Age 19 - ED, 149 days
October 07, 2012 - I first noticed I had a problem at the end of my senior year of high school. I was 17 at the time, and had been dating a girl for a few months. We were getting frisky at her house one day and she suggested we have sex. I was a virgin, but like most boys at that age, I wasn't one by choice. I grabbed a condom and put it on but realized I wasn't hard enough to enter her. It was bizarre- I'd never had a problem with maintaining an erection before.
We tried a couple times without success, and eventually I attributed it to how tight she was. She and I broke up when I started college in the fall. About a month into the school year, I found myself with a young lady who wanted to have sex with me. This time, despite the anxiety and fear, I was able to get it up and successfully complete intercourse. I was so happy and relieved that I almost couldn't sleep. As the year went on, however, I found myself struggling with all but very few of the girls I could potentially have sex with. Out of the near 15 chances I've had to have sex, I was only able to achieve and maintain an erection with three of the girls. I thought it was completely psychological but I couldn't break the mental block. I began to get depressed and eventually resigned to the idea that I was eternally doomed with girls. At parties, I would avoid female attention completely and leave early to avoid the scene.
I was so confused. I am physically and mentally very healthy (a varsity athlete at a reputable division 1 school) and had no persistent health problems, but I still struggled with erections and my libido. Many days I felt like I was not attracted to women- nothing excited me. My sex drive was a mere shadow of what it had been when I was younger.
Now I am 19 years old and beginning my second year of college. About a week ago, a facebook friend posted a link to yourbrainonporn.com and I clicked on it absentmindedly. I watched Gary's TED talk and I was in complete shock. I stared at my computer screen, mouth agape and brain running frantically. I HAD FIGURED IT OUT. Upon exploring the site further, I got more and more excited as I realized that all of the symptoms expressed on the website fit what I had been going through.
I had never considered myself a porn addict or chronic masturbator- I masturbated 3-5 times a week, always with porn. Part of me still thinks it's crazy that my sex life has been nearly nonexistent because of something I had deemed so unimportant in my life. But now, after doing a little research and reading what other people on the site have to say, it all makes sense. I am currently a week into my reboot and going very strong. I only wish I could skip a couple months ahead right now and experience the clarity, confidence, and strong performance that other people continue to rant and rave about all over this website. Just the thought of it makes me happier than I've been in a long time.
Whew... It felt good to finally get that off my chest. This is the first place I've told my story. Thank you to anyone who reads this and leaves feedback!
November 12, 2012
It's been a while since I've posted an update, but here goes: I'm on day 41 and feeling pretty damn good. I feel, however, like I've been avoiding contact with girls because I'm dreading that I'm not far enough into my reboot to actually perform in the bedroom. It seems like even when I'm 90+ days in, I'll be a little wary for the same reason: what if the reboot didn't work? What if my ED is actually a result of something else-something uncorrectable? I know that this is highly unlikely and I should just man up and pursue girls, but the little nagging voice in the back of my head subconsciously keeps me from doing so. Anyone else have this problem?
December 18, 2012
I haven't posted in almost 40 days so here are a few updates:
- Been with multiple partners; haven't had sex, but for the duration of the hookup, have had a very strong erection
- Still have never had a wet dream in my life but I've come very close a couple times
- The past two days have been the horniest I've ever been
- Have gotten a girlfriend but have not achieved orgasm for two reasons: she's a virgin, and we're both at home from college for winter break
January 28, 2013
Thanks man and keep up the fantastic work! The road only gets easier as long as you never let your guard down.
February 28, 2013
This moment brings me great pride, as I get to tell all of you that I stand before you today (figuratively of course) as a success story. I'm currently 149 days porn free and have no urge to relapse. I'm not going to tell my whole story, you've heard them all; rather, I'm going to tell you that it IS possible to go on without porn and it IS worth it. I have a girlfriend now (something I could not say when I started this process) and the results have shown themselves. I'm also happier, more confident, and more optimistic about life in general. Keep up the good work, everyone!
The other reason I'm here is to bid you all adieu. I will be shortly deactivating this account. I'll miss the community, but if all goes well, I'll never be back. Sayonara and happy trails!