Age 21 - Extreme fetish porn: Sixty days makes a big difference.

Printer-friendly version

I first realized I had a problem with porn and compulsive masturbation about two years ago (age 19), when I realized that I couldn't perform sexually with the girl I was dating at the time. Even though she was attractive, I had to fantasize about porn, but even that wasn't a guarantee. Around this time my porn use tended to gravitate towards more and more extreme types of porn, moving from 'regular' porn to BDSM porn and finally to gay/transsexual porn.

For the last two years I masturbated almost exclusively to extreme porn, and even occasionally gay porn. I masturbated compulsively, from a minimum of 2 times a day up to 5 or 6 times a day. Long story short, I had a really big problem. I found myself attracted to women mentally but physically my body did not respond to what I had found most arousing my entire life. This ended up being a source of extreme confusion and angst for me - was I actually gay? Why was I mentally attracted to women but unable to respond to anything but transsexual and gay porn?

I felt drained constantly and had no interest in socializing or hanging out with friends. I had difficulty maintaining eye contact with people throughout my daily life, and I experienced a deep sense of shame that I couldn't explain. Deep down inside I knew that something had changed in the last few years of my life, but I didn't know what (hint: I do now). It was like the life force had been sucked out of me.

Out of curiosity I decided to try nofap during the Summer. I wasn't totally convinced that it would work, but I figured that given the vast amount of positive anecdotes it was worth a shot, and I wouldn't lose much if it didn't do anything. First I did 3 days, then 7, then 14, then 30, and finally 60, and let me tell you - what a huge difference nofap has made in my life. Now, at this point I should clarify: I don't think I'm all the way through the reboot process, and I might be a long ways away from a "full" reboot. But I am experiencing some huge changes in my life.

I'm more confident in social situations. I no longer experience an inexplicable shame when interacting with people. I maintain eye contact and speak (most of the time) with confidence. I trust myself and know that I am a being with worth and value and strength, and other people see it too. More women make eye contact with me, and an unprecedented number of them often smile at me as I pass by.

I have more focus, my memory is better, and I am experiencing stronger emotions as well. However, I seem to be experiencing greater instability in terms of my mood. Things are usually pretty good but sometimes I go through cycles where I am lethargic, depressed, and drained for a few days and then I return to normal. But I always come back from these cycles feeling better than I did before.

Still, though I am now experiencing regular morning wood and the occasional random boner, I still can't just look at an attractive woman and reach that level of arousal. But I'm getting there. People I would have found only "objectively" attractive are now significantly attractive, and I am appreciating and noticing different things on women. Furthermore, I no longer view women as a piece of meat or a sex object (maybe one of the biggest benefits in my book).

I don't think that all of these changes are directly caused by nofap. I have made many changes to my lifestyle during the last 60 days, such as waking up early every morning, exercising several times a week, eating a healthier diet, cold showers, and seeing a therapist. But nofap is really good at laying everything bare for you to see and react to.

When you can't hide and numb yourself with PMO you begin to question a lot of norms and habits you have in place. Suddenly it doesn't make so much sense to try to appeal so hard to women or avoid harm in social situations. It makes more sense to rely on the person who I am, who I have become, and who I am becoming. I am the most important person in my life and I have begun to give myself the respect (and healthy criticism) I deserve.

Do yourself a favor. Any significant change will require a certain amount of blind or nearly blind faith on your part, and that's what sometimes makes improvement so difficult. Trust what you read here and what you read on other nofap friendly sites on the web and just give it an honest, good shot.

LINK - Sixty days makes a big difference.

by blehhhhhh_hh