Age 17 - Lethargic, brain fog, insecure, lazy: All that has changed
I still have no idea how to indent and space paragraphs, and there will be grammar/spelling mistakes. Sorry. I will be naming pornstars and movies
My Story Hello, I'm 17, male, and a virgin. I first saw porn when I was 4. I went into my parents room while they were in the kitchen eating and saw a magazine under the bed. I picked it up and started looking every day for a week. Side note: I wouldn't be shocked if that magazine played a role in my preference towards white women. Towards the end of the week, my father caught me and just told me not to do it again.
I didn't see porn again till 6. I asked my mother to find the Power Rangers movie among unmarked VHS (lol). She slipped in 3 movies before finding it. 1 of those three was a porn movie or a couple having sex on a tree. I'll never forget that.
My addiction began when I was 12 (6th Grade). My parents just bought HBO and I was watching some movie. I fall and asleep and wake up 3 hours later to Rebecca Love in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini. Understand, I haven't heard a woman moan or have seen one have sex in 6 years. This was AMAZING to me. I remember not even touching myself and ejaculating in 2 minutes. I saw one more scene from the movie and fell asleep.
From 12-13 my computer is trash, and are internet isn't good either. The best I could stream is GGW previews. I started to need, uhh, "better" stuff to masturbate to. I find a video and download it. At first it grossed my out, but I gave into it and watched the whole thing. I watched this video for years.
My grades continued to get worse at 12. I went from striving to get A's to being okay with a B. In 7th grade I failed a class and was fine with it. I didn't have to go to summer school, so what's the problem? Ugh. I failed 2 classes in 8th, and have taken a total of 9 summer school classes in high school so far.
From July 2005 to Jan 2011 I played WoW. This took ALL my time. I did nothing else but eat, play WoW, and sleep. I had no social interaction at all.
I was diagnosed with depression in 10th grade, and gained about 30 pounds within 5 months. I disliked my introverted fat self, but didn't want to change. It was so much easier to just open up a tab.
I get a better computer my 14th birthday (08) and everything changes. I can hit up pornhub no prob. I can't stream HD, but I can watch actual videos now. I'm opened to a whole new world filled with nothing, but endless possibilities. I LOVE it.
I just watch "regular" porn till one day my friend mentions hentai. I had no idea what it was and checked it out. I wish he NEVER told me. I would watch this stuff for about a month feel like trash and go off it for 3, but continue to watch "regular" porn. I'd then go back to it every few weeks feeling gross and needing a shower after MOing to it.
From 6th - 11th grade i'm lethargic, over weight, constantly tired, lazy, and have permanent brain fog. I became a once a day fapper during 10th grade.
The type of porn I began to watch in the beginning of May was gross. Watching Asian women getting fake semen dumped on them is fucking gross. I never got into BDSM except for one Destiny Porter video (she only had 10 scenes). Lesbian sometimes. I would binge on hentai every few months. Usually it was Lisa Ann, Nina Hartley, Sophie Dee, Lexi Belle, ect. Just any white girl...
How I found out about NoFap I post on a music forum and one day towards the end of the year I can't sleep. I open my phone and start lurking. A poster there talks about how porn/masturbation is bad, and I decide to check it out. I hop up out of bed and I feel shocked. I'm who this man is talking about in the TedX video. I tell myself I'll give it a shot. I've got a whole summer ahead of me, and nothing to lose. I'm happy that poster posted that. It's changed my life so much.
How I didn't relapse I read NoFap daily. I read YBOP daily. Reading success and relapse stories made me stronger, and I constantly told myself I could do it. Music, music, music. Listen to Take Care, Halcyon Digest, and Loveless please. Don't edge. Sleep more.
How did I change myself I started taking cold showers. There are a ton of benefits and they're quicker. They also wake you up. I also stopped using soap. Some other poster stopped, so I was like why not try. Had horrible dandruff for 2 weeks, but now I don't have much at all (I used to always have a ton). I began working out too. I went from 194 to 166 in the past 10 weeks. I started going to church. While, I don't believe in God going is fun. I like talking to others and seeing another culture.
Other changes I didn't become Superman, but I never expected to be. I can hold a conversation with someone now without pausing or staring away. Eye contact is easy now. I have more energy before and can get up on 5 hours asleep rather than the 8 I craved before. I don't have a girlfriend, and I'm still a virgin, but I'm no longer insecure. I'm thinking about my future now. I wish my GPA wasn't a 2.0, but I'm going to dig myself out this hole this year. My erections are harder and I have morning wood daily. I'm no longer lethargic, my voice is deeper, and no more brain fog. If I forget something I remember it within seconds.
Thanks Thank you NoFap for giving me what I needed. Now, I must fight my internet addiction starting today. Aside from Amazon, Dictionary, Livemixtapes, RYM, and Wiki I'm done with the internet. Please understand people you can do this. Nothing is stopping you. Thank you for reading.