Age 21 - "Nerdy virgin"
Hello all no-fappers. As promised in a previous post, here is a full report of my 90-day reboot (www.yourbrainonporn.com for clarification of the 90-day reboot)
Some personal details: 21 years old Male Virgin, no real dating experience, virtually deprived of female contact prior to 2 years ago. Forever-alone, nerdy, shy type for most of my life.
I've broken up this post into the following categories so you guys can skim past and find whatever category is relevant for you:
- Porn Usage Prior to NoFap
- Dealing with Urges
- Withdrawal Symptoms
- Energy, Motivation and Productivity
- Confidence and Self-Esteem
- Mindset, Focus and Other Mental Benefits
- Social Skills
- Exercise and Gym
- Erections - size, sensitivity etc.
Please note that I've found NoFap to be an incredibly positive change in my life and I haven't found any real negative effect for giving it up, save withdrawals. In this regard, I may be overly biased in favour of NoFap.
I hope this post is helpful to whoever takes the time to read it.
Porn Usage Prior to NoFap
I discovered fapping by seeing porn for the first time when I was 12. Just some images, and naturally lead to some stimulation, and orgasm. From there, I fapped pretty normally, sometimes with softcore images, sometimes not. Eventually I found softcore fap material in magazines to be my primary fap-material at about 13. From there it went to animated/video-game girls (I know...) which naturally progressed into ecchi/hentai at about 15/16, when I found image-boards, alternating with softcore pictures on the internet. No videos at this stage.
I eventually got into pretty healthy masturbation habits (once or twice a day) with ecchi/hentai/softcore pics mixed in here and there. Eventually escalated into videos of regular porn on tube sites between 18-20, for at least one year solid. Did a lot of videos. 1-3 times a day, rarely any fap-free days. During this time I was gaming a lot, and porn/fap and gaming went hand-in-hand. Gave up gaming for 2010, and porn naturally fell away, also. Incidentally, it felt awesome for 5 months. Still fapping, not so regularly during that time. Got back into gaming, and back into porn again for another 5 months. Gave it up for 2011, again. Eventually had "healthy" fap habits for a while, but had some kind of feeling that giving up fapping made me feel better, just a hunch. Seemed kind of stupid at the time though.
Then I found yourbrainonporn.com in May this year. All of a sudden it all made sense. Before this, I just happened to have gone one week of NoFap, PRIOR to ever seeing or hearing about yourbrainonporn.com, or the 7-day cycle, or any kind of NoFap information, I felt the benefits people reported (approached by women, felt focused, motivated, energetic, better sleep etc.) So much for a placebo effect, right?
Anyways, so I got on the wagon, and this was going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Failed 3 times between May and August with 15 to 25 day streaks in between. Started my 90-day reboot on August 1st 2011.
Dealing with Urges
There's no quick fix for this one. You just have to push through it. I got out of the house as much as possible, avoided porn and edging entirely, and generally cutting off sexual fantasizing. Emotional Freedom Technique (youtube it) helped me quite a bit also, but it was mainly will power that pushed me through.
As I said, this is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. The withdrawals were terrible. They included:
- Suicidal depression
- Flu-like symptoms
- Fluctuating Emotions
- Extreme self-doubt
- Tiredness, Laziness
- Mild Insomnia
- Complete lack of confidence
- No desire to socialize
- Very little desire to pursue women, no libido
Time-frame for withdrawals was roughly between days 1-3, whole of week 2 and 3. Some more in the beginning of month 2. Haven't noticed anything significant besides that. They may have fully cleared up.
They were hell guys. Be prepared. Just push through them. Don't rationalize that it's better to just fap to avoid them or clear them, they will just come back if you try to No Fap again. I didn't realize how serious this was until these withdrawals hit. Take them as a sign of recovery.
Energy, Motivation and Productivity
First benefits I noticed were my energy and motivation levels as well as my productivity. All of a sudden, a surf after gym didn't seem like a sweat. Getting my affairs sorted for college next year was a priority. Stuff got done before I fucked around. Procrastination was kept to a minimum, time-wasting was eliminated. Nothing to do? I made something happen.
I started filling in my spare time with productive things. Eventually I had to start taking up new hobbies (yoga, salsa dancing, some more to come) to fill in the spare time. Other things include reading non-fiction books on topics of self-improvement, meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique (youtube it) and just general chores, cleaning etc. I still have a way to go, but I was surprised how much I wanted to get things done after the withdrawals cleared.
Waking up in the morning was no sweat. I beat my alarm on most mornings now. Some times it's a perfect 8 hours of sleep, and I get up at the same time consistently. I don't drink coffee or take sleeping pills or anything of the sort.
I have been motivated as hell to get my life on track and beyond. All of a sudden, everything is a goal, not an obstacle. ohropax mentioned this. (On a side-note, short-term, and long-term memory is improved, heh)
I finally understand what it feels like to be a man who has a hunger for achievement. There really is no way to explain the feeling except that it's a primal desire, a horniness for success.
Achieving goals, no matter how small, feels awesome. It's a great little boost to get a long the way.
Confidence and Self-Esteem
Bam. This one will hit you out of the blue. Just after my withdrawals, I felt godly. Even though I wasn't really doing anything to feel good about myself, I was just hit with the strongest confidence boost I've ever had. I wasn't approaching beautiful women like a madman, networking with powerful businessmen or making friends like a socialite, but I definitely felt like the man, and I still do.
There were ups and downs, and still are, but for the most part, being confident, self-assured, and feeling like a high-self-esteem person has been my default state for a while now. This has definitely shown itself through my posture, eye-contact and general way of being. My voice still needs some work, but I have generally been projecting it louder and clearer than usual.
The feeling is what counts for me though. You'll know it when you get it.
Mindset, Focus and Other Mental Benefits
This was a big one. My whole mindset and perception of the world changed during NoFap. I understood what I was missing out on in my teens. My thinking used to be along the lines of having to deal with problems and every day was another hassle to get through. With NoFap, every day I wake up thinking about what's out there waiting for me, and I jump out of bed with this new outlook. (Morning woods help with this). I naturally adopted a go-getter attitude with this kind of thinking.
My outlook on life has become more positive, and I'm generally more optimistic than pessimistic, and sometimes surprisingly joyful.
My focus has been off-the-charts awesome. My attention span has increased, making conversations and remembering names easier, and my long-term memory has also improved. Remembering dreams, events, dates, important information, conversations, instructions and memories has been a lot more easier.
I'm less "in-my-head" in most situations and that voice in my head is a lot quieter. The mental benefits of NoFap are akin to meditation's benefits. People who practise meditation and/or yoga etc. will be able to relate.
This was an eye-opener. I started having these uncanny conversational skills about a month into No Fap. All of a sudden, making jokes and puns was as natural as breathing. Eye-contact was solid, with men and women, especially women. People have commented on me being a good conversationalist.
I have a natural and healthy interest in people now, of both sexes. I enjoy finding out about people and what interests them, and that naturally makes interacting with people easier, more fun, and smooth. In my fapping days, I'd have to do a lot of thinking, and be in my head to think of good topics, jokes, or questions. Now it just flows, as if I'm playing a musical instrument.
Being able to sit with a bunch of friends isn't awkward anymore. It's relaxed and fun and I feel comfortable around people. For the first time in my life, I feel like I contribute to the "vibe" or the "party", if only in a small sense. I used to feel like I sucked the life out of everyone around me. Now I feel like people want me around more and more.
I've had friends invite me out, had deep conversations with people, and met new people with ease, of both sexes, as of late. It's no coincidence that I just happened to be NoFapping for a month before this started happening. As ridiculous as it sounds to new guys, I'm convinced no fap improves your social skills.
This goes hand in hand with social skills, but I thought I'd separate the two as I've felt I've had some benefits with relating to women that clearly weren't the result of improved social skills. Besides being able to start and hold conversations with women, occasionally approaching women, holding eye-contact like a god, and generally feeling at total ease around females of all levels of attractiveness, there's just something magical about NoFap and what it can do if your goal is to improve your relations with women.
I've had at least 10 instances, these last few months alone, of women of all ages approach me, out of the blue, without me making eye-contact, or smiling or gesturing. Nothing. This has also happened in the past, in conjunction with no-fap streaks. I have no idea what it is, but it happens. Needless to say, this NEVER happens in my fapping days, save ONE occasion when I was ridiculously drunk, and so was she.
Women have also been more friendly and receptive to me in general. There has been a lot of giggling, quick glances and/or hushed silences when I walk past girls, or made eye-contact.
As an ex-forever-alone, ex-nerd, virgin this is a huge revelation for me.
What has been more amazing is my confidence and attitude around women, however. Talking to women has never been so exciting and enjoyable. Of the few times that I've approached girls, or the many regular interactions I've had with them, I've always felt an edge of excitement, rather than anxiety. This is huge for me. I think the girls can feel it also.
On a side-note, I've had to deal with, or better yet, enjoy the presence of MASSIVE boners while interacting with girls. As I walk up to her, or start talking, if we're side-by-side, it starts and there's no stopping it. Any kind of touch sends it rocketing, and I've had some light grinding and bumping which the girls clearly didn't mind at all. It's almost part of the fun that I have to strategically hide my erections from others while having to still focus on the interaction. It's also ironic that I can do this seamlessly, whereas in the past, I'd struggle to just hold a decent conversation... Now I juggle all this like a performer in Vegas.
On a final note, women really have been looking so beautiful. I realize there's a lot that I've been missing when looking at women. Of course I enjoy their bodies like I always have in my porn days. But even more so, now. Breasts, buttocks, hips, hair, face, lips, smile, eyes, skin, style, clothing, posture, voice, vibe... all these things are accentuated, and I notice the smaller details as well as the, ahem, larger ones. I don't consider my standards "lowered", just different, compared to my porn-obsessed brain did.
The desire for having girlfriends, fuck-buddies, and even just female friends has hit me for the first real time in my life.
And of course, the sex drive. Needless to say, it's been out of this world. I'm actually surprised I've managed to do this without any sexual release (no girlfriend, fuck-buddy). But I'm kind of thankful for it. (Strange to think that I'd be thankful for not being able to get laid...) I think it helped me recover faster, and now I won't ever second guess it when I start having sex. I have a powerful drive, and I know it, and I'm pretty sure some women can sense it, especially when I make eye-contact. I think it shows in my body-language as well. I'm a good fuck, I just haven't had the chance to make use of it. I'm planning on changing that, very soon.
Ogling over women as I walk or drive past has been a pretty regular practice. It's funny the kind of looks you get back (mostly positive, surprisingly) I generally don't give a fuck, and I just give them a head-to-toe with my eyes. If I want to see their face, tits and ass, I'll look. I don't need to steal glances, I just give them out freely. I realize this is counter-productive to actually getting anywhere with girls, so I will channel that desire into approaching and interacting with women from now on after I've taken a good look and decided I want her.
I guess I know what they mean when they talk about the "cave-man" demeanor. I sure as hell feel like a fucking beast most of the time.
This is a subtle one, but it's there. I'm a very inactive musician (piano/keyboard) but I tend to make songs in my head as I go along, and sometimes they just pop in my head as I go about my day. I'm usually pretty good at doing this, and I can imagine most aspects of a piece of music in my head. With NoFap, I've probably "composed" about 20 songs in my head in the last few months, and improved upon older "compositions".
I can't wait to set my keyboard up and see what I can play around with. In the near future, I may set up my computer to produce some songs and throw them up on the net for free. I really do enjoy music, and NoFap has helped both my creative ability for music, as well as my enjoyment of listening to it.
Also, I've found I'm much more creative with my jokes and conversational threads. As I stated, conversations really do feel like playing music all of a sudden. And it is both enjoyable and impressive, really. I am planning to join the Improv club at college, and see where I could take this. On that note, stage-performance doesn't seem daunting at all, anymore. Exciting, if anything. I'll update on that in the future.
Exercise and Gym
I squatted 1.5 times my body-weight for the first time last week. I've never felt more motivation and power at the gym than with NoFap.
I've also had more energy to use up, and gym wasn't enough. I had to start bodyboarding regularly again, and No Fap definitely helped my paddling and general endurance. On fap days, I felt like there were bricks on my feet. On No Fap streaks, I felt like a fucking dolphin.
Even that wasn't enough. I went for a couple of runs, and it felt amazing. I was decent for not being a runner, and wasn't even that tired.
I started yoga and all I can say is: No Fap + Yoga = No need for drugs, alcohol or other dopamine rushes. I think I've got all the endorphins I need from those two things alone.
On a couple of days, I managed to push out a gym, surf and yoga session on the same day. Not sure if No Fap, or just generally fit or both.
On a side-note, I dance casually, and I consider myself good, no fap or not. I can dance pretty solidly, sober, probably thanks to being a musician and being able to "feel" the music. With No Fap, I rip up that dance floor, and I can do so for a good solid few hours, without drugs. Stone-cold sober.
This is pretty legitimate. I'm not too sure how many sportsman, trainers and athletes are aware of/make use of this. But I'm convinced that No Fap helps with exercise, sports and gym.
Another point of interest: I've recently started getting interested with sports; spectating and playing. I've always hated sports... well, since I started fapping when I was 12. Hmmm.
Erections - size, sensitivity etc.
Hard as a rock. Rocket in my pocket. Balls of Steel. Enough said. In terms of size, I'm not sure if I notice an actual difference, but it sure as hell LOOKS harder and stronger, and most certainly feels that way. Also, it just looks... proud. Hahaha. Balls look bigger, saggier, fuller. My package looks and mostly feels like it can pack a punch; always ready to blow.
Morning wood, almost every morning. Obligatory. Lasts about 15 minutes as I'm waking up. Great motivation for the morning.
In terms of sensitivity, I'm ironically insensitive to my own touch at this point, but the slightest grind, bump, touch of a woman feels better than any orgasm I've ever had. This is all incidental/accidental by the way.
On that note, just general touch and physicality with a woman feels brilliant. I've literally had experiences where I could feel a surge of ecstatic energy where/when a girl grabbed me by the chest/arm etc. Crazy stuff.
So that is all I can account for. Unfortunately, still being a virgin, I can't have a Sexual Performance category. Never having a girlfriend, neither can I add a Relationships category. I'm sure there's enough information on r/NoFap to account for those two categories, and I will update this from my own perspective when I get the relevant experience.
So I hope this helped someone out. I know my first few days were hell. It really does come down to you making the decision to do this and go with it. I believe in every single one of you who is willing to put in the same effort that I did to handle this. And handle it you will.
For the record, I'm going in for the long-haul, and I aim to be fap-free for life. I don't see any apparent benefit masturbation could bring me that regular sex could not.
Fapping has always been a form of instant gratification for me, and I'm glad I've finally nailed it like I've always wanted to. It's not something evil, it's just like any other pleasurable activity that can be used as a vice, and you don't lose much from giving it up, and have a lot to gain if you do.
So thanks no fap, for giving me the reason, motivation and incentive to carry on with this journey, and I trust you all have a fruitful trip as I have, and we will continue on this together. Expect occasional check-ins from me; I'm also preferring to limit my recreational internet activity.
I had a wet-dream last night. And it was ball-draining. Today, still got morning wood, still felt like a champ, still got boners from being around girls today (and they looked so HOT), beat my best squat at the gym today (added 5kg to the 90kg from last week. Bodyweight is 61kg, not too sure what the conversion is in pounds).
It really felt good to be male today, seeing so many attractive females around me (with No Fap goggles, at least). Also: despite feeling awesomely horny while seeing pretty girls today, no chaser effect or desire to fap.
Basically, I've got my first female friend and/or first sexual prospect. Exchanged phone numbers with her yesterday, also a first for me. I know it's kind of sad to have to admit that it's my first for so many things in this department, but it couldn't be at a better time. If all goes well, we're going to meet up next week. I handled any anxiety of phoning, messaging etc. really well today. Stuff like this usually freaks me out. Also, she's not my type in the looks department, but has an incredible personality and charming wit about her. I assumed I was able to get a boner with her thanks to my balls being filled to the brim. However, despite last night's drainage, I'm still sexually interested in her. No chaser effect.
All in all, I guess this could prove that I've still got the benefits that No Fap has been yielding me, despite wet-dreams/orgasms. A possible sign of full recovery, as orgasms no longer induce any negative symptoms that porn/fap did. This is just speculation, at this point. If this holds true, then: After you No Fap for a recovery period (~90 days), then you should be able to No Fap and have sex and still feel the awesomeness of No Fap with no strings attached. Just my 2 cents. I hope that clears up some of the worries about wet-dreams or orgasms "ruining" your streak or awesomeness that you feel from No Fap in the long term.
Feeling like a fucking champ as I'm about to get out and do some productive stuff today. You probably don't hear this that often from someone in the later stages of No Fap. That may reinforce this false idea that after a long period of No Fap things "level out" or "normalize" or whatever. Well that's bullshit. My balls feel like they're channeling the energy of the sun into pushing me to get out there and get stuff done. So don't kid yourself into thinking "Well, it's not that worth it, 'cause the novelty will wear off and I'll just get used to the feeling of No Fap, anyway." Motherfucker, just add on another week and see what happens. Just one more week. We all know there's highs and lows, but No Fap will always be No Fap. Feeling like a god on a consistent basis doesn't change the fact that it still feels motherfucking awesome. Remember that!