Age 17 - ED: 1 year off porn has helped 'cure' me more than 10 years of therapy altogether

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flirtingThis streak is there to stay :) Long text posts honestly bore me, so I'll try to keep it short, though I have a lot to say. TL:DR at the bottom.

In all honesty, I don't know if I was 'addicted' to porn per say, because I was able to easily reach a year in only two attempts. However, I was still adversely affected by it, but you aren't really able to tell that until either you're off of porn or you are hurting someone else in doing so. Life truly is better than porn because that's when you truly start to live. Your dopamine receptors start to heal, you experience real emotions, and you view sex in a different light. It's not about instant gratification, though what it is about, who can say? That much can vary, but it's definitely not by ejaculating to things on a screen. That's not sex at all, the same way watching a food commercial is not the same as eating.

So, honest thoughts, I don't know if I did demonize porn here and there, but I definitely have started to truly see that sexuality can be a blessing, one that porn always hinders. I have made several comparisons of porn, but it comes down to these two:

-The Food Analogy: Would you rather watch food commercials or actually eat food? Because they both have that same 'similarity' relevance to one another, yet they are still very different, the same with porn vs. sex. And yes, food commercials feel more intense but they are also less satisfying and actually don't fulfill the actual need of yours (Which is to eat), the same way that porn may seem more satisfying but actually doesn't fulfill the need of sex. Is food bad? No, it can be very good, but the commercial is the issue. And..what really pisses me off is if people are alright with eating food while watching food commercials, that is just, not necessarily wrong since eating's fine, but it's just absurdly overdoing things. The comparison there is to view porn while having sex with someone, yeah I'll go so far as to claim that.

-Poison Ivy analogy: I made a post about it awhile back so I'll copy and paste. Porn is like poison ivy. For your dick. At first exposure, you will feel conflicted (Whether guilt, disgust, or just feeling that dopamine hangover), and then you give in to the rash and continue to scratch it (PMO), or else you occasionally give in and it hurts even more (Relapses). But if you manage to not scratch it at all, it can heal, and (NoFap) in my opinion is like an ointment, that speeds up the process of healing. And you can be fully recovered but exposure to poison ivy once more is going to hurt and not without consequence, and to even do it on a moderate basis because scratching rashes do feel good, it's actually better to not have the rash at all, right? It's honestly not something you want to continue trying, some things in life are best let go.

I'm glad that I spoke that out of the way, and just wanted to clarify, sex is very very good!. You could say for some as myself it's too good to be true, heh.. You would think that since porn is a representation of sex, that it's good as well but I always try to remember those two analogies to help get a clearer picture and hopefully I am able to present what I truly mean to say to you guys.

I don't really have any triggers or slipper slopes at this point, sexy commercials that are on tv don't get me into that 'searching phase', and neither does seeing actresses, and the list can continue. I don't look for these in the first place, yet whenever they pop up the excitement in me doesn't appear, it appears when I occasionally fantasize about what it would really be like to have a woman that could love me that loves me back.

At this point, ironically I find women in clothing to be more attractive than those in porn that just full-out show it all, simply. To a point, I was being treated as an animal and I realize that no wonder I started to develop such low self-esteem of myself, and no doubt other men that view porn have done that as well. Viewing porn means subconsciously that 'You are not good enough for a partner', for those that do not have any partners, and for those that do have partners, it's just that you got accustomed to the levels of dopamine that porn provides which is higher than what real life sex provides, but just will never be as satisfying. You can disagree with me if you want there, but that's what I've noticed, and no wonder porn can truly devastate relationships. It has taken me some time to realize you can still view porn while in a relationship with someone, that you still love them (Trust me, it took me a very long time to realize that), but it's still going to be very hurtful. Oh, what pressures your partner will feel responsible for for trying to have to compare to such standards, never really able to be him/herself truly with you. It's like, (Going back to food), if you have say a friend that is a good chef that makes food for you, yet you just keep going back to food commercials, you still are friends but it really is devastating to prefer imagery over life.

Do I want to go back to viewing porn or anything sexual if I seem all recovered and clear now? Well, for me I think the recovery here wasn't from addiction, it was from the side effects that porn casted upon me. It's strange, I can finally understand more the idea when people know that 'Men really think a lot about sex', because it's true, sex is on my mind a lot, but it feels more mellow, mature, passionate, and there isn't as much intense carnage involved or guilt associated, and I don't think about it every living second of my life. I actually don't go back to porn because I honestly don't want to, and that is very worthwhile for me. Staying off porn helped me to realize what I truly craved, which was intimacy, and while I still don't have that, at least I have the courage and strength to move onward..and perhaps may be proven right someday and have my deepest desire happen.

Oh yeah! Should probably mention, try to squeeze in a 90 day reboot of NoFap whenever you can and always keep trying to not masturbate every day, especially if you just got off of viewing porn as masturbating will still have porn-related thoughts, only time can tell when you can fap without porn. But even still, my thoughts on NoFap is that it really helps and is productive, for me fapping can be done, but I find it unproductive, like a shot of morphine. It's demotivating, and makes me feel depressed and lonely, and NoFap is underrated (Not the community though, lol, I don't really like going over there)

TL:DR - Well, I definitely have recovered, not from addiction but from the terrible side effects porn always tends to bestow on the viewer. I can move on in life, maybe I will post less here from now on. Seriously, this is a totally underrated challenge, Just 1 year off of porn has helped 'cure' me more than 10 years of therapy altogether, shouldn't that say something?? Anyway, coincidentally I am on my longest NoFap streak in awhile, which is the 1 week mark today, while reaching the 365 day mark for pornfree. I have squeezed a 90 day reboot in my streak, but even still I have found reasons to always continue moving forward in both of these things. I have big dreams to accomplish someday, and abstaining from porn and masturbation (But especially porn) has helped me to progress in life for what I really want.

Yadda yadda, I do have some superpowers, but not the one I was looking for most, which was woman's attention, but that's ok, I still got others! I had severe anxiety, but now that's gone. I'm not the most confident, but I am in such a more mentally stable and calm state. I have so much more energy, and I have motivation, which is a new thing for me that I know is there to stay :D I don't feel shame in looking at a woman, and can talk to her in the face instead of looking at her breasts. I'll be honest, it's a little annoying that it is a bit hard for men to do that, so serious respect to those that are able to just talk normally without being too nervous. I don't even have to resist in looking in other parts of the body!

And hey..if I'm ever in a relationship, I might be someone's dream man! I'm actually now starting to worry less about relationships because, if I'm in one I will experience a happiness that I have never even be able to fantasize, and if not..well I'm starting to get used to that feeling now and yet can still live on. Peace.

LINK - One Year

by MrChingChing


 

EARLIER POST - Sign of Improvement and Paying-Off

I mean..wow earlier I was upset, but talking with some friends after school I got some intriguing news: So there was this new girl at our school whom I thought was a senior, but apparently she's in our grade. I guess I have some serious feelings starting to develop, but hearing that bit of news, and that she was also very nice and apparently lonely because she sits by herself and doesn't know anyone really yet..I feel like I swallowed a painkiller honestly.

Ok, so here's two things about the story above that relates to this subreddit. One is Sensitivity. I was glancing out at the school courtyard and she wore a sweater, but when she took it off and was wearing a long sleeve underneath, and a little bit of her hip showed, I almost passed out. Another time when she was walking in front of me down the stairs I could almost feel an 'aura', something, like wtf is this?

But I mean..this is..this is improvement that 298 days can reach of pornfree (And some very hard serious attempts with NoFap, a 135 day streak amongst these almost 300 days, not currently though), I never felt like this, actually ever, maybe..maybe pornfree is helping me develop through puberty properly? I guess I'm just rambling here, but like I said I felt like I swallowed a painkiller and never felt like this before. I don't think it's exactly 'love-sickness' but it could be that. Who knows...after so much "confidence" that I don't need a reason to go to Prom..that might change!

I honestly thought, after feeling no desire and actually feeling revulsion at the idea of porn (But not sex, big improvement because I used to feel hatred with both) maybe this just might be more 'paying off' these attempts/efforts will bring to me. I'm so happy! :'D

Edit: For the rest of you guys that might either be new or don't know me as to why I'm typing this like a dumbass, well..it's almost been a tradition, a fact per say, that any interactions I had with girls ended with disgust, pity, or ignorance, but now..with pornfree and NoFap, all that has gone away. And I don't mean that it has been replaced by anything positive, but just the fact that at least I'm around a 'neutral' zone, nothing in my life that I've done was able to do that, no amount of advice, nothing, except this. No girls' attention for ever, and this challenge has not helped with that (Least...not yet?) but thing is, I actually have some serious motivation and desire, almost reckless you could say, and I know that in my PMO'ing days such desire was never even conceivable in a fantasy..and look how it is a reality now! True, almost 300 days of not looking at sexual content felt like an eternity, but within that eternity I learned how to feel emotions and not feel numbed with dopamine, and perhaps..emphasis on motivation, not just with this girl, but including with my hobbies. I'm starting some bead-sprite stuff, a little slow since I need supplies, and I also have been doing well with writing ideas, planning to be a screenwriter someday. Would any of you guys say this, all of this above ^ , overwhelming for a 16 year old? Hopefully my post here can motivate others to keep on going!