DAY 100 – JEDI TRAINING STAGE 2 COMPLETE
*MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERING LANGUAGE I joined Nofap on April 18 and began my reboot on the same day. I chose to go porn free to improve my social, physical and emotional health and to have more intimate and meaningful PIV with SO. I identified my triggers, made a freedom plan, started this journal and told SO and two friends in real life what I was trying to achieve.
Sedert April 18th this year I have been free of masturbation and pornography. Now over 100 dae, this was the first target I set for myself when I joined Nofap and I am proud to say I made it all the way in one go. There are two reasons for my success. The first is SO who stuck by me through the whole process and was able to give me PIV to O, releasing my built up sexual frustration over the 100 days. The second was having a plan which included identifying my triggers and building adaptive habbits which fullfilled my needs including being a part of Nofap (for the plan see my Profiel).
Na 100 dae:
1. I feel more confident in social situations (previously I had to drink alcohol to reduce my social anxiety);
2. I feel better physically (more sensation in my penis and can get and stay hard for longer during PIV);
3. I do not have dramatic changes in my mood (clearer and calmer mind);
4. I have reached a level of intimacy with my partner I have never experience before (more tantric in nature and less superficial intimacy); and
5. I have definetly had more meaningful PIV (tantric breathing together during PIV and eye gazing rather than closing my eyes and imagining a porn scene as I used too, being able to O while she is on top and being able to O without using her as a sex toy).
6. When I drive down the street or walk through a shopping mall my gaze and imagination do not undress and imagine every girl I see naked and being bent over, although this still does happen but much less frequently and I have much greater control over my mind and an awareness of when this is beginning to happen.
7. I have also become more sensitive to sexualised media, films and TV and will often see through it being able to identify the make up, photoshoped bodies and fakness of the whole charade, it makes me a little sad when I see my friends who get sucked back into the porn industry through sexualised media.
8. My attitude towards women in general, I feel more confident around them, I feel more connected with them and I feel more equal with them.
9. Not as much sexualisation, objectification or sexism in my thoughts, feelings or actions and I know this is directly related to being free of pornography (it rots the brain, our attitudes and our beliefs).
What now? You might ask after 100 days, well I don’t think my reboot is over. I am still not able to O from my SO giving me head or hand. I still fantasize at infrequent times about other women during PIV. There are still those moments when I undress a collegue with my eyes and imagine some porn scene with her (though much less frequently) and some residue of pornography attitudes lies deep in my brian. How long I will need to be free of Pornography before I am completley natural around the opposite sex and have no residue of pornography related attitudes, values or effects? How long is a piece of string? For now I am going to do another 100 days PM free and see how I feel. One thing is certain though, I don’t want to watch porn again. Masturbation I am not so sure, I will reassess after another 100.
Not as positive and inspiring as some other success stories but I believe it’s the journey not the destination which matters. These social, physical and emotional issues are part of who I am and will take years of focus, awareness and behaviour change to alter. The best news is I’m still regularly practicing yoga, meditation, aikido, walking and healthy eating and I’m currently free from all my addictions; including processed sugar, meat, alcohol, video games, smoking, drugs, porn and caffeine.
Peace, Obi-wan
LINK - 100 days of freedom!
by Obi-Wan
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