF it goes up in the first place. And even when I do manage to get hard enough to put on the condom, it's never 100% full...maybe 60-70%?

I thought the problem was with my penis, rather than my brain, and hence I'd go days without masturbating to "build it up" and then try having sex...nothing worked. It was until about 3 months when I came across this site that I realized the issue...it was porn.

I've been watching and masturbating to porn an average of once a day, everyday, since I was about 13. I suffer all the same symptoms almost every guy on this site is suffering. Everything I read here I can relate to - especially the fact that people look for "more hardcore" porn as time progresses. I was looking at some weird shit that I'd never be into in the real world.

It wasn't until I tried to have sex with my current girlfriend that I realized I had a major problem. I've been very depressed about this, it's the one thing that's always on my mind. I saw my GP and he told me that it's probably anxiety and that taking Viagra a couple of times for sex should fix the problem permanently. He was wrong. Although my penis was a lot harder, as soon as the condom went on, it went down.

So about 20 days I made a decision - a decision to attempt to end this problem for good. But I have a few concerns that I can't find clear answers to.

The first week I was REALLY horny. I am currently in a flat line. I have absolutely no libido - unless I'm with my girlfriend. When we make out and etc I get hard, but still not 100% full...again maybe 60%. Other than that, my penis feels dead. I have not watched porn or touched my penis. When she touches it, it definitely does feel a lot more sensitive but I am no were near ready for intercourse.

I feel like I'm blabbing on a lot, I'm actually using this vent and it feels really good. I've never spoken so freely about this before. I'll get to my questions:

1) I try to block at all fantasy, but it's hard, especially when I see a pretty girl in the street. I don't go into a full on sex fantasy...I think its more lust. Am I slowing down my progress?

2) Are my "making-out" sessions with my girlfriend slowing down my progress? We are both clothed I do not orgasm, or even come near it. Could these session be a positive?...Am I "rewiring" my brain by doing this?

3) Although I am 20 day's into my rebooting...I have had 2 wet dreams, one on the 7th day and one on the 19th (last night). They have become less frequent (a 7 day gap between orgasms and then a 12 day gap). I don't understand why these are happening since during the day my penis feel so dead. Is this a problem? Am I slowing down my progress? I feel like shit every time it happens since part of me feels like I am starting again, since most of the guys who recover go a whole 8 weeks+ without any PMO.

I am planning to post here regularly until I recover. Hopefully I will. I'm really excited for it, but very very very scared at the same time. I love my girlfriend and don't want to lose her over something like this.

Thank you so much for the work, research, website and videos. They have definitely changed my life and my perception of things. Your work is invaluable.

First, I need to make sure you have seen this FAQ, and everything on the page
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

This FAQ lets you know that you are right on course
http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-long-will-it-take

1) Mild fantasizing is probably no problem

2) We suspect that "making out" may be beneficial. As you suspect, and we suspect, it may be rewiring you to the real deal.

3) Some young men get hit with wet dreams, some don't. I cannot explain this. Do not give wet dreams a second thought. You can Check out this link on relapsing -
http://yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now
However, you are not relapsing. You are not using porn, or trying to force an ejaculation. Nor are you starting over. Porn caused (or contributed ) to your ED, and avoiding porn will cure it.

I say contributed, because some performance anxiety may get mixed in with porn-induced ED. Since you have a regular girlfriend, the anxiety aspect should dissipate as you reboot your brain.

Continued success

Hi Gary,

Thanks so much for the reply.

Not 15 minutes ago I was browsing the internet at uni, when I saw a sexy advertisement on the side of the web page. I didn't want to click on it on the public computer, so like a zombie I pulled out my phone and tried to find the link on my phone. It was a weird feeling, it was like I had no control. I knew that what I was doing was wrong.

Fortunately I was not able to find the link again. Immediately after, i started feeling really weird. I feel a bit stressed, anxious and just overall shit - but this mainly because I'm worried that this slowed down my recovery. I did not get turned on, but I'm not sure if this is because my penis is currently lifeless or because the advertisement wasn't stimulating enough. The advertisement was very very mild, but it did trigger old thoughts for a very short period of time - we are talking no more than a minute.

What do you think of this? Did it set me back at all? Would you call this a relapse? I'm really disappointed in myself :(

Thanks again.

I think that I should add that I don't think I was going to masturbate to porn, I was more just curious about what was on the other side of the link. I'm obviously still very addicted.

Hi Gary and all,

I hope you don't mind the continuous posts :)

Tomorrow is the 28th day since I quit PMO. I've had two wet dream but I don't consider them a set back, based on Gary's advise last week. I am currently in a flatline and have been since Day 7.

What I'm experiencing:
-Most mornings I'm waking up with an erection. I'd say it's about 70% full. Even when I was masturbating to porn everyday I'd wake up with a 70% erection on most day, however now it takes longer to go down after I get out of bed.
-I'm checking out more women in the street and are definitely A LOT more "mentally" hornier. I still don't get physically horny though.
-I have a lot more spare time and feel comfortable browsing the PC with the door open. I've even let others use my PC for the first time in years!
-I never was anti-social, but quitting porn has definitely made me want to go out more.
-I'm more productive. I'm studying a very difficult degree and used porn (and food) as a "reward". I'd study for a couple of hours, watch porn and have an orgasm, then go and eat some crappy food - then repeat. It was almost ritual. Today, for the first time in years, I was home alone studying all day and didn't even THINK about porn or masturbating.

-I'm much more responsive to my girlfriends touch. Prior to this, I could not get an erection without fantasy of some sort. Now, after some foreplay, all my girlfriend has to do is touch my penis and it goes up. Not completely (again around 70%), but this has never happened before. She edged me the other day with her mouth. I didn't orgasm nor did I experience a chaser affect when I left. Nor did it trigger porn fantasy. I had blue balls for a couple of hours but that's about it. This isn't a set back is it?
-I still can not masturbate based on "sensations". I have attempted it for about a minute or so, I failed and so put it away.
-I do get many random porn flashbacks. I suppress them straight away and they don't give me the urge to watch porn or masturbate. I'm a bit disappointed in the frequency of the flashbacks but I'm optimistic that they'll reduce in the future. I see these as set backs, which really do my head in as I'm trying to make the speediest recovery possible.

My goal is to have sex with my girlfriend, with a full - 100% - erection. I don't remember the last time that my penis was 100% full and full for long enough for intercourse. This has severely effected me psychologically and emotionally, however at the moment I am very optimistic.

I haven't experienced any mood swings or depression, however some days I am definitely more optimistic than others. I really want this all to be over.

Eight weeks is an average recovery, so I'm telling myself I'm half way there. Do you think that I'm coming along OK? Is my progress normal for someone four weeks into recovery? Am I doing anything that could be slowing my recovery down?

Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm happy to answer in detail :)

Best,

bringingmedown

Seems like you are doing fine. It's best to avoid orgasm with your girlfriend. Can't say what oral sex will do, but as long as you are not using fantasy to force anything, I assume it will be OK.

Guys latch onto eight weeks, but timing differs for everyone. Most continue to see improvements, even after they consider themselves rebooted.

Keep on keeping on.

Hi Gary and all,

Tomorrow is Day 35. My libido is completely dead. I do wake up with morning wood on most days, but apart from that...nothing. I am very very mentally aroused though, pretty much all the time. Although I don't go into fantasies, I'm always thinking about real life girls and looking at real life girls at uni and in the street...both arouse my mind but I have no response downstairs.

My penis doesn't respond to my own touch either (I have tried for about 30 seconds just out of curiosity - without fantasy - and had no response). So, apart from the morning wood every 2/3 mornings, libido is gone.

Although it's scary, I guess it's a good thing since it means I'm recovering? I must also admit that this last week has gotten a bit difficult with urges to look at porn, however my urge to have real life kicks the "bad thoughts" straight out of my head...I'm very motivated to fix this.

The issue that's been playing on my mind a lot this last week is something I read on this site about six days ago...it read something like this: "sometimes when a guy is a virgin, they have trouble wiring up to the real thing". Being a virgin and having associated "sex" with "porn and masturbation" since the beginning of puberty AND being into some pretty extreme things, has made me wonder if I ever will recover. It seems like I've hard wired these things since too young. What are peoples thought's on this?

Thanks for reading =)

Flat-lining, as you know, is normal, and a sign you had an addiction. Be thankful its porn and not something permanent.

A harder time for virgins? It seems that men who started masturbating (not necessarily sex) long before they started porn use, have an easier time recovering from ED. It might take a little longer for those who from the very beginning wired porn to masturbation. Also, the end point of the rebooting process may be fuzzier or less sharply defined. But they recover, and so will you.

Hi Gary and all,

A quick reminder, I am a 21 year old virgin and my goal is to have sex with my girlfriend. I've quit porn and masturbation and are trying to "rewire" my brain by snuggling and making out with my girlfriend. I believe I really need this rewiring since I have been masturbating to porn since I started masturbating, so my brain is strongly wired to it.

So today it is 7 weeks without P or M. I'm not saying O too because I am one of those odd cases and have regular wet dreams. I've had about 5 in the 7 weeks since I've quit. I don't remember the actual dreams.

Now to my stuff-up: Luckily it wasn't a relapse - but it may delay my recovery =(
2 days ago, day 47, one of my "snuggle and make-out" sessions with my girlfriend went too far. She gave me a blow a job. It was the first time anyone has touched me down their like for 7 weeks. Here's what I realized:
-During the entire session (foreplay included) my penis was getting up and staying up easier and longer than ever before. I remember feeling very content during the ordeal, mainly because this is the first time in MY LIFE me penis was like this when I was with a real girl.
-It was much harder than it has been for years. I still get morning wood but this erection was harder and lasted a lot longer than those.
-My penis was super sensitive. Best O ever. It was so good I don't even miss porn.
-I did fantasize a little bit, but it wasn't about porn. I had my eyes closed and was thinking about my girlfriend. But most of the time I just enjoyed the feeling and didn't need to think about anything. (First time I could ever do this).
-I still don't think it was hard enough to have sex, but who knows? I honestly have no experience to be able to make a good judgement. We didn't have condoms anyways, so it was a good excuse not to try.

I'm experiencing positives and negatives to this situation. On a positive note, I feel more confident, I know what I am doing is working, I feel hornier and I had the best O in my life. The negative side is that I'm feeling a bit guilty because I know that it has possibly slowed down my recovery and that the fact that I am hornier is making me crave porn a LITTLE bit more than the week before.

Just in case anyone is wondering how I know I am not fully recovered: well the truth is...I don't, but I don't think I am. Being a virgin, having masturbated to porn for as long as I remember and having had ED since my first attempt at sex at 17, I don't have a lot to compare my "new brain" to. The reasons why I don't think I'm fully recovered is because: the next day after an O (wet dream or the BJ) I didn't get morning wood, I still sometimes crave porn (never close to a relapse) and because I can't "just touch" my penis and get an erection. From my research, I believe the last one is the best milestone to recovery.

What are people's thoughts on this? Do you guys think my recovery is slowed down? How do I even know my penis is hard enough for sex?

Thanks for reading =)

PS. Although it may have slowed down my recovery, at least now I've proved to myself that this really does work. I hope everyone else here has faith. I may have lacked it initially, but now I do not. Thanks again to Gary and Marnia for all their time and research, and thanks to all the other posters for sharing their stories and experiences!

It only slows down your recovery if you think you should be fully by a certain date. In other words you learned a lot, and you can use this as motivation to continue the process. You will not undo what you have accomplished, your penis & brain went from 85 year old man (need viagra) to 55 year old man (my body/brain needs a rest- so no morning wood).

You goal is to get back to a 21 year old man. Just keep going.

Thanks so much for the support and motivation!

You are right Gary, the interaction really was a motivation to keep on going. To be honest, I do have a "certain date" that I want to be fully recovered by. That date is Saturday 19 November :) It's my girlfriend's birthday that day and we are staying at a hotel interstate that night. The date is about 8 and half weeks since my "interaction" a couple of a days ago and is on the 106th day of my recovery. I didn't think that my goal was unrealistic before my "set-back", but now I'm not quite sure and bit worried. I know everyone is different so we'll see what happens.

Thanks for the link to easypeasy's story, Marnia. He summed up the feelings I have after my wet dreams very well. It really does feel like it sets me back a couple of days. This is only because I don't wake up with morning wood the morning of the dream and also the next morning. My the third morning I feel like I'm back on track.

Whilst on the topic of dreams I'd also like the add, that just like most other people report, I have many more dreams (or at least I remember many more dreams) than I did before I began my rebooting process. I find this fascinating, I would've thought that porn and dreams are both mutually exclusive. Porn really does mess with all aspects of your brain (and hence life). My little brother is 17 years old, I'll have to find a non-awkward way of warning him about porn. I might just show him this site =)

Thanks again!

Hi Gary, Marnia and all,

So tomorrow marks 8 weeks since I commenced my rebooting process. I still haven't had sex and I'm not too sure if I'm recovered yet. This may be due to the fact I am a virgin. Gary once did mention to me that my recovery may not be as clear cut as some of the other guys, in other words, the ending my be kind of "fuzzy".

Today has been a very eventful day. I told my girlfriend of about 5 months about my addiction and my rebooting process. I probably should've told her sooner but I was very embarrassed and ashamed. I've had a couple of failed attempts at sex with her so it explained everything nicely for her. It also explain why I haven't been keen to "try again" in the last 8 weeks. She took it very well, was very supportive and very understanding. It made sense to her and she explained to me sometimes ED can occur in men who have been married (and hence been intimate with) the same woman for 10 or more years, and then get divorced. Their brains become "addicted" to the one woman for so many years that once they get divorced and want to have sex with another woman it just doesn't work. Normally doctors prescribe Viagra for this and after one of two sessions with the drug and a new woman, they are 100% recovered. When I asked her how she knows this she told me that she asked her doctor about ED for me! The above is the most common case of ED her doctor has seen. Once she explained to him that I was young, fit and healthy, her doctor put it down to nerves and said that Viagra for a couple of sessions should help me get over my fear. How typical - we all know how wrong he is. I probably should've told her what was going on sooner. She even joked "watch and see the problems that the next generation of kids will have...everything is becoming 3D and no doubt porn will eventually become 3D too". She is right, and as technology progresses and we become more and more reliant on machines we will definitely see a growing concern in this particular addiction.

The second notable event of today was: I masturbated for the first time in exactly 56 days. I kind of regret doing it, but I learnt a lot in doing so. I masturbated because for the last three days I've been very very very horny (part of the reason why I think I may be cured). I've been getting many spontaneous erections and have had erections for hours each night whilst speaking to my girlfriend on the phone. This resulted in bad pain in my testicles and my prostate. I masturbated very slowly and gently, and without fantasy (I did fantasize a bit at the end but it was about my girlfriend and a realistic sexual situation). This was the first time IN MY LIFE that I've been able to achieve an erection without fantasy and reach orgasm without some kind of extreme fantasy or external stimulant (i.e. porn). My penis was also harder than I ever remember! I learnt that I don't have to use a "death grip" to have an orgasm and my penis was more sensitive than I ever remember. Perhaps the best outcome of the masturbation was that for the first time ever I didn't enjoy the touch of my own hand (and porn) more than the touch of a girl. The blow job, without fantasy, last week was HEAPS better than today's session and also HEAPS HEAPS HEAPS better than masturbating alone in my bedroom to porn. I didn't experience the chaser effect and I feel very relaxed after masturbating. I didn't feel anxious afterwards, although I did feel a little bit of regret since I've gone so long without it. I didn't even have any porn flashbacks during the session! I do however sometimes think about porn, and sometimes even crave porn, during the day. Although the craving and thoughts are very easy to suppress, they are part of the reason why I feel that I may no be 100% cured yet.

I am fairly confident that I will be recovered by my goal weekend. That's in another 7 weeks, so as long as I don't look at porn ever again, I should be OK. Since I'm feeling a bit guilty, and didn't really enjoy it as much as the physical encounter with my girlfriend, I have decided to not masturbate again for at least another 7 weeks. Hopefully this will guarantee my cure and successful sex in 7 weeks time.

Do you think that I am cured yet? If not, do you think I will be in 7 weeks time? I know both these questions are hard for you to answer so it's OK if you don't want to answer them.

Also, another question: do browsing through pictures of real, clothed girls cause dopamine spikes? I'm talking about websites like Facebook. For the first time in my life I can get an erection from just seeing a beautiful girl in the street or on Facebook! Is this unhealthy since in one short "facebook session" I can look at 10 or more "potential mates"? I'm a bit confused about this.

Thanks for reading, and supporting and helping me through these last 8 weeks. I am very appreciative to everyone here, especially Gary and Marnia for their time, effort and websites!

Excellent news! I'm positive you will continue to improve for some time to come, and be good to go for your goal. First, there is nothing wrong with dopamine spikes as they occur a million times during a normal day.

However, surfing Facebook, or Google, or any site for pictures of females is a terrible idea. Your brain does not know what porn is, so clothed or not- you are training your brain to respond to the rapid fire novelty of clicking. It is the way sexual stimuli is delivered– the ability seek and find novelty at a fast pace - that makes Internet porn different from porn of the past. You need to train your brain to only what’s I real.

Thread is too narrow- start another thread with next post

regularly with your girlfriend? You sound like you may well be ready for some skin-to-skin contact at the very least. ;-) It's great to hear that your sensitivity is back. Well done!
Thoughts of porn may pop up for quite a while, so I'm not sure you can measure your reboot by that effect. Here are signs forum members equate with "back to normal." http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-know-when-im-back-to-normal

Thanks for the advice, Gary. I have been snuggling regularly with my girlfriend throughout the whole rebooting process, Marnia, in an attempt to "rewire" my brain.

My next post will be in a fresh thread.

are when you masturbate to porn. This addiction cannot be viewed as an all-or-none addiction, such as substance abuse. You will see sexy pictures, or an R-rated sex scene, or porn pop up, or....you name it. Just relax.

This is what happened: A cue trigger a neural pathway leading to a huge dopamine blast - that's the out of control, zombie experience. As is the nature of all adddictions. When you did not follow up on the cue, your dopamine dropped below normal baseline levels, making you feel like crap. That's the simple explaination.

Hello everybody :)

I came across your site Gary, about 3 months ago. It was amazing to read and watch the videos and to gain more understanding about my porn addiction. It has helped me so much with the feelings of guilt I have had, and with the feeling of being weak due to not being able to stop myself from indulging in pornography.

I have watched porn ever since I was 14, and I'm now 25. Over the past year and a half or so, I've been consciously trying to heal it. Before having come across your website, I'd tried a couple of "30 day no lust" trials, which were inevitably very difficult. I managed to succeed, but every time I have tried, I have always "fallen" again. It is so frustrating to fall! With the understanding I've gained from your videos, I feel I understand myself better and have more patience and greater compassion.

Since watching the videos, I have made progress. There has been about 2 months without indulging in pornography, and with the understanding I've gained, it's felt quite easy. I would masturbate every now and again without fantasizing, intending to focus on the physical sensations. I'm not sure if it is best to stop masturbating completely - I intend to read deeper into your material and the comments from everybody here to discover what the best approach is.

For me, it wasn't just pornography. As you said in the videos, the addiction has escalated - when I was young, I would only look at "innocent" celebrity images online. Then it escalated to watching videos. Overall, the videos I've watched haven't been too "hardcore." However, the main way in which my addiction escalated was to start using webcam "chat sites," and having "sex" with women online.

I mention this because, yesterday and today, I have "fallen" again, and watched porn, and chatted to women online. I couldn't stop myself. It feels particularly difficult this time because I have recently started a new relationship. Even though I knew I was being unfaithful to the woman I am with, I couldn't stop myself :(

It's nice to have the space to be able to write this. Thank you for all of your work and for this website, Gary. Your videos feel very healing, and the gentle and accepting nature of them is great.

I now endeavor to try to heal this addiction wholly and fully, to never indulge in pornography or webcam chatting again... to stop "falling!" I intend to keep a diary, and read deeper into your materials, and revise the videos over and over again.

Thank you for having me.

It's my wife's site too...and all the guys who told their stories. Speaking of a diary, many people write "blogs" at http://www.reuniting.info/tracker

We call it a forum, but it's also where people write blogs keeping track and they get comments from other forum members. It's a very busy place with lots of support and help. I suggest visiting.

It's normal to go back and forth with porn. You already have a lot of success, so as long as you keep going you will eventually leave it all behind.

Masturbation is tough. Those with porn-induced ED have a rough time recovering if they don't stop. Those with ok penises, but addiction, also seem to benefit from stopping masturbation for long periods. Cutting out masturbation or drastically reducing it helps with the cravings and relapses. Of course, the key is to stop porn, so as long as you don't use you have won the war.

Hi Gary,

I created an account last night on reuniting.info. I've started a daily journal and will introduce myself over there at some point over the next few days, and I'm looking forward to blogging. It's great to have a support group like this available, expecially regarding such a specific issue such as pornography addiction, which for me has been wound up with feelings of guilt/weakness/shame for a long time. Being able to talk openly about it and be accepted and understood, and to understand it myself, is great!

It's nice also to hear that it's normal to go back and forth. It's been the case for me... relapsing is tough, but with the understanding about what's going on with the brain, and "it's physiology, not morality," it's easier to feel accepting of it. I'll keep on moving forward positively, and this time, without any masturbation. It feels like a necessary step, to truly heal the porn addiction and lust issues in general. Sharing a blog will also help me to stay motivated and focussed, so that this addiction will be healed for the long-term.

Thanks for recommending the forum, and for your supportive comment.

Shame or beating ourselves up rarely works. Keep your long term goals in mind. Realize you have two voices in your head: the addict, and the new you. The addict voice wants only one thing, and he is tricky.

I expect to have your rebooting page on YBOP in the near future.

had sex with your sweetheart before the relapse? If so, you may want to read this article: "Do You Need a Chaser After Sex?" http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-you-need-a-chaser-after-sex It's paradoxical, but too much sexual stimulation actually can numb your pleasure response. That's when you get those irresistible urges for something stronger. (Just as with porn escalation.)

If you're feeling adventurous, one way around it is to try a new approach with your sweetie: http://yourbrainonporn.com/another-way-to-make-love

... adventurous. I was reading over on reuniting.info last night, and read a little bit about Karezza for the first time. I'd never heard of it before - I was intrigued, so it's great to have it recommended here too :) I'll read through the article in depth and will be learning more about it with my girlfriend.

Making love has been difficult over the past few years. Over the last year or so, I've made progress, but there are still times where I am *very* forced and tense in my body, and I've been aware that the entire motivation throughout sex within me is to come to orgasm. I'm disconnected from my girlfriend during sex, only focussed on my own feelings and the desire to finish. So, I'm really looking forward to trying out this new approach! I want to fully heal these issues with things like performance anxiety. Even having read very little so far, it sounds like Karezza will take me down that road :)

The relapse this time didn't occur after sex with my girlfriend. However, in the past, I've noticed that I have strong urges after having sex; not just for porn, but lustful feelings for women I see during the day. I find that throughout the day, I have to 'keep on top of myself' and not allow myself to think sexually about women I see. If I begin to let the lustful energy build up within myself, and start indulging in fantasy, I am so much more susceptible to relapse. I feel I need to study your materials more to understand it better, and look into myself deeper.

I'm determined now to truly stop with pornography, and to try to heal lust within myself. I see how it can potentially have such a negative effect on my relationships, and in general, it's painful and frustrating!

Thanks Marnia, for recommending another way to make love, and the "Do you need a chaser after sex" article. Over the weekend I'll read through them in depth.

fun to experiment with karezza. :-) Hope she likes the idea too.

I am 19 and it has been months since I have regularly watched porn. I've started trying reboot since then but I occasionally relapsed. So over the last few months the amount of porn I've watched has diminished dramatically, even if I occasionally gave in. I haven't watched porn at all for the last 2 weeks or so as I have made it impossible to watch it on my computer. I've been more or less masturbation free for those last few weeks but I give in now and then. The last few months I have masturbated now and then when giving in, but on the whole the amount I have has also diminished a huge amount.

I noticed a while ago I would get semi hard erections in the mornings which over recent years had been very rare for me and in the last few days I've been getting near fully hard erections in the morning which takes me back to being about 13! I feel like I am getting closer to having normal erectile function again, but I'm not quite there. Should I carry on trying to avoid masturbation, or if I let myself go will I still get there? And if I do think my erectile health returns to normal, what should my masturbation habits by like then? Thanks.

Have you fully explored this FAQ - "Is my erectile dysfunction (ED) related to my porn use?" http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question - and all the links, and stories?

Another FAQ - "Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?"
http://yourbrainonporn.com/are-there-any-guidelines-for-healthy-masturba...

Well,

I went 51 days a few months ago, but relapsed. Well, I wasn't really 51 days no PMO, as I looked at girls on dating sites, but it was far from the excessive porn videos I was watching for years and years, and years (since 11 years old-34 years old).

So, over the past few months I have watched less porn that I have in years. But, I noticed when I was 51 days in my penis was hanging lower, and more sensitive in my shorts if you know what I mean. What I was doing was working, but probably would take at least another 51 days to be fully recovered, I think.

So, now I can only go about 1.5-2 weeks w/o giving in again. I got kinda forced into a strip club last month. Well, then I thought it might be a good test, and wasn't able to get an erection at all, maybe slightly .. that's about it. I don't know if that was a good test or something I should avoid? I'm not one to go and do those sorts of things.

Anyway, how about dopamine stimulate drugs? Any testing been done on those to see if they can stimulate your sex drive with a real live girl that you find attractive?

I know the stopping PMO for at least 3 months will heal most people. I"m going to continue trying.

Porn discovered by me at age 10

They are called dopamine agonists, and they don't work for any addiction. They are used for Parkinson's disease, with milder versions prescribed for ADD and restless leg syndromes. Problem is - Addiction and ED are more than just dopamine dysregulation. More importantly they don't help with dopamine receptors, and the brain soon adapts. Eventually you need to go through withdrawal for both porn and dopamine raising drugs. There's no free lunch with the brain.

Have you checked out all the rebooting stories, and info on this FAQ?
"Is my erectile dysfunction (ED) related to my porn use?" http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

Your account seems inconsistent: You haven't PMO'd, then say you have watched less porn. Which is it?

Note that searching, seeking, and looking for novel hot babes is simply "porn-lite". Why? All those activities reinforce the original porn pathways (it's the same behavior), and all activate the dopamine system. See: Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn-then-and-now-welcome-to-brain-training

You are still engaged in brain training.

.......one slip out of 100 days? Which sounds better? You can write your story - go for another 49 days clean.

I started watching porn when I was 10-11. But before that, I had been masturbating and fantasizing since before I could remember. I used to fantasize about everything from having a new life, to having cooler parents and toys, living in a different world, and especially about having sex with the women I was attracted to at the time (mostly famous movie stars and singers). I even made it a habit to do a little fantasizing before I went to bed. The fantasies about women most times accompanied masturbation. So that's how it started... But things soon changed when I stumbled on a movie (pretty famous one actually) that my parents had bought, which had a lot of soft-core scenes in it. I basically studied that movie. I used to watch it every weekend when I was alone at the house. Soon afterwards, I got tired of that movie and started my search for more sexually stimulating vids. At that time there was one porno channel on TV that was free, but the signal was terrible. So you basically had to watch the movie in between the lines to actually see any naked girls. Once I was able to get my head around the internet, I started watching internet porn. I made it a ritual to wake up every Saturday, spend a few hours watching porn, and then watch TV for the rest of the day. All the while I knew I was doing something wrong, but at the time everyone was doing it. All my friends, older cousins, and peers were watching porn. That was around the time when teen comedies like American Pie were coming out, and in everyone of them there was one scene where you would see the protagonist watching porn or venerating masturbation. So I thought that what I was doing was normal. That was until I had my first girlfriend. I noticed that every time we would make out or got to second base I didn't get aroused. The relationship was short-lived because I had soon left for college, and I never realized that I had a problem. I thought that if I was in a situation where was about to have real sex then I would get a proper erection. At that time I was still watching porn 2-3 times a week, and I was constantly fantasizing (but w/out masturbating). I first attempted to have sex when I around 19. It was terrible. I was physically attracted to the girl (especially in my fantasies), but when the moment came to have real sex with her, I couldn't get an erection. I was devastated and embarrassed. My self-esteem was just shot down. Since then I haven't been the same person. My confidence level is low. I feel weird in social settings.
After another failed attempt i delved into porn and fantasizing with a voracious appetite. I even remember getting so mad that couldn't download this one video, that I cursed God and prayed that i could at least watch one scene of the movie before having to meet my friends later that evening. That's when I realized that I had a problem. After one of my "sessions" I was feeling guilty and ashamed of what I had done, and just spontaneously typed in "porn addiction" into the search bar. I was pretty surprised to find out that this was actually a real problem. That was a year ago. Since then I've been having a really tough time trying to quit. I could go 2-3wks w/out PMO, but after that I would relapse, feel guilty, try again for another week or so, and then relapse again . It was only a month ago that I coincidentally stumbled on an article ( on somebody else's computer!) linking pornography to ED. Not gonna lie, even after reading that article and finding this site I still haven't been able to stop. I think the main problem for me is what it has been from the very beginning... the fantasizing. I watch porn to fuel my fantasies. I've noticed that whenever i fantasize i become more prone to watching porn that day. I've just recently stopped fantasizing completely, and this has caused my desire to watch porn to decrease. But some days a single thought or memory arises, and I find myself going back to the same old sites. hopefully I can finally stop this. i'll keep you guys updated

Mr. D

This link describes sensitization which is what you are experience when you have a thought about porn, which triggers porn use. It's caused by structural changes in your brain.
Why are cravings (a rush) still triggered after rebooting?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/why-am-i-still-noticing-a-dopamine-rush-after...

This FAQ has a few suggestions - How do I cope with porn flashbacks?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-cope-with-porn-flashbacks

Have you explored "tools for change"? Stopping porn use, or any addiction, involves changing other aspects of your life.

Are there any links between porn addiction and depression? I'm 19 and over the last few years I seem to have gone through a bit of it, and anxiety too, but when I was younger I seemed to be always happy. I'm rebooting at the moment, and it's going well, but I feel very depressed, do you think this might pass or do I have other problems?

My libido has been diminishing somewhat recently, but I feel the first time my sexual appetite has just dissappeard now and it's coincided with me feeling rather low, is this normal?

Anxiety and depression may be associated with porn use, either as a major player or as a contributor. The following page describes many benefits, and it has a 90 page pdf at the bottom of the page with more reports.
What benefits do people see as they reboot?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-benefits-do-people-see-as-they-reboot

However, depression and anxiety can lead to porn use, so The only way to separate cause and effect is to fully reboot. Perhaps some of the depression is situational, which porn addiction may contribute to, such as: no partner, little social contact, not exercising, bad diet, no direction in life, apathy, etc.

Please be aware that exercise has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants in treating depression. Diet can play a role. As humans we were never meant to sit in front of a computer getting our rewards from pixels.

Loss of libido is normal during reboot. See - "HELP!!! I quit porn, but my potency and libido are decreasing"
http://yourbrainonporn.com/i-quit-porn-but-my-potency-and-libido-are-dec...

keep going

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