Age 20 - People were telling me how I wasn't shy like I used to be.
So today has been 90 days since I embarked on this incredible journey......again. Truth be told I have been trying to quite since February of last year.
Tbh this all started when I decided to give it up for lent for 40 days. After continuously PMO'ing for 4 years this would of been the longest break I would of had.
Weirdly enough though i managed to do it no problem. Maybe because it was because of my reasons for giving it up. Anyway, I remember when I broke the "PMO fast" (if you will), Oh my gosh it was like the best feeling I had ever experienced, for a split second I felt like my head was gonna blow off. But then with each PMO that feeling went away pretty quickly (as I was doing it quite often) until it came to the point where I was feeling slightly down after doing it.
During my research into why, was when I stumbled across YBOP. Here was where I found about the supposed benefits of abstaining, i.e the increased testosterone (which i know is a controversial issue). Not just that but the increased social confidence aswell. This was mainly what popped out at me because i was never a popular kid at school. Lets just say I was basically your typical chubby, slightly nerdy teen. Therefore I was already convinced into doing this again, but longer.
I successfully managed to go 60 days starting September of that year. I did actually notice the benefits. My social confidence DEFENITELY increased (could of been due to growing up but I would say PMO is more likely). I was doing and saying things which I would never of done before. I was becoming more noticed by people. I wasn't that kid anymore that everybody kinda ignored. there was a place in society for me and im there now. People were telling me how I wasn't shy like I used to be. Believe me you could ask ANYBODY about me and GUARANTEED the first thing they WOULD OF (past tense) said was that i was shy. That's not the case anymore. I mean maybe i was more sensitive to the changes than others. you might say it was the placebo effect but to be honest I don't really care if it was, in fact, if it was then that makes me even more thankful because that means that just by believing in myself i was able to achieve this (i know it sounds cliché but its true).
However, as the deprivation grew longer, the temptation grew stronger until it got me one evening. once again i fell into that same trap and was regularly PMO'ing (averaging about once a day), taking week breaks here and there, until September of this year. this was when I decided to be serious again. And 90 days later here I am. I haven't masturbated at all but honestly I have looked at a pics (about 3 times in total. Damn you GW!).
This is what i tell myself to try and keep the urges at bay: "I'm masturbating to some pictures/videos of a woman who is some guy's girlfriend/wife who is getting to have REAL sex with her"
The free time I get now and all that extra energy I have focused into getting in shape, reading books, getting on top of my uni work.
Anyways, I have now put on parental controls on my computer. I have never had a girlfriend before but 2015 is my year, I can guarantee that much. I said the next time I am to see a naked body will be in real life, experiencing it with my 5 senses. My greatest regret is that I didn't do this when I was a young teen. A lot of my teenage years I would say I have 'wasted'. That's not to say that I hate my past-self because of this, but on the contrary, I embrace him.
I'm 20 btw, in my second year of university. Merry Christmas folks! Thank you for reading my essay.
We CAN and WILL pull through this.