Age 21 - A huge paradigm shift in my behavior & perceptions

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guy admiring girlI'm 21 years old, never had sex. I've been free for exactly 100 days! I haven't watched any kind of porn whatsoever. I didn't even need any blockers.

The only time I saw something sexual was in a movie The Wolf of Wall Street. But I hadn't known there would be something like that. The good thing was, it didn't make me search for the real porn, for which I was grateful.

Since June 9th 2013, I have watched only three porn videos (that was 100 days ago).

I feel confident that I will never go back to porn. I must say that it was pretty easy for me to do this. Because I find the nofap thing a lot more diffucult - I haven't fapped for 20 days now.

What was the key to my success? Probably the realization of the negative effects porn has on the brain. I read all the articles on the site yourbrainonporn.com and it was right there when I realized I don't want to watch any porn ever again. If I can do it, so can you.

I guess everything is in your head. Once you change your thinking/your mindset, you will succeed.

What are the benefits for me? As has been already pointed out by others, I don't objectify women anymore. Ok, sure, I look at girls and admire their beauty, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but there's much more I look for in women now - their personality, the conversations, just holding her hand would be enough for me. My main objective is not find a girl to have sex with, but to share good and bad with her. I want to have normal conversations with her, I want to go to movies with her, walking around town etc.

I think that's the greatest benefit of no porn for me. The paradigm shift.

While doing noporn challenge, I also participate in nofap challenge, which is a little harder, but I don't give up and I keep on fighting.

The noporn challenge game me a paradigm shift. The nofap challenge is giving me energy to go out and talk to people. :)

Have a great day everyone. Remember, it's you who have control of your lives.

LINK - 100 days free! A huge paradigm shift.

by sark9


 

EARLIER POST

I want you to stop. I've gone 44 days without PMO and brought on myself a tsunami of new energy.

This is my first post and I've gone 44 days without PMO. Like most people I started watching porn at the age of 13 or 14. Since then, I've watched porn many times a week, sometimes masturbating several times a day.

Today it's my 21st birthday. My social anxiety forced me to stay at my college dormitory most of the time and even when some social event came up, I turned it down, saying "Sorry, I got to study, exams coming up soon". But I never studied, I was lying to the people and to myself, I was looking forward to the prospect of me being alone at the dorm and I just fapped to porn till I had enough. And even if I went to a social event, my social anxiety blocked my speech and I was unable to make the first contact, especially to the girls. I'm 21 years old now and I've never had a girlfriend, I tried but several times I was rejected which caused my low self-esteem. Because of masturbation I even rejected two girls who showed an interest in me. I started ignoring them and eventually lost them. I regret my past behavior and I have to accept the consequences. My behavior was foolish and pathetic. Since then a lot has changed - I’ve been 44 days free.

MY JOURNEY:

1ST WEEK: The first week was certainly the hardest. There were many temptations on the second day, especially in the shower, but I managed.

I was reading a lot of the stories here on reddit and yourbrainonporn.com. The stories increased my motivation and determination to get through the challenge effortlessly.

On day 5 I noticed my confidence got UP and when I went shopping, I was going down the street with my head held high like a Mr President.

On day 7 I was having a lunch with my family in a restaurant and I told them a good joke and all of us had a good laugh. I was really surprised at my behaviour. I never told jokes before.

2ND WEEK: I was more positive and confident. I started exercising - running on a elliptical machine, doing pus-ups and sit-ups.

I broke my life-record. I did 85 push-ups, not at one go, but I did 20 push-ups, then rested for a minute, again 20 push-ups, rested, and so on. I never thought I could do so many.

On day 11 - I caught myself starting a small talk with the receptionist at my college dorm.

On day 12 - I contacted my two friends from high-school, they are both girls. We went for a pizza together.

Day 14 - I almost relapsed because I went online to chat with people and after several minutes it led to a sexting, which got me horny. But when I realized what I was doing, immediately I turned off the computer, got dressed and went out to see my grandparents at their cottage. At least I was in the company of people and that brought the urges down.

3RD WEEK: I started wearing contact lenses, which made me feel good about myself. I met several people, had nice conversations, basically I was the one leading the conversations.

I saw a movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” with Will Smith starring - I can highly recommend it! Inspirational and motivational at the same time.

On day 21 I was feeling a bit depressed and moody. I started exercising to lift my mood and it really helped.

4TH WEEK:

While studying I am also an intern in one company, on this week they offered me a promotion but I had to decline the offer. My decision was not, however, irrational. I did a lot of thinking.

My sister asked to go party with her and meet her friends. So I DID go with her and had a great time meeting amazing people. The next day my sister told me I was pretty cool at the party. I was saying hi to the people first. I was the initiator of many conversations and people practically liked me.

5TH WEEK:

My will to do things increased tremendously. When I want to do something, I just do it. I procrastinate less than before. I watch TV shows less and I read more.

6TH WEEK:

Totally by accident I spilled a cup of coffee all over the floor. Funny thing happened. It didn’t make me angry or anything. I just laughed at myself being clumsy and went back to having a good time.

I learned that it is us who make the decisions, nobody else. It is totally up to you how you react to the things that happen to you.

On day 40 I was so energetic and happy. Before I was even anxious to make a simple phone call. Now I’m not afraid anymore. I just stepped out of my comfort zone!

On day 42 my sister asked me if I want to go to a music festival with her and her friends. I said YES. It will be great to get out of the house. I will be sleeping in a tent. I haven’t done than in years. I’m so looking forward to it. I might meet some cool girls there.

7TH WEEK - NOW!

Today on July 22nd it’s been 44 days. I am doing extremely fine. I’ve been reading a lot, boosting my vocabulary, listening to great songs, watching meaningful movies, going out meeting people (more than before), smiling a lot.

The great thing is that I’m not afraid to travel anymore. Now I just get on the train and go somewhere.

I must say that my life has changed so much in the last 44 days and the first person I would like to thank is Mr Zimbardo, the famous American psychologist. I found his book on Amazon by accident - The Demise of Guys - I bought it immediately and was dumbstruck at the effects the porn has on the brain. I watched his video on Ted talk site, I did some research, found yourbrainonporn site and eventually this reddit. So thank you every one!

Books I must recommend:

  • The Demise of Guys - Zimbardo - he talks about the effects of porn and computer games on the human brain
  • The Four Agreements - Miguel Ruiz - this book changed my life as well. It describes why we do what we do. It changes your view of the world.
  • Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill - another great book, some really great chapters even on masturbation (called Sexual Transmutation) http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

Then read any books you want to increase your vocabulary, to become a better conversationalist. I recommend getting a Kindle or any e-book reader so that you can read anywhere.

Activities that helped me get through the first days:

  • Exercising - running on a treadmill for at least 40 minutes.
  • Doing push-ups and sit-ups
  • Boxing - this was really helpful and effective. Recommended for everyone.
  •  Reading books
  • Getting out of the house, even if you wander the streets, it’s still better than sitting in front of your computer
  • Reading famous quotes (there are many motivational quotes)
  • Contacting friends you haven’t seen in a long time
  • Watching meaningful movies - The Pursuit of Happyness, Lo Impossible (about family surviving tsunami) - I shed several tears at the end of the movie, Million Dollar Baby (inspirational boxing movie), Yes Man (Jim Carrey comedy)
  • Read something about positive thinking :) When I was feeling angry or just low, I started repeating positive affirmations and it really helped to boost my confidence!
  • See this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAv8u4FhcoE
  •  Do something you wanted to do for years. I learned to tie a tie for example :) I never knew how to do that, always had to ask my father to do it for me.
  • Learn languages :) I started learning French and have been making good progress already :)
  • Make others feel special by giving compliments
  • Stop using Facebook, use it only in emergency.
  • Learn how to dance - girls will appreciate that!

Sites I recommend reading:

I think the KEY to my SUCCESS and why I managed to go 44 days without any major problems is the realization of the effects the porn has on your brain. When you understand what happens to the brain, it will certainly help you get through the urges or temptations to masturbate. Whenever the urges come, think of the effects and you will be fine.

That of course doesn't mean I will stop. I have committed myself to do NOFAP my whole life. I will make my future girlfriend really happy. I can already see my future without any relapses.

I will write an update when I reach the day 90 and tell you about what's new and what happened in my life :)

Have a great day fellas!!

by sark9


 

LAST POST

What happened to me in the last year and why I'm leaving the whole reddit

It has been exactly a year since I started nofap thing. In the last 365 days I have relapsed around 30 times! But when you reverse it, I didn't fap for 335 days, which sounds really great!

I used to fap several times a week, sometimes more than once a day and I managed to cut it down to twice or three times a month! So that's an accomplishment I think! And right now, I'm doing really good, my current streak is almost a month and I haven't been able to manage that since last year.

Also, in the last 365 days, I watched porn only three times out of the whole year. That was pretty easy for me I must say. I feel confident to say that I kicked the porn habit out of my life. Several people already know this about me, that I don't watch porn. For instance, my cousin was really surprised and found it weird.

What are some of accomplishments?

  • I've become more social, every week I go out with friends
  • I've done lots of personal development reading (I recommend the Seven habits of highly effective people)
  • I've done more than 20 hours of meditation in the last two months (meditation keeps better focused and calmer)
  • I've done almost 60 hours of yoga since last September (I try to do at least several minutes a day, be it only 15 minutes).
  • I danced with a girl in a club and made a strong eye contact with her
  • I've learned French almost every day - just several new words are enough to make progress
  • I've learned to cook lasagne :)
  • Currently I'm learning the basics of Javascript
  • I wrote my bachelor thesis and passed the thesis defence, which also included giving a presentation and I killed it, full of confidence, making eye contact etc.
  • I filled out some documents and I'm leaving for France (Erasmus program) in September
  • and much more

I feel this time is different from my past streaks, now I feel ready for the whole 90 days and I'll make it. If there's any advice I can give you, start creating healthy habits, one at a time. Read some posts about habits on zenhabits.com (by Leo Babauta).

Why am I leaving this subreddit and the whole reddit? Because I don't need your help anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to everyone who showed some support, but there are other things I want to spend my time on. Also I observed that I may have relapsed in the past because I spent some time reading your stories here. Yes I know, it's me who decide my actions, but reading so many relapse stories here made me feel that it's normal to relapse, so then I did, many times. At the same time, I feel like this subreddit has become something different from what it used to be. There are far more relapse stories here, more people asking redundant questions, more people obsessed with badges etc. I hope you will all realize that those badges are just there and don't say anything about you. They don't say what you accomplished, what you learned, they just give you a false impression that you are making progress. But you won't make any progress until you start putting yourself out there and try really hard.

Anyway, best of luck to everyone improving their lives.

Goodbye