November 8th, 2012 - Well, where do i begin. I think my obsession with porn started when we first got broadband internet access somewhere around 2002? It started out with one clip, which i watched over over again, since it took several days to download, then when i got my own computer it escalated pretty quickly, more hardcore porn all the time, pretty safe to say that ive been addicted 9-10 years. Fapping daily several times, and when not watching porn i would be fantasisng and thinking bout porn, it pretty much ruined my social life and school life. It disgusts me to think that i have masturbated in school bathroom during school day and sit with my phone secretly googling porn pictures and videos.
Didnt much think at it as a problem until i got my first girlfriend back in late 2010. Was really desperate to have sex with her, the first time she pretty much forced me to have sex, i felt lucky and excited until the point where i was lying naked in the bed and noticed my penis wasn't hard, couldnt get the condom on and could only stay hard for about 1-2 mins.
Well i blamed it on me being virgin and the pressure of it being the first time, smoked way too much, unhealty lifestyle etc. Tried a few times more,no result, if putting your penis 1 cm into a vagina means ur lost your virginity well then ive lost it.
We broke up because of my impotence, continued wanking like hell.
Got together with a new gf a few months ago, we tried to have sex to with no results, thankfully in august this year i stumbled upon yourbrainonporn.
Then i knew that porn was the parasite. Started no-PMO 27th of august.
19 days in and i had a week long relapse of masturbation to porn. And now ive been free from porn and masturbation for 26 days.
During these 26 days my girlfriend have given me maybe 2-3 blowjobs and one handjob. No fantasy needed during Bj's and no chasers. 60% erection quality during these.
My girlfriend is very supporting, we have talked much about it, which makes it A LOT easier.
I think i am in a flatline at the moment, my penis is so small, have no urges to watch porn or masturbate, even my girlfriend doesnt turn me on. I hope its supposed to be like that.
Being virgin at 19 is very awkward these days for me, every time my friends talk about how many slootes theyve banged i get so frustrated and depressed.
Some benefits to name; A bit more happy during days, no depression as before. Generally more happy. At the beginning of my reboot i was heavily considering suicide, was drinking alot and was reaally depresssed.
I think that having her give me an orgasm every or every other week isnt that bad, because i have no urges to watch porn or masturbate, maybe because shes giving me those orgasms?
Will update here through my journey, and to all others you have my full respect.
November 21, 2012,
Can't remember when i last had this much dreams. During my PMO years, i didnt dream at all, perhaps 1-2 times per month. Now i've had dreams 4 night in a row, and i remember much of them. They aren't erotic dreams though, but i still like it.
I've also had morning wood now last 3 mornings, they're not 100% rock hard but maybe 60-70%, still counts?lol
Much better mood overall, dont have any cravings for porn. Almost feels like im over it.
Had my first workout this morning, feeling so much better and more energized. I'm trying out the 5x5 stronglifts routine.
I also stopped smoking, or im trying. Smoked my last one on sunday, still going strong.
Trying to cut down on my computer using, as i strongly believe im quite addicted to it too fewer post here, but it works better for me to get my thoughts off porn, by not being on yourbrainrebalanced or YBOP.
December 02, 2012,
December 26th, 2012
Was not sure wether or not i should write a success story.
Well, it's been 74 days since i looked at porn. And i wasnt too strict about masturbating during my reboot. Did it when i felt like doing it.
I'm just so surprised over how quickly i rebooted. It's somewhere around 100 days since i first began rebooting but relapsed 2 weeks in, so all and all its been over 100 days.
I expected this reboot would take so much longer since i started very young with porn. But my mindset was so strong, i wanted to be cured more than anything. And now i am.
I say i am cured because, last week i had sex 4 days in a row, twice on saturday. I also had yesterday, it's not difficult anymore to get and maintain and erection.
Have to admit that my ED was slightly induced by anxiety also, i assumed that i needed to have that 9 inch long pornstar dick and sex had to last for 1 hour. Not anymore, we both get totally off in 5-10 min and i enjoy being naked when im around her. I'm also not shy about my dick. Before i would just put my clother back on when we were done, but now we both lay naked for a while and just carress each other.
I can now concentrate on other things when i dont constantly think about porn and sex, things like school work, home chores etc I GET SHIT DONE
I just don't know what more to say, i can't thank Gary Wilson enough, if it was not for YBOP i would still be addicted. And the creator(s) of this forum! Gary really deserves a Nobel prize
Other benefits i have noticed
- The motivation to stop other obsessions/addictions is sky high
- Much more energized
- The NEED to socialize
- So much more attracted to normal looking girls, girls that used to be out of my league when i was consuming porn are so much more attractive now
- Need less sleep
- Becoming more extrovert
All questions are welcome
One last video (couldnt figure out how to embed the video here) to represent exactly how i feel after battling with this problem