Age 20 - Still in flatline at 120 days (I was bad - ED even with porn)

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I will break it down from month to month. Will go in detail on the first month, because there were a lot of changes.

Progress

Month 1

Day 1 to 7

  • Clarity of mind (Zero mental fog)
  • Strong sexual urges to PMO
  • Extremely comfortable in social situations
  • Drive
  • Motivation
  • High energy
  • Happiest I've been in over 10 years!
  • No anxiety
  • Open to new experiences. Everything seems so new and exciting!
  • Insane mood swings
  • Crystal clear mind
  • Felt like a kid again, but with the manliness testosterone gives you
  • Insomnia at day 6-7 (extra: on day 7, i noticed some hair grew on my back)

Overall, the first week was also a roller coaster of emotion, but felt really good that week.

Day 8-14 (Transition into the flatline)

  • Slightly Lethargic
  • Less energy
  • Less drive
  • "neutral mood" to everything
  • Some mental fog
  • Less need to socialize
  • Occasional feeling of isolation and depression
  • Some anxiety

Starting from day 15 <Flatline>

  • Extremely low libido
  • Almost no random erections
  • No urges to PMO
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • No energy
  • Feeling of loneliness/isolation
  • Fear
  • Racing thoughts
  • Sleepiness during the day
  • Heavy mental fog (Can't think straight/creatively, forgetfulness, memory problems)
  • Social anxiety
  • Everything is dead and I see no beauty in life
  • Numbed pleasure response to everything

Month 2

<Flatline>

Month 3

<Flatline>

Month 4

<Flatline>

  • Decided to do one MO intentionally at day 104 to see if libido would come back. Nothing happened. (The flatline is very scary, I was desperate. I read on YBOP that this worked for some people who experience very long flatlines)

(I will reset my counter after I'm done recovering. For now, I want to keep it to keep writing reports, and one MO is really not significant at this point)

  • Insane urges to watch P (They come and go)

End

Considering I've abused PMO for the last 12 years of my life (since age 8, 'till now at age 20), I know it's going to take me a longer time than others. When I say "abused PMO", I mean that I was addicted to pleasure, and used PMO to stimulate myself throughout the day. During my early teen years, (13-16), I would go 5-10 times a day watching P and MO'ing. At about age 19, I couldn't PMO as much anymore because I couldn't even get it up to P anymore. It got to the point where I'd PMO even with a half-erection just to get the dopamine release. An O wouldn't even satisfy me anymore.

Good luck. I'm still going through hell. God, it's mental torture. I sure hope this is all worth it in the end.

Stay strong.

LINK - 120-Day Breakdown

by anch098


 

UPDATE - 8 MONTHS

No urges to watch porn, yet constant flashbacks of it?

It's really bothering me. I'm in a flatline and for some reason I can't get the flashbacks out of my head. It's been 8 months now and they're occurring ALL the time. It never leaves me alone. Months ago these flashbacks occurred and I relapsed because they "tempted me" to watch porn, but now I don't feel like watching porn at all, and I'm not tempted to, but these images keep flashing anyway. I feel so disgusting.

They're not all necessarily memories of porn though. Most of the time my mind just drifts off on its own and starts imagining somebody I know performing in these porn flashbacks/fantasies whatever you wanna call them. Like seriously. Will I ever imagine a woman in a pure way? Like ever?