Age 21 - (ED): over a year at this
It's been over a year now that I have been at this.
I started May last year and in those pubescent days of my reboot I was anal about my progress; I would X out days on the calendar to chart days without PMO/MO. I would over over analyze the depth of my voice, confidence around girls, strength in the gym etc... I had a journal on this forum which I checked religiously. What I realized was that this constant evaluation of my progress was actually holding me back and now I view those days as the days of my "immature" reboot. It reminds me of the quote, "out of sight out of mind". The topic of porn and masturbation was constantly on my mind and involved in my life... my life became no PMO.
Well... I stopped posting here, stopped charting my days, and did my best to forget about everything. I did this because once you reach a certain point of knowledge about no PMO there is nothing more to understand. Action (in our case non action) is the only way forward. While I believe the forums are important for getting your feet off the ground at a certain point you must cut the training wheels and go it alone. You and you alone have to beat this... That is the one thing in this game that will remain constant. It is all on you and you have 100% control.
What I think you will find is that after a week or so the PMO thoughts will start to fade and you will begin to go days, even weeks, without getting close to watching or yanking. I relapsed many times along the way and it sucks. With that said I think it is important to get a few relapses under your belt especially early on in the reboot process. All your hard-work goes down the drain and you must learn to build yourself back up further than the height you fell from. Eventually you learn to know better that if you let yourself fall you are going to hate yourself. Equate more pain to the relapse than the to the pleasure of PMO and you are on the path.
Its a long process and there are no immediate benefits.
The benefits I have noticed long term:
- Discipline: I eat a near perfect diet, lift 4-5 days a week, work 7 days a week, and study for a law exam
- Social: Far more grounded and in the moment. I don't imagine bad things happening before they happen nearly as much as I used to.
- Sexual: I had Porn-induced ED. My boners are improving I would say on a monthly basis. I started at about 60% now I am up to about 80%. I am confident I will be at 90-100% by year end.
- My sexual imagination is back and this is by far the most noticeable change to come from abstaining. When girls talk I am to imagine their tone moaning sexually. I am able to fantasize about them like the way I did when I was 15 or 16. This has been getting more pronounced for the past 3 weeks or so and just reafirrming my belief that my ED is caused by PMO.
All in all... If you had the choice to become a more confident person, would you choose yes or no?
link to post - Words from 100+
So I did it once, that is make it to 90 days, and now I've done it again. From around the block I've heard that this process can be life changing, that it can turn you into a new man. While I don't necessarily believe that no fap itself is life changing, I do believe it helps you the build the foundation that enables you to launch life changing actions.
In the great book 'Think and Grow Rich' by Napoleon Hill, Hill discusses the idea of Sex Transmutation. Sex Transmutation is the process in which you take the power of sex and apply it to other areas of your life. To quote Hill he says, "the desire for sexual expression is inborn and natural. The desire cannot, and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the mind body and spirit of man. *If not given this form of outlet, it will seek outlets through purely physical channels.*" My interpretation and application of this quote is that PMO releases the power of our sex drive through "purely physical channels". In other words, we a like a castrated bull; big and strong, but no drive. Hill goes on to give the metaphor that "a river may be dammed, and it's water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet." What he is getting at is that if we "dam" our sex drive, it is literally impossible to keep it down; the sex drive will force an outlet in life.
This is what I mean by saying that no fap (I believe in no fap) gives you a foundation to build off of. Your sex drive, at some point, starts to shine through into your actions. And that what is different from the "new" me compared to the me from the past. I continue to take action, massive action. No longer will I go a day, or a week, or a month of "starting" something. If I make up my mind that I am going to do something, I am going to do it. And that's the difference! It's as if going 90 days has shown me that only long term action produces results. And now that I know that, now that I believe that, I will do it. A wise man once said "it doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop." I failed a lot guys. I started this process in May 2012 and now, a year and some change later, I am beginning to have the confidence in myself to say that the porn lifestyle is a thing of the past. The determined attitude that no-fap has shown to me is too great to say this is just placebo. Something changes within you throughout this process. You will seemingly without effort look for ways to improve yourself. Because when you have this force behind you that is all you can do, that is all I can do, to be the best me that I can be. And if that means going against social norms, fuck the haters. I tuck in my shirt. I act and speak with manners. I eat salads. I exercise everyday. I challenge myself to speak up. I am addicted to chess. I walk with purpose. I speak in the mirror for 10 minutes every day. I read 10 pages of a self help book every day. I meditate for 15 minutes everyday. I listen to a hypnosis track before I go to bed everyday. I write in my Journal everyday. Why? Because I'm trying to blow up!
Can you feel me? I need to be a man. I can't stop the process.
And don't take it from me! See it for yourself. In order to live a better life you need to invest in yourself. So make that choice, because that's what this is, just a choice between the right way and the wrong way. And when you fail, pick your ass off the ground and try again.
Winners fail their way to success.