82 days is a weird number to post about, but I hit a big milestone today. Quick background. I’m divorced and had married my first girlfriend (and first sexual partner). That lasted over a decade and I am ashamed to admit that PMO caused me to have almost no sex life.
The divorce wasn’t solely due to PMO but I can tell you that a relationship with no sex life is a bad relationship, period.
After the divorce settled I went through a lot of changes, including losing a LOT of weight, changing my job, car, attitude, everything. But I didn’t change PMO, even though a marriage counselor correctly told me I was addicted to porn (I just didn’t see the reason to quit — I had no GF and it was so comforting).
Fast forward a year after the divorce and I meet a beautiful caring girl and you can already guess the story — I couldn’t get it up. And just like during my marriage I started thinking hey, I’m just broken and this girl will have to live with the fact that I’m a great boyfriend EXCEPT for the sex.
She was very supportive and said we’d ‘work through’ my issues — and that made me really think about what my issue was. And since I had been given a preview of what the problem was nearly a year ago, I started reading about it, found this forum, YBOP, and other sites. And one day when I was on vacation and instead of going outside I was going to look at porn on my laptop and pleasure myself, it hit me — this was the problem. I needed to stop.
That day was 82 days ago and I am proud to say I’ve been perfect on no masturbation and no orgasm. I am not as proud to say that I do relapse on porn every few days it seems — usually just a few minutes of bikini/soft core but I know its still wrong. This is the battle I still fight.
However, at least for me, it seems that nofap is the core of the solution, because the problem I had was desensitization due to deathgrip – I felt nothing from PIV or BJ or anything other than my hand. By completely eliminating my hand I can slowly (very slowly, but surely) feel again.
About 45 days in I could definitely feel the PIED going away, but it still wasn’t perfect. I told my GF about my problem then, which is another thing up for debate here; at least in my situation it was very helpful to tell her so she understands the things she has to do to help me get better.
And to get to the light at the end of the tunnel — which is hopefully just the FIRST light — this morning I was able to keep it up during PIV so for the first time ever in my life (and I’m in my late 30s) I gave a girl an orgasm just from that. I also felt a lot more (obviously since I was able to get in and keep going) but I still have a ways to go before I’m fully rebooted.
So yes, this is somewhat of a brag post, but I enjoyed reading other people’s brag posts because their success gave me hope for my success. I still have a ways to go, but if I can summarize the points of my journey:
- Long time PMO addict that let a marriage rot from the inside due to it
- Finally confronted my addiction about three months ago and been 100% good on nofap (no edge or masturbation) but not so great on porn (greatly reduced, but not pornfree)
- Shared all details with new girlfriend. So I’m on ‘easy’ mode rewiring at the same time as rebooting.
- Much reduced PIED (replaced with some performance anxiety) about 45 days in
- Was able to complete PIV 82 days in
- Been over 90 days without my own orgasm, and I’m not going to explode – so its not necessary for all guys
tl;dr PMO addict who never been able to complete PIV was able to do after 82 days NOFAP. Reboot is definitely not complete but very much in progress and worth the sacrifices made
LINK - 82 day post – there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
OPDATEER - After almost four months, I am starting to become normal
My four month nofap anniversary is a couple of days ago. It is exactly one month after I met my current girlfriend, who was the straw that broke the camels back on me finally breaking the PMO cycle. She was so sweet and understanding and I wanted her so bad but could not perform and for the first time in my life I said I want to be better, not just for her, but for myself. And then I read, read, read and decided to undertake the program.
- U kan weer terugkom (geskei weens pornografie)
So, ek het my hele lewe lank 'n groot probleem met porno gehad. My beste vriendin het my op hoërskool daaraan voorgestel en ek was 'n geerige, nerdagtige kind, so ek onthou dat ek ure lank probeer het om GIF's van my 1200 baud-modem af te laai en dit vir my pa weg te steek (kanttekening: my ouers kom nader om my net te vertel dit is sleg sonder om ooit te verduidelik hoekom NIE werk nie. U moet ook aanneem dat u kinders slimmer is as u - as hulle iets wil doen wat u nie goedkeur nie, sal hulle dit doen).
My verhouding met porno was voorafgaande aan enige werklike verhouding wat ek met vroue gehad het. Dit het nie regtig beïnvloed hoe ek vroue behandel het nie, maar wel hoe ek SEX behandel het. En die slotsom is dat ek seks verkies sonder oordeel en op aanvraag eerder as die wel en wee van regte seks.
Alhoewel ek geen bedenkinge gehad het oor 'seks' voor die huwelik nie, onthou ek hoe vies dit was, en hoe ek amper dadelik terug is na porno. Op die huweliksnag nie seks gehad nie, en dan vir veertien jaar my weeklikse seksaand met my (nou eks) vrou vrees, verskonings uitdink om dit te vermy, en dan eerder na die ander kamer wil gaan en 'n paar porn om af te skakel.
Alhoewel dit nie die enigste probleem in my verhouding was nie, was dit agterna 'n groot deel daarvan - waarskynlik 90%. En dit was nie eens die gebrek aan seks nie, dit was eintlik die gebrek aan intimiteit. En toe ek op die vloer was toe my (nou eks) vrou om egskeiding gevra het, sal ek nou dink hoekom het sy so lank gewag, waarom het ek dit toegelaat?
Ek het dus tydens die egskeidingsprosedure 'n huweliksberader gesien wat my probleme met pornografie korrek gediagnoseer het. Maar ek het dit steeds geïgnoreer, veral omdat ek die eerste keer in twintig jaar pas getroud was, en pornografie die gemaklike ding was wat ek my hele lewe lank geken het.
En toe ontmoet ek 'n perfekte meisie, en ons het seks gehad. En dit was so frustrerend. Dit het weer sleg gegaan. Maar hierdie keer wou ek nie net aanneem 'soos dit is nie'. Ek moes vasstel wat verkeerd was, want ek het met my eksvrou aangeneem dat 'seks nie nodig is as u liefde het nie' of so 'n snert. Ek het nou geweet dat 'n gelukkige, vervullende sekslewe 'n vereiste is vir 'n langtermynverhouding.
Dit is toe dat ek op die nofap- en pornovrye forums kom en stories lees oor mense soos ek. En dit was 'n lang pad met terugval tussenin, maar ek het al amper 'n jaar lank probeer om pornografie op te gee. Die huidige vriendin weet van my probleem en was ondersteunend.
Aangesien ek albei probeer opgee het, het ek baie beter seks gehad (op geen manier perfek nie) en kon ek met haar orgasme (ek het nooit met my eksvrou gedoen nie). En die kort en kort tydjie daarvan is dat ek weer verloof is, met hierdie keer 'n gesonde sekslewe sonder pornografie en fap as deel van die plan.
tl; dr Eerste verhouding van byna twintig jaar het van binne verrot weens PMO-verslawing en gelei tot egskeiding. Kon dit omkeer en 'n nuwe verhouding opbou (** ek is verloof **) nadat ek PMO opgegee het.
So vir diegene wat soos jy voel, is op 'n lae punt, is baie van ons daar. Jy kan dit omdraai, maak nie saak waar jy is nie.