I believe I am entitled to a long-ass post now that I have my blue star. Here goes.
backstory I’m a 25 year old male who was raised in a traditional Evangelical home in a small church town where I was raised with some very conflicted messages around sex, such as “masturbation is a sin”. In addition to this my parents did their best to shelter us in an already conservative social atmosphere, minimal/distorted sex-ed, we grew up largely without being exposed to a lot of the tv shows and media (pokemon was evil, harry potter was evil), finally got a computer at 16, internet at 17.
I’ve been living independently now for 7 years, have backpacked through 2 overseas continents (solo for most of the way), and put myself through a bachelors degree. Despite plenty of friends and being a paid artist I still managed to retain my virginity until 25, and struggled with recurring episodes of debilitating depression and anxiety around women.
The Next 3 Months I really just stumbled upon this place last December. I had just graduated and was re-evaluating my life, cycles were coming to a close, and I had never really seen my porn addiction (PMO 1/day, always with the P) as something that might be contributing to my larger personal issues. Watched a few videos on Nofap.org and it just gekliek, how had I not seen this earlier?
The first month might have been a flat-line, though not completely. I channeled my urges into working out, (I’ve been chronically underweight my entire life) and very quickly felt those initial 1-2 week-in pro-life pro-relationship affects. I felt sodanige a relief having finally recognized a bad habit I’d been a blind slave to for years.
Then, something crazy happened. A roommate of mine was moving out and needed a place to stay for a few nights, she was already a close friend and a nice christian girl (I’m nie christian anymore, I practice a type of magick, but there was something very charming about this). I invited her to crash with me, and lo, over the next 3 nights we shared a barrel of laughter and I lost my v-card. It was only on the 3rd night that I didn’t get PIED, and I couldn’t have asked for a better friend to be around for that.
For a while after she left town I went a bit crazy, the chaser affect hit hard, I got very emotional. I forced myself to go out as much as possible. I started seeing another girl that I wasn’t really into to forget about the last one, and to prove to myself I could conquer the anxiety that had plagued me my entire life. I still got PIED, but it wasn’t as severe, and could be conquered with a bit of patience.
The last month was the toughest. I went back to hard-mode, but still kept very socially active and worked out regularly. The urges were stronger than ever but I made it.
I think I want to keep going until around 120 days, or at least until my next opportunity to have sex. This challenge has been lewensveranderende for me, although I’ve realized that it is only amplifying strengths and traits that I het alklaar, but was conditioned not to use.
Stay strong fapstronauts. Channel that energy, Light be with you.
die skat
- discovery of sexual identity
- alleviated guilt and depression
- increased energy + confidence levels
- changes in perception and personality – supreme dance-floor seduction powers!!
Die Pits
- increased tension/stress
- some intense emotional roller-coastering
- moeilikheid slaap
LINK - 90 Days – Relearning my ABC’s
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