Age 21 - My life has taken a complete turn these last 100 days
90 days. Or more like 89, but I have a lot of time to write today. I share a lot of sexually explicit info and critic some aspects of nofap in this post, so if that bothers you avoid it. And please do share your own experiences and feel free to criticize/comment on my own.
My life has taken a complete turn these last hundred days or so. I’ve always wanted to get good grades, stick to the gym and be attractive, get girls easily, etc, but this is the first time I have devoted my entire self into achieving my goals. I’m not sure how much of this is related to nofap – I also stopped playing videogames which was perhaps even harder for me, and have made many positive changes in my life.
I think this deserves to be divided from watching porn. The effects from cumming are different to the effects of masturbating from porn. The first 30 days of my nofap journey I wasn’t sexually active, so I was in “hard mode”. I’m pretty sure I was near insanity. I was ridiculously horny the first 2 weeks and then my libido died (flatline) for the next 2. I’m not sure what to conclude with this. I’m a very ‘sexual’ person and ignoring this was bothering me a lot. I did feel a lot of ‘energy’ around that time, but I don’t know if I can directly correlate it to this as I was doing a bunch of stuff to change my life. That said, I’m not going to be seeing my girlfriend this month so I’ll see how another month of hardmode nofap affects me.. (gulp). So from my experience so far, while I did feel there was a correlation between how empowered I felt and my lack of orgasmning, I’m not entirely sure if it was healthy and from what I remember I was uneasy/missing something through my hard mode month.
Porn, over-sexualization and fetishes:
Wow. I used to spend like an hour a day reading erotic stories at my worst. I had the weirdest most messed up fetishes. I kind of miss it to be honest, with cutting videogames and this and all my addictions, I don’t really have anything I can ‘get lost’ in. Although I think that’s the point. That said, you really realize how messed up society is when you actively avoid porn. Whenever I watch an overly sexualized video, or something porn-ish comes up, it seriously startles me. It causes some strange rush in my head. Sure it’s kind of hot, but there’s also this new thought that tells you “this isn’t real, and it’s kind of fucked up”. Also, quitting porn really makes you realize you can actually go get those girls yourself.
That said, I’m still really ‘fucked up’. I still enjoy some bdsm and rough sex. The idea of dominating a woman still turns me on. I don’t really understand where to draw a line between what is actually fucked up. In my experience these months with my girlfriend she’s commented she feels a bit uncomfortable with this, but she’s also commented it’s hot. Maybe my mind is still messed up and I over-sexualize women. Maybe that’s simple human nature and there’s nothing bad with it. Maybe there’s some sort of balance or it’s okay in certain moments. I have no idea.
I remember how I used to not fap near weekends in case something happened when I went out and I got lucky, so I’d be able to be fully hard. I seem to have a much healthier libido and much less problems with this. I’m always very horny after not fapping a few day and have no problems getting hard. That said, a lot of ED is anxiety related and I feel much more comfortable with my gf than with a one night stand so I have no idea if it would differ.
Still overdoing my dopamine rushes
I feel like I have sex more than my libido feels like having – i.e. having sex 3 times straight and the third time I just feel like I want to get off, or just ask for a blowjob because I don’t feel like having sex again but I want to get off. It also annoys me a lot if I go on a date and don’t end up having sex, and I’m annoyed by how much that annoys me. I’m not sure if this is normal or an addiction, I thought I’d share as it’s constantly on my mind.
My life has really taken a turn for the better since I started doing this. I’ve focused on many negative things in this post since that’s where the interesting discussion and thoughts come from, but there have been a bunch of positive aspects to this. You can read my 100 day stopgaming post if you want to read about my achievements which I’m very happy about, but I don’t want to make the focus of my post.
Please do comment/critic on my ideas, and share your thoughts.