Age 21 - High functioning autism: It's easy to carry on conversations; smile & laugh with confidence
There were some highs (some really highs), and there were some lows (a few really lows).
There were also a few days here and there where I edged slightly (rubbing, but not jerking), some almost to the point of orgasm, but I managed to stop myself and continue on like nothing happened... it didn't feel like masturbation, and the moments were fairly brief (3-5 minutes).
Background on me:
I'm a student in my third year at a community college, I also work part-time overnight shifts at a senior living center. I do not have a car, or a large circle of friends (at least those I see frequently), and i've never had a girlfriend before. My sleeping pattern switches halfway through the week from sleeping until the late afternoon on weekends to waking up mid-morning on weekdays. With the schedule I have between work and classes, I am unable to go out and do things with people on the weekends (parties, clubbing, bar-hopping, etc.) I'm forced to live a life of solitude and occasionally going out in public to work out, play basketball, and visit a friend or two, but nothing more than that. The roommate I live with who has a car is busy most of the time and is unable to drive me places. My overnight job can also be lonely at times because i'm the only one on duty. There was one time during a shift where for 10 minutes I went through a brief bout of crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to feel. I don't know if it was because of being sexually frustrated or if I was lonely... all I know is it happened... for whatever reason. Enough venting though, continuing on...
Effects i've noticed while on nofap
- Better vision and hearing. This is a tough one to explain, all I can say is that music sounds better; I can hear lyrics more clearly than ever before. I can also hear tone of voice better (the highs and the lows of general speech). I can see things better, and even my peripheral vision has become very sharp. I can also hear tone of voice much more clearly.
- Refined Palette. I can taste food better, everything seems to have an extra "kick" to it. Even the simplest meals like a fried egg sandwich with BBQ sauce tastes absolutely delicious. Fruits taste sweeter, and veggies have an extra crisp to them.
- Expression with body language. I speak with my body a lot more than I used to before nofap, without even thinking. People seem to be receptive to it, and they enjoy it. I find it a lot easier to understand body language now; at times I can guess generally what people are thinking just by looking at how they physically express themselves.
- Looks. I'm getting a lot of "looks" from a lot of people. Nothing threatening or weird in nature, just curious looks from guys and girls/women alike. Almost like a "Who the heck is he?" kind of look. I'm 6'0 tall, 150 lbs.
- Better conversations. I find it very easy to carry a conversation with people; could be a 10/10 girl, a guy who is more intimidating than me, an old dude, a kid, my sisters, parents, anyone.
- Deeper voice. This may be due to a boost in testosterone, but I notice myself speaking everything with confidence, I don't mumble things anymore, I speak chest out.
- I smile and laugh with confidence a lot more around people; the kind of genuine, un-forced smiles and laughs. I smile because I find he/she amusing, and I give out a hearty laugh if I think something is truly funny.
- Motivation to pursue public interaction. If it's daytime and I have nothing of value to do at home, I will go out in public because I now find it comfortable to be out and about; before I loathed going out in public and sometimes was incredibly anxious over it.
- Better focus. I find it very easy to pay attention to what's in front of me and my priorities, be it a lecture, note-taking, work duties, whatever. I feel completely tuned in. Sex or masturbation does not enter my mind in these situations, whereas before nofap, it did, sometimes frequently.
*Better overall mood. If someone asks me how i'm feeling, 9 times out of 10 I would say "feeling good/doing well" instead of "eh, not too bad/could be better". I genuinely feel calm in any situation and any environment; my heart-rate barely changes wherever I go.
*Courage to approach an attractive girl/group of girls. If I see a girl I think is attractive, I go up and say something to them. I say literally the first thing that comes to my mind, and my conversations just flow logically from there.
Note: These are just my personal effects, some of them may/may not apply to you in your experience. Remember, everybody is different
Habits i've picked up while on nofap
*I shower at least once every day, and mainly cold showers too (before I would go a few days, sometimes a whole week without showering. here is a link explaining the benefits of cold showers
*I brush my teeth at least once, sometimes twice a day. Yes, this may sound like a habit anybody should have picked up by now, but personally I hadn't yet... sometimes I would go a few days, maybe a week or two without brushing. Yeah, gross I know.
*I work out every day. No, i'm not on a specific diet or gym regimen per-say. Say for example I have a lot of energy at a particular moment in time, I find a spot to work out and do push-ups/tricep dips/abdominal lifts/bicep curls. I don't think twice, I just do it out of habit. It makes me feel good.
*I bike frequently. It gets me from point A---B faster, and I have fun doing it. I pass by a ton of cars; I know people see me clearly, yet, I just don't give a shit anymore what they think of me. It feels good.
What i've learned while on nofap
Girls/women are human beings, not just sexual objects (this applies to guys too), so treat them as such. If a casual encounter with a girl happens to lead to sex, cool, it's a shared release of sexual and biological tension. There is nothing wrong with that, just don't make it the ultimate goal in life. Remember your priorities and stick to them.
If you are constantly thinking of sex, you need to discipline your mind to think of something else. Teach yourself to live for the moment, meaning what you directly sense via visual/auditory information at that moment in time, focus on it. This discipline can be accomplished through meditation, fitness, or other enjoyable activities (reading, gaming, learning, watching movies/tv shows, hanging out with friends). Distract your mind until you can do it without even thinking about it.
Pursue social interaction when reasonable (by reasonable, I mean in a situation where it's not interfering with your priorities or plans for that day). Any and every social encounter is a chance to learn something new, or meet a potential friend (even girlfriend/sexual partner!)
Work out. Seriously, girls go nuts over a guy with muscles. I don't mean you need to look like the freaking terminator, but lets face it: anyone who looks physically fit makes them 3-5x more attractive versus someone who is bone-thin/fat. From an evolutionary perspective, whether they consciously realize it or not, girls tend to go after the guy that will provide them the most security and protection. Guys are also less likely to get in your face/intimidate you if they know you could beat them to a pulp if you wanted to. It also makes any task involving physical movement easier.
Consume a healthy diet. This is huge. You are what you eat. Stay away from eating too much refined sugars (cake, cookies, candies), and stay away from caffeine as much as possible. If consumed too much, they can interfere with your sleep and overall energy levels throughout the day and give you a false sense of energy. Make sure to incorporate fruits and veggies into your diet whenever possible. Be aware of what you consume.
Groom yourself well. Nobody likes a guy/girl that smells bad, or someone that dresses like a bum. This means taking showers often, brushing your teeth, shaving, haircut, whatever gives you a feeling of cleanliness, do it. Also, make sure to keep up on your laundry. Quick note, don't overdue it on the cologne/deodorant/body spray. It's quite an overwhelming scent if used too much.
Be polite, not awkward Sometimes a simple "Hi, how are you?" or "How's your day?" is all it takes to cheer someone up, or at least open them to conversation.
Meditate This is a big one. If you feel things are overwhelming you to the point of overload, relax and meditate for as long as you feel is necessary. It will clear your mind and help you focus on what's important. Here is a video describing the benefits of meditation
Pursue a hobby Remember that thing you did that you liked doing, but never got around to doing it? Do it. Anything to get your mind off of masturbation. It feels good to do something you like.
Personal improvement days Dedicate a day every now and then to personal improvement. This could mean picking up a new hobby, learning a practical skill, learning a new concept/idea, building a beneficial habit... you have a lot of options here. A lot can be learned in one day if one sets their mind to it, and you'll feel better for it.
That about wraps it up. I'll post again in another 90 days to update you all on my progress, as well as provide insight and advice. Feel free to ask me any questions or provide criticism, am open to anything.
TL;DR: Nofap changed me from a boy to a man
Edited for cleanliness and content.
EARLIER POST - Old me vs. new me (before and after pic + summary)
Posted a few days back on my successes... it didn't get much attention, so i'm giving it another go. I'm alone bored at work and have nothing better to do.
67 days doesn't seem like a long time to some, but for me, it's been the longest (and best) 67 days I can remember. Before I joined, I was a chronic masturbator. I couldn't go a single day without the thought of "when's the next time i'm going to jerk off?" I did it once a day typically, and some days I would do it twice (after I woke up, and before I fell asleep).
What I didn't realize at the time was how much this was draining my mental (and sometimes physical) energy; to the point where it gave me no motivation or drive to do or try things. By that, I mean anything outside of my comfort zone or normal way of life.
Old me was (and this is not at all exhaustive):
- Comfortable in solitude, uncomfortable in public
- Anxious when talking to attractive girls
- Hard-pressed at picking up social cues and body language (even though I knew a lot about it)
- Insistent on doing tedious, monotonous tasks (like playing video games for long periods of time without breaks [4-6 hours daily on some occasions])
- annoying to people (a couple moments come to mind where a friend felt like punching me, they looked serious too. It was that bad)
- A scrawny guy. 6'0 and 132 lbs. I couldn't intimidate anyone if I tried.
- An anti-comedian; I made that phrase up. I'm talking about that one guy you know/did know that thought he was funny, but actually wasn't. That guy who smiled and laughed to himself like a clown every time he said something he thought was funny. that was me
- Hard to hear. No, I mean hard to physically hear. People would constantly say "what?" "huh?" "I didn't hear you". This would piss me off to no end.
- Used by people a lot. "Can you grab me a beer?", "Can you go into my car to get something?", "Can you pack this bowl for me?" (yes I smoke weed, don't judge). I abliged on all scenarios just because I was nice. I secretly loathed it.
- Frequently in a depressed mood
There were times when I absolutely hated myself. Usually when that happened, I took escape routes for that dopamine rush; Video games, weed, and masturbation being the big one.
Honestly? Just typing the top part of this list depressed me a little. It's okay, the flip side is coming right...
Now. 67 days in, I:
- Am confident. In everything I do, say, type, write, gesture, etc.
- Am full of energy, from the moment I wake up, to the moment I choose to fall asleep.
- Am more athletic. I'm 6'0, 147 lbs. and rising. I gained 15 lbs. of muscle in just over 2 months time. I can touch rim on a basketball hoop easily.
- Have better skin. Minus some scars around my body (face, hand, shins), my whole body just glows. I'm not even that tan overall.
- Have a calm, relaxed demeanor. Doesn't matter what bullshit I was through that day; without trying, I still maintain a relaxed persona.
- Can hear better. Yes, I can actually hear better. Maybe it's just increased awareness, but sounds are more vibrant and have a fuller effect to me. Music especially; I can hear sounds in the songs that I simply did not hear before. It also gives me an advantage in public; i'm very good at tuning into other people's conversations (not because I want to, I just can't help but hear them). I've heard some interesting ones!
- Groom myself more. I take showers at least once, sometimes twice daily. Only cold showers too. The rush you get from a long one is like popping an adderol pill.
- Am more comfortable around those of the opposite sex. In a way, it seems to radiate off of me onto them. Without trying, I think I make girls horny. at least half of the girls I walk by start to A) play with their hair or B) look down to the ground. A) means they are sexually attracted, B) means they are nervous and are thinking of something to say, but can't. There are girls with boyfriends i've talked to who talk to me like they don't have a boyfriend. I find this especially funny, mainly because i'm only 21, have never had sex... I haven't even had a first kiss. They probably would think otherwise if I asked... I'm not mad though, in due time I guess.
- Have intense workouts. I keep saying this, but without trying I push to the limit; until my muscles are worked to failure. It feels amazing!
- Have a deeper, more profound voice. When I talk, people around me notice. Heads turn...
- Am more attentive on specific tasks. This includes, but is not limited to: Homework, in-class lectures, sport activities (biking, basketball), work, tests, essay writing, video games (I will always be a gamer at heart. Nobody will ever take that from me; they are fun as hell), etc.
- Am hungry, a lot. I had a hard time finishing meals sometimes before. Now, I finish a small meal and just want more. I try my best to avoid foods/drinks with little-to-none nutritional value. It's a work in progress, but one thing i've learned is: everything in moderation.
- I can befriend others easily. I can slip into a conversation with ease, like a vocal ninja. I am nice to others out of habit, not because i'm trying to be, I just am
- Smoke weed less frequently. This was a problem area for me, I used to go through 3.5 grams of dank bud in less than a week, now I can make a gram last from 5 days to a week in a half. Many of you probably don't smoke weed... I do it for my reasons, and you don't for your reasons. To each is their own. For those that do, just know the highs are more intense and the effects are longer lasting. It feels otherworldly.
With all that being said, nofap isn't easy. If it was, everyone would do it, but we're not everyone, are we? I didn't get this far by not trying.
It took a lot of mental training and especially my two favorite "ence's": Persistence and Consistence. Being persistant means not holding yourself back and pursuing what you want.. Consistence means continuing a task or activity until you become autonomous, automatic... however many times it take for you to do it without thinking. This concept applies to nofap: if I have a sexual thought or desire, i've trained myself to find something different to distract me. Anything at all. Working out works best, but there are other "escape routes" you can take here. Find a hobby, learn something new online, play a video game, meditate, eat something, read a book, ride a bike, go for a walk... I could go on for days thinking of stuff to do, it's hard when you start but it gets easier every day. Trust me.
I'm speaking from a little off-hand knowledge on psychology, but that brief sexual desire you have is due mainly in part to a spike in testosterone and dopamine... or the other way around. You had the thought, and your body responded with a spike. I still have some research to do on that topic... regardless, you need to find a way to acknowledge and change that habit around. Cognitive dissonance is very real, and it applies to nofap more than you'd think.
The connection between the mind and the body is a like a sexy tango dance. This dance involves two dancers following each other's leads, the mind and the body is no different here; if one is constantly faulting in the "dance", the other will inevitably follow. It's your duty as the only conscious mammal on this planet to be under full control of that connection. No other animal is capable of it, remember that!
TL;DR: Nofap! you can do it!
Edited for clarity