Age 18 - Happier, more motivated, increased energy, better erections
A few weeks ago, I was comfortable enough to discuss this entire rebooting process with my closest friends. When I first told them that I hadn't jacked off to hardcore porn for X amount of days, their jaws literally dropped. I told them about the benefits, withdrawals, etc etc. Then I found out, all 4 of them (All of them are my age) were addicted to PMO. They all admitted that even a few days without porn was too much to bear. I was actually shocked because I would have never really guessed that my buddies were dealing with the same crap that I was dealing with all these years. Similar to me, they started at a young age and watched porn multiple times a week. They had absolutely no idea what porn was doing to them. I said to them "Damn, no wonder we've all been single throughout our high school years". I have to say that this unlimited amount of porn available to us is truly a disease to our generation of males.
Day 38 I started PMO'ing at the age of 12, and started doing it more and more as the years went by (There's just too much porn out there man). Seriously, I can't believe I realize it now how much this sh*t has been affecting my social life. I'm an average looking guy and I never had problems socializing with friends back then, but when it came to girls I was attracted to...my charisma went down the drain. I just acted really awkward at times around specific girls I thought were very attractive. The reason to this was because I had one thing on my mind while talking to them, which was getting them into bed (thanks porn). This made my speech very beta-like and I could not flirt for the life of me or approach girls. I honestly thought that I was just a pussy, and I'm not cut out to sexually bond with girls. Thus as a result, I went home and wanked off to my perfect ladies waiting for me on my computer screen. Well ladies and gentlemen, that WAS the old me. I can't really describe it but this reboot has worked like magic. My confidence has increased DRAMATICALLY. I used to think that people exaggerated a little too much in their blogs, but nope, I was absolutely wrong.
1) Social anxiety slowly going away- Those tiny little things I used to worry about don't bother me anymore. F*** what people think, I walk with pride!
2) Increased Eye contact - This one was very noticeable, I give people DIRECT eye contact now whether it is with a stranger or a sexy stranger.
3) Socializing with friends- I don't know what it is but my friends are giving much more respect than they used to. I naturally stand up for myself in every way possible for when they say something insulting or try to alpha me out. It's like they look at me in a whole different way....
4) Socializing with girls- This is my favorite one and it is still one of the main reasons for this reboot. I don't just want sex immediately, I want to get to know them as a person and communicate naturally. This keeps the 'oh, please have sex with me' thing out of my mind and makes my communication a whole lot easier, calmer and very fun . I actually flirt now and I don't even notice it. I know this has been mentioned by many of my other rebooting brothers but girls notice me a hell of a lot more. Before the reboot I would look away if I saw an attractive girl looking at me, now I look back (direct eye contact) and maybe give a smile. I also notice their attraction signals (I think that's what they're called) immediately. For example, touching of the hair, exposing neck (drives me CRAZY now man), leg, etc. I believe it was week 2-3 where I made out with 3 girls ( 2 at a club and 1 friend who was nice enough to provide a few minute BJ (my erection was very weak but it still felt delightful) within 5 days. I have made out before the reboot, but when I made out with these girls, it was different. I was definitely in the flat line stage so no erection. But there was a lot more touching of the breasts and skin. I did something which I usually never did which was kissing their neck and the area around that which aroused me significantly. They freaking loved it. It's like I was making love to them instead of just a dull make-out session if you guys know what I mean. Lastly, girls are no longer look like sex objects, they have so much beauty I notice a lot more lately.
5) Increased motivation to work out- big-time stress reliever.
Well guys, these are some of the benefits I could remember from the top of my head. But I have to say that I did not have these benefits every other day during the reboot. Sometimes they were there, sometimes they weren't. I actually went through hell and back to cope with the random stress, depression and sadness. I also had to deal with exams for 2 weeks which dragged me down to a point where I was suicidal. But I stayed strong and I kept going on reuniting to keep me motivated. Eventually, the mood swings get better and your benefits start coming back a lot more often. Morning erections slowly coming back and Wet dreams from time to time (once it happened twice in a row :S) and I feel like absolutely crap the next day....(id appreciate if anyone can explain this )
But I have a problem now guys. This may sound odd but I have absolutely NO urges at all to M, however, my brain is begging for P at times (sometimes the urge is there, sometimes it just sneaks up on me). It just wants a little peak, just a tiny little peak but I have more than enough control over my urges, even though a part of me is dying for it. It's my winter break, I'm stuck at home on weekdays with nothing to do. So I browse some websites for entertain myself. The thing is, these websites sometimes have gifs and pictures which are semi-nude but clothed on T-N-A, . I viewed one, then another one, then I started searching up 'tits' on the search engine and continued viewing just non-nude material. Next thing you know, the urge to watch porn hit me like a freaking brick. My penis felt like it did on week 1 (that feeling where you wanna polish it like no tomorrow), and I closed everything and went back to the forum. But seriously guys, did I relapse if I saw 3 seconds or maybe 3.5 seconds gif or a video showing actual breasts. After viewing them the urge to P slowly crept up but eventually it completely went away after a few minutes.
Anyways that was my question for today and I will continue this reboot for about 8985 more days.
But anyways, for those who are struggling in the reboot, do not give up guys, I guarantee it will be worth every single minute and you will never even think of looking back after you feel like you've truly be rewired. And for those who are struggling to even get past a few days, This is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Guys, I have trying to stop PMO for 2 goddamn years...... I remember when I couldn't even get past day 2. But I promise you gentlemen, each time you make an attempt, you are progressing. First week it will be 2 only days, second week it will be 3 days, one month it will be 5 days; just DON'T.GIVE.UP. I've been there and this is a battle that must fought between you and your brain. This is a real addiction and I believe each and every one of you has the potential to become rewired. Good luck and to hell with Porn.
I actually started using the Red X method yesterday on my porn flashbacks, which are now slowly dying. I wish I found this earlier as my flashbacks were extremely vivid around days 20-30; Throughout the reboot, I definitely notice that the flashbacks get weaker over time. (Just can barely remember the face of my favorite female porn star or the ass that she was known for)
But anyways last night was very interesting. I'm don't know whether fantasizing is completely against the reboot but I had to test myself just this once because my penis felt like it was in a coma. So I fantasized about a "real" girl that I know and I slowly became rock-hard within 1-2minutes of absolutely NO touching, stroking or anything. I was amazed by the fact that it lasted me a good 10 minutes, maybe even more. So it started going away and I fantasized again about a different girl and I became erected again. I stopped for another 20 minutes till I lost my erection, then I tried fantasizing about another lovely female that I know. I really thought it wasn't gonna happen for the third time but I was wrong. Throughout these erections, I felt no urge to M, at all. During the second erection, I was actually very aroused, but in a way where I was wanting the human touch of the woman, not my left hand.
Before the reboot, I have to tell you folks that it was literally impossible for me to get an erection from a fantasy of a real life girl. It's like porn numbed me down so badly that I couldn't even get horny from imagining myself having sex with attractive girls in real life. However, around grade 9, I used fantasize about real life girls and M'd multiple times a day while doing homework on my bed (There was a study table in my room :/). It was a long time ago but I remember that I eventually got bored and moved onto soft core (hardcore was too far for me at this age). So not only can I maintain an erection longer now, my fantasies with real girls finally arouse me!
Btw, these fantasies were completely done on command, they would never appear randomly in my head. Going to resist, P, M, O, F, and any other stimuli from now on.
I can't really decide whether I am still in the flat line stage or not. My confidence and communication with people is still great however, these last couple of weeks, I find myself not being able to get aroused from being with/looking at girls (Like I'm losing interest in them) . I realized that I just don't get aroused or get an erection from women like I used to during week 2. At this point, I don't know what stage I am currently at, but I know that I have still not completely recovered. But the changes I've seen with myself so far still motivate me to push further.
I almost relapsed last night while watching television. I had no urges to PMO at ALL lately ever since I stopped looking at non-nude material since my last post. I haven't been around or seen any girls for the last few days so I felt lonely clicked the adult movie channel for a small glance, thinking I have come far enough in this reboot to handle it. I saw a simple frame of bare ass and I moved it immediately as soon as possible. Honest to god, I moved it because it felt like I just got injected with some kind of drug and I had the biggest urge in my penis and my mind, to put it back on. Out of fear, I closed the TV and literally ran upstairs and brushed my teeth. If I stayed downstairs, I would have relapsed 100%. While going upstairs I could feel a part of me going like "WHAT THE HELL MAN, GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!". I think I was shaking and panting while brushing my teeth. After 8min of brushing my teeth non-stop, I was back to normal. I learned that I have not recovered yet and definitely need more time. From now on, late night television= out of the question.
I had a very strange dream last night, more of a wet-dream actually except there was no explosion of cum. I was getting a blow-job from an unknown woman and I could swear that it felt almost real. My wet dreams are usually very quick and wake me up immediately, but this time was different.
Today was all right, not much to report because I sat at home all day but I've noticed I'm losing my ability to fantasize on command. Oh well, I'm going with the flow and trusting the process. Lastly, My porn flashbacks are almost completely gone. It honestly feels like it's been over a year since I saw a porn clip.
And school's about to start very soon. I am looking forward to finally being able to talk to women again and keeping myself occupied. It felt like I was going insane at one point by staying at home all day. Even though there's no arousal anymore when I see women in public, my desire to have a girlfriend has developed dramatically.
I can't believe it's 60 days of no PMO. Before the reboot, I thought it was completely impossible for me to live without porn and that I would have to deal with the addiction for the rest of my life. Man am I glad that I proved myself wrong. At this point I have absolutely no urge to watch porn (my flashbacks are also VERY weak and have no effect because I usually use the red x trick) and relapsing doesn't even cross my mind at all. I'm gonna be honest though, this week has been really depressing at times but definitely not as bad as before. I noticed that my mood completely shifted as soon as I started talking to this girl I know from university. It's like talking to her just stomped on my depression, filled me with confidence and reminded me of the importance of this reboot. I noticed that I smile unintentionally much, much more when talking to girls. And like I mentioned before, it's really fun.
It's safe for me to say that my sensitivity is back because I can get an erection by lightly stroking my dick without porn OR fantasy. I felt so much joy when I discovered this because I haven't been able to do this for years. when I used to PMO, doing this was just completely unthinkable. I have also stopped fantasizing and haven't done it in a while. I've tried doing it but it just doesn't give me the erection like it used to.
The only thing I'm really worried about is that I've officially lost my sex drive or my desire to have sex. If there's a hot girl sitting on the bus, I will think she's attractive in my mind but I will NOT get aroused or get an erection. I am aware that it's not possible for a man to get an erection every time he's around an attractive woman. But I just don't seem to respond down there at all anymore or get that warm blooded feeling when around the presence a beautiful woman. If I can explain it in more generally, I'm never horny. This is definitely the main source of my depression but I will be patient and I will trust the process.
I completely understand that it's normal for me to not get an erection around a hot girl. The thing is that I'm not really worried about the erections, it's more about the arousal part. It's kind of hard to explain but I would walk around a mall (where there's many attractive women) and I don't find the excitement there anymore when I look at women. A hot girl would pass by and I would get a "whatever" response in my mind. It's weird because I wasn't like this before where I actually was enthusiastic to give women eye contact while walking.
Nothing new but I just felt like posting. Today was alright. I had a wet dream last night which ended quickly but felt so very real... I woke up with a raging boner which is really odd, considering the fact that I came buckets in my sleep. Started commuting to my school in the afternoon and arrived at the bus terminal. For some reason, I was extremely uncomfortable and a little scared (this is new) as there were many people around me. I could feel that my confidence was definitely not there today. My mood turned to crap until arrived at school to meet up with my friends. After a bit of socializing though, I felt better. No urge to PMO+F at all atm. I still feel really anxious at times even though there's nothing to be anxious about. Life is good and I need to keep trying to remind myself of that.
I can still remember that "king of the world" feeling I had weeks ago. That feeling has disappeared and it feels like I'm completely losing my sexual desire (or something). I know for a fact that I'm not recovered yet because I still feel very doubtful about leaving porn sometimes. It actually feels like my brain is still punishing me for blocking out porn + soft core + any non-nudes out of my life. Doesn't surprise me though, I've been watching porn all my teen years. My next goal is 90 days.
The wet dream definitely had something to do with my anxiety yesterday. Because I felt MUCH better today when commuting to school. The anxiety that I had yesterday was replaced with confidence today...I could literally feel it in my walk and I was more comfortable with my surroundings. I'm just surprised how different I felt today than yesterday, So I assume it was the wet dream.
I'm feeling much better now (in terms of mood) compared to before. I don't know what it is but I know now what YBOP meant by saying the rebooting process is not linear. Getting decent morning wood these days and I just love the fact that my sensitivity is still doing great. A minute of just touching my junk will get it hard. Today I could feel a "good feeling" in my groin area which wasn't there before. It feels like my sex drive is coming back slowly.
Surprisingly, I got some porn cravings over the past few days. I know I've mentioned before that they totally disappeared, but they came back with a vengeance a few days ago. To be honest, the cravings were pretty strong because I had this feeling of depression and hopelessness at the time. My mind was playing tricks on me because I actually thought at one point that my mood would get only get better if I just relapsed. After coming this far, should I just relapse just like that? I said to myself, "HELL NO!!!"
Another thing is that I've gotten 3 wet dreams over the past 9 days. The latest one was about me relapsing and I felt so bad because I thought it was real. I've noticed that I have felt like complete shit (depression, hopelessness, uncomfortable in public and just scared in general) on the day I wake up from the wet dream.
It's definitely been a long journey and I can't be more grateful to this site for changing my entire life. My recovery is still in the process but I'm just happy that I've made it this far and that I am returning to my normal self.
It's a huge relief to me that my mood is much better now than it was before. Right now I feel pretty good , but On day 65, my mood and confidence were through the roof. I haven't felt so much energy in a WHILE so I could really notice the change within me that day. I just couldn't stop smiling throughout the day and I felt this incredible feeling of joy for absolutely no reason. When I came home though, I was pretty exhausted. But this was definitely the same "king of the world" feeling that I had around weeks 2-3 so I'm hoping things will get better from here.
The second thing I want to report is that I felt this amazing rush in my body yesterday when I checked out this attractive girl walk by me. I have not felt that feeling before but I would do anything to go through it again. Overall, I've been really good these past few days compared to last week where I was feeling really depressed and doubtful about the reboot and leaving porn. I really should get into a relationship at this point but I'm waiting for the right girl to show up because I want a decent and long-lasting relationship this time.
Lastly, I got 2 wet dreams in a row, the nights of day 65 and 66. I'm surprised that I actually felt "OK" after them. I completely forgot the first dream but the second one involved my favorite porn star . The wet dreams might explain the drop in energy I had from day 65. Since day 54 I've been keeping track of what nights I have had a wet dream. They barely occurred early in the reboot.
54- January 6- W.D
55- January 7
56- January 8
57- January 9
58 - January 10-W. D
59 - January 11
60- January 12
61 - January 13
62 - January 14-w. D
63 January 15
64- January 16
65 - January 17
66- January 18-w.D
67 - January 19-w.D
Hahaha, I love how the pattern gets disrupted out of no where
Yep, it finally happened. I relapsed. I can't describe how horrible and disgusted I feel with myself right now. Everything was becoming so good until I made the decision to go downstairs and watch "TV". I saw a hot sex scene on some show and I went on complete autopilot after that (It was a small sex scene, so I ran upstairs to watch it again on my pc). It was the first time in 70 days that I manually ejaculated and it actually felt really bad. I was expecting the biggest orgasm of my life but instead there was serious pain in my balls and hardly any cum coming out. The funny thing is that I didn't really have any urges today to PMO. I'm just mad that I let this all happen by making one really stupid decision.
Anyways, I'm going to try stay optimistic because I worked really hard to get to 70 days, and hopefully this relapse won't set me that far back. I have a headache now and I know the chaser will also hit me furiously. If I learned one thing from rebooting is that the brain can be a HUGE deceiver. "Oh yeah, just take a little look, it won't do any damage to your reboot." "You already saw ------, you might as well check out some more" etc etc- I would hear crap like this in my head all the time and it got worse whenever I felt depressed. But yeah, I didn't even imagine on day 70 that I would relapse after experiencing such a great day. So keep your guard up at all times and I mean ALL TIMES .
I thought all those days went down the drain and I would have to start over. But I can easily say from yesterday's and today's experience that it didn't really set me back. I still feel great along with all of the benefits, which is why I still have that motivation inside me to not binge and keep moving. Yeah sure I had strong urges to PMO (still having them sometimes) after my relapse, but by the time you get this far, you really learn how to overcome them. I think of this relapse as a learning experience.
Just wanted to update how I'm feeling three days after the relapse. I feel pretty good. Not much to report actually. I'm really satisfied with the way I've been feeling this entire week (except day 70 night, of course). Yesterday I felt like meeting my good old pal down there since it's been a while and I used some baby oil. I don't think I've ever had this much sensitivity down there since my first time wanking off. It felt AMAZING. No fantasy, No porn, and it erected within 5-10 seconds. Even after 5-8 minutes of light strokes it would be solid hard. It's safe to say that E/D problems will not be bothering me anymore. But I'm still going to continue this journey to 90 days. I'm just surprised how bad I auto-piloted on day 70 from watching a little sex scene. I could even remember my brain craving the moment for the scene to arrive. But it was my fault in the first place to even put the damn show on, I had enough willpower to walk away right there.
Today is day 98, I decided there's no point in starting my count over because there's been a lot of progress and I didn't binge since my last relapse. Anyways, I feel that I'm still going through some changes these last few weeks, but the changes are not anything negative. I said that I felt good in my previous post, but I gotta tell you guys that I feel even better as I write this one. It's just so damn unbelievable how much I have changed since last year. I consider it a miracle that I even found out about YBOP....My thanks to you guys can't be expressed in words.
Anyways I had some female contact about 3 weeks ago at a nightclub. This girl was so freaking cute, I just had to approach her. We ended up making out and there was a lot of touching. For the first time in my life, I got multiple boners by just simply kissing a girl. I knew it was time I started dating so I got her number in the end. The next weekend I asked her to go a movie with me but she ended up flopping. I was actually really disappointed because we were texting each other all week and I was looking forward to meeting her. She sounded more eager than I was for the date, but the excuse she gave me was complete bullsh*t. She flopped out a few hours before the date so I didn't even request for another one. I relapsed that very day out of sexual frustration. Really bad move on my part but I learned from my mistake, didn't binge and moved on with life. She was a fine girl, but I'm gonna keep looking.
That was a while back though and I felt damn good this entire week.
1) Major increase in energy, definitely more energetic than I was in my first post of benefits
2) Morning erections are getting even harder and lasting longer (I have to wait a few minutes for it to go away so I can go to my bathroom without anyone in my family noticing it )
3) My friends respect me even more than they did when I wrote my first post. They love having me around now, I naturally make them laugh all the time and I speak anything that's on my mind.
4) Spontaneous erections occur for no reason sometimes
5) Girl exposing her neck in front of me during class got me a nice boner and extremely turned on. I was extremely pleased with this because it's been about 60 days since this happened.
6) getting lots of looks from girls - (I gotta put this to use and get a girlfriend already!!!)
7) Most important out of all these is that I'm just happier with my life. That's all that matters to me in the end. This reboot will take definitely take some more time, but I am more than ready to be patient with this. I've seen too many positive changes in my life to go back to PMO. I'll see you guys at day 120.
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