Advice to the younger guys

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Advice to the younger guys

 by Oxberg

I would like to share some thoughts as an older guy on this nofap post. I have never posted anything on any website before but I really would like to say something now. Hopefully it won't sound like just some guy who wants to post his amazing insights that everyone has heard a thousand times before.

I am 58 years old. A lot of the posters on this subject seem to be much younger than me. High school kids. College kids. I am amazed at some of the ideas and insights they come with when it comes to giving up fapping and porn and how important it is. It inspires me greatly. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a middle class guy living a middle class life. Married, two kids, 17 and 21 years old. I haven't failed by any stretch of the imagination.

But I am haunted by all of the things I could have done. If I had had more interest in life and more ambition, and more focus. For so many years, when I was alone and could have spent the time doing something that would lead me to a more satisfying and in my mind more productive life, more likely than not I spent the time fantasizing and fapping accompanied by its subsequent hangover. If I had been smarter I would have gotten help, but I grew up thinking that I was smart enough and a man enough to be able to fix his own problems. When you grow up thinking you should be able to do everything yourself and it doesn't work, it leads to a hiding life. Fapping and porn are custom built for a hiding life.

You feel as if everyone else is doing the right thing and living a proper life while you sit in a dark room going from image to image in search of the perfect one, fapping again and again thinking this one will be the last. You live in absolute fear of being found out for what you are. You can't look people in the eye because you just know that they'll be able to tell what a complete jack off you are.

When you're alone though, for those few minutes at least you're King of the World. But then you have to wipe the cum off your stomach and suffer more hours of lethargy and hiding. Somehow you make through the days at work. You're presentable. You can get the minimum amount of work done so that people will think you're okay. But you lack drive. You lack ambition. Other people will come in and move up quickly, but you don't really want to. Years go by and you don't realize it but time is running out. I've had friends who have lived and died in less time than I have spent fantasizing my life away.

Any venturing out of your shell and you find yourself running back to the safety of your dark room and your computer screen. Any stressful situation and you find yourself clamoring back to your computer screen. But the thing is, as you live this hiding kind of life, every situation becomes stressful. Normal conversations with people you meet become stressful. Every bill in the mail becomes stressful. Every crowded place becomes stressful. You just want to be left alone to lock yourself in your room and find the perfect woman who can't help herself from begging you to have the most incredible sex with her because she can see how unbelievably desireable you are.But then you feel sick all over again when you have to wipe the jizz off your stomach and you've wasted another pathetic day.

But how did you get like this? Is it your fault? Can you really do anything about it? The fact is, it probably isn't your fault that this became your life. It happened before you realized what was going on. We are surrounded from the minute we get up in the morning until we go to bed way too late by an incredible amount of stimulation. Fast pulsing music, everywhere someone is telling us what we need to have, pictures of beautiful people living the most incredible lives that we should be living too. We're shown all of the things that other people have and if we don't get it too we'll never be as cool as they are. Tell me that isn't stressful. Our entire exsistence is marketed to us 24 hours a day, and most of it is tied somehow to sex, because sex sells. Evan if you don't see the sex, it's there underneath somewhere.

For thousands of years, humans lived the majority of their lives more quietly, with their own thoughts, punctuated occassionally by brief moments of intense stimulation. Whether you were running from some wild animal hoping not to get eaten or having sex with one of the few partners available to you, for the most part you lived day to day slower and with very little stimulation. That is how humans evolved

Now we are bombarded 24 hours a day, mostly by sex, and we are not built for it. Endless women at our fingertips just begging for our cum.
It has made us, at least those of us who are spending their lives wiping jizz off their stomachs, in to drug addicts. Our brains have become addicted to the dopamine rush it gets from the intense stimulation of the pixels that desire us like crazy. We are no different from the heroin addicts who steal whatever they can get their hands on to feed their addiction. We are no different from the crack addict who gets his fix and lays on the couch while his eyes roll back in his head as he avoids life and the real world. Only we steal time. We steal from the future.

We look at heroin addicts and feel sorry for them. We abhor the fact that they waste their one opportunity at life and become a living shell of a human being, on their way to an early death. Maybe our addiction isn't so obvious. Maybe it isn't quite as lethal, at least in the same way. But it is deadly in other ways. It deadens us to the world around us. It deadens us to the present. It deadens us to the future. Years, years can go by as you wipe your load off of your stomach and look at yourself in the mirror wondering what is wrong with you. Years out of the one and only life you will every have.

But, and this is huge, it can change. There is nothing wrong with you. You're not immoral, you're not a pervert, you're not the disgusting individual you think you are. You're a drug addict, plain and simple. Your brain that is addicted to dopamine can be weaned off of it. It isn't easy, I still struggle, but you can change your brain. The neural pathways that are so worn down from the traffic of porn and fap and hiding and shame can, if unused, become overgrown and impassable.

New paths can be made, and from constant use become just as worn and easy to walk as the old pathways. These paths can be whatever it is you love in life. Exercise. Writing. Learning. Reading. Helping others. Working. Anything you really enjoy and that you feel makes your life better and what you want it to be. So take it one day at a time. Live good 5 minute periods, or hour long periods, or 24 hour periods. Make it a 30 day challenge or a 60 day challenge or whatever works for you. As I've read before, good minutes add up to good hours, good hours add up to good days, good days add up to good weeks, and so on. Live open. Live clean. Share. Get help wherever you can. Find like minded individuals. Use whatever you can find as motivation. Turn off your fucking computer.

Quiet down your life and think about what you want and not what others tell you to want. Screw them. They've sucked enough life out of you. Do what you want to do now. The only person in your way is yourself. You can change and do whatever you want. Sorry about the long post. I don't mean to preach because I struggle and don't have all of the answers. What I think I have is an outlook from someone who is older and if I can share that with the guys on this site who are younger and it gives them more insight about what the effects could be if they spend too much of their lives looking in the mirror wondering what is wrong with them, then maybe someone will waste less time of their precious life. It is given with honesty and a hope that it will be a beneficial perspective to those that are young enough and have many years ahead to do great things in this world.