Age 21 - Nothing big has changed and yet it makes a massive differences.

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autumn woodsToday is my 100th day without pmo. Here are some thoughts. It's neither easy nor hard. It is not hard to not fap. And it is not easy to not fap. I just don't do it, period.

I don't think about it anymore. And it isn't anymore part of my reality. Of course, i know that there is something like PMO, otherwise i wouldn't be here, obviously. But it's more like i know that there is something like black holes. Is it hard to avoid black holes? I don't care. They are not part of my reality.

Nothing big has changed and yet it makes massive differences. I didn't turn my life upside down. But stopping PMO was part of redirecting my life, of reconsidering my values - what is important to me. It's the the small, everyday things that make all the difference. It's actually only a very subtle change but a very important one. I now value myself more because I know that I no longer waste my time and energy to sabotage myself. I'm in peace with myself. It's subtle and it's great.

I haven't developed superpowers and yet I'm becoming my own hero. I'm becoming my own hero by becoming more and more the person that I want to be. Step by step, a litle bit every day. It's nothing huge. But knowing that I am the one who directs my life, gives me all the confidence I need. I don't wait for superpowers. If they are something I want I work on getting them. I don't wait or hope for superpowers. I know that I live the way I want to, and I know that I will reach everything I want to reach and that's all I need to know.

I haven't turned into a pussy magnet and I don't want to. I'm not sure if my voice got deeper. But I'm more relaxed around others, thus talking in a more relaxed way. Women don't approach me, and I didn't observe any signs that they find me more attractive then when I was still PMOing regularly. But that's okay, I don't need their attention. When I started Nofap I was still desperately in love with my ex. My attitude now is much different. I love her still but I don't need or expect her to love me back. That's what they call "unconditional love" and it's wonderful. I love her and everyone else, regardless wheter they love me or not. I just love and feel great about it.

That's enough for tonight. A last thought:

Live today like you want to live your life.

LINK - one hundred days of freedom

by monvoyage


 

INITIAL POST

just wanted to say hello

hey everyone. I'm 21, and this is my 2nd day without PMO. I got sick of my sex drive being so low all the time because of masturbating and watching pornography. So I decided to reboot. First goal for me is 30 days (But then of course 90 and so on..). I've tried this already a few times with really great results really soon, but relapsed soon again - because it got exciting again. This time I'm serious about this. I also want to reduce the time i spend on the internet watching tv-series and stuff - but for now nofap has priority. And if that goes all well i will start working seriously on my internet adiction.

One incident happened a few years ago, when i met this really atractive australian girl and we started dating - but when we first wanted to have sex i just couldnt get a boner. "Such a fail" is what she said, and she broke up contact with me after that night. This made me get really insecure about sex and intimacy - and i'm still struggling with that.

So my goal is in general to get more and more in touch with reality and to leave behind everything thats not real and everything that alters my perception of reality too much.

I already stopped drinking alcohol two years ago, smoking three years ago and I dont do drugs generally (i did smoke cannabis a few times in the last weeks, but i actually dont really like it - so i stopped doing this again). In fact, I even stopped consuming coffein and refined sugar. I'm studying and doing really well (fast&pretty good marks) i'm also doing sport (running&body weight exercises) and i have good social circle.

Well, as i said, my goal is to get in touch with reality as much as possible - and another aspect of this for me is honesty. I started practicing honesty the last couple weeks and will definitely go on doing so. For example, I had a open and honest talk with my Friend-with-Benefits in which i also stated that besides having feelings for her i still have feeling for my ex. Well, she then ended our relationship because she couldn't stand the idea of me having also feelings for someone else and the chance that i might leave her for the other. Can i blame her? But the thing is: i don't feel bad about it.

There is no reason to be afraid about reality.

I ended up writing much more than i intendend to do. If you have read so far: please excuse my english as it is obviously not my mother tongue. And thank you for reading this.

this wonderful poem by charles bukowski pretty much sums it up for me: (video edited, contains no trigger) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36CYMdFmDeQ