Age 19 - Lost my virginity, back to my "natural me," after a 2-year struggle

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After months of ups and downs, relapses and urges, flatlines and “superpowers”, I’ve earned a great source of experience and it has definitely changed my life forever. If someone had told me, not at the beginning but even six months ago, that I would reach 90 days without Porn and Masturbation, then I wouldn’t have believed him. These last weeks have been as if I was living in a dream and I would never want to wake-up.

When I was little, I was that confident guy who always wanted to have fun playing football (soccer) with his friends and being comfortable around girls. I had no worries, no anxiety, unlimited energy and full joy, until I turned 13. I still remember my first fap when I was on my bed, when just for curiosity I started playing with my little thing which ended in a fap. At that moment I didn’t realise what was going on, but I felt pleasure about it and from then become a daily routine.

As a result, all my confidence and energy was gone in my teenage years. Social anxiety, brain fog, lack of self-esteem and sexual drive, emotional numbness and all the PMO symptoms became my second nature. I had many friends (who were like me) but I wasn’t able to talk to the opposite sex. Instead of having a good time with people I’d rather be alone at my room jerking like hell while watching hot models having sex or staring at the picture of a girl who I could meet if I had the guts to talk to her.

That would be my life for the next five years. EVERY SINGLE DAY. No exceptions. Even if I was staying at a friend’s or I was travelling around the world with my family. Fapping was the best way to mask my insecurities.

I feel miserable after clubbing with my friends, I had no fun because I was constantly thinking on getting laid. Solution: PMO.

I have a work meeting, I’m scared. Solution: PMO.

I like this girl so much I’d go talk to her but I’m afraid she rejects me. Solution: PMO.

My collegues want me to hang out with them but I feel tired. Solution: PMO.

As you see, I used PMO as a magic pill who could quit my negative emotions so I could feel temporally numbed. At the short-term it worked, so I could procrastinate my problems, but not in the long-term. I wasn’t aware about the toxic effects of excessive PMO consumption until one article literally changed my mind-set about PMO.

That day was like any other day, keeping my fapping routine. But deep inside I was very angry about the situation. So I started searching self-improvement articles on Spanish forums (English is my third language) about social skills when suddenly I found one talking about the dangers of Porn. The first time I read it I was confused about what the guy was saying because my friends would always say to me that fapping was healthy and alpha. But in the other hand I was excited about the story. He wrote about the benefits of 90 days abstinence and left a website to check the opinion of the people who had overcome the addiction. I spent all night reading YourBrainOnPorn articles which gave me a source of motivation to make my first streak.

Thus, I began on January 2016. My first streaks didn’t last more than 5 consecutive days. I wasn’t yet ready to fight my sexual urges. Nevertheless, I kept trying and trusted the experience of the veterans on the NoFap journey. As the time passed, I was reaching 20 days streaks with tons of energy and confidence. Though, I’d have days of endless brain fog and social anxiety. When I relapsed, I’d always binge until the next day (once I reached 10 faps in a day) to reset my count to 0 and then start again.

However, I still had faith on the process because I knew it was the perfect opportunity (and probably the last shot) to become my best version again as in the childhood. I couldn’t imagine myself being a 50 year old virgin without any girlfriend spending all day playing Call Of Duty and fapping while watching pixels of unknown naked women.

After 1,5 years of daily struggle, on June, after Real Madrid Champions League’s victory (felt miserable that day, I’m a Barça fan), I decided to quit the addiction for 90 days, but this time I was 100% sure. From the first day I knew I would reach the goal. I’d promise myself I would make a NoFap article once I made it.

I have to admit the first days were the worse. I couldn’t sleep at nights because I’d feel horny. I felt so much brain fog I couldn’t even keep a normal conversation with someone. However, from the first month I began to experience again the typical benefits of the Reddit. My willpower was growing so it became easier to deal with urges. Even if I had one-week flatlines, I coudn’t let me go back to the reset point. I wasn’t going to sacrifice almost two years of hard-work only for five seconds of instant gratification.

The fact that my streak was on summer helped me a lot. Although I spent all July studying for the final exams (NoFap gave me the energy to study), I had until September to enjoy my holidays. The effort was worth. I’ve had the best summer of my life. Not only because I lost my virginity with a girl I liked or because I had so much fun with my buddies, but because I became my natural me again.

Now that my mind is very clear, I’m aware about the decision I made. If I had kept the lifestyle of my teenage years, then I wouldn’t have had the chance to go out and live the life I wanted with people who I love. I’d still be in my room living in a fake world full of fake hot women making fake love (not even that) with beta men. I woudn’t have been able to conquer the girl I like now (she was very supportive when I told her about the addiction). If you feel in the same situation as I’ve been, then NoFap is the main solution to success. Take profit of the energy boost and build the life you want to have. If you think you’re not going to make it, at least make a full month trial.

I’m so thankful to each of you that it will never be enough compared to all the help you have supplied on Reddit and YourBrainOnPorn in the last years. I definitely recommend NoFap. Not only because you want to get laid, be a chick magnet and get all the “superpowers”, but to demonstrate yourself that you can choose the life that you have always dreamed. It takes lots of sacrifice, indeed. Most of the people prefer excessive instant gratification so they don’t need to deal with problems, okay. If you do NoFap most of them will laugh at you and say you’re fuckin’ crazy. Fine, then be that 5% of the population who don’t care about it and instead chase the long-term ambitions. They will judge you anyway. So better take the life you desire rather than the life that people want to you.

I wish you good luck! If I can do it, then you can do it too! For those who are in a bad moment, I’ve been there. It sucks. But as everything, it is temporal. Your brain is rewiring from years of PMO abuse. Keep the faith and become a winner!

PD: If you need advice, just ask! I’ll probably make an article only for NoFap strategies. By the way, excuse me if I made big English mistakes. I tried to write the best I could!

[I fapped to porn] For 5 years more less, twice a day. Since I was 18 I've had several great streaks but I'd binge everytime I had a relapse. Don't do that, NEVER. It's a huge mistake. It makes the rebooting process even more difficult.

About PIED, I wasn't aware about it because I never had sex before, but now I'm definitely cured. Even my size has grown since I began the journey (one girl told me, lol).

[I'm] 19 right now.

LINK – My 2 Year Experience (100 Days Streak)

By deugniet