Age 19 - HOCD and ED
Hey guys, well it's been quite a ride. And on this ride I've battled PIED, HOCD, and mild depression/anxiety. But this is definitely a success story, so if you have any of the above problems and want to hear some motivating shit, then read on!
I'll start with the background info. I, like many of you out there, started watching porn and masturbating to it at a very young age (probably around 11? 12?). I am 19 now, and should also mention that I am straight. I may have been bi-curious for a time, but I hear that's common and for all I know, it could very well have been a symptom of HOCD. Anyways. My porn started out being fairly normal/vanilla, pictures of naked women, breasts (and eventually pussies when I matured a little, haha) etc. My porn use and masturbation continued all throughout my life, until only recently when I decided to do nofap/pornfree for about 50 days cold turkey as an experiment. All the while I would be masturbating at least once a day, but more often I would find myself doing it 2-4 times per day! During all this porn watching, my porn tastes had escalated into the abnormal... Heavy bondage, fetishes, gangbangs, interracial and oddly enough, by the end of my porn use, all I could watch was gay porn to get hard enough to masturbate, and would only stay hard while watching it... Needless to say, this was distressing.
Ok, let's flash forward to my first sexual experiences. I was 19 and starting university. I had met a girl and we had gotten close and I had started going over to her house to hang out at night. I was a virgin and new to women in general and because of this I basically fell in love with this girl (who didn't feel the same way about me) immediately. Either way, we became "friends with benefits". The first time she tried to initiate sex, I didn't get hard at all... She seemed confused and I was obviously depressed as fuck. She assured me I'm not the only one who's had this happen etc etc. So the next couple times we tried having sex, it worked, I lost my virginity, however my erections were weak (70%?) and I didn't cum. Ever. This was confusing, having been fed stories of rock-hard excitement and 14 second orgasms when losing one's virginity... Anyways, we had sex again one night (which would turn out to be the last time, as she found a boyfriend after that) and this time I couldn't get hard at all, despite her very best efforts. I felt like shit. Confused. Depressed. Doubting my sexuality. "Why isn't kissing exciting me at all??" I thought. I thought maybe I was gay, because gay porn was the only thing turning me on those days.
A few months went by and the porn and masturbation continued.
Then I discovered YBOP, HOCD, Nofap, Pornfree... And everything changed...
I knew what I had to do. I quit porn and masturbation cold turkey with no relapses for 50 days as an experiment. In that time I experienced insane sexual urges, short flatlines, depression, aggravation and then some positive changes. I started to exercise with all this extra time, noticing real women more, and feeling a little bit less anxious in public. But I'm not a patient guy. Results started to plateau after about 30 days. Morning wood had returned, I could get full erections just from touch etc. But I still felt horny. So on day 50, I decided that masturbation was never the issue. The issue was over-masturbation caused by stress (when you're stressed you may masturbate even when not genuinely horny) and also porn use. So I fapped. And it was glorious. The only thing I had to think about to get turned on was my sexy self. No fantasies. Just the experience itself. My HOCD went away with time. I'm back to normal in that department, but staying of porn is the most important part. PIED obviously gone. If I ever have ED with a woman again, I'll know it's purely anxiety hahaha. And depression and anxiety have slowly disappeared as well.
To summarize: Do nofap to help with pornfree. Then once you've gone for a while, gotten morning wood back, erections from manual stimulation with little to no fantasy, start fapping again. It's good for you, just do it in moderation. AND WITH NO PORN EVER. Recipe for success right here.