Okay guys. I didnt really know if I want to write a report or not, but I feel like I owe you one. I want to tell you about myself before nofap, while doing the 100 days and how I feel now. Ive already submitted this one but i forgot about the timezones, since most of you are american I feel like you deserve this.
Before NoFAP - Rock bottom
2011: 5'7, 125 lbs, 19 years old. I was a addicted to a lot of stuff. Games, porn, alcohol, weed, amphetamine, lsd, lsa, shrooms, every psychedelic drug basically. they helped me to forget. My mother kicked me out when I was 18 because I "needed to learn to stand on my own feets", so I had to move to a really shitty appartment in a city far from home where I dont know anybody. I got a shitty underpaid 9-to-5 job in a local office making $4/hr with shitty coworkers and a boss who only wants to become rich. It was barely enough to pay the bills. Needless to say I had suicidal thoughts and was really depressed. I was at rock bottom, as deep down as you could possibly be. I lost faith in everything. I tried to take my own life - twice.
Everything changed after the second attempt. I woke up at the local hospital, my neighbour found me. I dont know what happened, but something in my brain snapped. The only thing I wanted was to be was alive. Maybe some sort of close death experience? I dont know. I stopped caring about anything negative in my life but damn, it was hard. Really fucking hard. I made really slow progress, but things went a little bit better. still addicted to everything buy my mindset went from "everything is pointless" to "I cant do this forever, something HAS to change" time went by and by accident I found you guys.
25th August 2013 - Rebirth!
It never came to my mind that porn, especially PMO could be something bad. I thought everyone would do it and everyone would be fine with it. I found this subreddit and read some success stories and was amazed at how much this little fapping thing could change you. This is my first and only shot at NoFap and I thought to myself that this fucking time, all or nothing, NoFap or death. I'm 21 years now and I want to restart my game called life. I needed to get rid of my addictions, my messy appartment, my shitty job, find some friends, find something to do in life, improve my appearance and maybe, someday find a girl who loves me as much as I love her. I said to myself thats a shitton of stuff to do, so I better get started not tomorrow, not next monday, not next month. not even in an hour. No "last cigarette", no "last drink". I started right there, right now.
I quit smoking, drinking alcohol, drugs and porn on the very same day I quit fapping. I sold every console and every game I had, sold my beloved PC and bought a thinkpad x200 laptop - good enough for work, music and internet but no graphics card so right now I cant even play games if I wanted to. I bought myself a gym membership, went to a skin doctor to get rid of my acne, read a lot about cooking and nutrition and quit all types of soda and fast food aswell. I turned my life upside down.
As everyone of you knows, quitting an addiction is never easy. Not for you and not for me. This thoughts went to my mind every single day:
- this is pointless, why am I even trying?
- My old life wasnt THAT bad...
- a lot of people do drugs/smoke/drink. this cant be the reason why I am unhappy
- nobody will notice any changes, so why do I even bother?
- My efforts will fail just like everything failed in the past
- just one last fap/drink/shot/snort/hit cant be that bad, I mean only one in 2/3/4/5 weeks is a moderate consumption! right?
Im sure some of you have the same thoughts right now. just dont, believe me. it is NOT worth it! I managed to fight my way to 100 days, one day at a time. It went easier and my confidence grew. every aspect of my life improved. I was finally feeling normal. not really happy, but at least not as depressed as before. The higher my day counter climbed, the more faith I had in myself. And here I am, tripple digits!
03. December 2013 - My life right now
Everything is good. I dont regret any of the decisions I made. MY appearance improved and I even made some friends! 145 lbs now, aiming for that magical 150. Im more confident than ever. NOTHING can turn me down right now, my mind is as sharp as never before. You know what they say? Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive. That is 100% true for me. I fought death and won (or at least didnt lose I would say). What in the world could stop me? What could life throw at me to hit me off guard? Everyday fears - what? a rejection? stress at your job? self-doubts? pff! I laugh at those 'problems'! I wasted so much time already. today I life my live to the fullest without letting fear stop me.
Right now, I'm fulfilling my dream. I somehow was able to turn all my savings from $500 to $6k in just 3 months, and I quit my job, my appartment, sold ALL my stuff. I will fly to the other end of the world and try my luck there. On the second of february next year, I will fly to Australia - and never come back. Nothing but some money and a huge backpack with all my stuff. This will be the adventure of my life, some Alexander Supertramp shit if you want to. Lets see what life has to offer!
Despite my more than worse sircumstances, I managed to change my life. If I could, so can you. Dont start tomorrow, start NOW. If there is something to do, do it NOW, It starts with doing dishes, laundry, that one project that needs to be done til tomorrow or even next week. You will feel so much better after youve done it. You have to do all this stuff at some point in the future so why not right now?
This report is longer than I expected, but If just one of you reads it and gets the motivation to start moving, it was worth it. thank you for reading. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me ANYTHING. I will help you as much as I can, I promise.
Kind regards, Cajus