Age 17 - 376 Days Since Deciding to Give up Porn

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couple kissingHey guys, the other day I had an amazing experience where I stumbled upon a diary esque style piece of writing I had made 376 days ago when I decided to give up porn.

I thought you might benefit from hearing what the changes and effect of this decision can be.

Essentially, I decided from to give up porn. I made this decision after watching the videos on yourbrainonporn.com. When I made this decision I wrote a journal entry about 2 A4 pages long. I'll share some quotes from it and some commentary.

My story

Main points - discovers porn on computer during teenage years - escalating to more hardcore porn - thinks its harmless but eventually realises that it is affecting me

" I remember in particular downloading a video of a man getting a blowjob. I also distinctly remember being shocked by this and proclaiming there and then to never look at porn again. Porn didn't really dictate my life and I functioned adequately without it giving no indication that it was affecting me. As far as I was concerned no one was getting hurt, it was a bit of easy pleasure and secretive fun… Only this year I’ve started to realise the effect porn is having on men. My libido has dropped and I’ve had less satisfying orgasms masturbating without porn and secondly, I’ve noticed my complete desensitisation to real life women and porn. I remember watching the video that initially disgusted me (the blowjob video) a few years ago and looking at it and going ‘meh’ not that disgusting nor was I aroused by it. My hormonal reaction was not dissimilar to me watching a regular youtube video.

Now, I look at Miss Universe contestants and there is no hormonal reaction. I could watch the entire swimsuit section and not get an erection. Aesthetically, I know these women are beautiful but it’s such an objective experience. As a 17 year old male this scares the absolute shit out of me.

I want to have a loving, connected, amazing sex life and be able to perform in the bedroom without worry or medication. The thought of getting into a wonderful relationship with a beautiful girl and having erectile problems for the first time having sex SCARES ME. I want to be able to love a girl fully and be able to experience a connection with her that transcends the fake, objective world of porn/music videos/tv. I want a real connection with a girl none of this texting/facebook/online porn bullshit that is such an easy route. I want true intimacy.

I think I began to question my sexuality not because I have felt any attraction to men but simply my attraction to women in real life has dropped because of my use of porn. When attractive women no longer produced a hormonal reaction in me I started to freak out…Porn has fucked with me and I didn’t realise the true damage it can have when I started. Porn is junk food for the brain”

As a sidenote, I remember my tipping point was when I was watching hardcore porn and was completely flaccid and wanted to be aroused but wasn’t at all.

SINCE THEN

I have not watched any porn videos. For the first 100 days no porn, no fapping at all. I have fapped to erotic stories since then but when I realised that this was me cheating the system I have since stopped. I also masturbate occasionally (once or twice a month) with no external stimulus and only do so when I’m already turned on. I haven’t been 100% perfect but I’m proud of what I’ve done and have decreased my porn watching immensely over the past year.

I’ve also gotten into a relationship with a girl and we get along really well, enjoy spending time together and have loving and connected sex. I love getting no reason boners (NRBs) which was something I’d lost when I was looking at porn a lot. I love seeing an attractive girl and having this visceral feeling of sexual desire. I love then using this desire to be more social and flirty with girls. I love cumming when I’m with my girlfriend and not feeling any shame or anger at myself afterwards. I love the intimacy and deep chats with my girlfriend that porn never gave me. I love the strength and passion that being horny entails. I love that these feelings are coming back to me. It feels like I’m living in a world with colour again. I love that I used my sexual desires to ask my girlfriend out and this desire gave me strength and courage to go through the process of dating. Every time I get these feelings, I hear this voice telling me “You’ve made great decisions everyday to avoid porn and now your brain is reshifting back to being turned on by real life girls. Nice work”

The best part of the story is this. I found the diary entry last Thursday by accident and the beautiful thing was that on that very day I had been over to my girlfriends and cuddled her in bed and had lovely sex with her twice. I had this surreal moment where I read what I’d desired for last year and thought “Holy crap I’m living the life I desired. I’ve turned these fanciful wishes on paper into my reality!”

It was a proud and beautiful moment.

Life without porn is better for me, I hope you guys find some similar type of happiness.

LINK TO THREAD: 376 Days Since Deciding to Give up Porn

by coastbreaker