Age 19 - ED cured, more extroverted & energized

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frightened guyNovember 8th, 2012 - Well, where do i begin. I think my obsession with porn started when we first got broadband internet access somewhere around 2002? It started out with one clip, which i watched over over again, since it took several days to download, then when i got my own computer it escalated pretty quickly, more hardcore porn all the time, pretty safe to say that ive been addicted 9-10 years. Fapping daily several times, and when not watching porn i would be fantasisng and thinking bout porn, it pretty much ruined my social life and school life. It disgusts me to think that i have masturbated in school bathroom during school day and sit with my phone secretly googling porn pictures and videos.

Didnt much think at it as a problem until i got my first girlfriend back in late 2010. Was really desperate to have sex with her, the first time she pretty much forced me to have sex, i felt lucky and excited until the point where i was lying naked in the bed and noticed my penis wasn't hard, couldnt get the condom on and could only stay hard for about 1-2 mins.

Well i blamed it on me being virgin and the pressure of it being the first time, smoked way too much, unhealty lifestyle etc. Tried a few times more,no result, if putting your penis 1 cm into a vagina means ur lost your virginity well then ive lost it.

We broke up because of my impotence, continued wanking like hell.

Got together with a new gf a few months ago, we tried to have sex to with no results, thankfully in august this year  i stumbled upon yourbrainonporn.

Then i knew that porn was the parasite. Started no-PMO 27th of august.

19 days in and i had a week long relapse of masturbation to porn. And now ive been free from porn and masturbation for 26 days.

During these 26 days my girlfriend have given me maybe 2-3 blowjobs and one handjob. No fantasy needed during Bj's and no chasers. 60% erection quality during these.

My girlfriend is very supporting, we have talked much about it, which makes it A LOT easier.

I think i am in a flatline at the moment, my penis is so small, have no urges to watch porn or masturbate, even my girlfriend doesnt turn me on. I hope its supposed to be like that.

Being virgin at 19 is very awkward these days for me, every time my friends talk about how many slootes theyve banged i get so frustrated and depressed.

Some benefits to name; A bit more happy during days, no depression as before. Generally more happy. At the beginning of my reboot i was heavily considering suicide, was drinking alot and was reaally depresssed.

I think that having her give me an orgasm every or every other week isnt that bad, because i have no urges to watch porn or masturbate, maybe because shes giving me those orgasms?

Will update here through my journey, and to all others you have my full respect.


November 21, 2012,

Day 39

Can't remember when i last had this much dreams. During my PMO years, i didnt dream at all, perhaps 1-2 times per month. Now i've had dreams 4 night in a row, and i remember much of them. They aren't erotic dreams though, but i still like it.

I've also had morning wood now last 3 mornings, they're not 100% rock hard but maybe 60-70%, still counts?lol

Much better mood overall, dont have any cravings for porn. Almost feels like im over it.

Had my first workout this morning, feeling so much better and more energized. I'm trying out the 5x5 stronglifts routine.

I also stopped smoking, or im trying. Smoked my last one on sunday, still going strong.

Trying to cut down on my computer using, as i strongly believe im quite addicted to it too :D fewer post here, but it works better for me to get my thoughts off porn, by not being on yourbrainrebalanced or YBOP.


December 02, 2012, 

Day 50  Had a really nice evening yesterday with my gf.

Bought some wine and champagne and we ate cheese and grapes and drank wine, and talked for hours, went to the sauna and showered for a long time.

And then, i had complete intercourse, i penetrated for like 10 min, we switched position maybe 4 times. i wasnt 100% hard but maybe 80.

I can now honestly say that i've lost my virginity.

Feels really good. Started to rewire my brain to sex now, hopefully the erection quality will improve with each session we'll have.

I'm not anyone insecure around her when im naked, im not ashamed of my body and dick. I was naked the whole evening just fooling around and it really was the best night in my life.

We tried to have sex again this morning, it didnt work, but somehow it didn't disturb me as much as it would have previously.

I now fully understand that it takes time, and i've seen so much improvent on all aspects.

I'm becomming a new person, and i honestly like it really much.

I will write in my journal again after next sex-session, and tell if there was any improvments.

I dont really see any meaning of writing anything else here since i think its unnessesary, since all that i need now is time.


December 17, 2012

Thirteen days after first intercourse i had sex again, better this time, lasted longer and overall much better!if i succeed to have sex as we have scheduled this week, sex on thursday, friday,saturday and sunday. Then i will declare myself cured! 

The mood the last 3 days have been through the roof 99/10.

There is no porn in my brain, nowhere. I can't understand how blind i was when i was destroying myself and my life by sitting at home all the time mastrubating and feeding my fucked up brain with so much pr0n.

I just want to be dirty with my gf

The feeling of success in rebooting is indescribable!

I no longer have to worry about my erection.

No longer have to be insecure

Don't have to think about every negative thing, nowadays i always prefer to look at the bright side of life!

What motivated me last time we had sex was that she said she was on the edge of orgasming, and that would be on our third sex attempt.

Can't thank Gary, this forum and all other guys success stories that have motivated me enough!

And last but not least, my patient, my beloved. For being so understanding, and really struggled with me thru heaven and hell.

 

UPDATE - Best christmas gift ever! I'm free!

December 26th, 2012

Was not sure wether or not i should write a success story.

Well, it's been 74 days since i looked at porn. And i wasnt too strict about masturbating during my reboot. Did it when i felt like doing it.

I'm just so surprised over how quickly i rebooted. It's somewhere around 100 days since i first began rebooting but relapsed 2 weeks in, so all and all its been over 100 days.

I expected this reboot would take so much longer since i started very young with porn. But my mindset was so strong, i wanted to be cured more than anything. And now i am.

I say i am cured because, last week i had sex 4 days in a row, twice on saturday. I also had yesterday, it's not difficult anymore to get and maintain and erection.

Have to admit that my ED was slightly induced by anxiety also, i assumed that i needed to have that 9 inch long pornstar dick and sex had to last for 1 hour. Not anymore, we both get totally off in 5-10 min and i enjoy being naked when im around her. I'm also not shy about my dick. Before i would just put my clother back on when we were done, but now we both lay naked for a while and just carress each other.

I can now concentrate on other things when i dont constantly think about porn and sex, things like school work, home chores etc I GET SHIT DONE :D

I just don't know what more to say, i can't thank Gary Wilson enough, if it was not for YBOP i would still be addicted. And the creator(s) of this forum! Gary really deserves a Nobel prize

Other benefits i have noticed

 - The motivation to stop other obsessions/addictions is sky high

 - Much more energized

 - The NEED to socialize

 - So much more attracted to normal looking girls, girls that used to be out of my league when i was consuming porn are so much more attractive now

 - Need less sleep

 - Becoming more extrovert

All questions are welcome

One last video (couldnt figure out how to embed the video here) to represent exactly how i feel after battling with this problem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FTWneI5lT4E

Take care :)

JOURNAL -  Success is so near. 19 years old

By lifestartsnow