Age 20 - Well, ladies and gentlemen, I Found The Missing X.
Hi, I'm a 20-year old who has been masturbating since 13, and when I started I was fapping a lot. More than 5 times a day, then it normalized. From normal I became a f***kin weirdo who was playing video games most of the day and only going out to school.
For 3 years straight. I know that i have a big anal fetish, which went from girls to trannies and ultimately, gay porn (thank god I stopped this soon because I'm not attracted at all to guys.its just the dopamine rush). At 16 I became aware of the big mistake I was doing and I returned to the right path, but nothing was like before.
I had very poor social skills.Then i started a big journey of recovery. I met lots of new people, I could easily do that, but I couldn't make friends or get a girlfriend, something was definitely WRONG.
Then i met the pickup community. I thought that i lacked the skill to get the girls, so I started approaching girls thinking that is was only a matter of time until it was only normal again and i could get a girlfriend.WRONG again.
I approached more than 700 girls on clubs + approaching in the street, and only got a date, which failed. Not even a KISS. During this time i developed a huge confidence and lost a part of my social anxiety, along with a lot of social reference experiences with both girls and guys. I recovered my social skills and surpassed most of the people, but I couldn't manage to find the X that was missing in the equation.
My main problem is that I had it very easy to get to know new people, I have never had much social anxiety. Instead of that I couldn't progress further in the relationships. It was like a barrier. I swear I knew a lot of people and would like to hang out with them, but I just didn't know how to. But as I said, something was definitely missing in me, I was not the same as before. I thought I was different than everyone and started to lose hope.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I FOUND THE MISSING X.
Although my no fap experience was not that good. After the first 2 weeks I had days where I felt so good, and then bad days came. It was a chain of ups and downs. But man, the ups were awesome. It was the old me but much better. The me +the missing x +much more. Those days I was fearless at approaching girls. It was my golden days.
Then flatline came after like 40 days of no fap and felt like a piece of shit. I cried several times. It lasted for like 33 days. No libido, no more awesomeness. Never been so depressed.
After those 33 days (day 73 of no fap). I slowly started to feel better.Veeeeery slowly.
Now I'm feeling a bit better than when I started no fap, but I haven't reached my best.
This graphic shows a fellow no fapper mood graphic, which is almost the same as mine with the only difference that before flatline I had lots of ups and downs.Then it was very stable mood.
So I'm never going back to fapping or porn. Fuck that, I can do much more :D When I will be fully recovered. I will finally be able to put an use to my pickup skills and iron confidence I gained through approaching lots of girls and meeting lots of new people. When this happens, I will finally make true my dream of kissing a girl and having sex. (sadly, that's my current goal since 16 yo, my other goal was finishing college, but that one is far easier (or was until now =) )
So as I stated,this a start, not an ending. You can ask me any questions, I will gladly answer them.
- Progress is extremely slow.I had full withdrawals for one year straight,so i guess its gonna take at least 2 years to fully recover.I also masturbated to porn once an watched porn a few times these last months,but im over it and doing well again. At the moment i feel better on average than when i had full withdrawals, but still worse than when i was on porn.This is a very long journey for some of us.
- The flatline comes and goes,and the timelapse between flatline or not gets shorter as you keep going.Be wary thought,you might relapse.I thought i was invincible and that i wouldn't ever relapse ,but i did. When you are in a flatline is extremely easy to not watch porn and be tempted. The key is to not get discouraged and keep going even if you fail,and not binge.