Age 18 - Relentless focus, more outgoing & confident

Printer-friendly version

dressageInitial Condition

• Porn consumption was actually quite tame but was getting worse, I didn’t like it.

• Masturbated too much, to the point of the occasional dry orgasm

• I wanted NoFap to give me a greater lust for life and enjoy more social life more than I did (read initial post for more info)

NoFap Experience

• I Found NoFap straightforward after about ~20 days (can’t remember), after I got myself in the mindset and got a long streak under my belt, the idea of masturbating just seems alien so I physically can’t really do it.

• Porn was a bigger issue. I started NoFap before really important exams (to get into Uni), so NoFap both became a work booster, however, after one awkward exam I was in low spirits and needed to pick myself up for the next one, so I looked at my type of porn to give me a thrill and a ‘pickmeup’ to keep me going. This may sound strange but the stuff I like isn’t really degrading or seedy, so it has that effect. This continued for the rest of exams, but naturally it had escalated to the odd video by the time I stopped again.

• Second relapse came in the form of a porn director IAMA which got me interested in a famous porn star I had little knowledge in. This drove me crazy til I relapsed on Porn again. Naturally, her stuff was nothing special and I felt a bit stupid, but that chink in my armour was gone.

• My third relapse came from a non-erotic interview with a young star I hadn’t heard of on a non-porn site I frequent. She was unbelievably cute and more important, unknown to me, so I had to scratch that curiosity itch with the 3rd relapse. I found her stuff to be depressingly awful considering how gorgeous she was naturally. In anticipation of the relapse, I actually jizzed my pants, I think the act of rebellion has always been a major turn on. This was probably my lowest point of my journey, I remember the browser after realising the sudden visual stimulation could make me ejaculate, but I was too late. Having your hands in your face while your creaming yourself is depressing. I did not consider this a relapse to NoFap though; I did not masturbate to porn like I did before, and the core rule remained unbroken. I was also still having wet dreams during this period which reinforced my decision.

• After this I realised that although abstinence worked for Fapping, it wasn’t working for porn. I had too much of a naturally interest in culture, art and the human condition to be removed from sexuality for a long enough period. I then decided I needed to remove my lust for porn, this involved a lot of research and soul searching. I watched porn star interviews to realise what boring or depressing individuals they are in reality, I read articles and watch videos about porn stars behind the scenes, seeing how unglamorous and seedy it really is. I also read up on frank accounts of human sexuality: fetishes, homosexuality, s&m , etc; stuff I didn’t like. It stopped Sex = Porn = horny + orgasm = good and changed my mind set to Sex = painfully natural human experience, porn = artificial substitute. I also accepted what I didn’t like about my life and faced it. I didn’t need to escape from unhappiness because I was living with it now.

• Relapsed with porn again with the build up to my exam results. I was checking r/books and the top result was porn star reading w/ a vibrator, it wasn’t even tagged NSFW so I didn’t think it would be that bad (I know, I know). Before relapsing, I ran 7k, doing a PB (30 minutes 50) then a batch of press-ups, and still wanted to look at pornography. I was under a lot of stress and frankly wanted to treat myself. It wasn’t a big relapse, I knew exactly what I was interested in often skipped a lot of stuff. I didn’t have a lot an urge to M, it was mainly watching out of entertainment, curiosity, and basically a treat for the coming tough times. I stopped again completely 4 days later. It was actually quite interesting noting how my attitude had changed.

• My exam results were pretty phenomenal. I did the best in my school by quite a margin, and did very well compared to my local area as well. I got into arguably the best University in the UK despite going to a fairly average/poor school that last sent someone there about five years ago. It wasn’t completely down to NoFap, but my main flaw was exam performance and this round was definitely my best ever, scoring 95%+ for most of my ten exams.

Benefits

• My exams lasted 7 weeks, and looking back I feel dizzy remembering how much work I did. Sustained effort over days, filling workbooks in a day what would usually take my weeks in class. Relentless focus and endurance. This wasn’t all down to NoFap as I’m naturally a hard worker and I wanted to do well, but it gave me that edge.

• I started running, I’m now doing 7k in about 32 minutes 4 times a week. Not bad considering I had lost interest in physical exercise over the previous 18 months due to school work. Recently started doing 8k

• I became more outgoing, doing a lot of stuff I wouldn’t have done otherwise. My friends a still as boring though (see initial post) despite my extra efforts though

• During my holidays I started learning German, programming (Javascript, Python, no prior experience) and driving

• Reading a lot more frequently

• I love my body a lot more, weird but I suppose it’s just an extension of exercise and confidence

• Got wet dreams back, I even had 2 on one restless night. Still no morning wood though (I’ve never experienced it

• I’ve matured greatly. I can see a naked woman and think “Wow, that’s a fine body” and move on, instead of reaching for my john. I also see popular misogyny and general leering pretty pathetic. Recent stuff on Reddit about Olympic Gymnasts was especially embarrassing. I can’t relate/join in anymore

• Excellent exam performance, in the past I have cocked up many in very embarrassing fashions

• I occasionally get random burst of emotional energy, usually just before bed unfortunately. I have this great hunger for life and usually end up scribbling down plans and poetry late into the night

Drawbacks

• I’m generally unhappy but this is good. Living an ‘honest’ life is far better than a ‘happy’ one. I’m moving to Uni in a month were things will change monumentally for me, so I’m not that fussed.

• I don’t like talking to girls with the ulterior motive of sex (being honest). One of the things I like about fapping a lot was a never had a horny state of mind for very long. Talking to girls that, deep down, bore you to tears because you reckon you might have an eventual chance is a little depressing.

Tips & Advice

1) Do the “The Sampson” - When I started NoFap, I shaved all my pubic hair. The whole point of this was a physical act against masturbation. While I did it, I thought about why I was doing it, so it became a symbol of my journey. As the hair grew, so did my streak, etc etc. It also meant whenever I reached down there in temptation during the first few weeks, the shock of a rough/smooth put me off and back to reality.

2) Acknowledge why you had a problem and why you want to relapse – this isn’t much fun but just as important as abstinence. You have to be brutally honest with yourself

3) K9 filter – Do not rely on this, but it gives you control during potential relapses. I knew my password, but seeing the screen and typing it in gave “2)” enough time to kick in

4) If you’re going to relapse (I believe it can be beneficial in the long run), let it be Porn OR Masturbation. The partnership of both is what cements the problem so deeply. I had a hard time with porn, but I dealt with it on its own and made sure I kept my NoFap streak mint. Bear in mind, you have to stop porn in order to stop fap and v/v. This isn’t me saying its okay to have one on the go, or to relapse, but realistic advice to handling relapses.

5) I found researching porn and sex gave me a healthier view of them. It comes with its costs though so it’s best not to risk it if you don’t think you can handle it.

6) Delete your wank bank first; it’s an amazing act looking back on. Also go cold turkey for the first few weeks (no 18 films, etc)

Thoughts on NoFap

• Really good community with excellent resources

• Snowflake syndrome is an issue though; a singular Joining and Relapse threads would get rid of a lot of the same posts cropping up. People should still post them, just not as threads. Empty relapse threads are positive while populated ones relieve guilt. I think it would be beneficial for the subreddit

• Long streakers should post more. I know I’m guilty of it; The Sampson is probably post worthy on its own but I did it early on and wasn’t sure it would work. One thing I don’t like are seeing loads of advice articles coming from 5 day NoFappers, more experienced thoughts are surely better.

I want to end on saying that my NoFap journey suited me. If you relate to what I’ve said, maybe try what I did not, but otherwise, don’t.

Have I "rebooted"? I'm not really sure. I'm still carrying on until my life looks more like I want it to, but I think NoFap is more of a lifestyle choice than a body of treatment.

LINK - LINK TO POST - My slightly late 90 Day Report

by rcrtnlwnkr