Age 18 - ED is gone. No more depression. More social.
So here I am, 90 days. It's my second 90 days streak, and I feel good.
Things have changed: I changed my diet as a result of cutting instead of bulking, it's keto and there even is a subreddit about it: r/keto. I can't recommend it enough for fapstronauts: it basically says no to carbs, so if you are somewhat addicted to sugar, keto is for you. You can eat bacon everyday, all day long and lose weight.
My social network got better, people are constantly contacting me and I think I made great improvements in my social skills, I actually think I am becoming more extroverted.
I got a girlfriend, so no more 'hard mode' as some of you are describing it, for me. I think it's good, but it's nothing special. I like her, but still, there are a lot improvements to do in myself.
I try to become a leader in everything I do, I think I am made to be a leader and a teacher to others, and it has proven its self many times. I like to show people how things are done right and teach them about things they don't know. But also compliment them on things they are doing good and criticize them on things they are doing wrong. It doesn't mean I like to think about myself as the smartest and strongest one, but I think every man should be able to be a leader.
Oh, did I mention I'll be on national Belgian TV about nofap? I can't wait to see it!
Finally, thank you for providing some great tips for my life and helping me out when in doubt, this community is great!
Walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone. You'll never walk alone.
LINK - 90 days, again
UPDATE - 126 days of being myself
I wanted to wait until day 130, but I was too nervous and I have some things to share.
First of all, if you are reading this, thank you for your support. You may be my real life friend or just a fellow fapstronaut, thank you. /r/nofap is one of the greatest communities out here full of love, happiness but also strength and motivation. Look at the counter: few more people and we will be 35000 fapstronauts strong! Keep up the good work!
The last time I wrote an update was a month ago, and you can read it here if you are interested.
Things have been going good, I am not depressed anymore which of I am very happy and proud. Depression was one the hardest things in my life and it's very sad to think that it was caused by masturbation. Since my depression's gone I am acquiring more self-esteem every day, I feel my feet standing stable on the ground.
Since depression is gone I have no serious problems in my life anymore, but damn, that fucking hornyness. It comes in waves. Sometimes I have no hornyness at all and I think I am asexual, but then it comes like a tsunami blowing all my clear thoughts away and keeping me thinking about women. Then all this hornyness leads to dreams which are really bad: I keep dreaming about porn and sometimes my dreams feel like reality. When I wake up I am in bad mood for the rest of the day, I blame myself I relapsed, even if I know it was just a dream.
That said, my dreams are the only thing that are unstable in my life. My mood is fully in control, my urges are fully in control. I would like to thank that one fapstronaut that recommended a good method for fighting the urges. What was the name of it? The Buddhist method? I don't know anymore, but simply explained when you get the urge for something, no matter what - is it porn, masturbation or junk food or a piece of chocolate, think about the opposite of it. So for instance when you think about porn direct your thoughts toward being with a girl, cuddling, love...
Finally, the people. I've been telling some friends I don't masturbate nor watch porn. Their reaction? 'Dude, why do you do that, masturbation is good, porn is awesome [...]'. I am telling them I don't do it because I want to be in control of myself. After all they keep laughing at me, but I ignore that and I think they are miserable addicted. I surely want to help them but it is so hard to share our mission. I think that one fapstronaut that said 'they will find us one day' was fully right. It just takes time to understand that masturbation/porn isn't good and that it depletes your emotional batteries.
I finally understand that porn isn't any good; it removes all emotions, feelings and LOVE from sex, it makes sex just an instinct, just a thing you do. Masturbation may be good but in certain contexts. I think masturbation without porn could be good if you do it once a week, but you have to know your own limits. I will not masturbate for the rest of my life, no matter how strong my urges will be. I want to prove myself that I am stronger than all my urges combined.
If you want to ask me about my social/women status: no progress, that said I am not trying to find someone, I am not looking for anyone. I am fine now, and honestly, I don't think I have time for a girlfriend. I have so much work to do, so much things to do, time keeps running after me and somehow I can't finish things I've started yesterday.
My balls are from oak wood. Soon, aluminium...
Tl;dr: read the whole damn thing or keep masturbating
UPDATE - Guys, look at this porn, it's great!
Now I've got your attention, you may like to read a story about 200+ days nofap journey.
It’s the second time this week I decide to write something on /r/nofap. I have spring break now, and I am boring myself to death, so I decided to try out my writing skills and also tell my complete nofap journey to this day.
Everything started last year before summer. I was dealing with a breakup and was constantly depressed, even though the breakup happened months ago. I was, and I honestly think I still am, addicted to masturbation and pornography. Pornography and masturbation caused serious effects in my life and some embarrassing moments too. I remember myself telling my parents a year and a half ago that pornography is good and that everyone does it. Now, I am laughing at myself, but I am also ashamed. How could I go so low? I remember when I was young, I used to make new friends in an eye blink, talk to strangers and be socially happy. I started masturbating around my 9th birthday. It would be considered normal, but I directly started with masturbating with porn. These images from then are still burned in my memory, and I think I won’t be able to forget them. Resuming to a year ago: I decided to change. The summer was heading towards me and I thought a lot about myself and my life. Back then I was a big lurker of chans and shit-subreddits, I spent a lot of time doing nothing on the internet and of course masturbating a lot. I did short streaks of nofap occasionally, not expecting too much. Back then, what I really expected doing nofap for short periods of time was the ability to orgasm with my hand harder.
I began to lurk reddit more and looked for ambitious subreddits that maybe could help me or teach me something, instead of aimlessly browsing /r/funny or /r/pics. I don’t remember exactly how I stumbled upon /r/nofap, but I remember I took the things it said serious. I read success stories of fapstronauts and I watched the TEDx show. Every piece fell together and I finally understood that I am not doing good with my porn and masturbation habits. I had porn everywhere: iPod, phone, PSP, computer. It was actually ‘emergency-only’ because I used internet to find streaming porn. It was ridiculous.
The day I started nofap for real was the day before I went working for the first time in my life. I was motivated, because I worked 10 hours a day and it meant I barely had free time, and a protip I received from a fapstronaut was that I should plan my time so I don’t have time to be bored. Shit, that’s an issue now… Anyway, I was motivated and concentrated. Why I decided to do nofap? I realized that I’m a sad teenager, I was depressed a long time and I had severe moments of joy in my usual week. My goals were confidence to talk to women, more power and wellbeing. Time flew, I was working hard and everything seemed under control. It was easy until day twenty came, and I was naked in the bathroom playing with my penis. Things went too far and I relapsed, luckily without porn. I felt really, really bad. I was ashamed of myself and actually disgusted. I had to reset my badge and begin again from scratch. Such a waste, those twenty days!
This time I was much more motivated. I realized that the powers and benefits of not masturbating – with or without porn – are much greater than masturbating. Pleasure counted in seconds is not worth the pleasure counted in weeks. It was summer, it was warm, sunny. I like such weather. I also had much time to be alone. I don’t have friends here when I’m on vacation, but what I do have is work. I live here in a small town and such life is much more requiring than life in a city. You have to do everything by yourself: if you want to keep your ass warm in the winter, you have to go to the forest, cut some trees, dry the wood and then bring the wood home. It is a lot of work, and a lot of occupied time. I had something to do, I wasn’t bored anymore.
When I came back home from vacation I decided to go to the gym. I just wanted to look good, I still want to, and be strong. It was a very good decision. I am still somewhat active: I lift and I go running. Summer ended along with 23th of September, and my badge said something like 80 days. I was really happy. When my badge said 90 days I decided to write a report. Between the day of starting my nofap journey, and my first 90-day streak many things have changed:
- Inner peace is something that I had problems with before nofap. I used to have periods of very deep depression and lack of motivation. I would have sudden bursts of anger or other overdriven emotion. After those 90 days I was certainly more calm and able to control my emotions. I still sometimes feel depressed but when I do, I have a reason.
- I lacked courage and I was afraid of failure as well as other people. Now I take initiatives and I try to be a leader. I’m doing well in this part of my life, and I think I want to do something with that.
- Months of lurking of chans have depleted me of empathy. I could look at gore, watch aggressive porn without cringing. I really didn’t feel any empathy for suffering people nor did I for happy people. There was just me and my world. Now I can be empathic with everyone and I feel every emotion 10x stronger than I did before nofap.
- Motivation is nothing if you don’t have the discipline to follow it. And it’s true. I think I’m a quite disciplined man. I have many routines that I follow and I try to obey every personal ‘law’ I establish from time to time. It keeps me sane and on track. I visualize everything I do so I can keep my motivation high.
- I see many fapstronauts complaining about how nofap solved their eye-contact problem. For me, nofap solved that too. I am more open with people and I am not afraid of new people anymore. Sure, I’m sometimes shy, but when I get to know someone better I feel comfortable around them. Nofap has repaired many of my social problems. I can say I have more friends and acquaintances thanks to nofap.
It was all rainbows but it was somewhere in November I began to contemplate about the necessity of nofap for me. I thought it didn’t work anymore, I still had no girlfriend and my progress stalled. I came to a conclusion that I don’t need nofap anymore, and that I should masturbate in moderation, but without porn, after all porn was the main cause of many of my problems. I did it, then I did it again, and again. I was in a loop. But then somewhere in December I binged on porn. I thought I was healed of my addiction, but no, far from that. This period between November and end December I call the ‘Black Hole’. I really don’t remember what I did back then, all I remember is that I masturbated.
But I stood up, again, on the first of January. The main goal is to not masturbate for a whole year, but for the goal for now is to not masturbate now. I initiated a lot of things in my school, I made a lot of new friends and I feel confident in general. In my opinion, addictions are what keeps us sane and disciplined. If I had my eyes closed to my PMO addiction, I don’t think I would have mastered my life as it is now. I would probably still be sitting every Friday at home masturbating and losing my life.
I have a girlfriend now who I really love and miss. I guess my nofap journey is also dedicated in a part to her. I feel like a beast thinking about her, and I think I will rock her in bed, because my ED is gone and I get aroused by kissing her. There was a moment in my journey when I thought I won’t get a girlfriend, but all I needed was hope. Liverpool fans sing: “Walk on, walk with hope in your heart, and you’ll never walk alone. You’ll never walk alone.”. It is true: even when you think you are going nowhere, keep going, keep that flame in your heart burning. Everything you want will come by itself, you just have to be dedicated to yourself and follow your own rules.
This post is long, I know. If I would browse /r/nofap I wouldn’t read it, because it is simply too long. But if you’ve read it: congratulations, and thank you, this was basically my life story going from past year to now. If you have questions, feel free to write them down here, or PM me, I am willing to help my brothers in need.