Age 18 - This addiction gave me the inability to make my mark in this world, and ED
Hi, I'm 18 year old and on this day I realize the problem that was tearing up. obviously you know what I'm talking about. I'd never really realize how bad it was.I have always been upset with sex and women( I mean even when I was a child but that for a other story). At the age of 12 I discover porn and through the past five year i'd been a heavy masturbater, starting with casual pornography to fetish stuff and even through shemale material. With my addiction going heavier and heavier, I became increasingly anxious, thinking that I might be gay even if a only like women and being excessively neurotic with women for no reason. I thing many can rely to this.
About a year ago, I achieve to not masturbate or watch porn for six month and i'd never feel better! Through these month I gain confidence and, looking back, I'D more date's that i'd in all my life lol( and I mean a lot). I'd a one or two relapse for the next three month but nothing that stop my progression I was confidently talking to girl and I imagine that I had conquer it but, Then THAT moment came up to me. I met this girl. The connection was automatic between us. We were giggling, clowning, kissing, (except sex) on the first time we met.. it was just perfect. Then when everything was telling that this relationships could last I made a huge mistake to go back in my old habit, telling my self that after such a long period of time, I should make sure my good old friend was ok and get a little of practice before shit's got real... and that cost me a wonderful women and to get back in my terrible addiction's. My habit got worse and worse by time and one day charly didn't wanted to come up from bed
Till this day, a manage to correct my problem with weight lifting, good sleep and vitamin D and zinc but it isn't get back at 100% and I still have period of relapse. I read this article on this blog today (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/book/export/html/406) and it make me realize what I was not willing to see: PORN IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM and make this DECLARATION that TODAY I'll NEVER watch porn again!!!! It is a matter of life or death now. I can't lose my self anymore to this when the world is calling for me. This addiction give me the inability to make my mark in this world, to show who I really am.
I hope that sharing my story can provide a help of any kind I'll keep update my journey so maybe my story could help an other
By - Earin