I beat SEVERE PIED I beat SEVERE Pornography Addiction. I beat pornography addiction, porn and masturbation PMO addiction. After YEARS of struggle. After YEARS of pain and suffering I put myself through and what porn did to me.
I will NEVER forget and now the path I am on. My life has changed forever. I have had different accounts on forums over the years.
In 2013! When I discovered this whole problem, I had the forum user “McQueen” on YBR and on Reboot Nation in 2015. I then deleted my YBR account, changed my forum user title on Reboot Nation and had the user “DrugFree” on Reboot Nation, which I then deleted in early 2017. It took me literally 4 years of pain and effort to get to where I am now. It was not easy. It is the most difficult task I have ever had to do, and I think it is for all rebooters but it IS WORTH IT. It is a lifelong battle guys. Against your own brain (limbic system / midbrain). Against society that is consumed by porn nowadays (random marketing porn material in shop highstreets and shopping centres, internet porn, TV porn, social media porn, magazines in most shops porn, mobile phone porn, etc…).
I have felt true suffering and pain. We all have. Let’s not have a pity party. Let’s take responsibility for our own actions which caused that pain and suffering and avoid those actions and behaviours to not experience that pain EVER again. Believe me I have been there at that pity party and for those of you that remember previous posts of mine you likely remember that to.
This is not a sad story however, as I am dating a beautiful, kind girl and recently successfully had 5 Os through different means in 1 week and recently through sex, actual real sex with a real woman! I lost my virginity after everything I have been through and put myself through. I won! I won! I won! Victory! Thank you all, thank you God. Thank you to MYSELF! Because I DID IT, I took responsibility of my own behaviour and accepted that I have been and always was and will be in control of what my behaviour is. Nobody can force me to look or watch any stimulus, any porn, or masturbation.
Gabriel Deem, hope you read this sometime brah! Gary Wilson! Reborn Again! Charlie Fugu! OU812! Noah B.E. Church. MrForty1niner. Precise! William! I know I am missing many many more. Thank you all. The list of endless true successful rebooters from PIED & Porn addiction. After losing my V card my libido and erection (E) continues to slowly improve. Within a short time frame I have had success several Os from sex, E at 10/10.
I am not sure the best way to arrange this post, I will write some key points of before and after in a short version, then I will write a detailed account. Of course I could write 10,000 words essay from age 10 to age 22 but I just want to get the main points out there. I will not write any triggering words or erotic literature (pornography) obviously, and that is something to keep in mind when reading any text or any reboot account! Anyway onto the main points:
Belangrike punte:
• I have lost my virginity and was able to do so (sex) with an 8 / 9 out of 10 Erection (E). E was 100% at certain times! Was able to O. Using “protection” etc. Will continue to heal and improve. This is 2 years later after a previous 0% E limp noodle bedroom experience at 20 years old, I am 22 now. PIED Gone. 4 years after my first kiss (yes 18, shocking late bloomer…but I won) with 0 or very little arousal (very late bloomer socially with girls and socially overall, a decade of PMO addiction and years of adolescent internet browsing and video games will do that to ya.) As noted after more rewiring, E at 10/10 most times now for sex.
• I have a refractory period with full E in 15-30 minutes (was not counting exactly), for sex. Will continue to heal and improve.
• Having had no morning wood in years, getting improving MW 50-80% several days a week. Will continue to heal and improve.
• Feel a lot more confident socially and in social situations in general.
• PMO (all artificial sexual stimuli + masturbation free) for a couple months now. Why one would choose pixels on a screen or a piece of paper over a real women… Why did we guys? Pleasure, only pleasure. A possible negative self image as well. But porn will never provide love and joy which leads to true satisfaction it will lead to you being an empty husk of an individual with a dysfunctional brain and ED. As Gabriel Deem writes “porn will rob you of your pleasure not lead you to it”.
• Now I behave and act like a man and getting a girlfriend after being previously dumped for limp noodle syndrome when I was younger, by a different girl. Like not giving up no matter what. Like refusing to surrender to the darkness of pornography and PMO caused ED. That I had created in my life. Like forcing my circumstances to change by actually doing something about them.
• Please note I do not feel fully recovered at all, I think that will take several more years of this lifelong abstinence process. Not to be negative, I could wait that time to share my success but I feel this is success for me. As noted, all of those areas will continue to improve over time. This and other reboot websites are not designed to solve all our and your problems. Only provide information regarding solving porn addiction and associated sexual dysfunction. We must take action and solve our own problems.
From a Mental Death Bed to Now:
Gone from literally suicidal. Literally it could not get worse. A mental death bed. Looking at cars and thinking “what would it be like to die right now, jumping in front of that vehicle – and not doing it only because I knew deep down I could beat this, I only had to abstain”. Feeling hopeless because I felt caged by my addition. Feeling helpless because I felt like I could not stop. Crying myself to sleep sometimes over it. Sad and pathetic – but that is where I have been. Now look where I am.
I have been to several therapists to talk about my “problems”. It never helped – I always went back to PMO and Porn. I went to doctors, had blood tests, said I was addicted to porn and had problems etc. I would abstain and then go back to that poison PMO that is death to me now. That is where I have been. Now look where I am though.
I have had my parents speaking to me about this (porn addiction and PIED, after I told them about it and literally I cried after I “had” another “relapse” …constantly, whenever I felt like it. Whenever I really needed that porn fix right? I will get to that later. I have had a limp noodle with a beautiful girl willing and ready for sex and felt 0 arousal in that moment. That is where I have been. I know the pain, now look where I am.
I have had social anxiety so bad from porn addiction I could not walk past a loud bar, or even people walking on the street or look them in the eye without intense anxiety and fear. I have forgotten items due to memory loss from porn binges into the early hours of the night before, only to reflect on myself disgusted and then went right back to PMO the next day. One time I almost crashed my car because I was falling asleep driving because I had stayed up the night before into the early hours binge watching and binge edging to internet porn – crazy stuff guys. It sounds unbelievable to go through all that. ALL THAT. And now I am here. That is where I have been. Now look where I am!
I continuously “had a relapse” for 4 years straight to get to where I am not of secure abstinence from porn AND masturbation.
Physical Brain Changes Take Time To Heal
As written previously I do not feel fully recovered at all. A couple months does not make up for years, a decade of daily harm, damage and changes. Additionally, I had some brief abstinence periods or weeks / months followed by binging before my successful reboot.
I will need many years to feel fully healed, this is a lifelong process of the reboot (complete abstinence from all artificial sexually exciting / inducing sexual fantasy material. I.E Pixels and Paper etc that is sexually arousing, not a real person).
I still feel like I am in a flatline, yet I can function for sex. I do not feel like I have a sex drive or libido. I may still be in a flatline which will take time to cease.
I do not have 10/10 Morning Wood, rather 4-8/10 several days a week.
I still have some memory problems, brain fog and concentration problems.
Minor Social Anxiety, pretty much all gone though.
Still get some withdrawal symptoms, like headaches, porn flashbacks, so clearly not fully healed or fully rebooted.
How I Did It
To recover slowly but surely from PIED and Pornography Caused Sexual Dysfunctions, I quit my addiction to pornography, to looking at pornography, permeantly. I also quit and believe with PIED one must quit masturbation, completely.
I quit the addiction via learning about the brain, how it works on many different levels, neurobiology, structurally, logically, etc. I have a lot more to learn, and using the recovery method of Rational Recovery (Trademarked). Rational Recovery & Addictive Voice Recognition Technique are owned and trademarked by Jack Trimpey and Rational Recovery Systems. I do not to intend on any copyright breaches, all rights are reserved to Jack Trimpey for Rational Recovery and AVRT. I used this method and it makes 100% logical sense, swapping alcohol addiction / drug addiction for pornography addiction. I encourage others to read the books on this and look into this method of addiction recovery. It works.
I accept that I am in complete control of my behaviour, I control my own muscles, my neck muscles to look around, my eyelids to open and my eyeballs to move around. Therefore, I never looked at porn without deciding beforehand to look at porn, and since I did not and DO NOT WANT to live with ED, limp noodle, never having sex or having a lovely wife and children I used that to motivate me to quit porn deciding never to look at porn intentionally again or masturbate. Therefore recovering.
I still bump into porn and get accidentally exposed to artificial sexual stimuli, on a daily basis. If there is not a day I do not get exposed to porn,that is rare, perhaps it is almost a daily basis / several times a week. It is a daily basis regarding to porn being “there”. I.E on the internet or on a poster / artwork on the wall. I decided as noted to never look at it again and when I accidentally see it I avert my eyes and look away within 1 second. I will then either leave the area, throw away the magazines or paper, click off the screen or look away and at something else. You could say and I have read, that as an addict I CHOOSE to become unaddicted by quitting the addiction and ignoring the lying voice of my addiction inside my own brain, the reward circuit / mid brain / limbic system.
I continue to work on self control, discipline and living a healthy unplugged lifestyle. This will require continuous vigilance and development.
Gevolgtrekking
I have graduated University, have hobbies that interest me and are working on my passions. I am physically active in my passion. I have a full time job, my own apartment, a beautiful lovely girlfriend, friends and hope for the future. I hope this information and sharing my story helps rebooters and everyone.
“Discipline = Freedom. Pursue discipline and you will find freedom. Pursue your desires and you will become a slave to them”.
“Never, Never, Never Give Up”.
“When your going through HELL, keep going”.
“If you wait nothing will happen, you have to MAKE it happen.”
Some readers may have questions. Please post them below and I will respond to the sensible replies over the next few weeks then I will leave the forum. I may provide another long-term update after some more years at that later stage or I may never return!
LINK - Victory. From PIED Virgin to Successful Sex (Age 22).
DEUR - Seier
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